I noticed that even the sound of my breathing was gone. I could see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing, and smell nothing. Every part of me was completely deprived of stimuli, and I was left with only myself to talk to. This is how Vairocina must have felt, I thought. Now I understand why she searched so desperately to find a real body. But I was not my body. I could still think. In fact, I was talking. Talking to myself. What was this sense of self that was left to wander about my head? As if I was talking to someone else entirely. It had no physical form, yet it demanded attention. It argued with me, influenced me, praised me, and even berated me, more often than not. But where did it come from? Who controlled it? Me?
“Hello?” I said, as if to call out that part of me, to identify it as a separate entity.
It did not respond. Or did I not respond?
Despite my lack of contact with the physical world, “I” still existed. “I” existed independently of my race, my job, my clothes, even what others thought about me. For so long, I had defined myself by those things, but here, now, they meant nothing. They served no purpose whatsoever. Suddenly, I craved to see something, feel something, or hear something. I needed to know that I still existed.
But why?
Maybe I didn’t even exist. For all I knew, I could be dead. Was this what death felt like? I hoped not. But then it struck me. I realized something about the “I” alone with me in this mold. I realized that this was the person who loved Max, who loved Ketheria and Theodore and even the Keepers. Suddenly, despite the lack of stimuli, I felt a flood of love and warmth rush through my body. I did have a body! If I could have felt it, I know I would have felt tears against my skin. I imagined my tears rolling down my cheeks and dropping off my face. In my mind, I reached down to the puddle of tears with my fingertips and raised them to my mouth. The salty teardrops touched my tongue, and I slept again.
I awoke to a blinding white light. I closed my eyes, but the light persisted, boring through to the back of my skull. Was someone doing this, or was I hallucinating the light? I tried to will the light away, but it remained. I even imagined myself lying at the bottom of a lightless tunnel, but still the white light pierced its depths. Who was doing this? Please stop, I begged them.
“JT? Wake up. JT?”
“Hello?” I croaked.
The light was still there, but softer somehow, as if someone had managed to gray the edges.
“Are you all right?”
“Who is that?”
It sounded like Ketheria, or was it Brine Amar? The voice seemed to change pitch every time I recognized an inflection or the speech pattern.
“You must help yourself if you are going to leave here,” the voice said. It was Brine Amar.
“Why are you doing this to me? I don’t know how to jump without a belt. I can only do it around Ketheria. I think Quirin made it that way.”
“Yes, you can, but you refuse to release your physical body.” The voice did not belong to Brine Amar. It was Ketheria.
“Who is this?” I asked again.
“Your mind is sick, and the disease is fear.”
“I’m not afraid of anything.”
“You are afraid of yourself.”
My mind tuned out, and I turned off.
When I woke next, I was standing on the observation deck of the Renaissance. The ship was orbiting a dying star, and the golden light burned away the edges of everything I saw. I shielded my eyes to look at the star. We’re too close, I thought. The ship will burn up.
“Mother!” I called out, but the computer did not answer.
Of course not. The Renaissance was gone. Dismantled and sold for parts the moment after we arrived on the Rings of Orbis, almost four rotations ago.
Was this a dream?
“Hello, JT.”
I spun around. It was Max!
“Max!”
The soft cream-colored robe she wore on Orbis 4 sparkled in the intense sunlight. The edge of her hair burned blond. She was beautiful. I rushed toward her and took her hands in mine.
“Max, I’m so sorry. I should never have left you. Can you forgive me? Please. I love you so much. I want it to be just like you said with Ketheria and Theodore. Together. We can have that!”
Max shook her head gently and held her finger to my lips. I breathed in her scent, she was so close. My mind filled with flowers and sunlight and fresh running water. I wanted to hold her.
“You’ve done the right thing,” she whispered. “I see the importance of the task that has been placed upon you. I was so selfish to want something else. You have greatness in your future. I want you to have that. You deserve it.”
“But —”
“You need to get out of here, JT,” Max insisted. “You have to jump. We need you. It is time.”
“Time for what?”
“Time for you.”
“We can stay here, Max. Just like you wanted it. We can live here on the Renaissance again. We’ll travel the stars, just you and me. We don’t have to go.”
I pulled her close to me. I could feel her warmth under her robe as she pressed against me. Was this real? I pushed my lips against hers. I could taste her.
“This is real, Max. I know it. Can’t you feel it? I don’t know how I did it, but we’re together again on the Renaissance.”
Max pulled away, gently, as if not to make a statement by her actions. She reached for my hand and led me away from the observation deck. Below deck, I took the lead, remembering each corridor, stairwell, and quarters. I had forgotten how much I missed the Renaissance. I pulled Max into the chow synth and saw that Mother had created all of our favorite foods, but why hadn’t the computer answered me?
“Max, Mother is not responding.”
But Max was gone. My hand was still outstretched, but it was empty.
“Max?”
“Hey, JT.”
I turned toward the voice, a new voice. I thought I recognized it but wasn’t quite sure. Out of the light stepped a young man, maybe thirty Earth-years old. I recognized something in his face, and his hair was still the same unmanageable brown nest I knew.
