by L. D. Davis
I knew at that moment that Caden had changed, or at least he was in the process of changing. The Caden of two months ago would have fought with me all the way across the river, all the way back to his house. He wouldn’t have given me the option of going home instead, and he surely wouldn’t have so openly admitted to his faults. Maybe he was right. Maybe the insanity of his jealousy and possessiveness would never go away, but he just proved that he could change in other ways. While I was in no way ready to go back into a permanent relationship with him, I didn’t want to keep punishing him either.
Filled with too many—too, too many emotions, I responded silently by stretching across the space between us and placing a soft kiss on his mouth. I felt his sigh of relief on my lips.
“I’m fucking trying, Dar,” he whispered as our foreheads touched. “I’m fucking trying.”
I put a hand on his warm neck. “I know, Caden.”
He peered into my eyes and touched my face with an uncharacteristic gentleness. “I love you.”
“I love you, Cade.”
I did love him. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to stop.
He kissed me, and as I kissed him back, I told myself repeatedly that I was doing nothing wrong. I was attached to no one and could kiss or go to bed with anyone. I belonged to no one but myself. I was not wrong.
Not wrong.
Not wrong.
Wrong…
Wrong…
Wrong…
Chapter Thirty-Nine
“Today is a special day.”
“You’re going to put on pants?” I asked.
Connor pointed a finger at me. “No, but I am going to make you breakfast.”
I put a hand over my heart and staggered. “This is the big one, Elizabeth!”
He gave me a dry look. “Thank you, Fred Sanford.”
“I can’t believe you’re going to make me breakfast.”
“It’s a breakfast of champions, that I promise you.”
It was early on a Saturday morning in June, about a week from the upcoming Independence Day holiday. It was my second time in Virginia that month, but my family didn’t know that. They were mostly unaware of my…hmm…relationship with Connor. McKenzie only knew that I had been with him that one night. She didn’t know the details, that I had run off in the middle of the night, leaving a stupid note behind, and she didn’t know about his recent trip to Philly. My sister and I didn’t have a tell-all kind of relationship. Although she knew that Cade and I were…uncategorized…she didn’t really know many of the details, and she certainly didn’t know that Connor was my FWB.
Connor and I had seen each other several times since his first trip to Philly. The second time he’d come, we had rented a little cottage a block from the beach in Seaside Heights for the weekend. We met in D.C. a few times, for half a weekend once, and the other times only for the day. Then there were my covert trips to my hometown. I parked my truck in his garage just in case anyone stopped over while I was there.
Maybe our secrecy was over the top, but neither of us had any idea how Daddy and Perry would react if they knew, and I didn’t want the rest of my family making our relationship into something it wasn’t. We were just friends, with benefits, not boyfriend and girlfriend. I hadn’t been kidding when I’d told Connor all those months ago that the town would be convinced that we were getting married. We didn’t need to fuel any rumors already circulating.
Connor glanced up at me as he finished chopping some green onion.
“Stop watching me. You’re making me feel self-conscious.”
I smiled. “Well, I ain’t expecting stellar knife skills from a computer geek.”
“Have I ever told you how much I love it when you revert to your southern roots?”
I climbed down from the stool. “You might have mentioned it once or twice. I’ll go outside on the deck until you’re done.”
He walked around the island and caught me around the waist. His kiss was dangerous because it made me want to forget all about breakfast and go back to bed. My fingers slipped into the waistband of his boxers as temptation grew. Finally, though, Connor pulled away first, wearing a sly grin.
I sighed softly and turned away to go outside.
I loved the seclusion of Connor’s home. Much of the property surrounding his fifteen acres was undeveloped, and the nearest house was a half mile away. Although the city was just as much home as the country was, I enjoyed the occasional absence of sound and movement created by people. Sometimes, the only sights and noises I needed were what nature provided.
Connor called me back in after about fifteen minutes. Inside, I found some kind of tortilla pocket on a plate.
“What is it?” I asked as I studied it.
“Taste it first, then I’ll tell you,” he said, gesturing with his head.
I was an adventurous eater. Considering that I wanted to eventually eat my way across the planet, I couldn’t be afraid of trying new and unusual things. So, I didn’t hesitate to pick up the little pocket and take a bite.
“Be careful, it’s drippy,” Connor warned a second too late, as it had already dripped onto my leg.
I moaned with happiness as sweet and savory flavors hit me.
“Oh, my gosh,” I said with a full mouth. “What is it? It’s so good!”
“Butter, grape jelly, green onions, and bacon on a tortilla,” he said proudly. “I just fried it for a few seconds so it would get brown and crispy. Sometimes I add cream cheese or egg—not at the same time, though. Do you really like it?”
“Connor it’s so simple but so amazing. I really do like it, even though it probably has a whole day’s allotment of calories in it.”
He winked at me as he picked up his own pocket. “I’ll help you burn off those calories.”
I giggled and then shook my head. “I can’t believe you were so afraid to cook for me. This is delicious. You have to cook for me again.”
