by Kristen Cobb
Running over to the window she unlatched the shutters. Throwing them open she turned her face away for a moment. The sunlight was blinding after so many days in the dark. “I promise to explain this later. Please do not tell anyone.” Lifting Conri’s black tunic up and over her head she quickly threw it on the floor, immediately turning into a raven. Flapping her wings just enough to lift up off the floor she managed to jump onto the stone sill. Stepping off the edge into the air her wings instinctively began pumping up and down.
She flew to Marta’s as fast as physically possible. Her body might be weak from lack of food but fear proved to be a great motivator. Her mind kept conjuring images of Conri lying on Marta’s bed bleeding to death. She would not allow that to happen. The panic nearly took over any good sense she still possessed by the time she landed in front of Marta’s door. Thankfully the evergreen bushes blocked the view from the road. Nessa turned back into human form, opening the door without knocking.
Conri stood in the center of the room pacing. He stopped moving as soon as he saw her. The only light came from a peat fire burning in the hearth. Although the air outside was cool the cottage felt warm and cozy, almost as if he expected this exact situation. Quickly looking him over from head to toe she realized it had all been a ruse to get her out of the castle. Standing in front of him naked, given the current situation, made her uncomfortable to say the least.
“You came.” Conri took a step toward her.
“You lied.” Nessa took a step back.
“I could not think of any other way to get you out of that room so we could talk.” Conri remained still, making no more moves toward her.
“There is nothing to talk about. You will never want to be with me now that you know what I can do. You refuse to believe I could actually love you as you are. Is any of that inaccurate?” She desperately wanted him to say yes but knew it would be a lie. The sadness in his eyes the other night had been goodbye.
“I do love you Ness.” The first time Conri told her he loved her should have been a joyous occasion. Instead his voice conveyed only sadness and regret.
“Just not enough.” The way his eyes opened wider she knew he was about to argue with that particular statement. She cut him off before he could respond. “We both know it is true so please do not insult me by arguing the point. I need to resign myself to the fact that no one will ever be able to love me. The monks at Glendalough were right. I am an abomination. I never should have been born.” The words were painful to say out loud. The tears she thought completely spent began filling her eyes.
Conri was on her in an instant, grabbing her by the shoulders. “Never say that. You cannot possibly believe that is true. Look at me.” He shook her shoulders.
Nessa forced herself to look into his eyes, just barely holding back the tears threatening to fall. She would not cry again. It was time to accept the inevitable and somehow move forward with her life, time to be a warrior rather than a woman. “If it were that simple you would believe me when I say you are perfect exactly as you are. That I love you more than I will ever love anyone.”
“You will find someone else. Someone more like you. I will take you to the shifters. Come with me.” His hands on her shoulders slowly slid down her arms.
Nessa pulled away. “So you are trying to get rid of me? Well, I can make that easy for you. I will leave with Will in the morning.” It seemed the only reasonable answer. She could not take this anymore. Her heart would break into a thousand pieces every time she set eyes on him.
“I am not trying to get rid of you. I am trying to help you. The shifters are like you. You will…”
“They are nothing like me! You are like me. We have both been outcasts our entire lives. I will always hate them for how they treated you. They do not have my powers. All they can do is change into one creature. That is nothing like me. Of all people I thought you would understand.”
Her words hit him hard. Nessa was more like him than anyone he had ever met. He simply hadn’t seen it. What a fool, so focused on what she had that he never considered all she did not. When Nessa headed for the door he sprinted ahead and blocked it.
“Get out of my way!” She was crying now.
“No. Ness I am so sorry. I honestly never realized you felt that way.” He tried to pull her into his arms but she spun away, looking like a frightened animal.
She tried to reach for the door again.
He blocked her path. “Ness stop and listen to me. Please.”
“Fine. Go ahead.” Nessa crossed her arms, a mutinous expression on her face.
“You know what, I am not taking all of the blame for this. Our current situation is your fault too.” She ran away at the first sign of trouble instead of fighting for what they had.
“My fault? How is any of this my fault? You completely overreacted when I mentioned the bonding. You pulled away.” Nessa poked him in the chest for emphasis.
“I overreacted. I admit it, but so did you. Instead of giving me time to deal with it and standing by me you ran away. You left me, not the other way around.” He watched her anger slowly dissipate as the truth of his words sank in. Taking a chance he pressed forward. “Are you truly so ready to give up on us?”
She shook her head, tears coursing down her face. He wiped at her tears with his fingers, trying not to smile at the pitiful sight she made right now. No one had ever loved him enough to be distraught over the prospect of losing him. “I will make you a promise wife if you will do the same.”
“Am I still your wife? I thought you changed your mind.” She wanted to trust him. It was there in her eyes.
