by Lucia Franco
The way he looked at me broke my heart. He was struggling, and what he said earlier was in fact true. After everything, was Kova going to kiss me? I swallowed hard. I wouldn’t refuse him if he did. I didn’t think there would ever come a time I could refuse anything he offered.
“Malysh, I need one last kiss.”
He was saying goodbye.
With a small nod, I licked my lips and wound my arms around his neck. Leaning in, my chest pressed to his, my nipples hard. Kova’s strong arms wrapped around my lower back, crushing me to him. I loved how strong he was, how he held me and made me feel safe. Our lips grazed each other’s, different than any other time. He was gentle and slow, and took his time as he nibbled on my lips.
I took this moment for what it was—he was using his actions to display the things he couldn’t say.
When our tongues touched, it wasn’t rushed or wild for once. It was deliberate and provocative. My body was a blaze of heat, desire hitting me hard. Our tongues caressed one another’s, tangling around and holding on, in the most intense kiss we’d had yet. Wet, warm, and passionate.
My fingers weaved through his hair as I put everything into the kiss, just as he did. I knew after tonight, it was over completely and my heart ached. I had let myself fall completely for someone I could never have.
Kova’s hands skimmed up my ribs, his fingers splaying out wide and palming my breasts. I moaned into his mouth, pressing harder into him and devouring him. My body ached even more, but this time for release and nothing more. His kiss made me forget every ounce of pain and replaced it with pleasure.
“I love how responsive you are to my touch,” he whispered against my lips, shifting to the edge of the couch. His erection grazed my thigh and I leaned into him as his tongue collided with mine, the same time his forefinger and thumb found my nipple and pinched. A little purr escaped my lips.
Kova’s strong hands landed on my hips. His fingers trembled against me as his tongue found my heated skin. My head fell back, I wanted to be the one who eased the pain for him, to give him what he wanted.
The sad reality of the story was I would never be that girl.
And he would never be that man.
His thumbs dug into the crease between my hips and thighs while his long fingers scooped under my ass. He stood and hoisted me up, one arm wound securely around my back, his other hand tangled in my long hair, holding me to him, like he feared I would pull away. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. There was no possible way I’d be able to now. I was his for the taking.
I wrapped my nimble legs around his waist. My emotions were climbing and for some reason, tears prickled my eyes. I didn’t want this to be over between us, the fire was too wild to contain.
“You can’t do this to me and then leave, Kova,” I whispered against his lips. “Either stop altogether, or don’t stop at all. It’s not fair.”
I pressed my lips to his, pouring my heart out through my kiss. This fucked up relationship between us was against all morals. He knew it, I knew it, and we didn’t care.
Kova pulled back and pressed his forehead to mine. “I need to go.” I nodded, agreeing with him. Kova held me as if it was second nature for me to be in his arms. I never wanted him to let me go, but deep down I knew it was time. We’d carried on this affair long enough, because in the end, I knew that everyone gets caught.
Sliding out of his arms, I stood in front of Kova. He cupped my jaw and angled my head back.
“You are so beautiful it hurts. You hold yourself together even during the toughest times. You are a force to be reckoned with, something no one will see coming.”
“Kova, why are you telling me this?”
He lifted one shoulder and shrugged like he wasn’t sure. “It is just a few of the things I love about you.” He placed a kiss to my forehead and held it for a minute. We inhaled at the same time, and I grabbed his wrists, savoring the last intimate contact we would share.
Kova stepped back and walked to the counter, grabbing his keys and phone. Without another glance, he opened the front door and left, leaving my heart shattered in a million tiny pieces.
Unwrapping my wristbands and tape, I dropped my gear into my bag. I was covered in chalk, tired, and hungry. Just the thought of my bed lulling me to sleep in my quiet condo caused me to move faster. I’d reached past the point of fatigue, I could feel it in my body. Some days I hated being alone, but today I was looking forward to it.