He shrugged a shoulder. “It’s just a lazy meal I first threw together when I was about fourteen. It’s probably how people discovered that Fluff and peanut butter go well together on bread.”
“You know what would kick this up a notch? A scoop of vanilla ice-cream.”
His eyes widened. “I have to try that. I would have never thought of that on my own.”
I preened. “Thank goodness you are friends with a professional.”
“Professional indeed,” he murmured and gave me a quick kiss.
“You know, you have potential. I might even trust you to bake me a cake—from a box. Not that I’d eat a box cake under normal circumstances, but if you made me a cake from a box, Connor, I might eat it.”
He chuckled. “I’ll bake you a cake for your birthday.”
“I don’t celebrate my birthday.”
“What do you mean you don’t celebrate your birthday?”
“I mean I don’t celebrate it. Other than marking my age, I don’t really see the point. My date of birth isn’t insignificant by any means, but I didn’t earn it. No matter what I do—other than dying—my birthday will come every year whether I want it to or not. I don’t think that’s anything to celebrate. I celebrated when I graduated from culinary school. I celebrate when I come up with a new dessert or cook a fabulous meal. I celebrate in my own small way when I manage to get out of bed after a night of partying and pull off this adulthood thing and go to work.”
He laughed and then looked at me as if he admired me. “You know I didn’t think it was possible to like you any more than I already do, but I was wrong.”
I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”
“It is,” he said with a quiet earnestness. “As big as your head gets about your culinary skills, you are, in fact, very humble. I really appreciate that about you.”
My cheeks warmed under his gaze, and then we both looked away, smiling.
We ate silently for a couple minutes, but Connor seemed to be thinking about something. His eyes were set on his plate, and he was barely blinking.
He smiled. “I am shocked, but that’s not what I was thinking about. I was thinking about Independence Day.”
“The movie? It did take them a really long time to release the second movie, and I heard Will Smith ain’t even in it. What kinda shit is that?”
Connor laughed softly. The laugh made my stomach flutter. It was unbelievable that he still had the ability to do that to me.
“I meant the national holiday,” he said. “I’m going home to see my parents the Friday before. I was wondering if you’d like to meet me there?”
My heart began to beat a little faster. I felt anxiety and something else entirely, something warm and soft in my chest.
“I…” I started but faltered. I didn’t know what to say.
Connor seemed to understand my hesitation and hurried to explain.
“It’s not a trip home to meet the family. I mean, you’ll meet them, but it’s not a meet-the-family trip. I want to take you to the beach and the boardwalk. I thought we could have a fun time together. As friends,” he hastily added. “I’ll let them know ahead of time we’re only friends so they won’t think anything of it. If you’re more comfortable staying in a hotel instead, we can do that—or you can stay there alone if you choose. I mean—”
I touched his hand gently, making him pause. Smiling sympathetically, I said, “You’re rambling.”
He dropped his head for a moment. When he looked up, he was smiling sheepishly. “Sorry. Now I know how you feel.”
“I would say yes,” I said honestly. “But I already have plans with Cherry that weekend.”
“A long weekend of red, white, and blue debauchery?” he questioned.
I grinned. “We’re having a Red, White, and Bourbon party.”
Connor threw his head back and laughed. “Why am I not surprised? I would invite myself, but who knows what kind of trouble I’ll get into with Anthony this time.”
“I think you like him,” I teased.
His smile was sexy. “I think I like him, too. In the straightest way possible, but if I were gay or even curious, I would call him first.”
I laughed. “Okay, listen. The party is on Friday night. After I drag myself out of bed Saturday, I can head down and meet you then. What do ya think?”
Connor looked very satisfied with that. “Perfect,” he said. He kissed my cheek and then whispered in my ear, “How about we go work off those calories?”
Chapter Forty
With the summer and tourist season in full swing, M.J.’s had a full house nightly, which meant that Caden worked long hours almost daily. It wasn’t unusual for him to put in a sixteen-hour work day. Between my early morning schedule and his long days and nights, we didn’t see much of each other since his confession in his car that day. In the past, I would have stayed at his house for days at a time, just so I’d be there when he came home from work, even if it had meant that we only got to spend a couple short hours together before I had to be at the bakery.
I thought about those times as I headed to M.J.’s on the Friday morning of the Red, White, and Bourbon party. I remembered the sleepy kisses, murmured conversations, and the languorous sex. I used to make him take a shower before coming to bed because he always smelled like sweat and old food.
A smile eased across my face at the memories as I used my own key to slip inside the closed restaurant. I nodded and said hello to the staff as they got ready for another insane service day, and then went inside Caden’s office without knocking. He was seated at his desk, his blond hair already ruffled as if his hands had been through it a thousand times already, and his handsome face was lined with consternation as he stared at his computer screen.
“Hey,” I said, closing the door behind me.
He looked up, surprised, and then offered me a pleasant—if not a little stressed—smile.
“This is a nice surprise,” he said.
I stopped beside his desk and fidgeted with a small bin of paperclips. “I haven’t seen you much, and I know you’re only going to get busier. I thought I’d drop by now while it’s safe.”