“Theodore?” I asked the man.
“You look well, JT.”
“You look . . . older. Why are you so much older than me? We’re supposed to be the exact same age.”
“We still are.”
I looked at my hands. They looked like they always did, and they also looked liked Theodore’s — older. “I don’t understand.”
“That’s part of the problem, JT. Everything is not meant to be understood. It is impossible for you to comprehend and control every aspect of the universe. I know you always try, but sometimes you just have to accept what is. I don’t know if you noticed, but I gave up counting things. That had been my way of trying to control situations. You have to trust that no matter what comes at you, you will manage. You have to trust yourself, JT.”
I felt a tinge of jealousy. “How do you know?” I said. “If anyone was always afraid, it was you. Do you know how many times I wished you had spoken up to Switzer? To defend yourself? You were the one who was afraid, Theodore.”
“But I’m not anymore. This is not a competition. You can see that, can’t you? Now it’s your turn. I know you can do it, JT. Just let go.”
“Let go of what?”
“Your mind,” said a voice from behind me.
I spun around and saw Ketheria sitting on my sleeper. It was just like the first time we tried to leave the Renaissance. A huge sack was slumped at her feet, and in her hands she held the crude locket containing the image of our parents.
“Your entire image of yourself is based on a lie,” she said, holding up the makeshift locket. “That was their only mistake. They created a false dream for you — a dream of a reality that never existed. And you are holding on to that dream in the same manner the knudniks do on the Rings of Orbis. You believe that if you allow your own domestication at the hands of the Citizens, you, too, will share in all their wealth and g
lory. You dream of parents who left Earth for a new life, parents who never existed. You dream of a life on the Rings of Orbis with me, Max, and Theodore living free, but no one on the rings is ever free. It has all been a lie, JT.”
Ketheria squeezed the locket in her hand. When she opened it again, the locket was gone and in its place was a handful of space dust. Ketheria turned her palm over, and the shimmering particles drifted across the cabin.
“Now it is time to wake up from that dream and create your own dream. Humans are destined to play a marvelous role in this universe. A role that awakens oppressed cultures from their own dreams, not by war but through love and kindness. We are all that is left. You and I are standing at the event horizon, JT. You and I will lead them into the light. But you must act now. I can’t wait any longer for you, JT. It is time. You must trust me. You must trust yourself.”
Ketheria’s eyes burned with the glow. She was standing now, reaching out to me.
“Now, JT! There is no more time!”
Her mouth hung open, ripping at the edges and consuming all the light in the room as she screamed. The sound tore me away from the Renaissance, and I reached out, trying to hold on, but I was swallowed by the darkness bearing down on me.
I stood up. I was alone.
I gazed out from the center platform of the training area. An alarm ripped through the silence. Was I out of the cocoon? Was this real? I looked up to see if I could spot the metal mold, but it was too far. If I had jumped, then I could do it again. Ketheria needed me. Whatever had happened inside that thing, I knew in my heart that Ketheria needed me.
Without thinking about my body and with complete trust that I could do it, I focused on the platform across the void. It was sort of like the pushing I did when I entered a computer. I accepted the fact that I would succeed. I did not drag my body with me, or anything else, for that matter. I simply placed the “I” inside of me on the platform, as light from the room began to pull into my eyes. I breathed deeply, welcoming the smell of stinky feet.
I stood on the platform across the void and looked back at where I had just been. I expected a rush of pride to swell up inside me, but none came. There was no need. I smiled. The alarm, which was now sounding at regular intervals, told me that something was wrong. I pictured my room in the Hollow and willed myself there.
“Where did you come from?” Switzer said as I appeared in front of him.
“I jumped here,” I told him.
Switzer’s eyes ignited, and a smile stretched across his face. He leaped toward me, arms outstretched, ready to thump me on my back, but he stopped.
“You still pissed at me?” he asked, his old mask slipping over his face.
“No,” I said. “That was then. There’s nothing I can do about it, and you’ve worked hard to gain my trust. Just like a friend would do.”
Switzer smiled.
“What’s the alarm about?” I asked.
“I was about to go look. It just started.”
“I’ll go with you,” I said.
But before we could leave, the door to the room disappeared and one of Switzer’s friends rushed in. “The Scion is gone!”
“What do you mean?” I cried.
“She’s gone! Someone took her.”
I pushed in front of him. “She can’t be gone. She’s stained. Track the staining.”
“We have. There’s nothing,” he replied. “They’re sending a team to look for her.”
The Space Jumper turned to leave, and I was close behind.
“Where are you going?” Switzer cried.
“I know how to find her,” I said.
“I’m coming with you.”
I ran all the way to Charlie’s little surveillance room. While I thumped on the grille to his hideout, I cursed at myself, thinking I could simply have jumped.
“Charlie! It’s me!”
“What’s a Honock going to do?” Switzer asked.
“Wait.”
Charlie came to the grill and spotted Switzer. One look and he turned away.
“Charlie, it’s all right. He’s with me. He won’t hurt you.”
“I didn’t hurt you the first time,” Switzer added.
“Charlie, Ketheria’s in trouble, We have to find her.”
