“What?” His brows crashed together. “No. Absolutely not. You’re great. Sweet. Honest. Perfect. I’m the one who’s…” His voice trailed off, and he pushed away to turn his back on her.
Something deep within her quivered.
And she didn’t feel like she was any of those things. “No one is perfect, Leo. I’m far from it.” She moved close to place a hand on his back. “And I really wish you’d tell me what’s wrong.”
“Bad week.”
Something more was going on. She could feel it. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No.” He moved out from under her touch. “I don’t want to draw you into my mess.”
Dammit. She was right. Something was going on.
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years,” she said, stepping around to face him, “it’s that problems are easier solved when shared. I’ve learned that the hard way.”
She smiled, but he shook his head.
“Forget it. It’s not your problem and I’m not sharing.” He strode to the chair and grabbed his toolbox. “You deserve better,” he said, and turned toward the doorway.
She shot in front of him and pressed her palm on his chest. “You are better for me, Leo. You taught me to open up. That it’s okay to make connections. To live a little. Take chances. I took one on you, and I’m glad I did. So glad.” All of a sudden, emotions swirled inside her and closed her throat, cutting off her profession of love.
“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t,” he growled. “I’m toxic, Kaydee. I’ll end up letting you down. I let people down. It’s what I do. I don’t want to. Hell, I certainly don’t plan to, but it’s only a matter of time.”
She shook her head, feeling his heartbeat strong and hard under her palm. “I don’t believe you will.”
“Believe me. I have a history of it. Stone. The rest of the guys. My mom. Grandmother. Drew. That little gi—” He paused to swallow. “I’ve let them all down. What if I add you to that list? God, I don’t want to. I refuse to.”
“You won’t.”
He backed up a few steps as if he couldn’t bear for her to touch him. “There are things you don’t know about me. Bad things. Things I’m goddamned ashamed of.”
Her heart broke at the desolation and guilt rough in his voice. He was talking about his hospitalization. “I do know about it,” she told him quietly. “I’ve known since the first week we met that you tried to silence the horror in your head with a bunch of pills and booze.”
His face paled, and his gaze seemed even more hollow. “You know? How?”
“The rec center,” she said. “I overheard you talking to someone during one of the sit-in therapy sessions. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop—I was outside the room waiting for my grandfather to get out of bingo down the hall and…yeah.”
“You’ve known this whole time?”
“Yes.”
He blinked. “And you still wanted to be around me?”
“Of course.” She balked. “Jesus, don’t you see? Your past—good and bad—has shaped you into the person you are today. And I really, really like who you are, Leo. I like being with you. And I like who I am when I’m with you.”
“I really like you, too, Kaydee,” he said, and his words would’ve warmed her heart if it weren’t for his cold, hard gaze. “And I refuse to bring you down if I relapse or something. You deserve better.”
“No. I deserve you.”
He shook his head. “You deserve someone you can count on. Someone who makes you happy and isn’t a burden.”
She smiled. “You’ve just described yourself, Leo, because you are all those things to me. And more.”
He muttered a curse. “You’re not listening to me. I told you, I’m toxic. I unintentionally hurt the people I care about.”
“The only way you could hurt me is by shutting me out.”
His chin lifted. “Maybe it’s for the better.”
She frowned. “Better? For who? You?” Her heart slammed into her ribs, and she waved her hand at him. “Because it sure as hell isn’t better for me. Or our baby.”
Dammit. She hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that.
His head jerked back, then his whole body stilled. “Baby?”
Inhaling deep, she cursed her stupidity and nodded. “Yes. I’m pregnant.”
“Pregnant…” He dropped his toolbox back on the chair, shoved a hand through his hair, and held the back of his neck as he blew out a breath. A long one, then he blinked and straightened before his set his focus on her. “How are you feeling?”
Warmth broke through the chill that settled over her chest. How could he not see how much he really did care about her?
“Tired and a little queasy, but otherwise, I’m okay.”
He nodded but remained silent, stunned expression still glued to his face.
She folded her arms across her chest to keep from reaching out to touch him. “This isn’t how I wanted to tell you. I’m sorry. But it feels like you’re about to walk out on me and I thought you should know.”
Again, he nodded but remained silent. God…he really was about to walk out.
The chill returned to her body with such force and so fast her chest felt like it had caved in on itself.
Somehow, she managed to find her voice. “Look, the last thing I want is for you to feel obligated to stay with me now.”
As he opened his mouth to respond, his phone rang. “Sorry,” he told her before taking the call. “All right. No problem. I’ll head back in a few minutes.” He shoved his phone in his pocket and turned to face her. “That was Stone. They’re calling an emergency meeting. I need to get back to the ranch.”
She held her disappointment in check. “Of course. We can talk about this when you come back.” Desperate move. She knew but didn’t care. Just hoped he’d come back.
God, how she hoped.
Another silent nod from him tightened the invisible grip on her heart. She watched him lift his toolbox, hoping he’d say something positive or comforting, but when he straightened, his expression was still dialed to somber. This time when he made to leave the kitchen and head for the front door, she didn’t stop him.
