“No,” his mother answered. “Who is this?” she asked in an unpleasant voice.
“Sherry.”
“He went out with friends. I don’t know when he will be back.”
Sherry hung up. She felt the urge to go to him and catch him on his way back from hanging out with friends. She knew it was an unusual step, and perhaps improper, but her desire to see him was stronger than logic.
She sat on the bus. The note with his address that she took from the telephone directory was in her hand. As the bus approached Haifa, she felt a vibration increased; she didn’t know if it was from excitement or from panic.
She walked in the neighborhood of small cottages with streetlights that illuminated the streets. Front yards of most houses were beautifully manicured gardens, which were surrounded by low fences. She counted six more houses until she arrived at Eyal’s house and felt an acceleration of her heartbeat. She stopped near his house. The Jeep was there and Sherry’s chest was pounding. She walked into a three-step stairway and she reached out her hand and knocked at the door.
She was about to knock again, but the door suddenly opened. Eyal’s mother was standing in the doorway wearing a serious face while staring at the clock, exposing her thoughts about a woman who arrived to a man’s house at this hour of the night, and she didn’t look like Natalie. “Is Eyal home?” She tried so hard to take the three words out of her mouth.
“He’s asleep!”
Sherry felt a little dizzy and stumbled on the doorframe. This caused the doorbell to ring. “Who is it?” she heard Eyal’s voice upstairs.
“You have a visitor,” his mother said loudly and went inside, leaving Sherry standing at the threshold.
Eyal came down the stairs and stopped while a complete surprise was on his face. “Come upstairs,” he said in a polite, but in a shocked voice.
She walked towards the stairs, trapped between the eyes of his mother behind her back and Eyal’s surprised face in front of her. Now she realized that she made a mistake.
Eyal’s room was very big. On one side was a big double bed, and at the other side was a small living room with a couch and a double-seated sofa. Eyal offered her to sit on the double-seated sofa and sat beside her. “What are you doing here?” he asked, without the smile that she used to get from him.
“Sorry Eyal, I shouldn’t have come here.” She stood up, but he held her hand. “You haven’t told me yet why you came here.”
“Ronit said that you were looking for me,” she heard herself mutter in a trembling voice. “I think I need to go.” She tried to pull her hand away from him.
He stood up. “If you want to go, I’ll walk you out.”
She did not move. She just looked at him with wet eyes. The tears that streamed down her fresh skin were just like beautiful stalactites. Behind those tears, she saw the smile at the corners of his lips. She got up and he stood in front of her. “Where did you go? I’ve waited for two weeks to see you, and you just vanish from me?”
“So you’re not mad that I came here?”
He had given her no reply, but rather, kissed her lips and let his tongue inside her mouth, igniting her body. His loving fingers slowly ripped the buttons of her shirt. She put her hands under his shirt and he let go of her for a second to take it off, revealing a trim and sturdy body. Their eyes met briefly and softly. She enjoyed feeling his body over her and moved her fingers gently on his back. His tongue passed over her neck and went down. Her body responded with a passion that aroused him.
She felt his hand gently on her legs. “Be gentle. This is my first time,” she whispered in his ear. She felt that her words increased the eagerness he felt for her body. She felt him inside her. His body was moving on top of her body, and after a slight pain had passed, she filled with pleasure. He glanced at her briefly and she put her lips to his lips.
He rested her head on his shoulder. His eyes were converged to the ceiling and his hand was stroking her hair. “I hope I was gentle enough,” he said quietly.
She smiled to herself. For her, the man beside her was the perfect man to share her first time and the times to come.
Sherry fell asleep with a smile.
The next morning she opened her eyes. She looked at Eyal’s side, but he was not there. ‘Did he go to the army and leave her alone in the house?’ She wondered tensely. She got up and washed her face in the bathroom next to his room. She wanted to take a shower, but she felt strange in Eyal’s house. She got dressed. She carried her bag on her shoulder and slowly opened the door. She was praying to be able to slip from the house without the eyes of Eyal’s mother. She crept quietly down the stairs. On the right side of her was an empty living room. On the left side, there was a conversation between Eyal and his mother. Sherry wanted to get back into the room, but the temptation to listen to the conversation was immense.
“... I’m not cheating on her. I broke up with her,” she heard Eyal explaining.
“For what, Eyal? Or more appropriate, for whom? For a girl who lacks values and gives you sex? Marry Natalie and you’ll have sex as much as you want. You don’t break up with your girlfriend because of sex.”
“How did you come up to a conclusion that I don’t have sex with Natalie?”
“Well, I just thought. You’re probably afraid of commitment. Maybe go to talk to my sister, she is a psychologist. She probably can help you.”
“I don’t need a psychologist in order to decide to marry.”
“Maybe you need it. Especially now that you’ve started to bring a woman that you picked up in the street inside the house.”
“I didn’t pick up Sherry on the street.”
“You didn’t need to, she came to you alone.”
Sherry heard Eyal’s laugh.
“Mom, we’re in the year of eighty-five, it’s different from your and dad’s time. There was a development since.”
“Going out with such a woman is not a development, it’s a withdrawal.”
