“Emily's parents are just finding out about the accident. They may call you because Malphas called you from her number. I hope they don't think she was distracted by the call, and that's what caused the accident.”
“Let them. Let them blame me. I deserve their hatred.”
“No, Brennen. I don't want you to think that way. You didn't cause this. Evil has existed in the world before you, and it will continue to exist long after you've passed.”
“So if I had never befriended Emily, then she would have still died today? What do your screens of the future say about that?”
I stand in front of the window staring at the sea, lost in its rhythmic pulls. My mother comes up beside me and waits with me.
“Darling, I am so sorry for all of the strife that you've had to endure throughout your life because of who you are. If I could take it all away, I would. I would give anything for a different way of life for you. But, this is your path. You'll see. One day it will all make perfect sense. Saying so now is conciliating. I know. I don't mean it to be. I only want you to know that you will have far better days than not.” She kisses me on the cheek and leaves me to my thoughts.
After she leaves, I make myself a cup of tea and sit on the sofa crying for hours until eventually I drift off. When I begin to rouse, I feel terrible. My eyes feel like they've been rubbed with heavy grit sandpaper, and my throat burns. My house is quiet. I don't remember the last time I was truly alone. I know he's here with me. I know he's hurting too because I can feel his pain lingering amongst my own.
Is Malphas paying witness to our suffering right now? He'd need only glance through the window to see our anguish. A mountain of used Kleenex is piled on the floor by the sofa. This is what he wanted. This is what will appease the evil beast. I can't bring myself around to carrying out the second part of his request yet.
He wants me to get back together with Sam and drive home the fact that Elijah has lost me forever. Sam despises me right now anyway. My phone rings in my purse, breaking the silence with a shrill burst of urgency.
“Hello?”
“Brennen, it’s Emily's father.” My heart sinks at the sound of his broken voice. From those four words, I can gather how much pain this poor man is in right now. No one should have to bury their child. “Emily was in a terrible accident last night and I'm...” His voice trails off; he can't even say it.
I know this is where I should ask, “Is she okay?” But I can't bring myself to lie to this man. He doesn't deserve to be lied to right now. Eventually, he picks back up.
“We lost her, Brennen,” he says breaking down into sobs and apologizing for doing so.
I break down too. I tell him how sorry I am and how much she meant to me. The overwhelming guilt I feel seizes every part of me, and I wish to God it were me in that car instead of her. He finally fills me in on the details of her funeral before hanging up. I tell him that I will come by and see them as soon as I get into town. I offer to call all of her friends so that he doesn't have to. I can tell it brings him a tiny bit of relief.
I dry my tears and add to my tissue pile. The first number I dial is Sam's. The call goes to voicemail. I know I'm the last person he wants to hear from right now. “Sam, something terrible has happened. Please call me back as soon as you get this.”
I go down the list of our mutual friends and let them know when and where they can pay their respects. Most of them have moved away or are sticking close to their colleges, but they all say they will drop everything and come back to Norfolk. By the time I'm done, I'm worn out from grief. My body feels ten times its normal weight, and I feel too weak to move.
What I wouldn't give to be in Elijah's warm embrace right now. I'd bury my nose in that spot on his chest between his pectoral muscles and take in his warm dark chocolate scent laced with his body wash. I want to tell him how sorry I am. But I know remedying any part of this will only tick Malphas off. Just as I'm about to drift off, my phone jolts me back to the present. Sam.
My breath hitches in my throat, and for a moment, I forget to breathe. The last time we spoke, the pain in his eyes was immeasurable, but I have to take my punishment. I deserve nothing less.
“Hello.”
“Yeah, you called.” He sounds so indifferent. I know I have to say the tragic news quickly because he could hang up at any second.
“I called earlier on behalf of Emily's family. She was involved in an accident last night.” Even though I've recited this news to dozens by now, it's different with Sam. We were all so close.
