They drove for six hours until dawn. Sherry’s eyes were fixed to the window and the driver looked at her constantly in the rearview mirror. “We’re here,” he said suddenly, and stopped near a small house. Sherry got out of the car, extremely nervous. She was alone in the middle of nowhere with a stranger. “You will stay here for a few hours, and tomorrow night, I’ll come and we’ll continue to go on our way. Escape is only during the night, it’s safer.”
Sherry looked around nervously. The place was isolated. Aside from the old house where she was to stay, houses were not seen in the area. She glanced at the driver, exploring the possibility of a trap. He opened the door of the house. “Come in,” he said. She walked ahead of him, aware that he was following her, very closely behind. There was a horrible silence in the house. There was no one, not even beds, just empty rooms and darkness due to the closed shutters. “You can’t turn on the light,” the driver said.
She remained with her back to him, but he went a few steps ahead and stood in front of her. He lit a small flashlight and focused the beam to her face. “Are you afraid?” He clung to her gently. Her thin body felt the warmth of his body, creating a burning sensation. She pushed him and he moved a step backward. She felt helpless in his hands.
She kept standing with a frozen face. He looked at her with a subversive smile that revealed a broken tooth. His face was covered with a short beard “Well, I’m going.” He went away from her and only when she heard the car drove off did she allow herself to sleep on the mattress and unload the anxiety with bitter tears.
The next day at 11:00 in the evening, the driver came back and brought with him the fear of yesterday. On their way, his eyes kept looking at her in the rearview mirror, and she feared that today her luck would not stand her anymore. He handed her some bread and cheese. “Eat so you won’t die from hunger. If you die, I won’t get the rest of the money.” She took a bite of bread slowly, hoping that he would prefer the money than her body. She did not know how hungry she was, until the bread came to her mouth. Towards the daybreak, they stopped in an open field. Sherry searched for any home, but there was nothing around except a large warehouse where the walls were made of tin.
The contact man went towards the warehouse, but Sherry insisted on standing near the vehicle. He looked at her and went back. He approached her, but she stepped back.
“You will stay here until tomorrow night.”
She looked at him doubtfully.
“I know it’s not a five star hotel. Here, take it, there’s more bread and cheese for you.” She stretched her hand hesitantly, and he pulled his hand back. “Do you want me to show you the place?” he asked.
Sherry shook her head, indicating a ‘no.’
“Well, actually, there is nothing to see. It’s a stable, so you can sleep here on the hay. He chuckled and handed her the bread. Sherry did not allow herself to sleep for the fear that the driver would come back and attack her. She mused to the idea of escaping from there, getting into town and going home. When daylight came, she felt more secure. However, she still could not sleep all day. It was only during the late hours in the evening, when she heard the car engine, that she realized she was falling asleep. She got up quickly and arranged her clothes and the head cover that concealed her hair to the driver’s eager eyes. She noticed a jeep instead of a van that she rode on the day before. “How was your sleep?” he asked.
She did not answer.
“Are you deaf or what?” he taunted.
She looked away towards the car window.
“Well, I need to explain a couple of things to you.” He turned to a serious conversation. “The road from now on is very uncomfortable, so I apologize for the inconvenience.”
Sherry nodded and he further instructed her that if a police stopped them on their way, she must tell them that she was his wife. It was important to sound convincing if she didn’t want to get caught and beaten until she bled. “We can do a practice if you like.” He laughed loudly and Sherry couldn’t understand how, despite the danger, he could still laugh.
He traveled on the side roads, between rocks and mountains and on the slopes. There were no plants around. Everything was dry. Sherry felt stabs in her back from the hurdles of the jeep.
After several hours, they arrived to a plain road and Sherry felt encouraged. “When will we arrive?”
He burst with laughter. “A long way is still waiting for you, believe me, you’ll miss the silence that we had. The real journey hasn’t started yet, the horrible journey I must say.”
Sherry looked at him with disbelief. “You’re just trying to scare me.”
“I wish you were right.”
He stopped and built a tent. Sherry understood that they have to sleep in it together. Sherry doubted if her mother would let her go from her if she knew the danger. She looked around. There was yellow desert and bare mountains. In other days, she would have loved to paint the scenery.
As the contact men said, three days of difficult journey in the field had passed, but more was to come. Sherry again felt the constant twinges in her back. The car took a detour to an asphalt road and her back was given two hours of rest. The driver stopped at the checkpoint. Sherry could not hear the exchange of conversation, but the policeman talked with the driver for a long time, which did not bode well. There was tension in the air. The officer finally asked them to get out from the car for inspection. Sherry felt an involuntary shiver take over her body. “Who are you?” the policeman asked Sherry.
Sherry felt the dryness of her lips. She could not get the words out of her mouth.
“This is my wife,” the contact man said, rushing to her aid. But the policeman shuts him up angrily and continued to question Sherry, raising his voice, and causing the other broad-bodied officer to approach them. The other officer looked at the identification and went close to the policemen who inspected them to talk with him. After a few minutes, they were allowed to go their way.