Cade wrapped a hand around my forearm and tugged me closer before pulling me down into his lap. His arms circled my waist as he nuzzled against my neck.
“It’s good to fucking see you, Dar,” he murmured. “I thought it would be another few days before I saw you again.”
“I’m glad I came by then. What are you doing in here?”
He touched a sketchpad on his desk. “I should be doing a million other things, but I had an idea for a new menu item.”
I leaned over and peered at the pad of paper. Whenever Caden got an idea for a new dish, he wrote down the ingredients and made a sketch of what it should look like on a plate or in a bowl. Cade didn’t just make incredible food, he presented incredible food. His plating was always elegant, beautiful, and artistic. I loved when he was in creativity mode. I enjoyed the taste testing and the hours spent in the kitchen trying to perfect an idea.
I picked up the sketchpad and took a guess at what the fan-like object was on the paper.
“Skate?”
Cade nodded as he absently rubbed my thigh. “Pan-fried skate wing, dandelion greens sautéed with garlic and maybe a tiny bit of leeks, and dandelion fritters with a lemon blossom garnish. I need to add something bright and colorful, though. I don’t know what that is yet, but so far it sounds good.”
“Mmm. That does sounds delicious. I’m so glad you’re staying away from lemon and caper sauce. Everyone is doing a lemon and caper sauce.”
“It’s fucking out of control,” he agreed with a shake of his head.
“So, when do we bring this dish to life?” I asked, putting the sketchpad back on the desk.
“After this coming crazy fucking week. I’m glad for the business, but the Fourth of July falling on a Monday is a pain in my ass.” One hand curved possessively around my neck as he gave me a sexy smile. “At least I’ll be able to watch the fireworks with my girl Monday night.”
In that instant, I knew that the pleasant part of my visit was over.
I hadn’t forgotten about my yearly ritual with Caden, I had just assumed that due to our status, that we wouldn’t be doing it. Every year since the year we became a couple, Caden closed M.J.’s early on Independence Day. We went to his house and drank expensive wine and made dinner together. Pizza. It was always some kind of gourmet, homemade pizza from scratch. Then we’d go into his bedroom where we had a perfect view of the fireworks at the Ben Franklin Parkway from his window. The explosive show was usually forgotten by the midway point because we were usually having an explosive show of our own by then.
Cade felt my body stiffen and saw the look of apprehension on my face. His own face hardened.
“What,” he demanded.
I hesitated, searching for some way of diffusing the fight before it could begin. As much as I knew Caden was trying to change, I wasn’t confident that he had changed all that much yet.
“What, Darla,” he barked.
“I…I won’t be here,” I said in just above a whisper.
He stared at me for a moment, as if he must have misheard me. When he spoke again, he did so with little patience.
“What do you mean you won’t be here, Dar?”
I sighed heavily and closed my eyes for a beat. When I opened them, I held his gaze. “I am heading south Saturday morning.”
The hand on my neck reflexively tightened, not enough to hurt me, but I couldn’t help but notice.
“What about our tradition, Dar?” he questioned.
“Caden, that tradition doesn’t apply to us anymore. We’re not together. Things are different.”
His eyes darkened, and his body stiffened. “I know we’re not together. You haven’t let me fucking forget it. Get the fuck off of me, Dar.”
I sighed again, but I didn’t move. “Cade…”
“Get the fuck off of me, Dar!”
He pushed me just hard enough to serve as a warning that the next time he pushed me, I’d probably end up on the floor.
I got to my feet with an exasperated growl. I started to make a comment about him being an ass, but he stood up and pointed to the office door.
“Get the fuck out.”
Stunned, I gaped at him for a moment before crossing my arms and rooting myself to the floor.
“I’m not leaving until—”
Cade got in my face, almost nose to nose. “Until what?” he demanded. “Until you get your way again? With all the fucking mixed signals you send me, I’m not sure which fucking way that is anymore. Get the fuck out. Go on home to your honky-tonk town.”
I didn’t bother to correct him on my exact destination before he turned away from me.
“I should have known that you’d throw a fucking tantrum,” I said bitterly. “And it’s really interesting to hear a dominant ass talking about me getting my way. You’ve been a pushy dick from the very beginning of our relationship.”
He spun back around and glared as he pointed a finger at me. “I never made you do any fucking thing you didn’t already want yourself. What you are doing is different. Since we broke up, you have called all the damn shots, Darla. Everything has been on your terms, regardless of what the fuck I want, or I need. You’ve decided when we talk, when we see each other, and where, and how much time we spend together. If I disagree, you are so fucking quick to throw the fact that we’re not together into my fucking face.”
I snorted. “Like I can get you to do something you don’t want to do.”
Cade’s hands tightened into fists. His face turned an awful shade of red and a vein popped in his neck as he struggled to restrain his fury.
“I would have cut my own heart out of my chest and served it to you on a solid gold platter if you had demanded it of me. I would have done anything—given up anything to fix us, Darla.”
He swallowed hard a couple times as some of his anger seemed to seep out of him. He took a couple steps back, away from me.