He decided to be completely honest with her. Her statement about feeling like an outcast pointed out the importance of communication. It completely changed his outlook on their relationship. He saw her as an all-powerful being with the world at her feet never realizing she felt quite the opposite. “You are and I did. I thought you would eventually come to resent the fact that I could not change form. If we had continued to talk you would have told me about feeling like an abomination and an outcast and I would have realized what a fool I was being. Instead we both made assumptions and pushed each other away.”
“What is this promise you would have us make?” She tentatively touched his hand, lightly brushing her fingers against his.
“I promise to believe in your love for me above all else but I need you to do the same.” He laid a hand gently on either side of her face. “This will never be over. I can no more walk away from you than I could stop breathing. Do not assume one argument is the end. Can you do that for me?”
“Yes.” She actually smiled.
He wiped the last few tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. “Excellent. Now, at the risk of starting another argument I still think we should go visit the shifters.”
“If this is about trying to get me to leave you for a shifter I swear you will actually need a physician by the time I am through with you.”
“No. I do believe you are stuck with me. Speaking of physicians though, how exactly did you plan on saving me?” He waved his hand up and down to emphasize her nudity. “You have no supplies that I can see.”
“I would have been able to heal you with my powers. Why do you want us to visit those people?” Nessa wrapped her hand around his, leading him toward the bed.
“You can actually do that?” He followed along behind her, more than happy to be led in this particular instance.
“Yes, I can do that, which brings me to another question but you have not answered the first one.” She lay down on the bed, propped on one elbow.
“What was the question?” His shaft swelled as he watched her lying there naked. Following the weaving lines of this particular conversation would be nearly impossible now.
“Why do you think we should go see the shifters?” Nessa crawled over to the edge of the bed, kneeling in front of him.
Calling on every bit of self-control he learned over the years Conri lifted the sword and sheat
h over his head, laying it on the end of the bed. Undoing his belt that too was laid on the bed, along with the sheathed dagger attached to it. Grabbing the hem of his tunic he pulled it off over his head. Instead of throwing it on the bed he held the garment out to her. “Put this on.”
“You want me to get dressed?” Nessa did not immediately take his tunic. Instead he could see a storm brewing in her eyes. No doubt she was attributing all manner of insidious reasons to his request.
“Do not forget the promise you just made to me. You will trust the fact that I love you and not assume I am tossing you aside or that I do not want you.” He continued to hold the shirt out, tempted to put it on her himself.
He was right. Her mind immediately conjured up all kinds of heartbreaking reasons he might refuse to make love to her. Apparently this trust thing would take a bit of work. Grabbing the tunic out of his hand with much more force than necessary she slipped it on over her head. Moving to the center of the bed she crossed her legs, pulling the shirt down over her knees. “There. Happy now. I am completely covered.”
He would have laughed at the look of frustration on her face had he not been feeling a version of the same thing. “We cannot just have sex all the time. Sometimes we need to talk and I can barely put a sentence together when you are naked.”
Maintaining a serious demeanor proved difficult. His confession made her incredibly happy. It also made her realize he was right. She needed to start trusting that he loved her. This was all new territory. She had never been in love before. The insecurity could be almost as powerful as the joy. “What would you like to discuss?”
“Going to see the shifters.” Conri stood unmoving, watching her like a hawk for any sign of overreaction.
Nessa took a moment to calm herself before responding, desperately fighting the urge to get angry and assume the worst. She could not help thinking he was still attempting to push her away into a life with people she quite honestly had no desire to even meet. Reminding herself to trust him she took one long deep breath. “I have no wish to meet those people. They hurt you and I will never be able to get past that.” She hated to be so blunt but it needed to be said.
“We might be able to find out more about your powers and your birth.”
“We can explore my abilities together. I have never been free to simply try things and test my capabilities. With you I am.” Conri stood in the same spot, appearing almost frozen. There was something more here. She could feel it. “Your story about how the ancient ones were born actually makes perfect sense even though it is completely absurd. I have always had an unexplainable connection to the trees. What more do I need to know?” She waited patiently for him to answer, trying to give him time. It seemed to take forever. Patience had never been one of her strengths.
“I need to do this.” He never even admitted that to himself until this very moment. He needed to go back to Knocknashee, to face the past and the people that had been controlling him for more than a century. “I need us to do this.” Not because he thought she would be better off with the shifters. He believed her now. She considered them as inconsequential as they considered him. He also believed that she loved him even though he had no powers at all, not even the ability to change form. The fact that Nessa was standing here proved that. Yet even with all that knowledge a tiny niggling doubt still danced about in the back of his mind. The doubt came from all the years of believing what the shifters told him, including those that were supposed to love him. Over a century of believing their perception of him needed to end if he were ever to be truly happy. He wanted to see them as Nessa did, inconsequential.
“Then that is what we shall do. When would you like to leave?” Something in his eyes kept her from arguing against it any further, traces of the little boy who’d been cast aside, still in there unable to get past what they told him. Most of the time Conri appeared confident to the point of arrogance. Not so right now. He laid his vulnerability and insecurity out in the open for her to see and she would not make light of it.