It had taken me a little time to get back in the right mind frame, and I had, but I wasn’t sure I fully let go. Working closely with Kova day in day out, I was constantly reminded of what we shared, the things we did in secret. He’d look at me with heat in his eyes, and my body would flush, but not before he quickly masked it. It was still there for him and the lingering of his touch always gave him away. He was struggling just as much as I was.
Today’s practice had been an awkward one, but awkward doesn’t even begin to describe the past month between Kova and me. I was certain no one noticed the strain between us. We’d been good at keeping things completely platonic. No more late night visits, no indiscretion, nothing reckless. We were never alone together and probably shouldn’t have been from the beginning. I was just a gymnast, and he was just a coach, like it should’ve been. Nothing more.
“All right, team. Once you guys are done, come see me on the floor. We have a few things to go over before the weekend.” Kova addressed us all and then left.
Pulling out my hair tie, I fluffed up my thick, auburn locks that were covered with white streaks of chalk before putting it back into a messy bun. I sat down and removed the sports tape from my toes and feet, my calf, freeing my body from all the adhesive. Therapy proved to make a huge difference. I was stronger, more confident. My new routines were solid and I had Kova and Madeline to thank. They both worked with me and got me where I needed to be. Well, mostly Madeline. Kova had kept his word and hardly coached me.
The qualifying meet was just a couple of short weeks away and every day I was growing more anxious for it. I put everything into gymnastics. I gave it my all. I trained harder, pushed harder, and I never complained. I did what Kova had told me to do—prove myself, make it count.
Taking a seat next to Holly, we all stared up at the coaches and waited. It wasn’t uncommon for him to meet with us, but something wasn’t right. I could feel it in the air. Kova’s eyes dashed around at the group of team girls and boys, but he never made eye contact with me. My stomach knotted, unease swept through me. Something big was coming.
Kova rubbed his hands together, licked his lips and then spoke. “So, we have the holidays coming up, the New Year, and then the Parkettes Invitational. Reagan, Holly, Sarah, and Adrianna are attending. However, after careful deliberation with the other coaches, we have decided to make a few changes.”
An audible gasp surrounded the small group. My heart sank, and my fingers trembled. Somehow, I knew what was coming, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I looked around and knew my facial expression matched the others. We were not expecting this sort of news. Changing the lineup had never happened in my last gym, it was whoever was best for the team would compete, and I had a notion it was the same way here.
Kova cleared his throat, and I noticed he refused to make eye contact with me once again.
“This was not an easy decision, but here at World Cup, we feel that your injury is not something we should test just yet.” Kova finally glanced my way and locked eyes with me, “I am sorry, Adrianna, but we are pulling you out of the meet.”
Silence so thick, it permeated the air. My heartbeat drummed in my ears and my breathing deepened as I stared ahead, astounded at the devastating words I’d just heard. This couldn’t be. Not after how hard I worked for this meet.
“I know this is a shock to you, and you should know this was not an easy decision, but it has been made and it is done.”
No words, I had no words. My heart was in my throat, all the noise faded away. I was rendered speec
hless over this shocking decision. How could he do this to me? I was ready. There was no doubt about it that I was ready. I practiced harder and longer than the other girls. I worked my ass off, only for him to take me out of the meet. My heart started to crack, tears formed behind my eyes. But I refused to cry.
“Wha…” my throat was dry as dirt. “Why?”
“Where you may be tighter with jumps and sequences, your dismounts are not solid and your releases are not clean. That is not enough, you need more time. It would only be setting you up for failure.”
“I don’t know why you’re surprised. Your skills are not that difficult or steady,” Reagan chimed in. I glared at her, my face conveying every emotion strumming through me
“That’s enough, Reagan,” Kova snapped.
“That’s because I have an injury, you idiot.” Turning to Kova, I said angrily, “You made me scale back my skills so I could continue training. Of course my skills are not that complex. This isn’t fair.”
