by Eve Gaddy
“I know. I shouldn’t have gotten so bent out of shape, but—” He hesitated, then forced himself to finish the sentence. “I know I’m not the kind of guy you’re used to being with. Hell, you were married to another doctor. You’re used to doctors and lawyers. Like I said before, white-collar all the way. That’s never going to be me.”
Lana smiled, leaned over and kissed him. Her tongue slipped inside his mouth, stroked his slowly. A long, sweet kiss that made him want more.
She pulled back and looked at him. “I don’t want you to be anyone other than who you are. I wanted to help because I—I care about you.”
She cared about him. She didn’t love him, but she cared about him. It was enough for now, but he had to wonder if she ever would love him.
“That’s not what you wanted to hear, is it?”
He took her hand and kissed her fingers, then put his lips to her wrist. “It’s a lot better than ‘go away, I don’t want to see you anymore.’”
“I do care about you, Gabe. A lot. But love…I just don’t know.”
“It’s okay, Lana. Forget I said it.” The last thing he wanted was for his declaration to cause her stress. He wanted her to fall in love with him without feeling pressured.
“I don’t want to forget it.”
“I’d rather you forget it than let it make you uncomfortable with me.”
“Knowing you love me makes me feel…special.”
“Yeah?” He smiled and pulled her into his arms. “Then maybe I’d better tell you again. I love you, Lana McCoy,” he said, and kissed her.
SUNDAY AFTERNOON, Lana drove to the clinic. She had decided that the way things were going with Gabe, there was a very good chance they would make love…probably even sooner than she’d thought. And when they did, she wanted to be prepared.
In a town the size of Aransas City she wasn’t about to march into the drugstore and buy condoms or pick up a prescription for the birth control patch. The news would be all over town the instant she did. So she decided to raid the clinic instead. While she didn’t mind people knowing she was dating Gabe and assuming whatever they wanted, she didn’t want to advertise every detail of their relationship.
Especially at this point, when that relationship was so new. He’d said he loved her and she believed him.
Sighing, she riffled through the cabinet where the samples were kept. How did she feel about that? About him? Obviously she trusted him or she wouldn’t be contemplating making love with him. But love… After Terence had left her for another woman, she’d thought she was done with love. Finished with men. But she hadn’t met Gabe then, hadn’t gotten to know him.
Gabe was so sweet to her. So patient. Maybe she was in love with him. He was certainly always in her thoughts. In her dreams, too, she thought, remembering one from the night before that had left her aching when she woke up. In her dream she hadn’t been wounded or scared. She’d been strong, confident. And she’d knocked his socks off.
But today was reality. She picked up a box of condoms and started looking for the birth control patch. She remembered seeing several samples of those, but for some reason she couldn’t find them. Finally she located one and pulled it out.
“Thank God,” a male voice said. “I thought you were working and I didn’t want to have a guilty conscience for not working on the weekend.”
Lana whirled around, dropping both boxes almost at her partner’s feet. She put a hand on her rapidly beating heart and stared at Jay, who was holding his year-old son on his hip. “You scared me to death!”
“Sorry.” He grinned and picked up the boxes, handing them to her. The baby made chortling sounds. “I thought the kid and I made a lot of noise coming in, but I guess your mind was somewhere else.”
Ridiculously she found herself blushing as she accepted the boxes. “I, uh, just stopped by for a minute. What are you doing here?” She stuffed both boxes in her purse, thanking God that Jay was too polite to comment.
“I came to catch up on my medical journals.” He glanced down at his son. “Jason’s going to take a nap. I hope,” he added, eyes twinkling.
“Don’t you read those at home?”
He laughed. “Three kids, remember? Besides, Mel’s entire Girl Scout troop is at my house.” He shuddered. “Fifteen ten-year-old girls, screaming and giggling, is a little more than I’m equipped to handle. I volunteered to take Jason and get out of their hair.”
“Wise man,” she said.