“Today. It is still early. All I need to do is collect some food from the castle and somehow get your clothes. I think it best if we just allow them to believe you are still locked away in my chamber. We will only be gone a few days. I can have Sedric go back up to the room and…”
“Oh, Sedric.” Her eyes opened wide, suddenly remembering what happened.
“What?” Conri’s eyes narrowed as he watched her reaction.
“He might have seen me change.” Unsure how Conri would react she was hesitant to tell him Sedric could very well be running through the castle screaming that she turned into a bird.
“Might have? Tell me exactly what happened.” Panic immediately began welling up inside of him. He had a very bad feeling about this.
“Sedric came into the room. He told me you were badly wounded. He made it sound like you were bleeding to death. Oh, that reminds me, I have a question. Is there such a thing as a mortal wound for you? Can you actually bleed to death?” It was one of the questions she felt fairly certain he could answer having been a mercenary fighting in wars for over a hundred years.
“I have been mortally wounded quite a few times yet here I am. As far as I can tell we heal from just about anything given enough time. I have been left for dead more than once though. What happened after Sedric told you I was hurt?” When she hesitated rather than immediately answer his question, a worried look on her face, he knew it was their worst-case scenario.
“I turned into a raven and flew out the window.” She waited for his reaction, not sure what to expect. Meeting him freed her. This was something he would simply have to deal with.
“Ness, you cannot be…”
She cut him off, absolutely refusing to take the blame. “I thought you were dying. What would you have had me do, get dressed, walk down the stairs, walk out to the stables, wait for a horse to be brought out, get on the horse…”
Conri held up his hand to stop her. “Point taken. I did trick you into believing I was dying.” In truth he had counted on her love for him. He could not be angry with her over this. Sedric was a good man and actually quite loyal to Nessa, giving them an excellent chance he would keep it to himself. Sedric also knew Nessa did not pose a threat. “I will deal with Sedric, the food, getting your clothes, and a horse. You just wait here.” She began shaking her head at him. “What about that does not work for you?”
“The horse and waiting here.” Nessa uncrossed her legs, climbing off the bed.
“I am not walking and you are going to wait here.” Conri’s tone could best be described as gently commanding.
Nessa moved closer to him, stopping just before her body touched his. Unfortunately for her husband she was not a soldier. She only followed orders she agreed with. “I will not wait here. There could be trouble if Sedric told anyone about seeing me change. You do not need a horse because I can change into one. I can ride you right up to the castle and no one will even know I am there.”
“I am not going to ride you. That is just wrong” Forcing his wife to carry him. Actually that helped him understand why she disagreed with the very idea of riding horses. Seeing the woman he loved in every creature would apparently change the way he looked at the world.
Nessa moved closer, touching the front of her body to his. Laying a hand against his chest she sighed, delighting in the feel of his warm skin and muscle beneath her fingers. Thinking she would never touch him again made her appreciate this all the more. “When I was a little girl I saw a pair of horses running through the valley at Glendalough. I changed into a horse and ran with them. Well, a pony actually but that is not really important to the story. I want to experience that with you. The two of us striding across the fields as one. I can think of nothing I want more at this moment.”
“Nothing? You cannot think of anything you want more?” Conri reached down, lifting the hem of his tunic off her body he slowly raised it higher, allowing his hands to brush against her skin as he removed the g
arment.
She lifted her arms as he slipped the shirt off over her head. Instead of answering she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Throwing his shirt onto the floor he lifted her up. Locking her legs around his waist, her tongue caressed his as he lowered her back to the bed.
Conri found Sedric standing in the kitchen. The rather large warrior stood off to the side as best he could in the large but busy room, filled with tables, people, and two hearths. The smell of roasted beef permeated the room today. Staring at nothing Sedric appeared to be in a state of shock over seeing Nessa turn into a raven.
A short, heavy-set woman with an enormous amount of brown hair piled atop her head walked over to Conri as soon as he entered the room. “Get him out of here.” Hands on her hips she stood staring at Sedric with a frustrated glare.
“And you are his…” Having never actually met the woman before he did not want to insult her accidentally. Her thick Scottish accent suggested she might be a slave. Many Scots were taken in raids and forced to work as slaves, especially women.
“Wife.” The woman looked at him through narrowed eyes as if it were something he should already know.
He knew very little about any of his men. For many he did not even bother to learn their names. Another thing Nessa seemed to be changing in his life. “Has Sedric by any chance told you why he is here?”
“No, he just stands there, as if he has lost the ability to speak. Sedric, of all people. Can you imagine him being at a loss for words?” The woman set her hands on her hips again, clearly frustrated with her suddenly mute husband.
Conri put his arm around the woman’s shoulder, leading her toward Sedric. “What is your name?”
“Rhona.” Sedric’s wife peered up at him with slightly narrowed eyes, suspicious of his sudden interest.
