by Alexis Anne
It took a moment but his eyes focused on mine. He looked like he was fighting through a fog to concentrate on me and my words. “Ok.”
“I may not have had a great childhood or the world’s best parents, but I have a good, safe life. I’m not the poor little rich girl. I am not a victim. I take care of myself. I’m in control of what happens to me. I don’t want you to confuse regret and disappointment with weakness or need.” Regret. The word twisted like a knife in my heart. I only had one and I hoped Adam never found out about it.
His eyes narrowed and, for a moment, I worried I’d lost him. His jaw jutted out slightly and he took a deep breath before nodding once. “Trust me, I understand.” He sat forward a few inches and yanked his shirt up over his head in one motion—far too fast for me to stop him mid-movement and return his favor. “In Germany, at Mercedes, I’m an engineer. I do my job and have a good time with my friends over there. I’m not a McKinley. I’m not a has-been driver. I don’t feel that way about myself but I got tired of fielding the questions, of having to qualify my life choices to people I didn’t care about. I walked away from everything that was pulling my life backward.”
I froze for a moment as I let Adam’s words sink in. They sounded so refreshing and a part of me yearned to be able to feel that kind of freedom. What would a complete break from my past look like? I’d always let Lily be my excuse for half-assing my transformation from Elizabeth Lawrence into Elizabeth Filler. But what if it was more than that? What if I was simply afraid of being alone because I didn’t think I was strong enough to handle it? I wasn’t a kid anymore. I could make the end of my amended agreement with Cybil and Roger more drastic.
As soon as the thought entered my mind I felt the counter-pull of Lily. Her pleas for me to stay close and repair the family. I’d never really be able to walk away from it all. I would always get pulled back, just like this week. There was nowhere far enough for me to run where they wouldn’t find me and pull me back. They always found a way.
“What are you thinking about?” he traced a line down my cheek, over my collar bone, and down between my breasts.
“Nothing,” I whispered, shaking my head and focusing on the half-naked man in front of me. I had one piece of clothing left. It needed to go.
As I stood and wiggled out of the black stretchy cotton, Adam stood, too. He unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them to the floor along with his boxers. “I think we’ve had enough revelations for one night.”
“You don’t want to hear all the nitty gritty details of my torrid childhood?” I laughed as I thought of all the things I could still tell Adam. I’d barely scratched the surface, but most of it was well buried in places I’d rather not go digging. Sometimes the past was better left in the past.
Adam pressed his naked body against mine, one hand around my waist and one in my hair as his lips hovered just above mine—holding his kiss just out of my reach. The bastard.
“Honestly, I think I will have to kill someone if you tell me anything else tonight, Elizabeth. I want to erase this weird, fucked up day by putting my cock inside you until you make those noises that make me forget my own name. If you tell me anymore—”
I cut him off with a kiss. He didn’t need to say anything else. The truth was out, the foreplay was hot, and his feelings were clear. We both needed a cleansing release. I hopped up and wrapped my legs around his naked waist.
Chapter 6
Tuesday
“Friday at three,” I said without any preamble.
“I’m going to say this one more time: you don’t have to do this.” Edita was still trying to talk me out of the photo shoot. “This story can only have so much to it. If you let it go you might even get a nice quiet weekend with Adam.”
Except I wouldn’t. If I backed out I’d spend the weekend buried under a shit storm of hell from Cybil and Roger. I knew this was the best course. It appeased everyone, kept my secrets under wrap, and gave me a guilt-free out. “Mariel is doing a video interview with me tomorrow and sending me the copy to approve on Friday. Ronoldo was only available to fly in for an afternoon shoot, so that’s when we’re doing it. It’s better for Lily that way, too.”
“Give me permission to bury them. We’ll take care of them forever. I will eviscerate them. They’ll never work again.”
I sighed and dropped my forehead into my hand as I glanced at my computer to check the time. “And lose Lily and ruin my family name in the process. As much as I can’t stand Cybil and Roger, I loved my grandmother. I can’t destroy her legacy because her daughter is a nightmare.”
Edita groaned. She hated when I pulled the legacy card. “Vivian wouldn’t have wanted this for you.”
That hurt. Remembering my grandmother’s gentle nature always hurt. She died when I was seven, but I clearly remembered her. She was such an opposite to Cybil I often wondered how they were related. “My plan will work. Make the arrangements.”
“Fine,” Edita replied. “How’s Adam?”
“Good,” I smiled as I remembered last night. The confessions had been cleansing, but the sex had been mind-blowing. I shuddered slightly as memories flooded my mind of his cock sliding in and out of my mouth and body, his arms as he strained against his building orgasm, and his eyes as he let all his memories vanish. His swearing and grunting were a pretty hot memory, too. I swallowed and refocused on Edita. “He’s good.”
“You sound good. Better than I’ve ever heard you, actually. I take it he’s a rather invigorating presence in your life?”
