I pulled over to the side of the road and got off my bike before tearing my helmet off and throwing it to the ground. My chest felt tight, and my lungs burned like they were on fire. I was suffocating in my own anger. I leaned over and placed my hands on my knees. Every breath in felt restricted and painful.
The highway was pretty empty, but what little cars there were all made sure to get a good look at me as they drove by. I gave them all the finger, and screamed at them as they passed until they sped up and looked away.
I was losing my fucking mind.
That was the only explanation for any of this. I pulled out my gun and thought about sticking it in my mouth and then pulling the trigger, but I knew I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I wasn’t a pussy and that was a pussy’s way out. No, I would go out in a blaze of fucking glory—the same way Butch should have gone.
Not drunk and driving our bike off the road like an asshole. Stupid fucker got what he deserved for drinking and driving; he knew the risks, yet he still got on that bike—the bike that we built together.
I kicked at the ground, my hands shaking from the anger coursing through my veins, and then I looked up at the sky and screamed Butch’s name. The single word tore me apart, splitting me open down the center and reducing me to nothing but dust.
I’d barely been able to say his name since he’d died. Because every time I said it, it was a knife wound twisting I my gut, and with every twist my insides tore up some more. Butch was all I had left.
He wasn’t just my brother, he was my only true family.
He was my fucking world.
He was both my mother and my father, my brother and my best friend.
I thought of his face the last time I’d seen him, and I wished I could go back in time and have that last moment with him again. He’d taken my place on a job for the club—nothing serious, just checking out our new warehouse. He promised me he’d be back to finish off the party and have a beer with me and Dom.
But he never made it back.
Apparently he stopped off to buy beer and got to drinking it before he even got back to the party. And then he’d ridden his bike off the road and crashed it into a ditch. His life blinked out in a split second.
My final words to him had been the nail in the coffin, and one of the reasons I hated myself so much.
3 months ago
The party was in full swing—bitches hanging off any available man, and brothers drinking and fucking as much as they wanted. We’d had some shipments go missing the last couple of months, but todays had been business as usual. Put Hardy in a fuckin’ great mood, too—hence the party, though you wouldn’t have thought it from Dom’s expression. Fucker was in a bad mood and had stormed out earlier on. That fucker was never happy, even when he had a woman on his dick and a beer in his hand.
I walked with Butch toward the door. “You sure you’re cool with going?” I asked.
“Fuck yeah, Laney is drunk off her ass, you need to get her home,” he replied. “Besides, I need some fresh air anyway.”
“Rider gave me the order to head out to the new warehouse, though,” I said, patting Pipes on the shoulder as he passed me, his arms laden down with beer.
“It’s cool. It don’t matter who goes, only that someone does. Just need to make sure it’s secured for the night and we can get it checked over properly tomorrow. Besides, I could do with getting some space.” He turned to watch Pipes cross the room. “Keep an eye on him,” he said.
I followed his gaze, watching as Pipes put the beer down with the rest and turned to leave. Rider stopped him and grabbed a beer before handing it to Pipes and patting him on the back.
“You not feeling him?” I asked. Pipes had felt like a good fit to me. Few more months and I reckoned he’d be patched in if he kept up the work he was doing.
“Something about him I’m not feeling.” Butch finally looked away and we headed outside. “Save me a beer too,” he laughed.
“I think you’re worrying about nothing. Pipes seems right to me, and you know my instincts are always good,” I joked and drank the rest of my beer.
“Yeah, it’s just your moral standards that are piss poor, right, brother?” He laughed back and straddled his bike. “Save me a beer.”
“You think I’m saving all the beer until you get back?” I laughed. “Not a chance. I’m celebrating finishing our bike.”
“You fucking better. I’ve worked my ass off building that bike and I expect a fucking cold beer waiting for me when I get home as thanks.”
“Thanks? I would have finished that shit off long ago if it wasn’t for your slow ass!”
He laughed. “Fuck you then, little brother! I’ll bring my own beer, just be sure to save me a seat on the sofa, at least.” He turned and walked to his bike.
“I’ll try, but you better hurry and you better bring more beer back with you!” I laughed. I put my hand in my pocket and fished out the keys to our bike before handing them over to Butch.
He looked down at them and then back up to me quizzically.
“She could do with a ride out. Only had her on short bursts so far. Seems only fair since you’re riding out for me.”
Butch smiled. “Well all right, if you insist, little brother. I’ll see you back here soon enough.”
I nodded to our bike, jealous that he was going to get to ride it that night. “I expect you to ride like the fuckin’ wind, brother,” I replied and walked back inside laughing.
He said something else but I didn’t hear it, and I never knew what it was because I never saw him alive again.
Pipes was on his way out as I got inside. “Everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Butch need any help?”
“Help?” I frowned. “Why the fuck would he need help?”
“Just saw him arguing with Dom about going somewhere is all. Just making sure he didn’t need me to ride out with him instead.”
“Nah, he’s good, he won’t be long. You wanna help out, then make sure some beer gets saved for him.” I laughed and patted him on the shoulder.
“I’ve got his back,” Pipes replied with a laugh as I walked away to find Laney. Party was getting out of control, and it was time she left.
All I knew was that he had taken my place that night. But worse, I had told him to speed, and I had told him to bring beer. And it was a combination of those things that had gotten him killed.
I had gotten my brother killed. And on the bike we built together, no less.
*
No matter how many times I tried to ignore it, the twisted metal of the broken barrier always called me back to it. Like death to the Grim Reaper the place where Butch died always dragged me to it.