Sam's voice immediately shifts to heartfelt concern. “How is she?” All I can do is draw a long breath as I sob once.
Somehow he knows. “Brennen, I'll be right over. I'll be on the next flight out.”
Knowing he's on his way is a small comfort, but I know it's a low blow to Elijah. The phone buzzes in my pocket. A text message from Emily? It reads, “Well done. Lexi lives to see another day.”
“Malphas,” I say in my head. It chills me just knowing he's out there somewhere watching my every move. I believe he can read people’s minds, so there is no way I could simply tell Elijah the truth. Malphas can read us like an open book. I quickly delete the text hoping Elijah didn't see it.
A small part of me hopes he did see it. Maybe it will offer him a clue as to why I just stomped out our perfect love. However, I know if Elijah had any hope left in him at all, that things would work out between us, Lexi would be the next one to meet her windshield.
I draw a bath upstairs hoping it will remove some of the achy feelings I have inside. The steamy water immediately begins to make me miss Elijah's warm chest.
Sam rings my doorbell late that night. He must have caught the last flight out. I open the door and let him in. I haven't seen him in five months, and he hasn't changed one bit. He's in his jeans and a tee-shirt still looking like the boy I fell in love with.
“How are you holding up?” he asks as soon as he sets his bag by the door. When he sees my gaze drop to his bag, he says, “Don't worry. I'm booked at the Days Inn. I just wanted to check on you first.”
“I've been better.” I pad to the kitchen in my sleep pants and robe to put on the tea kettle. “Thank you for coming.”
“I know how close you were, and I wanted to be here for you.” He glances around probably wondering why Elijah is not here.
“I still can't believe she's gone.” The pot screeches and startles me. I drop the fragile teacup on the tile. I turn off the burner and pinch the bridge of my nose trying to ease the pounding in my skull.
“Hey, can I offer you a hug? You look like you could use one about now.” I nod, and he pulls me in close. A tear rolls down my cheek knowing Elijah is probably on the verge of shattering a few dishes himself. Sam brushes the tear away with the pad of his thumb.
Elijah was right about one thing. The fear finally went away. Being in Sam's embrace no longer frightens me. Perhaps it's because I fear Malphas now, more than ever. Deep down I know Sam would never hurt me, not like I hurt him and not in a physical way either. He lets me go and grabs the broom from the cleaning supply closet. I go to take the broom to clean up the mess I made, but he shifts it away and begins to sweep the shards of porcelain up himself.
“Thank you.” I say and briefly touch his hand. He manages a small smile.
I pour myself a cup of tea and scrounge around in the fridge to find a can of Dr. Pepper for him. I ease down on the bar stool, and he drinks his soda at the other end of the counter. The cup rattles on the saucer as I set it down, revealing how shot my nerves are.
“So, do you feel up to telling me what happened?”
I give a nod and take a long sip to steady myself.” She's been in Scotland for the last few weeks, and she somehow ended up crashing her car into a telephone pole. She wasn't wearing her seatbelt I guess, which is not like her. But I don't think she suffered.”
“Do they know what caused the accident?”
“I don't know. Emily's dad was pretty upset
when I spoke with him. He didn't give me many details.”
“This is awful babe.” He slips up calling me babe and clears his throat to try and cover it up. I pretend not to notice. “I'd better get to the hotel. I'll be in town until the funeral. I'm here if you need anything. Just give me a call.”
I walk him to the door, and he slips out without looking back. I lock the door and trudge up the stairs to try to go back to sleep, but it never truly comes. Sleep evades me the entire night. I toss and turn trying to force myself to drift off, but my thoughts keep going back to Sam and Elijah and even poor Emily.
When the sun peeks over the water in the morning, I decide to go for a run to clear my head. It's the only way I know how without Elijah's help.