“It is what is done when anyone is hurt, Adrianna. We did not single you out purposely. We did what we did to avoid any more injury, as we do with any gymnast.”
Kova clapped his hands and addressed the group. “All right, girls. That is all. Practice early tomorrow as usual. The next week will be long and grueling before you break for the holidays. We want to get in as much practice time as we can.”
Everyone stood up and went on their way as I sat stunned for another minute. I didn’t see this coming a mile away, and I couldn’t believe he would do this to me after everything. A tear slipped from the corner of my eye as my chest tightened. Not because I was upset, I definitely was, but because I was livid over the change.
“Aid,” Hayden said, rubbing my back. “You okay?”
I nodded, not meeting his eyes and stood to walk away. Hayden wasn’t the one who I wanted to talk to right now. It was Kova. I was going to rip him a new one.
Walking out of the gym, I made my way down the hall and toward his office. Each step pumped adrenaline through me at a high velocity. I was seeing red, and my blood was boiling. My routines were solid, there were other gymnasts doing skills as I was, I’d seen it on television. So there had to be more to his asinine decision than he alluded to.
I strode into his office and slammed his door shut with as much force as I could muster. Screw the repercussions. I didn’t care if anyone heard me, saw me, whatever. I was so stark raving mad I couldn’t see straight. My entire body, down to my fingers and toes, were trembling. How dare he do this to me!
Kova’s head snapped up, glaring at me with fire in his eyes. I didn’t give a fuck. He just told me I wasn’t competing in the meet that I worked my ass off for, a meet already paid for by my parents. He had no choice but to hear it from me.
“Adrianna.”
“How dare you not allow me to compete, I worked my fucking ass off for that position. You have no right!”
I was so angry I couldn’t stop the bite dripping from each word. My hair stuck to my face, my cheeks were beet red. I was already starting to sweat.
Kova stood slowly, flattening his hands on his cherry wood desk and leaned toward me. “I have every right,” he spoke slowly. “I am the coach, you are my gymnast. I make the decisions in the end, you do not.” He paused, swallowing. “And do not ever come into my office the way you just did ever again, or I will kick you off the team. Now, goodbye.”
Goodbye? Fuck that!
“You’re jeopardizing my future!”
Kova resumed his seat, picked up his pen, and continued with whatever bullshit he was working on before I stormed in.
“I have already made my choice. End of discussion. And try to refrain from slamming the door on your way out.”
I ignored him. “My parents paid for that meet.”
“And I already called your mother and explained you are not ready just yet, that you need a little more time. She did not sound surprised at all and said to put someone in your place who has what it takes. Very nice and understanding lady she is.” He calmly replied without giving me a glance.
A knot formed in my throat. I was beginning to despise my mother. How could she say that?
“You’re lying. You wouldn’t do that to me. You know how I feel about her.”
He shrugged indifferently. “Call your mom. Though, I would wait a bit. She was not too happy about losing the money.”
She’d gloat if I called her. “That money means nothing to her.”
“Not my problem, Adrianna.”
“Oh, so now I’m Adrianna to you?”
He peered up through his full black lashes, his head barely tipping up. I had gotten better at reading him and could tell I was starting to irritate him by defying his orders. Good.
“You have always been Adrianna to me.”
I cocked my head to the side, arching a brow. “That’s such a fucking lie and you know it.”
“That is beside the point and has nothing to do with right now or my choice. As you can see, I am working here,” he waved a hand over his desk, then pointed silently to the door, dismissing me.
Heart pounding, blood roaring through my veins, I walked over to his desk and threw everything off with a swipe of my hand. Kova went rigid, his knuckles a pasty white. His cold demeanor rocked me to the core and I fed off of it.
His jaw flexed and his nose flared. “Very childish, Adrianna. Stop acting immature, it does not suit you.”
“Fuck you, Coach,” I said with sarcasm, walking around to the side of his desk. The last thing I should’ve been doing was cursing at my coach, but I couldn’t control myself. Kova was more than a coach and he knew it. Tears were burning behind my eyes and I was devastated over this change.
