We were finally in a good place and they–– no, HEripped him from my life. My chest heaves as if it’s being crushed by a dull guillotine. Aiden throws his arm under me as my legs threaten to give up. He motions for a chair, and someone slides one up behind me. He eases me into the seat, but I don’t really see any of that. My thoughts have blinded me from the present, and all I can picture is Sam running into her waiting arms. He twirls her around and presses his lips to hers. They’re soul mates reuniting, and I know all too well what that feels like. I let out a whimper as I see the love emanating from his eyes for her. Not for me, for her. My breathing becomes quick and short, and I fight to keep it together because I know the room is now focused on me. I need to get out of here. I need to be alone.
“Elena,” I manage to whisper still blinded to the world around me. I can’t rip the image away. He’s holding her so intimately now, bathing her with his touch in a way that I was certain was only meant for me. My tears flow freely, and I can’t turn away. I deserve this. I deserve every bit of this torture for what I put Sam through.
“Come Brennen. Let’s go somewhere more private.” I hear Elena’s voice and briefly see a glimpse of her face before I’m thrown right back into the scene I just left. I feel myself being led somewhere, and my sights go between reality and the nightmare as we walk. My stomach twists in knots. This is exactly what I put him through. No, what I did was even worse. I didn’t wait until death absolved our marriage. I let Elijah in knowing full well that I was married. I never had any power to resist him. He was my weakness and I was his. I know Sam was with Cat during our separation. He never tried to hide it from me. He couldn’t hide it, anyway. I think it was part of the rift that kept us from fully giving into one another during that first year. I knew he loved her, and she had brought him comfort while I was pregnant from an affair. I know I should be happy for him now that he is finally in the arms of his true soul mate. Maybe if our love hadn’t completely taken over my soul, I would still feel that way. I am on an emotional roller coaster without the restraints. And the truth is, now, I’M PISSED!. Maybe I have no right to be. However, right now, I could string an angel up by their wings, and Elena may be just the bird for the job.
I glare up at her as I take in my surroundings. She’s brought me into the oval office. Perfect! She can be strung up on the balcony from the flag pole.“You,” I seethe out as I give her a pointed stare and wipe the tears from my cheeks.
I go to lunge for her, and she points her finger at me and focuses her eyes on my face. All of a sudden, I can’t move. Somehow, she’s bound me to the chair.“Do not think that I am in this position lightly. I have gifts that you have yet to witness, and hopefully never will.”
I let out an exasperated sigh and growl at her,“Elena. Let. Me. Go!”
“Not until you calm down. It’s my duty to keep you safe. Attacking me will only bring harm to you.” She circles my chair and stands behind me. I struggle in my seat, but it’s as if a rope is wrapped around my arms and feet. I let out another snarl.
“I see you must have figured out that he is with Cat.”
“Good job, Sherlock!”
“No need for snarky names. I know you’re hurting. I know you love him with all of your heart. But let me ask you this, if the roles were reversed and you passed away first, if Sam knew you’d be on the other side with Elijah, do you think he’d want you to go on pining for him and not be in your soul mate’s arms? Be honest.”
My shoulders slump a little in defeat.“Honestly, I don’t know. I mean this morning, what we shared… I mean, he can’t just forget me so easily and take her up. Can he?”
“No Brennen. Is that what you are worried about?”
I nod feeling broken.
“First, after being on your guard for twenty years give or take a few, I think I know Sam. He will not fall into Cat’s arms and just forget about you. He will just accept her friendship at first. Just as you and Elijah were able to be best friends at times. His heart will need time to mourn losing you and the children. But he will be surrounded by his family to help him. Not only that, but in heaven, you are filled with a sense of joy and happiness that you just can’t shake. So he will miss you, but he won’t long to come back to Earth. You saw Emily. She is happy. She wouldn’t trade places with you, if you begged.”
Her words comfort me, and I know they are true.“It hurts so much, Elena.”