Invigorating, comforting, freeing. “Something like that.” After sex he’d fumbled around in a cabinet, naked and decidedly buzzed from all the wine we’d consumed. It turned out his promise to share something with me that he’d never shared with anyone, something to keep safe and use against him if he ever hurt me, was the only remaining pictures from his accident. Thanks to the Senator all other photographs had disappeared. I’d barely been able to look at them, Adam certainly didn’t. The blood was hard to see and even a quick glance at what remained of his car was enough to give me nightmares.
I’d carefully slid them into a zippered pocket inside my briefcase along with the picture from Roger. I was going to place both sets of pictures in my safety deposit box as soon as I could get to the bank.
“Enjoy it,” Edita said softly. “You deserve it.”
“I plan to.” We hung up and I sighed as Andres stepped into my office and closed the door. “Have a seat.”
“Thanks. I’m ready whenever you are, just let me know. We’re on your time.”
“What’s it like out there?” I dreaded seeing the sea of cameras when we left.
“Only about five of them.”
Five more than I’d prefer, but not too bad considering the mob at my apartment. “I’m just about done.” Since I’d already unloaded my grading for the week onto my graduate assistants I was able to concentrate the time I did have on a presentation I had coming up and the next meeting of the preservation board. All in all, work wasn’t suffering from my personal life and I needed it to stay that way. My coworkers were more fascinated than perturbed to discover my secret. They found the media circus amusing and the campus police were doing an excellent job of keeping them away from me while I worked. I even joked with the office staff that I’d move into my office if necessary. At least here it was safe and quiet.
I shut my computer down and finished packing my bag. “Alright, let’s get this over with.” I said my goodbyes as we walked through the department and out into the lobby of our building. Andres walked out first before allowing me out behind him. A campus police officer was waiting outside to escort us to the parking lot where my five tentative photographers waited.
“I’m sorry about that, Dr. Filler,” Officer Bailey called over his shoulder.
“Not your fault. I appreciate the help.” He’d accompanied me to each of my classes and back to the department, just to make sure none of the photographers got any ideas about violating the ground rule
s they’d established.
“That’s what we’re here for.” He moved into the line of photographers while Andres shuffled me into the car. “Move back five paces. Give the car room to leave.”
It took us thirty minutes instead of fifteen to get to Green Hills thanks to the extensive circling Andres did to lose our friendly photographer friends. I tried to keep myself distracted by texting with my sister. Unfortunately that just seemed to darken my mood. She was still trying to talk me into making nice with Cybil and Roger.
I must have looked about as happy as I felt because when I stepped out of the car Adam scowled. “What happened?”
He was kind of adorable when he was worried. I kissed him on the cheek. “Nothing. Just a long, long day. I’m ready for a drink.”
He put his hand on my arm and stopped me to kiss me properly on the lips. “Does that help?”
I dropped my bag on the ground and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Kiss me again.” His one kiss had taken my breath away and I knew exactly what a longer one would do.
He grinned and popped his brows just before fisting my hair in one hand and holding me tight against him with the other. He kissed me deep and slow, erasing each thought and unwelcome feeling one by one. When he started to pull away I held him in place, thrusting my tongue deeper, begging him, in a way, to stay in this little pocket of heaven just a few seconds longer.
Adam groaned when I finally let him go. “You must have had a really hard day.”
“Are you insulting my kiss?” I playfully swatted his arm as I finally made my way inside his apartment.
I lost my breath as I was suddenly, forcefully yanked backward against a solid wall of muscle. His breath was warm on my ear. “That kiss was so hot it made me want to strip you naked and spend the night in my shower.” He slid his hand down my stomach and between my legs. “I just also happen to know you kiss me harder when you’re trying to forget something.”
I couldn’t think straight right then. Between the kiss, Adam’s hand between my legs, and his breath on my ear, my mind was a blank. His words came to me one by one through the fog until I finally understood what he’d said. He knew me too well. “How about sex before dinner?”
“Nope.” He replied, kissing down my neck and over my bare shoulder. “I’m not sitting across from my parents smelling like sex.”
“You’d rather be horny?”
He shook his head and backed away from me. “I can control myself through dinner. If we have sex right now we’ll be late, I’ll look like I’m high, and I’ll smell like a man whose just had the best sex of his life. Sex is not an option, Gorgeous.”
I groaned and started stripping out of my skirt and blouse. “Fine. I’ll just tease you all through dinner instead.”
He winked at me and then watched every move I made as I changed. “You still sure about this? They won’t mind if we back out.”
Was Adam asking to be nice, or because he’d rather skip eating altogether and spend the night exercising. In bed. With me. I pulled my shirt over my head and turned to find Adam sitting on the couch, leaned back with one arm along the top. His eyes were soft and contemplative, not focused and needy. He was definitely trying to be nice.
“Nope. I’m going to be polite and meet the parents of the guy I’m fucking.”
Adam grinned. “And how does that conversation go exactly? It is so nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Callaway. Your son has an enormous cock and he fucks me good and hard the way I like it. You did a great job with him.” He said all of this with a raised voice and silly grin on his face.
I zipped up a clean pencil skirt and slid into a pair of ballet flats. “Nope. It goes more along the lines of ‘Your son is very generous and knows how to keep me happy’.”