“You have no reason to hold me back.”
In a blur, Kova stood, hooked a hand around my neck and yanked me to him. He was breathing heavily, his eyes piercing me with a mixture of rage and something I couldn’t put my finger on. I shimmied up closer to him and he hadn’t loosened his grip on me. Guiding me backward, he pressed me against the wall, his beige filing cabinet cutting into my arm.
Hovering over me he said, “Fine. You want answers, you will get them. Want to know the real reason why you are not going to compete?”
A sugary smile tipped my lips. “I knew it had to be something else with you. There’s no way it had to do with my routines.”
He fisted my hair, his mouth a mere centimeters from mine. I could feel the heat radiating off him as I stared into untamed eyes, waiting for the truth to spill from his lying lips.
“You broke the rules,” he whispered.
I pulled my head back and it hit the wall. Glaring at him, I retorted, “I broke no rules.”
Kova tilted his head to the side. “Oh, but you did. In fact, you signed the agreement when you first came here.”
I wracked my brain trying to figure out what rule he was talking about as I stared deep into his eyes, but nothing came to mind. He huffed, a sardonic smirk spread across his handsome face.
“No boyfriends. I said there were to be no boyfriends, yet you defied my orders. Therefore, I have more power over you than ever. Your punishment is not to compete at the meet. Maybe next time you will listen.”
My mouth dropped with my heart into my gut. I was going to be sick.
“Boyfriend?” I whispered, perplexed. “What boyfriend?” I was so confused. I hadn’t been with anyone but him. “But you told my mom I wasn’t ready to compete.”
“Of course I had to lie to your mom.” Coach loosened his hand on my nape, dragging it to my jaw where he slowly caressed my face. “You and Hayden. I told you,” his gaze dropped to my mouth, “No boyfriends. I recall telling you to get rid of him.”
“But…I…” Caught off guard, I stammered, unable to form words. I gripped his wrist that was still on my face. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Do you think I was born yesterday? I saw him come out of your building. I saw the smile on your face when he pulled away in hi
s car, the way you looked at him. I knew there was more going on when he had to call in for you when you were sick.”
“You were spying on me?”
He shrugged.
“He came over to watch a movie and that was it. You can’t prove anything.”
Hayden helped keep me focused. My friendship with him was really important and any time I was feeling too lonely, he was always there for me. He was the male version of Avery and nothing more, and I didn’t know how to get Kova to understand that.
“That is the beauty of it, I do not have to. I am the coach. No one will question my word.”
I shoved at his chest, tears filled my eyes and I could barely see clearly. “He’s not my boyfriend. I haven’t been with anyone other than you. I swear on my life, I haven’t. Don’t do this to me, please.”
“It is done.”
“No, it’s not.” I was going to be sick. “I hate you.”
“I would rather you hate me than want me.”
“I don’t want you.” Lie.
He shook his head. “You do not get it, do you?”
Confusion set in my face and he answered my question. “I want you, that is what you do not seem to understand. But you never refuse me. So you hating me will make this easier for you, for both of us. I want you to hate me, so when I do try to come after you, you tell me no.”
My jaw dropped, a tear finally slid down my cheek. “So this is about you?” My voice low and crackling. How could you do this to me?
“Oh, malysh,” he said, his voice softening. His eyes glazed over and I saw the real truth. “You have what it takes. Your body is in perfect condition.” His hand skimmed up my thigh, cupping my ass.
“Then let me compete, please. I’m begging.”
“No.”
I was on the verge of a break down, my nails dug into him. “How could he do this to me? Please,” I cracked. “I’ll do anything. This isn’t fair, you’re sabotaging my career for the sake of yourself!” Kova ignored me, so I went in for the kill. “Let me compete in the meet or I’ll come forward with our relationship.” He didn’t even flinch.