“Who says that I go with her seriously? I really don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Sherry heard a chair being dragged on the floor. “Well, I’ve got to go.”
“Just don’t forget to take her with you, and you should know that the next time she comes here, I will not open the door for her. Tell her so we can avoid uncomfortable situations.”
Sherry went back to Eyal’s room and gently closed the door behind her.
Eyal came in with coffee and cookies. “Are you awake?” he smiled.
She smiled back.
“I brought you breakfast.” He sat on the couch beside her.
She drank her coffee in silence. After hearing the conversation, she realized that things were not as easy as she believed.
She finished her coffee and he gave her a long kiss again. She wanted to refuse, at least after hearing him telling his mother that he was not sure about her. But the touch of his body in her body swept her away uncontrollably.
They left the room after taking a shower together. Eyal’s mother was sitting in the living room with a serious face and didn’t even bother to say ‘hi.’
“Sherry, this is Thalia, my mother,” Eyal said while walking out the door.
They drove mostly in silence.
He dropped her off at the apartment in Tel Aviv, kissed her and drove off without saying a word. She stood in place, depressed until he vanished from her sight. The last couple of hours that she spent with Eyal left her with many unanswered questions. She looked at her watch. She still had enough time until her next shift and decided to walk to the travel agency and book a flight to Turkey to meet Amir. Then, she went into her room. Amir’s letter was lying on top of the dresser next to her bed. She took a pen and a paper and wrote a letter of response. She thanked him and his father for all they did for her sister and had confirmed her arrival to Turkey at the date of Amir’s stay there.
Late in the evening after finishing her night shift, Sherry found herself waiting breathlessly for Eyal’s phone
call. But, hours had passed and the phone remained silent. She went to bed disappointed. That was how she went through the week not receiving a phone call. When Eyal didn’t arrive during the weekend, despite being on vacation. Sherry felt hurt and betrayed. She needed a supportive and sympathetic ear. She called Ronit and set up a meeting in a cafe.
“I think I made a mistake,” Sherry opened. “That same Saturday that I went to Yaron’s house and you told me that Eyal was looking for me, I decided to go to Eyal’s house in Haifa.”
“What have you done?” Ronit asked in surprise and Sherry couldn’t interpret the tone, if it was something jerky or a sort of admiration.
“Why did you not tell me about it until now?”
“Maybe because deep inside me, I wanted to forget it.”
“And how did he react when he saw you?”
“Ronit, drop it. I slept with him.”
“Wow, you surprise me more and more. So you’re not a virgin anymore?”
“What does it matter?” Sherry played with a bunch of her curls that fell in her forehead. “I heard his mother characterizing me with degraded names while he was silent most of the time. I guess his mother’s words finally seeped into his head, otherwise, why is he not calling me?”
“Maybe he’s in military operation, and he has no phone?”
“Maybe.”
“Look, you surprised me with this information. I had no idea that a lot of things happened to you in one week. You didn’t tell me anything.”
“All right, it’s not that I’m proud of myself or to what happened to me.”
Ronit was silent for a moment.
“Well, that’s enough, I promised Eran not to tell you, but that was before I heard what you just said now. Eyal was on vacation during the weekend.” Ronit paused for a moment.
“And...” Sherry urged her.
“He’s confused. He didn’t tell Eran that you were in his house, but he said that it’s not good for him to start a relationship with you so quick after his break up with Natalie.”
Sherry felt as if she was slapped in the face.
“He was with us during the weekend. Now I guess why, probably to be away from you. Anyway, Natalie came to us that evening and late at night, Eyal drove her back to her parent’s house. Obviously she didn’t assume all by herself that Eyal was with us.”
“So, do you think that he didn’t come to the apartment because he wanted to get away from me?” Sherry asked in pain.
“So it seems, doesn’t it?”
Sherry didn’t answer and after a moment she dared to ask, “And how did he behave to her?”
It was Ronit’s turn to keep quiet.
“I understand. And that same day you made me believe that he was looking for me the whole Saturday because he wanted me.”
“But, I would never have expected you to go to Haifa. If you would have consulted me, I would have told you not to do it.”
“Thanks. Now that I talked to you, I feel much worse.”
“I needed to tell you the truth, right? But you know my personal preference.”
Sherry nodded dismissively.
She returned to her house and went straight to the easel. There, she brought out all her frustrations on paper. Tears cascaded down her face, exactly like the waterfall of tears that she painted. Then she tore the painting furiously.
The phone rang. Sherry didn’t pick up the receiver, playing with her illusions. She allowed herself to believe that it was Eyal, who wanted to apologize to her about his reconciliation with Natalie, as if there was something in it to ease the pain. The phone continued to ring in the evening and Sherry continued to listen without picking up the receiver. She knew that there was a chance that Ronit was looking for her, but she did not want to talk with anyone about something that had to do with Eyal.
She wrapped herself in isolation, focusing on the upcoming meeting with Amir. There, she could finally stay with someone loyal.
The night before she flew off to Turkey to meet Amir, she decided to talk with Yaron and ask him to let her stay with him until she would find another apartment.