She releases the invisible bindings and pulls me into a hug.“I know, Brennen. I will help you get through each obstacle and overcome this one day at a time.” She embraces me for a long time, and before I know it, I feel other arms on me as well. As I look up, I see all of their faces. They’ve all come to help comfort me: Inara, Jesson, Will, and lastly my mother. I go to her, and she fills me with her wonderful love as if it seeps from her pores and into my own. I leave her arms feeling like I can breathe again. Everyone I love is here except for Elijah… though it is probably for the best. I feel fragile and broken right now, like a shattered porcelain tea cup that has been glued back together and tested for the first time. I know losing Sam has damaged me. I know only time will mend these cracks.
That night, I sit Mia and Maci down with Elara and William. I alone am the one to tell them the tragic news. They know something is wrong. There are no smiles in the room, not even from the children. Mia and Maci sit on the sofa with each of the twins taking up room on their laps. I take a deep breath and ease into the chair next to them.
I begin with a solemn voice and try to let them down as gently as I can.“I have some terrible news, and I don’t know the right way to say this. Daddy’s gone. His plane went down today, and he didn’t survive. He’s not coming home.”
“ But how’s Daddy going to tell me a princess story tonight?” Elara whimpers.
The tears I had been holding in burst out as I shake my head,“Oh honey, he can’t. I can tell you one though if you want.”
“No! I want Daddy!”
The children both break into cries calling out,“Daddy!” They both shuffle onto my lap, and I hold them as tight as I can and rock them back and forth. They are inconsolable all of them, Mia and Maci too. Tears burst through my eyes again, and I struggle to stay strong for our family. After a while, Mia wants to know the details, and I whisper that I will explain more after the children fall asleep. They are already beginning to drift in my arms, having worn themselves out with their sobs. Their angel bloodline garners more emotions than most humans, and they are in a state of despair. Maci helps me carry them to bed, and we tuck them in as they continue to cry softly for their father. We sit with them until they fall deeply asleep, and then I quietly shut the door behind them.
Sam’s sisters join me in the kitchen, and Maxine, having over heard the news, makes us all a cup of tea. She hugs me and gives me her condolences, and I thank her.“All they know is that the engine failed catastrophically. They believe there was a fire on board, but the plane hasn’t been recovered yet. They were able to recover Sam’s body and the pilot. I spoke with the doctor just before you arrived. They say that his death was instant, and he didn’t suffer. His neck was broken on impact with the water.”
I feel a warmth radiate through me when I finish the story, and I wonder if Sam is holding me right now. Whatever the feeling is, it comforts me and gives me hope that we will all get through this. Good-bye, Sam, I silently send him my love through those two words.
Chapter 21 ~ Daddy’s Home ~
One year later
Last week the country mourned together as we held a memorial day for Sam. He saved so many lives with his cure. The whole world felt close to him. He never enjoyed the spot light, but he loved people. He would always go on these television interviews and give speeches to huge crowds, but as much as he hated it, he always left people with a smile on their face.
William and Elara have helped me through the roughest patches with their gifts and just by how much they love me. So today, I'm finally going to uphold the long held
tradition of getting a dog for the white house. The kids have been excited all morning. Last night, I finally lived the moment of that long ago vision that led me to marrying Sam, come true. I was sitting on the sofa, and the kids were reading quietly when I let them in on the news. Tomorrow we would go to the shelter and pick out a dog that needed a home. They both climbed on my lap and hugged my neck. That was the exact scene my mother played out on the oracle.
“Mom, can we get a great big dog like the ones who rescue people from the snow?” William asks shoving a forkful of pancakes into his mouth. His oceanic blue eyes disappear under a shock of long black lashes, a constant reminder of Elijah. He knows I can't resist giving in when he pleads with those gorgeous blue whirlpools. I'm pretty sure he is aware that he has me wrapped around his tiny little finger and uses it to his advantage daily.
“No William, we are getting a small dog that is a girl, so I can put bows in her hair and dress her in cute little outfits,” Elara fires back with. I can see the fight about to brew, so I intervene quickly.