But she couldn’t bear to let him leave without trying to reach him one last time. “I have my first doctor’s appointment. Nine a.m. on Tuesday.”
He halted with his hand on the knob but didn’t turn around.
“It’d be nice if you were there,” she said, blinking away the tears gathering in her eyes, willing him to turn so she could see his face.
But he didn’t. Just dipped his head once in acknowledgment, then walked out of her house.
Maybe her life.
Chapter Twenty
Baby…
Kaydee was carrying his baby. And knew about his past. She knew. All this time, she knew…
Leo didn’t exactly remember walking out of her house, but when he blinked, he was across the street on his grandmother’s porch. He’d gone numb. So numb, he’d crossed a street without realizing it.
How fucked up was that?
After telling his grandmother he was heading back to Joyful, he climbed in his truck and stared out the windshield. A baby… Before backing out of the driveway, he slapped his face a few times to clear the fog from his brain. Didn’t need to drive numb. He’d already hurt enough people in his life.
The last thing he wanted to do was add Kaydee and their baby to that list, but no matter what he did at this point, she was destined to top it. Wasn’t she better off if he bowed out from the start than for him to leave when she needed him most?
Like now? his mind chimed in. She was pregnant. So didn’t right now qualify as one of those times?
Why the hell did he keep questioning himself about leaving her? That was something the Leo from two years ago would do. He wasn’t that person anymore.
Was he?
He muttered a curse and gripped the steering wheel. All during his drive, he tried to get his brain to accept the bombs she’d drop
ped, and his mind to tell him what his options were. He was still looking for the one where he got to keep her without hurting her. But it wasn’t even about them now.
It was about the baby.
An unexpected fierce protectiveness surged through him. He was going to be a dad.
But he wasn’t good father material. Maybe he should protect the child from himself.
And that was as far as he got in his head before he pulled up in front of the ranch, noting Cord parking his truck. Stone had been serious about calling a full meeting. Had to be if Cord was here on a Saturday and not on his own ranch with Haley. It was already heading into evening.
Leo slid from his truck and wondered briefly what could be so important to have them put their private lives on hold to get together on a day off…then promptly shook his head. Didn’t matter. He was grateful as hell that Stone had called. Gave him an out with Kaydee. Saved his ass, because she’d been wearing him down, making him want what she was pitching. Need what she wanted to give him.
And that was selfish as hell of him.
“Hey,” Cord said, falling into step with him. “You look like shit.”
He snorted. “Good to see you too, Warlock.”
Cord’s lips twitched as they entered the house.
“In here,” Stone called out from the office.
Leo preceded Cord through the doorway. Blame it on the concussions he was still suffering from the bombs Kaydee dropped, or the fact that he was too caught up in his shit to notice the guys flanking him.
Until it was too late.
The door closed, and he heard the lock click into place. That was his aha moment. Leo stiffened, and a sense of dread filled him.
Christ. He stilled and turned to see Cord lean against the door with his arms folded across his chest. He shot his gaze to Stone, Vince, and Brick—standing, not sitting—all regarding him with concern pinching their faces.
Ah…fuck.
“Seriously? An intervention?” He ground his teeth, suddenly wishing he’d stayed in Dallas.
The last time he was in the hospital—more than a year ago for alcohol poisoning—he swore to himself he was never going to give his friends a reason to look at him that way ever again. The looks haunted him ever since. And he hadn’t given them cause…until today.
His stomach clenched. “What did I do?”
Was it Blanche? Had she told them about the mix-up? He’d left her with a completed kitchen that morning. She’d been thrilled, even signed off on it. He’d filed the paperwork before leaving for Dallas.
Brick cocked his head. “You tell us.”
“Gonna need you to be clearer than that,” he said, leaning against the desk, keeping the door in his peripheral vision in case Cord left his post.
Snow would fall in hell first.
“Kaydee,” Stone said, stepping close to put a hand on his shoulder. “What happened between you two this week?”
How the hell…? No way would she have called. The woman was still too private, too closed off to the ways of sharing with well-meaning, meddling friends.
Stone’s lips twitched. “Your grandmother called me on Wednesday.”
Leo closed his eyes, let out a long, ragged breath, and thunked his forehead to his closed fist a few times. Then a few more.
“Knock any sense in there yet?” Brick’s amused tone had him lifting his head and opening his eyes.
He flipped the idiot off.
Vince snorted. “That’d be a negatory there, Romeo.”
He turned his attention back to Stone. “Sorry. Gram shouldn’t have bothered you.”
Lord knew what she’d told them.
“Bothered?” Vince exhaled loudly. “Leo, you’re not a bother. You’re a brother. We’re always going to worry about you.”
Stiffening, he straightened from the desk. This was exactly what he didn’t want. Their worry. Anxiety.
“No more than we would any one of us,” Stone added, no doubt reading his thoughts. “You’ve taken part in several interventions, and none were about you.”
“Yeah, they were for each of us,” Cord said, still guarding the door.
“Because at some point we had our heads so far up our asses that we needed help prying them lose.” Brick grinned. “We’re here today to return the favor.”