“What happened, why is it so urgent?” Yaron was surprised.
“My roommate suddenly decided to get married. It will take me a while to find another roommate. I’m afraid I can’t pay the rent by myself.” She found a satisfactory explanation.
Yaron saw the sadness in her face. “We will talk about it when you get back from Turkey. Meanwhile, go enjoy your vacation.”
“It’s not a holiday, Yaron. I’m going to meet the family who adopted my little sister. She’s the only one left for me. This meeting is very difficult for me.”
Yaron was surprised. It was the first time she told him something that had to do with her past. “I did not know.”
“I’m trying not to talk about it too much.” She felt the tears streaming down. Yaron put his hand in the pocket of his pants and took out one key to give to Sherry. “My house is your house.”
“Thank you, Yaron. You’re such a good friend.”
“Give me your flight number. I’ll come pick you up from the airport.”
“That would be nice. I’ll probably be smashed when I get back from Turkey.”
16
Sherry went to the bus with the rest of the Israeli tourists who arrived to Istanbul. She sat by the window. How she wished Eyal were sitting beside her right at that moment.
After an hour and a half, the driver stopped at a hotel that looked luxurious. Some of the passengers got off and Sherry hoped that the cheap price that she paid for vacation packages would not take her to a disgusting hotel. The other hotels nearby where the bus stopped also looked good, and Sherry believed that she had to stay optimistic even though she was left alone. The bus pulled into a dark alley and the driver hardly drove. Finally, he stopped and announced the name of the hotel where Sherry was supposed to stay. She looked at the hotel nearby, but all the buildings looked alike, except for one entrance where the edge of the stairways was decorated with small bulbs.
Sherry got off the bus and walked into a three-step stairway covered with Gaudy ceramic. She entered into the lobby. It was pleasant in comparison to the depressing entrance. She noticed the bar at the end of the lobby and next to it a beautiful and comfortable leather sofa that complied with the beautiful design of the surrounding. Although it was not a summit of grandeur, there were indications of hospitality. Her room was packed with beautiful furniture, including a small sized double bed with a high wooden headboard. There were two small cabinets on each side, and in front, was a big window covered with heavy curtains that Sherry preferred over the big buildings that they concealed. But, the light of the brown lamp dimmed the room and didn’t give mercy to the design.
She leaned her back against the headboard and closed her eyes, trying to imagine the first meeting with Amir. After so many years, they withheld deep inside them the complexity of life and death, hope and despair, faith and surrender. She felt sadness take over her, along with the memories from the night that she spent with Eyal. She was so ashamed that she dared to go to his house in the middle of the night to compensate him for her disappearance that same Saturday. How naïve she was, stupid.
She jumped in panic when the phone rang. Amir was on the line. His voice was different than what she remembered, but the manner of speech remained the same. He spoke like an old friend, as if years hadn’t passed since they parted.
“At last! Did you know how many times I tried to call you?” he grumbled. “I will be at your hotel in two minutes.”
She hung up the phone, put her clothes in the closet and went to the lobby to wait for Amir. After some time, she noticed Amir walking into the lobby. He walked towards her with a wide smile on his face. Years turned him into a very good-looking man, not particularly tall, with neat black hair and sparkling black eyes. He approached and kissed her cheek. “You’re still beautiful, just as I remember you. No, you’re even more beautiful than I remembered. You’re a
woman.”
She sat on the couch and he sat next to her. The waiter came and Amir ordered two cups of coffee and asked to pay in cash. She did not oppose. She had to save every penny, otherwise she would have the need to use the money intended for the rent that she was supposed to give to Eyal for the months that she lived there. Eyal paid in advance.
Amir recalled the past. To him, they were experiences. For her, they were scars. He talked about the days when Sherry used to sit at his house and draw cartoons and about the effort she made in helping him in math. All the while, he didn’t notice that his words penetrated deep inside her. He forgot that she didn’t come to Turkey for a vacation, but to hear about the tragedy that befell her family more than once. He continued to talk, and Sherry continued to listen to the man who was now closer to her sister.
She regretted that the fate insisted to connect her to him─her partner in crime. They had teamed up in the conspiracy of silence that killed her father, or perhaps a lie of silence, as she called it many times. She heard Amir speak fluently and tried to think how her life would be if she never met him before. She released an involuntarily sigh and Amir quickly apologized. “...What about you, how are you doing in Israel?”
Sherry took a sip of coffee, and she replied without looking at him. “The beginning was very hard. I was lonely, overwhelmed with longings for my family and full of hope to meet them. A day didn’t go by without waiting for a letter informing me that she ran away from Iran and we could already meet.” She felt how her tears were choking her throat, “Then, your letter came and told me that I didn’t only loss my mother, but somehow my sister, too.” Sherry looked at Amir. “I wish I could bring Tamar to Israel. Please, Amir, help me. Bring Tamar to me.”
Amir held her hand, “I’m sorry, but your sister is already used to us. She’s happy with us. What can you offer her? You barely make a living. How can you take care of her? How can you feed and worry about her? It’s impossible to raise a child just out of love.”
Colors of the Shadow Page 12