“Yep. I did go to medical school.” They both laughed, then Jay said, “You realize you’ve made my wife very happy.”
“How did I do that?”
“You’re dating her brother. She thinks you’re good for him.”
Lana smiled. “Thanks, but it’s the other way around. He’s good for me.”
“Glad to hear it. You seem happy. More so than when you first moved here.”
“I am,” she said, surprised at just how happy she was. The baby grabbed her hair and, with difficulty, she pulled it away and gave him her finger instead.
“Watch out, everything goes in his mouth. And he has a couple of teeth now, so when he chomps down it hurts.”
“I don’t mind.” He was a darling baby. All blond and plump, with gorgeous blue eyes and chubby cheeks. “Could I hold him?”
“Absolutely,” he said, and handed the child to her.
The baby looked at her solemnly, then smiled like sunshine and babbled to her. Her heart melted. “He’s a beautiful child, Jay.”
“Thanks. Takes after his mother,” he said proudly.
“He looks like both of you.” And since both Jay and Gail were attractive people, so was the child.
Lana put him up on her shoulder and he snuggled against her happily. Oddly enough, it didn’t make her sad to hold him. She’d wondered about that, especially given the recent news about her ex. It just made her a little wistful. Maybe someday, she thought. Someday she’d try again.
“Gabe had any luck selling his boat? He’s been really closemouthed about it and Gail and Cat are going bonkers worrying about him.”
“No. He’s afraid he won’t be able to.” She patted Jason’s back. “I’m worried about him, too. He’s trying to pretend everything’s okay, but I know how much that boat means to him. And how much he loves fishing.”
“Yeah, he does. According to Gail, he’s never wanted to do anything else.” He shook his head. “It’s a damn shame. Has he decided what he’s going to do when he sells it?”
“Not yet.”
Jay leaned back against the exam table and smiled. “I get the impression you’re the only one he talks to at all. He’s changed a lot since his accident. Used to be pretty much of an open book, but he’s not anymore.” He added with a laugh, “Drives his sisters nuts.”
He hadn’t been as open as he’d let people believe, she thought, remembering his story about Bella. “I think Jason’s asleep. Does he always conk out that quickly?”
“Usually. Gail says he’s the best baby she’s ever seen, but she’s a little prejudiced.”
“With good reason, he’s a doll. Did you bring his carrier? I can put him down if you want.”
“Thanks. It’s in my office.”
She followed him in there and put the baby down. He shifted to get comfortable but didn’t wake. She watched him for a moment, thinking how incredibly sweet he was.
“You ever think about having kids?” Jay asked.
“All the time. But it didn’t work out that way,” she said with a last glance at the sleeping child.
Jay winced. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“Don’t worry about it. Well, I’ll leave you to your journals.”
“All right. I guess I don’t have an excuse anymore since Jason’s asleep,” he said with a grin. “See you on Monday morning.”
Lana didn’t leave immediately but went to her office. She needed some time to think. Seeing Jay’s baby, holding him, had crystallized something in her mind. She wanted a ch
ild. She would always mourn the child she’d lost, but she wanted to move forward now and not stay mired in the grief of the past.
And though he didn’t know it, Gabe had played a large part in that realization. Because he was helping to set her free of her past. Gabe wanted her. And she wanted him, too. For the first time since she’d been raped, she believed it might be possible for her to have a normal life again.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
GABE AND LANA saw each other every night that week. And while they didn’t make love, they did kiss. A lot. But he didn’t do anything more, didn’t take it as far as they had that day at his house when he was lifting weights. True to his word, he was giving her time. Lana knew he wouldn’t do anything else until she made the first move.
She wanted to. Her sexuality, dormant for so long, had awakened again. She was becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of making love with Gabe. More and more excited about it, rather than worried it wouldn’t work out.
They did other things besides kiss. They talked about all sorts of things. He said he talked more to her than he’d ever talked to a woman. He never admitted it, but she had a feeling he’d been pretty much of a playboy before his accident. After Bella had done her number on him, he clearly hadn’t trusted women.