“How about we pick a dog that really loves us and wants to be ours.”
“Okay,” they chime in unison and inhale the rest of their breakfast, so we can leave.
The secret service has cleared us to enter the shelter, so the kids and I walk into the room that holds the dogs. The kennel reverberates with a chorus of barking and clamor. The kids squeal like they've just won a lifelong trip to Disney World. They may be nearly full angels, with the fate of the world at their fingertips, but they are seven year old human children in every way that matters. Too bad I can't read their minds like most humans though.
We walk down each aisle twice, stopping occasionally to read the colorful biography of a dog that holds a promise. There's a Rottweiler with big brown eyes that reminds me of Brutus, but the kids have their eyes on a giant mutt. He was found in an alleyway living off of scraps of trash. He's all white with patches of brown hair in the oddest shapes all over his body.
“This is the one?”
“He loves us. Look.” William kneels down, and the dog licks his face through the fence. I want to say that's because you smell of yummy delicious things just like your father, but I keep my mouth shut while the dog savors every last drop of my kids.
“So he does,” I say, and the shelter worker helps us into a small room to really get to know the dog. Thank goodness no one is watching us in here because I think the kids can speak dog just like the angels. The dog obeys their every command: high fiving the kids, rolling over. William pretends to shoot it, and it falls over into a heap on the floor. I shake my head. These two are something else. Pierce peeks his head in the door after the last fit of laughter. Pretty soon everyone is watching the dog act like it has performed in the circus its whole life.
An hour later, the kids and the dog are piled on the sofa watching a movie about dogs. I make some popcorn and find a spot, a very small spot, where the reach of his giant paws can't invade. My Sundays, how I cherish you. The big oaf stretches and groans just as his back foot knocks the bowl right out of my hands. The kids burst into laughter.
“Smooth dog, real smooth.” I uproot myself from the sofa and begin to pick up the mess.
“His name is Elijah, Mommy,” Elara says, and it freezes me in my tracks. My heart skips a beat as if on cue, and now begins to race inside my chest. I stare back at my daughter wondering how. Did I leave his journal where they could find it? No, I kept that in Amorous.
“How did you two pick that name?”
“Because we love him as much as Elijah, the man that tucks us in just before we fall asleep every night. Sometimes he even reads us a story if we're real good that day. But mommy, where does Elijah go in the daytime?”
“El, that was a secret. Remember?” William glares into his sister and clutches the dog’s head as if I may change my mind and return him.
My body goes slack for a second as the shock stuns me.
“Uh Elara, I don't know where Elijah goes during the day.” I turn to William. He studies me with his intense blue spheres trying to decipher my reaction to the secret that has slipped out of the bag. Elijah's been visiting them? Not me, just them. Sam's been gone a year, and Elijah hasn't surfaced once.
Elena, she had to have known. Nothing gets by her. Why would he not come to see me? Have I finally lost him for good? I'm glad he's been seeing the children, but why keep it a secret from me? I would love for Elijah to be a part of their lives.
“How long has Elijah been coming to tuck you in?”
“For always silly Mommy.” Elara laughs and chases after the dog that spots his ball halfway across the room.
I swallow hard.
“Why are you so sad now?” William asks taking my hand up. He's very in tune with people’s emotions. I fight like hell to hold back the tears that want to come.
He squeezes my hand a little tighter and whispers to himself, “I told Elara not to tell.” Then William gets that look on his face that Elijah would bare when he was worried about me, and the flood gates open wide. I quickly wipe the tears from my face and try to laugh it off.
“Sorry honey, I just miss your daddy. That's all.”
“I miss him too, but Elijah says we'll get to see him again one day. He told me all about how happy Daddy is right now, and it helps me not to worry so much about him. But I still wish he could come see me play baseball.”
“He would have loved to see you play. If I know Daddy, he'd have even coached the team.”
William snuggles up in my arms. Elara finally coaxes the dog back onto the sofa, and we finish the movie. The kids fall asleep about ten minutes before the end. I cover them with a blanket and rub the nameless dog on the nose before turning in myself.