They drove off, and Sherry noticed the stern looks that the contact man gave her. “Listen girl, if you ever lose your tongue again, I will throw you halfway.”
Sherry would have been so happy to go home. But she knew that the contact person had been paid to flee her from Iran, and there was no chance that he would give up the money.
They continued to argue until they arrived to another checkpoint. Many policemen were posted there. Mixed feelings of weakness and fear took over her body cells. The police carefully checked Sherry’s passport as well as the passport of the contact man. She tried with all her might to gather strength from within and take control of the shaking. Her passport was the last that was checked. The officer grabbed it by his brown and hairy hand that seemed threatening to Sherry. Sherry gritted her teeth strongly. It helped her to show outward restriction. The officer flipped through the passport and looked at her. He did it three times and in the fourth, looked straight into her eyes. Sherry began to tremble involuntarily. She felt that her body was flaring and thought that if her legs are unable to hold her.
The officer closed her passport and handed it to the contact man without a word. Sherry felt the tension break down at once, fearing that tears of relief would burst out from her.
After this terrifying day, when the contact man drove into the mountainous terrains, Sherry accepted her back pain calmly. But after another day in the field, the torture was so great that Sherry did not care anymore if she died from back pain or gunfire. The contact man’s threat to throw her in the middle of the road became a wish. The important thing was to end the nightmare of the escape. It seemed that there was no end to it.
On the last day, she was informed to prepare for walking because it was dangerous to pass the Pakistan border with a vehicle. Sherry began walking and after three hours, her back and leg pain worsened. She felt that her toes were on fire. “A few more steps and you will get over it,” the contact person urged her. They noticed a vehicle flashing lights behind them, reducing space in speed. “Quick, quick, a
few steps more and we will be in the Pakistan border and they won’t be able to do anything to us.” Sherry did not know where the border was, but she ran even though she knew that there was no chance that she would run faster than the cars that were flashing after them.
They crossed an imaginary line and hopped into the waiting car that drove them away.
“This is it, we are in Pakistan,” the contact person assured. “We passed the journey successfully.”
Sherry was relieved. They stopped at a remote motel. After the last couple of days, the deserted place seemed to be a luxury hotel for her. Sherry shared a room with Zamira and her husband, another Jewish couple who also ran away from Iran. Sherry went to take a shower. Under the pleasant and running water, she discarded all the fears that accompanied her along the escape and found herself free to think about her mother and Tamar. She feared that even if her mother would be able to raise the money to escape, they would not succeed in surviving this difficult journey. When she finished taking a shower, she lay down in bed with pleasure. She fell asleep until the morning and in the afternoon, the contact person came to take them to Karachi airport. From there, they would fly to Turkey and then to Israel.
On their flight to Israel, Sherry sat beside Zamira, who was full of excitement. Sherry did not get excited. She just followed orders, knowing that she was only complying with what her mother wanted her to do. As the plane came close to Israel, she was moving far away from her mother and from Tamar.
Everyone was stunned at the first sight of Israel. Sherry did not stop. She walked quickly towards the reception area, looking at the small table where “agency” was written in Persian language. Behind it was a thin and sullen man. “Do you have a family here?” He asked without any introduction, while looking at the papers on his desk.
“No,” she replied softly.
“Nobody?” he asked in disbelief.
“None.”
“Well, fill out the forms and wait at the corner.” He explained to Sherry that he intended to send her to a boarding school in a place called Kibbutz – a small, socialist settlement with several hundred families who live together like one big family. Most of them make a living from agriculture and industry that belong to the Kibbutz. The income goes to a common account, so there was no private property. Many people from all over the world liked to come to the Kibbutz as volunteers to work for free and get a room and food in return.
After the agent finished the registration, he made a few phone calls and then folded his papers, put them in his briefcase, and asked Sherry to join the trip with him. They travelled in silence. She listened to a relaxing Hebrew song from the radio. Compared to the Persian songs, the songs that were coming from the radio sounded sad.
After two hours, they entered a large gate that a security guard wearing a blue uniform opened for them. The agent parked his car and they walked towards a low building, surrounded by trees and lawns, where a thirty-five-year-old woman with short black hair was waiting for them. She yawned. “Sorry to interrupt you from sleeping,” the agent apologized to the woman who gave a flipping look to Sherry. “Do you believe that she has no one here? I don’t understand what her parents expected us to do with her.” The agent shared his heart commotions to the Kibutz representative.
“It does not matter. We have to finish it so that all of us will be able to go to sleep.”
Sherry was offended. She understood what the agent said. He presumed that she, just like most other immigrants, couldn’t understand Hebrew. Some of the immigrants studied the language in private lessons, just like Sherry and her sister.
"My name is Miriam. I am the lady of the house,” the representative of the Kibutz introduced herself after the agent had left. “I’ll take you now to the girls’ quarter and tomorrow, I’ll pick you up and explain to you the procedures.”
Sherry didn’t know what the term, “lady of the house” meant, and it did not matter to her. It was just a small and marginal detail within a sea of unfamiliarity and uncertainty. She walked beside Miriam with a suitcase containing her few possessions, the remains of her past. They walked along narrow paths with large meadows on both sides where small ornamental trees were dispersed. Dimmed orange lanterns barely illuminated the passageway. Sherry could not see the pathway, however; she had to walk quickly to keep up with the Miriam’s confident footsteps.