Lana talked, too, telling him things she’d never told anyone. The only thing she didn’t talk to him about was the rape. Mistake or not, she didn’t intend to. It was in her past. There was no reason to talk about it, no reason to chance ruining what they had together.
Gabe was late tonight, she realized. They were supposed to eat dinner at her house and then go to a movie in Port Aransas. A chick flick she’d talked him into seeing. He’d agreed on the condition that he got to choose the next one.
An hour later she was seriously beginning to worry when the doorbell rang. Peeking outside, she saw it was Gabe and opened the door. “What happened? Are you all right? I was getting worried.”
“Sorry. I should have called.” He limped inside as she closed the door behind him.
“I was afraid you weren’t coming,” she said. “Or that something bad had happened.”
He’d gone to the couch and sat. He didn’t look upset, exactly. More like…numb. He was staring straight ahead, not looking at her.
“I thought about it. I almost didn’t.” His eyes lifted to meet hers. “But I wanted to see you.”
She sat beside him, pleased by that simple statement. “What’s wrong, Gabe? Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” Wearily, he scrubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah.” He was quiet a moment, as if gathering his thoughts together. “I was showing the boat. That’s why I’m late. It was a last-minute deal so I didn’t have a chance to call you.”
“Did he like it?”
He nodded. “He made me an offer. A good one. One I couldn’t refuse.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “So I took it.”
She reached for his hand and squeezed gently. “I wish I knew what to say.” Congratulations obviously wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but under the circumstances the offer was a good thing.
“Join the crowd.” He laughed with no humor. “I should be glad. I was afraid I’d never sell El Jugador. I didn’t know what I was going to do if I couldn’t get a decent offer. No, I do know, I’d have sold it for a lousy offer, eventually. I wouldn’t have had a choice. But now that it’s actually happened…”
“It’s all right to be sad about it. Anyone would be.” He didn’t speak, so she continued. “And don’t you dare say it’s not a big deal.”
“It’s a boat, Lana. Selling my boat shouldn’t be the end of the world.”
“You’re right, it’s not.” She squeezed his hand again, harder this time. “But it is the end of a dream.” She wanted so much to make him feel better, but she couldn’t think of anything that would. “It’s hard to lose a dream.”
“Yeah. It pretty much sucks.” He looked at her. “But you know all about that, don’t you? You must think I’m pretty damn pathetic, whining about losing my boat when you lost so much more.”
He was talking about her baby, but she didn’t want to think about her loss. She wanted to help him deal with his. “I don’t think you’re pathetic at all.” He snorted as if he didn’t believe her. “Why are you being so hard on yourself? Let yourself grieve, Gabe. It’s all right to admit that you’re sad about losing your boat.” And losing his dream.
He turned away from her. If he could, she thought, he’d be up and pacing. But he didn’t even have that relief. “I don’t want to think about it at all.”
He looked so dejected. She wanted more than anything to make the hurt go away. She put her arms around him and hugged him. Pulled his head down to hers and kissed him. “I’m sorry.” She kissed him again. “I’m so sorry.”
He kissed her back, a little rough, a little desperate. He wanted to forget and she wanted to be the one he lost himself in. His tongue thrust into her mouth, strong, sure, making it clear he desired her. His arms squeezed tight around her, pressing her against him until she felt as if she were melting into him. His strength didn’t make her afraid. The longer they kissed, the hotter the fire inside her burned. He needed her, as much as she needed him.
She’d never felt more wanted, never felt less fragile in her life.
He jerked his mouth away from hers and moved her away from him. “This isn’t a good idea. I don’t have the willpower to back off. Not tonight.”
“Then don’t.”
His eyes darkened but he didn’t reach for her. “What are you saying, Lana?”
She smiled and put her hand in his. “Make love to me, Gabe. Tonight.”