His eyes focused on mine and his expression became very serious. “Innuendo and yet, not so much…because I do care very much about making you happy in, and out, of bed.”
When had Adam’s apartment become so quiet? I swear the air had stopped moving and become charged with some sort of electricity instead. The silence was so deafening I could hear every breath I took. “I’ve never been happier,” I replied with more honesty than I knew I had the confidence to possess.
There was a flicker of something in his eyes as he held my gaze. I couldn’t look away. I was too afraid to. If I looked away then this moment might never come again and I knew it was special. Whatever was happening between us, it was the kind of stuff that didn’t happen to everyone. Certainly not to me.
And then he blinked. “C’mon,” he said softly. “Let’s go to dinner.” He rose and took my hand in his, threading his fingers between mine and squeezing.
The moment wasn’t gone after all. It was still there and I hoped it never, ever left because the way I felt right then was how I wanted to feel for the rest of my life.
Chapter 7
“So you work with David?”
I quickly swallowed the wine I’d just sipped, nodding the whole time. “Yes. Do you know him? He’s kind of my mentor in the department.”
“Oh yes. David and I go way back. Way back,” Lydia Callaway replied.
Mark raised a questioning eyebrow. “Should I be acting jealous right now? I’m not sure I like the way you just said ‘way back’.”
Lydia waved him away and rolled her eyes as she leaned in to me. “Tell Mark about David, would you?”
I shared a mischievous smile with Adam’s mother. “Well, David is remarkably handsome. Six foot, dark, smoldering eyes, lean and muscular, just about fifty, am I right?”
Lydia nodded, “Sounds like an excellent description.”
Mark’s amusement turned quickly into jealousy. “Oh really? And how do we know David?”
“Preservation board. I’ve known him since we renovated Seychelle’s.”
Mark was turning red.
“Oh,” I acted surprised. “I forgot to mention! David is also madly in love with his partner of twenty years, Shawn.”
Mark shook his head and took a sip of wine. “You have got to stop with the bad jokes. You’ll kill me one of these days.”
Lydia laughed and pulled on my elbow. “Come with me. I want to show you something.”
Adam’s mother was fun and personable, not to mention very beautiful. She was about my height with toned arms and legs, dark hair she wore in a knot at the nape of her neck, and a very classic, but simple, light pink dress. I could tell she was making an extra effort to make me feel comfortable and I appreciated that.
She led me away from the living room and down a short hallway. She stopped halfway and turned to the pictures on the wall. It was covered in framed, professional pictures of Adam from every stage of his life, but in the middle were giant pictures of the Vanity Fair photos and two others of him in his race car.
“We have had our share of the ridiculous in our lives, Elizabeth. It may be a little different than yours, but it’s ridiculous nonetheless.”
She was leaving the subject open. It was up to me to either take it or dismiss it. I glanced at Lydia as she admired the photos of her only child and felt an unusual bond. “Adam mentioned you had to make a separation from your father.” I wanted to test the waters and see what it was like to open up to someone who might actually understand what my life looked like on the inside.
“I did.” She didn’t look at me. “There was a point where it felt like I had to make a choice. If I kept on the path I was on—McKinley politics—then my life was over. I might as well cease to exist. Nothing I ever did from there on out would be my choosing.” She turned and looked me in the eye. “I had too much I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to live in Paris and make the most delicious food anyone had ever eaten. I wanted to make people fall in love over dinner and remember their loved ones over dessert. Food is a language all its own, and I had a gift for speaking that language. If I hadn’t taken a step away from my family, I never would have met Mark, I never would have had Adam, and I never would have had the adventures I’ve
been able to have. I chose to have a life instead of a legacy.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” I murmured and turned back to the photos of Adam in his car. Her word choice was haunting me. “I wish I’d seen him race.”
“He was good,” Lydia agreed. “But he’s a better engineer.” Then she chuckled and took a sip of her wine. “And I’m a much happier mother. I always worried about him.”
I moved down the line to a more recent picture of Adam with the Senator. Both were dressed in gorgeous suits, hands up and waving to a crowd. “And now? Do you have any regrets about stepping away?”
“No. I’d make the exact same choice in a heartbeat. It was rough but my dad is a good man underneath all his political neediness. He has great ambitions and blinders. It took a long time for him to understand that his life was not the life I wanted or needed. We’re able to have a relationship now and he’s always been a part of Adam’s life. It isn’t perfect, but it works.”
I studied the smile on Adam’s face. It was nearly identical to the Senator’s. If Adam aged like his grandfather then he was going to be a very handsome older man.
“And what about you?” Lydia asked quietly. “Any regrets?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t think I was as conscious in my choices as you were. I was just trying to survive.”
“And so now you look back and wonder if you could have done anything differently?”
I nodded. Keeping my eyes fixed on Adam’s picture. “I know I didn’t have a choice, but I still wonder.”
She patted my shoulder. “Sweetie, if you had another choice you wouldn’t be hiding from the paparazzi right now.”
I took a deep, exasperated breath and held my glass up in a toast. “Here, here.”
We clinked glasses and took another sip. “We should probably get some food in our bellies to go with this wine.”