They climbed the stairs up to the second floor, and Miriam explained that the upper section belonged to the girls, and the lower part was for the boys. “You can’t visit each other’s rooms.”
Miriam opened the door in one of the rooms. “We do not lock the doors. This is Kibbutz. Everything is open,” she smiled at her for the first time. Miriam turned on the light in the shower and whispered, “I hope that this light will be enough for you to get organized. I do not want to bother the girls. A busy day awaits for them tomorrow. That’s your bed,” Miriam said, pointing at the empty bed. “Now, go to sleep. Tomorrow, we’ll meet and talk.”
Miriam left the room and Sherry took off her shoes and lay in bed in a fetal position with her clothes on. Tears streamed down her cheek. So many changes… she couldn’t stand all of them. During the last year, she lost her previous life, the good ones, her family, and now she was also separated from her country. She was alone in the world, lonely, isolated. She didn’t have anyone in Israel except the three foreign girls who were now lying in their beds. How did her mother think that she would be better off in Israel?
Better memories from the past flashed over her head. At her Bat Mitzvah, all the family was celebrating in grandiosity in one of the most luxurious lounge in Isfahan … Sherry received a certificate for academic excellence ... Sherry and her family were having a vacation in Euro-Disney in France ... Passover, Rosh Hashana ...
Sherry opened her suitcase to take out the photo album. At the bottom was a zipper that Sherry noticed for the first time. There was something thick inside. Sherry unzipped it and found a large brown envelope. She pulled it out from the suitcase and walked towards the shower to peep at what was inside. It was the painting of her sister Esther, which she was not able to finish that day in the lake. Now, the painting was finished and perfect. Her mother made it better. The right side of Esther’s face was bare and bright, while the left side was the dark part of the painting in which the brilliance of the water separated the two sides of the face.
Sherry hurried out. She sat on the stairs in darkness and gave freedom to her tears. She remained sitting, and stared at the darkness. Her eyes slowly got accustomed to the darkness, and an endless surface of soil was revealed. There was nothing around, just endless land, edge of the world. She leaned the right side of her head on her knees and thought about the people she left from a distance.
A shadow with a long hair sat next to her. She caressed Sherry's head. “I know how you feel. I also felt the same on my first day here. You have nothing to worry about. It will soon pass. You’ll be very fine here. Everybody is nice.”
She held Sherry’s hand and helped her to get up. “Get in, we are allowed to cry in the room. By the way, my name is Hagit.”
Sherry went back to the room and lay down in bed facing the wall.
“Where are you from?” someone else asked.
“From Iran,” she said faintly and reluctantly. She wanted to be with herself. Throughout the last few days, she didn’t have a moment to herself. Now, she realized that she would not also have this moment here, not when she shared a room with three other girls.
“Did you just come from there now?”
Sherry did not answer and the girl asked again. “Did you just come from there now?”
“She’s probably asleep,” she heard Hagit answer her.
8
Early in the morning, someone knocked at the door and woke up the girls. There was no need to wake up Sherry. She was not able to sleep all night. One of the girls opened the window. Sunlight flashed directly into Sherry’s eyes. She put up her hand, shading her eyes.
> The three roommates were dressed in pants and blue-buttoned shirts.
Sherry took a shower and put back her clothes. “I was on the road for a few days, all my clothes are dirty. When I get back, I’ll wash them,” she explained with embarrassment.
In response, each of the girls rushed to offer her some clothes. Sherry had difficulty conquering the tears caused by their gesture.
“We share and exchange clothes.” Hagit tried to make her comfortable.
Sherry thanked them and went to wear their clothes.
They walked along the pathway leading to the dining room and joined the surge of boys and girls who were making their way in the same direction.
The dining room was large and spacious and filled with diners in the morning hour. Across the room was a long metal device with large stainless steel trays full with food. Sherry puts scrambled eggs, cheese and bread on the tray and settled in a place that her roommates reserved for her. Throughout the breakfast, she managed to gather preliminary information about the place. Kibbutz was not a town, but a kind of a settlement. All students in the boarding school, except her, were born in Israel and every other weekend they go out to spend time with their parents. Sherry still couldn’t understand the idea behind this arrangement. She couldn’t understand why the students had to leave their homes and their parents to study far away.
After the breakfast, everyone dispersed to their own business and Sherry joined Miriam, the woman she’d met the night before, for a reconnaissance of the Kibbutz. They walked along a well-tended pathway towards an area that looked like a small commercial center. From the commercial center, they went through the duplex houses. Miriam explained that young couples lived in the small houses, and in a small distance were large houses intended for bigger families. In every front yard of a house was a garden with plants, and in between the houses a wide grassland extended across. The trees looked young, in about the same age with the Kibbutz. They haven’t yet managed to instill their roots deep into the soil and their branches were soft. Sherry looked around with admiration.
Colors of the Shadow Page 6