Emily wanted us all to get together this summer like we promised, but then she got the job of her dreams. Even if it was only for a few short weeks, it gives me a little comfort knowing she was in a happy place in her life. The run keeps my thoughts on her and all of the memories we made together. Before long I don't even know how far I've gone. Nothing around me looks familiar. The lack of sleep from last night pairs with my growling stomach, and I grit my teeth knowing it will be a long walk back home.
I finally spot a tourist shop and realize how far from home I strayed. I need to get a ride back. I consider calling a cab company, but then I figure now would be a good time to have some alone time with Sam. My fingers roll over the picture of Sam's face before finally calling him.
“Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you mind picking me up?”
“Of course, I don’t mind. Where are you?”
“I'm at the Seaside Shell Stop, over in Virginia Beach. I didn't realize how far I ran this morning.” It’s a good fifteen miles from home. I ease down onto the steps of the shop to catch my breath. I doze off in the warm late morning sun, and Sam's voice awakens me.
His amber eyes hold promises of hope as he rouses me. “Bren, I'm here.”
I stretch my arms over my head and give him a lazy smile. “Thank you. Sorry I'm such a doofus.”
“It's fine. It's not like I have anything else to do today.” He shrugs it off and leads me back to where his rental car is parked. A tiny blue Hyundai beeps as he unlocks the door and opens it for me, still the gentlemen.
Inside, a slow song is playing out a gentle melody in the background. “I was just wondering why you would call me and not Elijah.” His eyes remain focused on the road like it is about to make a sudden move.
I swallow hard and know Elijah just got dealt another blow. “We're over.” The words slice through my lips as fast as I can get them out, and I hope I never have to utter that phrase again. Sam's ears pull back as if he is struggling to make sure he has heard me correctly.
“I'm sorry to hear that. I know things between us ended badly, but over the last few months, I learned to accept that you were happy. I only ever wanted you to be happy.”
“I know Sam. I'm sorry I lied to you about Elijah. I'll never forgive myself for hurting you the way I did.”
The rest of the drive is silent. I wonder if he ever moved on from our break up, but I don't feel right prying into his life, not since I was the one who removed myself from it altogether. He pulls into my driveway, and I get out pausing in the door to thank him. He tips his baseball cap, and I catch a glimpse of the hurt in his eyes. I suck in a breath and shut the door.
I head straight to the shower and let it wash the heartache away. I lean against the cool white tiles and wonder if I will ever be able to fully breathe again. A text is waiting for me when I get out. It's from Malphas again. I take it into the bathroom and read it, hoping Elijah still gives me privacy in here.
“Win Sam back quickly.” It reads followed by a picture of the back of Lexi's head taken as if he were right behind her. I throw my phone into the mirror, and it shatters the glass. I cringe as the shards fall around the tile and counter. I glare up at the large wedge shaped shard still hanging on the wall. It cuts the image of my face in half, down the middle causing me to look like a deranged psycho for a moment. If the shoe fits?
I pluck my phone out of the debris and notice the Otter box case has kept it from harm. Lucky me. I can still receive threatening text messages.
I call Sam. “Hey, do you want to get some dinner tonight? I could really use a friend right now.” He says he'll pick me up at six, and I agree. I plop down on my bed and fall asleep fast. All of this heartbreaking is making me so tired and zapping every ounce of strength I have.
I wake up late that afternoon to my stomach growling again. I still haven't eaten since yesterday. I search my pantry and grab a granola bar to tide me over until Sam's arrival. I click on the television hoping to find some kind of distraction from my emotions. The food network reminds me of Elijah as I flip through the channels. The news does the same thing. Finally, I settle on an episode of Pretty Little Liars. Maybe I'll learn something that can sharpen my skills up for tonight's lie fest.
Later that evening, I change into a casual sundress and put on a little make up to hide the growing dark circles under my eyes. Sam arrives promptly at six and holds the door to the rental car open as I get in.
“Where do you want to go?” he asks.
“Somewhere quiet.”
“I know a place.”