“So, what did you do? Or did we catch you before you did it?” Stone asked.
He blinked at them, wondering what he needed to say and how much to get them to open the damn door.
“You know,” Vince said conversationally, “the girls are bingeing a Netflix series, so we’ve got all night.”
He muttered a curse. They weren’t going to stop until he fucking talked. Fine. “I’m in love with Kaydee.”
Brick exchanged a look with Vince. Cord blinked, and Stone grinned. Leo ignored them. He chose to tip his head back and stare at the ceiling fan, trying to count the paddles as they spun around, making him dizzy as shit but he didn’t care. He said all that mattered.
“And?”
Of course it would be Stone who prompted for more. Mother hen of the group. Always trying to fix everyone.
Thank God.
They were lucky to have him. He was lucky to have him. But right now, Leo didn’t want fixing.
“And I don’t want to hurt her,” he said with a clenched jaw.
“So you didn’t fuck things up with her then?” Brick asked.
Leo transferred his gaze from the ceiling fan to the guy and found him now kicked back on the couch that lined the wall opposite of Warlock’s post.
“What my brother means is, did you walk out on Kaydee or not?” Stone asked, his wording no less painful to hear.
He lifted a shoulder. “Jury’s still out. We were kind of in the middle of it when I got your summoning.”
Vince and Stone both muttered curses. Brick sat up.
But Cord? He just stared at him. And stared. “You’re running. Scared.”
Growling, he turned to face the guy. “Let me the fuck out.”
“Not yet,” Cord said, eyebrow raised in silent question as if to ask whether Leo really wanted to take him on.
Maybe. He’d either get out or dead. Either way, this damn interrogation would end.
“Okay, so you love Kaydee,” Stone said, regaining his attention. “And don’t want to hurt her. What else? Come on, Leo. I know there are a few more ands and a but in there, too. Might as well spill it. Cord’s not moving until you do.”
Shit. He met Stone’s gaze. “And I don’t want to pull her into my vortex of disappointment. I let everyone down, I’ll eventually let her down, too. Maybe even drag her down.”
Brick grumbled. “Bullshit.”
“You don’t know that,” Vince said.
“Vince is right.” Cord cocked his head. “No one’s perfect.”
“Kaydee’s damn close,” he said without thinking.
Stone leaned next to him against the desk. “You need to fix it with her. She’s good for you.”
“The past few weeks, you’ve been happy,” Vince said. “Truly happy. You’ve laughed and smiled, and Emma said she even heard you whistle. She cried. You brought tears to my fiancée’s eyes. Happy tears.”
He didn’t know how to respond to that, so he didn’t. Just stood there, locked in a room by his old Ranger unit, who waited for him to come to some sort of a realization. Of what? He had no fucking clue.
So he thought about Kaydee and how he felt when he was with her. Like a superhero. Like he could accomplish anything. Like a normal, upstanding man. She made him feel happy and good. Good to be alive. With her he wasn’t the guy with a bad past, or unreliable, or unlovable. He’d always thought she made him feel those things because she hadn’t known about his past. But she had…
With her, he was capable, accepted, needed…loved. He sucked in a breath on that one.
“Ah…think he’s getting it,” Brick said.
Leo ignored him on the outside, but on the inside, he agreed with t
he goof. He was getting it. Finally. “I’m an asshole. A scared one.”
“Welcome to the club.” Stone chuckled.
Kaydee had known about his moments of weakness, his mistakes, his trials and tribulations…and loved him anyway. She’d never said the words, but he’d seen them in her adoring gaze, felt them in her tender touch. She still saw something good in him. The good he wanted the world to see, instead of the mistakes of his past. She got it. She got him. Always had.
The restless spirit took a chance on him, despite her ingrained safeguarding. She didn’t open up so easily. He understood her. He’d been around a few army brats. Like Kaydee, some grew numb from all the moving, figured why bother to open up, and eventually adopted a vagabond lifestyle in adulthood. Kaydee didn’t let too many people close because she drifted. But she’d opened up to him. He was one of the lucky ones she let in, and when she had, she gave everything. Held nothing back.
And he repaid that by walking out.
He shook his head. “I’m a fucking asshole.”
Cord grinned. “Think we’ve already established that.”
Stone started coughing to hide a laugh. Vince and Brick didn’t bother to hide a damn thing.
Before her, he’d been existing, fooling himself into thinking he was living and experiencing life, moving forward, planning a future. But none of that got his blood pumping or heart racing or body aching like a simple glance from Kaydee.
She did it for him. Without her, he only skated through life.
He didn’t want to skate anymore. Or just exist. He wanted to fly. With his superwoman.
And right now, he wished he could kick his own ass.
“So, are you ready to let Kaydee fully into your life?” Brick asked.
Vince cocked his head. “And not worry about your past?”
“It’s done,” Stone said. “Over. Time to move on.”
He blew out a long breath and rubbed his temple. “If she’ll have me.” He had to make up for walking out with only a half nod and no words…she deserved the words. Deserved the world.
“She will.” Stone placed a hand on his shoulder. “We’ve seen the way she looks at you like you hung the moon. She’s crazy about you.”
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