Charlie peeked through the grate. After an excruciatingly long moment, he hoisted the gate off it moorings. I slipped past Charlie and dashed to the monitors. They were already on. I scoured the screens for any sign of Ketheria, but there was nothing. In fact, there was no sign of Max or Theodore, either.
“They’re all gone,” Charlie informed me.
“What’s this?” Switzer asked, looking around the room.
“There’s no time to explain. We have to get assigned to that search party. Meet me back at our room.” I turned to Charlie. “Keep looking for them, will you? Search everywhere you can. There must be a sign of one of them somewhere.”
Then I jumped to Quirin’s room. I didn’t even shoot for outside; I went straight in.
“Just because you’ve accepted your skill does not mean you should abandon your manners,” he said.
“I want to be on that search party you are sending for my sister.”
“Impossible,” he replied. “Tensions are too delicate on the rings. I cannot have a Space Jumper moving about freely. It will tip the scales in the Council’s favor. We cannot have a war.”
“But I have to go! I am the Tonat, aren’t I?”
“I have sent four experienced Jumpers who will find the Scion without anyone ever seeing them. You will finish with your training.”
“How will they find her? The staining doesn’t work anymore,” I told him.
“That is impossible. The staining is foolproof. I invented it. This is merely a glitch in the system. The staining will locate her much more easily than you can.”
“You don’t know about the Scion. She can do things you don’t know about.”
“There is no argument that will change my mind. Go back to your quarters. This will be over shortly.”
“Quirin, please —”
“Go!”
I left his room, certain he was wrong. Ketheria was trying to tell me something. I knew it. When I returned to my room, I found Switzer lying on his bunk.
“Get up,” I ordered him.
“Where are we going now?” he asked, sitting up.
“We’re going home,” I informed him.
“Have fun.” Switzer flopped back onto his sleeper.
I slipped through space, compressing the distance between us. The room blurred, and in the exact same moment, I was standing next to Switzer. Using my right arm, I grabbed him by his uniform and dragged him off his sleeper. With one clean jerk, I hoisted him high in the air, his shocked expression staring down at his feet, which were nowhere near the ground now.
“You’re coming with me, and you’re bringing Charlie. I don’t have a belt, so I can’t jump with him. It could kill him. You’re bringing him back for me. You owe me that, and you owe him at least that. This is not the life he was supposed to live. Charlie doesn’t deserve to live here any more than you deserved to live in that hole I rescued you from.”
“Fine, enough with the melodrama. Put me down.”
I let Switzer fall to the floor but he jumped in midair, reappearing soundly on his feet.
“Nice,” I said, nodding at his acrobats. “Now let’s get Charlie. I need to get to Max and Theodore.”
“I don’t want to go,” Charlie snapped after I told him what we were doing.
“Suits me,” Switzer said, turning back down the hall.
“Wait,” I cried. “Charlie, look at the screens. Ketheria’s gone. Max and Theodore will know where she is. We have to find them. I want you to come with me.”
Charlie looked at the screens but shook his head. While he stared, I slipped into the computer device at the back of his head. With the precision of a laser drill, I adjusted the controls for memory, then pulled out.
&n
bsp; “What did you do?” Switzer grumbled. “He’s crying now.”
Charlie was staring at the screens and weeping. Maybe I should have adjusted the controls for emotions when I was in there, but I didn’t have time.
“Charlie? You all right?” I asked him.
He turned and said, “Let’s go find them.”
As Charlie stood up, Switzer said, “Wait. I can’t jump without the coordinates. I’m not like you. All you have to do is bring up a memory. I’m sorry, but I can’t take him to Orbis 4.”
“Charlie, that surveillance system we watch — there must be some sort of coordinates link with it, right? I mean, if they’re spying on people, they must know where they’re looking. Can you pull up the coordinates off one of those cameras and give them to Switzer?”
Charlie parked himself in front of the O-dats without speaking. After a few moments, a stream of digits rolled across the screens.
“I only need one,” Switzer scoffed.
Charlie tapped on one screen, and a single string of symbols flashed on the O-dat.
“That’s JT’s room,” he said.
“Grab it,” I told Switzer.
Switzer interfaced with the O-dat and uplinked the info Charlie had provided. “All set,” he replied.
“You go first,” I told him.
“Why, you don’t trust me?”
“Just go first. I’ll see you in my room.”
“Come on, big guy,” he said to Charlie. “Let’s hope you stay in one piece.”
“Don’t say that!” I said.
But they were gone. The air rippled the moment Switzer latched on to Charlie while any light reflecting off them broke apart and scattered across the room. I envisioned my room on Orbis 4 and jumped right behind them.
Within the same breath, I was standing next to my old sleeper with Switzer and Charlie, trying to rub the smell of feet out of my nose.
“I know you were messy on the Renaissance,” Switzer said, looking around my room, “but this is ridiculous.”
Switzer nudged an errant pot with his toe, a pot I had never seen before. It rolled toward my sleeper, the lid of which hung at a reckless angle, as if someone had tried to rip the sleeper from its moorings. Someone or something had destroyed my room.
The Softwire: Awakening on Orbis 4 Page 22