I settle under the blanket. The fresh wound opens and bleeds filling my soul with an ache that I haven't felt in years.
“Elena,” I call out hoping she's within hearing distance. A moment later, she materializes right in front of me. She still hasn't aged a day, and now, I look like I could be her much older sister. My upturned eyes bare their grief so that no words are needed.
“He can't be with you, Brennen. He's guarding the children. We still have attacks daily. You know he can't leave their side for a moment. We both thought it better if you didn't know the full truth.”
“Better for who, Elena? All this time, I thought he was someplace far away, on a mission to get his Elite status back so that he could come back to me. And you're telling me, he's been right under my nose this entire time?”
“If you knew, you wouldn't be able to stay away. He could get distracted and slip up. These children hold the world in their hands, and we're up against the enemy of enemies. We are fighting pure evil to protect you all. We have no room for distractions. Keep your course and don't pull Elijah back in. You have eternity with him.”
“If you had what Elijah and I have, you wouldn't deny yourself a minute of it. And I've missed him for seven years, Elena. I've spent most of my life missing him. Do you have any idea what that's like?”
Elena slowly sinks into a chair near the window and stares out past the sheer curtains. The lights of the city sparkle like a glitter dusted star beyond this fence.“No, I don't know. You've endured so much pain in your short life span. It’s a wonder your mortality has not succumbed to the crushing weight of the burdens in this world, but that is what is so wondrous about humans, your spirit, your fight. You're so fragile. A simple germ can be your undoing, yet you can survive loss after loss. So I may not know what it's like to lose someone I love, or be apart from them, but I do know that you will be okay without him. You have William and Elara to shower with love, and you have hope that one day you and Elijah will spend ages with each other.”
I leave the warm bed and sit on the arm of the chair.“There Elena, that is my point, right there. One day? I don't want to have to wait until my human life is over to love Elijah. Every night I'm in an empty bed. I go to sleep, and I wake up. Between adoring the twins and sav
ing the world, my day is filled, but at night, I'm alone. And I miss Sam… I miss Elijah. Part of me thought that after Sam passed away, Elijah would swoop back into my life. I thought he'd be more a part of our lives, be a family again… but he never came.”
“The children thought he was part of the security detail. They were undercover with the CIA.”
“Ah, yes the Cherubim Infantry of Angels, C.I.A. I remember that badge well.” We both share a laugh.“I am glad he's a part of their lives. Can you let me see him? You can watch the children for a little while?”
“He won't leave their side, Brennen. I've offered before.”
“Then take us all to Amorous where we'll all be safe for the night. I want them to visit my mother. She hasn't seen them since they were born.”
“I'll check with Elijah.” Elena steps quietly out of the room. Her footsteps end there. She must have disappeared into the spirit realm. I pad into the bathroom and check my appearance in the mirror. Chalk another near decade up to my fading youth. I do look young for my age, but I think that has something to do with my bloodline. However, the small lines have crept in next to my eyes. My face has matured, and I worry that I won't look like the girl he fell in love with some twenty years ago. Yet, he'll be flawless as always. While I will wither and wrinkle, he will always look like a god.
Elena pops up behind me causing me to visibly jump.“He says he'll go, but only if you think you're really ready to see him again.”
I give her a look that asks if she's joking, and she smiles.“Thought so.”
I follow her back to the living room. William and Elara are now using the dog as a pillow. William got the wrong end, and I shake my head. We each scoop a child up and think of Amorous. Elara's soft breaths on my neck let me know she slept through the entire trip. Elijah is standing beside me on the transfer platform, and he holds his arms out for me to give him Elara. A hush falls over the busy room as soon as they see the new arrivals, or perhaps the volume just got turned down in my mind because I can't stop looking at Elijah. He's so breathtakingly beautiful. I forget to hand him Elara. A smile spreads across his face as he reads the look in my eyes.
My Soul Laid Bare: Book 4 (The Soul Keeper Series) Page 24