He slides into the driver's seat. “I'm sorry again for calling you. I'm sure it must be awkward hanging around me again. I hope that your girlfriend won't be upset.” I say with obvious feelers out. I glare at my reflection on the side window and wonder how cruel fate can be.
“It's okay. Emily meant a lot to both of us, and I know you could use a friend.” He doesn't respond to my girlfriend remark. I touch his hand to get him to look at me. Then I search his mind to find out for myself. What I find takes me by surprise. I am getting a clear image of a young woman's face, her naked body perched over his torso like a monolithic work of art. The way she looks at him is exactly the way I look at Elijah. Sam's in love with someone else. He glances away, and the connection is lost, not that I wanted to see that image go any further. My sweet Sam, that waited so long to be intimate with me, has crossed that bridge with another.
How dare I encroach on his happiness? He deserves to find someone who loves him as much as I love Elijah. Now what? My plan of seducing him flies out the window. Tick. Tock. I think I hear Malphas say.
Lexi's swishing ponytail keeps crossing into my mind. Tick. Tock. Time's a wasting.
“What if I told you that I never got over you?” I say clenching my jaw as I spit out the lie.
“I'd say that you looked pretty well over me the last time I saw you wrapped around Elijah's lips.”
Touché. I deserved that and far worse.
“Well you'd be wrong. I never loved him. I have only ever loved you, and you’re the only one I ever will love.”
I can picture Elijah's face turned up in agony at my words. I'm so sorry my love. So very sorry. I glance up to the tree tops as they fly by us in a blur. I try and hold back the tears. A hawk soars high over us and swoops down low blinking its bright yellow eye right at me as it passes us. It's him. I know it is. He's always listening.
“What are you saying Brennen?”
“I'm saying… I made a mistake. I don't expect you to take me back right away, but I hope that one day the possibility of it might cross your mind.”
“I trusted you with my heart Brennen. I don't know if I can ever trust you again.”
“I'm not asking you to trust me. Trust comes with time. I know I tore it down in one stupid moment. Elijah preyed on our weaknesses. He knew we'd have a hard time with the long distance relationship. I'm just sorry I trusted him. He's caused me nothing but heartache.”
The last words rise up with bile in my throat, and I struggle to tamp it back down. I hate you Malphas! I hope you rot in hell one of these days!
“You've always been the angel in my life. I know it will take time, but I want to be your everything again.”
Sam g
rows quiet for a while as he thinks about my words. Malphas is an idiot if he thinks Elijah is buying one red cent of this. Less than twenty four hours ago, I was cuddled up on Elijah's bare chest, professing my undying love to him. I hope they find him and capture him before too long. It may be too late to save my own ass, but I can't wait to tell Elijah that I didn't mean any of this.
“We're here. I see you still drift off in daydreams, to only God knows where.” His boyish smile softens his features, and his gaze lingers over me.
“Guilty. Sorry.”
He opens the door for me and takes my hand. His familiar touch elicits memories of our once perfect love. Once I could have been happy, back in the days that Elijah never existed in my mind. I would have been content to hold Sam's hand for a life time and never have a single regret. A small smile pulls the corners of my lips up. It's all I can manage, and I hope it's enough.
Sam leads me inside a tiny restaurant in the shape of a diner car. His hand moves to my back as we reach a booth. He slides in across from me, and the waitress comes over right away to greet us. She's dressed in a pink retro waitress dress, and for a moment, I think we've slipped back in time fifty years. Stainless steel walls with black and white checkered floors add to the overall diner feel.
“What can I get cha hon?” she asks.
“I'll have an iced tea,” he says.
“Same.”
I eye him suspiciously. “What? I'm trying to cut back on the soda these days.” I wonder if his new girlfriend has anything to do with the new and improved Sam.
She brings our drinks and gives us another minute to look over the menu. Sam's gaze keeps flitting back to my face, and I begin to wonder if I have something on it. I wipe around my chin looking quizzically at him.
My Soul Laid Bare: Book 4 (The Soul Keeper Series) Page 8