SHE LED HIM to her bedroom. Gabe looked a little out of place there, standing beside her bed, so dark, so intensely masculine in such a feminine space. The bed was covered by a white comforter sprinkled with tiny lavender flowers. The shams were white and a mountain of small-and medium-size multicolored pillows spilled over the spread.
Despite the urge to shove everything onto the floor, she picked up each cushion and arranged it carefully on the window seat, then pulled the comforter back before looking at Gabe again.
“Are you nervous?” he asked, a smile flirting with his mouth.
She bit her lip, wishing she couldn’t deny it. “Why, do I seem nervous?”
His smile widened. “Yeah.” He tugged her close and kissed her, then held her with her cheek pressed against his chest and his hands stroking her back, comfortingly. She felt safe, warm, and judging by the hard length of him pressed against her, very much desired.
She wanted him. Needed him. Most of all, she trusted him.
They sat on the bed and she reached out to touch his cheek. He caught her hand and kissed her palm, watching her as he did so, moist, sensual kisses that made her tingle.
She sucked in a breath and put her other hand on his chest. His heart beat strongly beneath his soft cotton T-shirt. She spread her fingers, feeling the muscles, wanting to see him again without the shirt.
She tugged it out of his jeans. He reached for the bottom and helped her, pulling it up and over his head, tossing it on the floor.
“You have a funny look in your eyes,” he said.
“Do I?” She laughed. “I was just thinking—” She spread her hands over his chest, feeling his nipples harden. “I like the way you look.”
He smiled. “The feeling is very mutual.”
She smoothed a palm down his flat abdomen, stopping at the waistband of his jeans. He sucked in a breath when she skimmed her hand down the denim covering his erection.
“Your turn,” he said, his hands on the hem of her shirt, waiting for her to say something.
She didn’t. Instead she simply raised her arms and let him slip it over her head, watched him toss it down beside his own shirt. He didn’t reach for her immediately but instead he simply looked at her, his eyes dark and appreciative. Her nipples tightened under his scrutiny. She wanted him to touch her, wanted to touch him.
“You are one beautiful woman.” He skimmed his hands over the lacy cups of her bra, then cupped her breasts more fully, sliding his fingers over her nipples, circling them until they stood out in stiff peaks. She arched her back, thrusting her breasts more fully into his hands.
He found the front clasp, but didn’t open it, waiting for her reaction.
“Yes,” she whispered.
He popped the clasp and spread the cups, slipped the bra off and pitched it aside. But he didn’t touch her, not then. Instead he just looked at her, and she felt the heat of his gaze.
“Perfect,” he breathed reverently, and looked into her eyes.
Lana smiled. “They’re just…breasts. Nothing special,” she said breathlessly as he filled his hands with them and caressed her.
“Oh, darlin’, not from where I’m sitting.” Her laugh turned to a choked sigh as he bent his head, slicked his tongue over one nipple, swirled it around, then sucked. He gave her other breast the same treatment, then pulled back to look at her.
His eyes darkened even more. “I’ve been thinking about making love to you for so long. About being with you. Like this.” He rolled her nipples between his fingers and she shuddered with pleasure.
“I have, too,” she managed to admit, stunned at the sensations on her bare skin.
She leaned forward and kissed him, slipping her tongue into his mouth, gave another shiver of pleasure as he returned it. They continued to kiss, tongues touching, flirting, tasting. Deep, soul-stirring kisses that had her body tightening, eager for more.
Her breath caught and she moaned and bit her lip as he plucked at her nipples. Finally he bent his head to capture her nipple again with his mouth. Traced it, swirled his tongue around it, and she felt it peak and harden even more. Sucking on it, he stroked her other breast.
He eased her onto the bed, settling down beside her. He didn’t seem in any hurry, instead lavishing attention on her breasts. Soon he had her panting, her breasts so sensitized she wondered if it was possible to climax from him rubbing and sucking her breasts alone. Restlessly, she shifted, wanting more.