I let out a heavy sigh and picked up my helmet before getting back on my bike, still feeling full of anger and grief, and wishing that I had never walked into the gas station earlier. I had been doing pretty good at keeping everything bottled up, or so I thought. But my argument with Charlie had brought it all to the surface. Goddamn meddling bitch that she was. Always thought she knew so much better than everyone else, when really she knew jack shit about anything at all. The only thing Charlie knew was that Laney and I loved each other and I was burning our love to the ground.
She still loved me.
Despite everything that I had done already; she still fucking loved me.
I sat on my bike, contemplating my next move. I cracked my knuckles, feeling pissed off because I couldn’t just walk away from my woman—from Laney. I had done the unimaginable to her, but when I needed to leave her the fuck alone to hate me all I could do was go crawling back. I was a selfish asshole, and no doubt I’d break her heart again. But like a crack head to their dealer, I just needed one last taste of Laney before I could let her go.
Just one last touch and I would walk away, I lied to myself.
I started my bike and began to ride again, that time heading toward Charlie’s house, because there was no time like the pre
sent for this shit.
I pulled up in front of Charlie and Rider’s house twenty minutes later and stormed up to the front door, not really sure what I was going to say to her, or even if she would listen, but I needed to see her at least one last time. I was angry with myself, angry with the world, and angry with Butch. None of this shit would be happening if he wouldn’t have died.
My fist slammed against the front door over and over until Charlie threw it open, her eyes going wide with just the right amount of fear in them when she saw me.
“You said I should come and see her, so here I am!” I growled out.
“Now’s not a good time,” she stammered and tried to shut the door on me.
Was this bitch fucking kidding me?
I thrust my foot in the doorway, stopping her. “Now’s the best fuckin’ time, now get out of my way.” I started to push inside and she put a hand against my chest.
“Jesse, I said no! Get the fuck away from here before I call Rider!”
I laughed in her face. “Your old man’s out of town, Charlie. Now I’m coming in to see Laney, so get out of my way before you get hurt.”
Fear and anger took ahold of her features, her gaze darting behind me. I turned and looked at the driveway, finally noticing the black truck that was parked there next to Charlie’s little red Jeep.
“Who the fuck is here?” I snapped, pushing my way inside, and hoping that Charlie was fucking around on Rider because if not then whoever was here, was here for Laney, and that shit was not going to end well.
Charlie grabbed hold of my cut and tried to stop me from walking further inside, but despite her ferociousness I easily shrugged out of her grip and stormed toward the living room. The door was closed and I pushed it open and walked inside, and my heart stopped in my chest.
It wasn’t my finest moment in history, but no one can say it was entirely unprovoked either. Any man would have done the same if they had found their woman in the arms of another man.
Laney untangled herself from the asshole that currently had his arms around my property, and she glared at me in fear and anger.
“Get out of here, Jesse!” she said calmly, though I knew she was anything but calm by the tremble of her chin.
“Who the fuck are you?” I snarled at the man that was about to go to ground. “And what the fuck are you doing touching my woman?”
I sized him up with one quick, scathing look. He was as big as I was, and just as built, but he had a pussy-boy softness about him that meant he’d never had to have a real fight in his whole goddamned life. Looked like Laney had finally got herself a god’s honest college boy to treat her right. The thought brought an ugly sneer to my face.
He looked nervously toward Laney. “Thought you said you were single.”
I took a step towards him. “Hey, fuckface, you don’t talk to her, you talk to me. You feel me?”
I felt Charlie come into the room and move to stand with Laney, putting her arm across her shoulder. Laney shrugged out from under her grip, her tits jiggling in her low-cut top and grabbing pussy-boy’s attention immediately.
“Don’t you even fuckin’ look in her direction again or I will fuckin’ kill you!” I yelled, and he had the sense to look away from her though he refused to back down from me. Asshole was clearly still hoping that his size would make me rethink my current plan of ripping him to pieces and setting him on fire before pissing on the flames. He thought wrong.
“Jesse! This is not what it looks like, but even if it was, we’re through and I will see anyone I want,” Laney screeched, taking a step toward him.
“You touch him and I’ll kill him, Laney.” I glowered at her, my dick was hard despite the rage I felt burning through me, because goddamn, she looked fucking beautiful right then. Her hands curled into little fists by her sides, her eyes alight with anger and stubbornness. Wanted to take her upstairs and drag her panties off before shoving my way deep inside of her and claiming her all over again. Fuck it, after this, I was branding the bitch!
But first I needed to deal with this little pissant.
“You got two choices,” I said to him. “You walk away now, and I don’t see your face again, or you stay and I put you to ground.”
Laney looked between us both. “Do not listen to him! We’re separated! What I do has nothing to do with him anymore.” She reached out to touch his arm and he shrank back from her, which was good because I meant every word I’d said.
She may have decided that we were over, but seeing her with another man…nah, fuck that shit. She was mine until I said we were over. I thought I was ready to let us go, that she would be better off without me—hell, that part was still true, but regardless she was still fucking mine. Call me a selfish dick all you want, but I wasn’t done with Laney Williams yet. Not by a long shot.
Fuck, Butch would be turning over in his grave if he saw the fucking mess I’d made of this shit.
“I think I better get going,” college boy said, though he refused to look at her.
“Think that might be a good idea if you still wanna be breathing in five minutes’ time,” I sneered.
He started to walk away, carefully sidestepping me and my radiating circle of hate for him. Laney stared after him, tears welling in her eyes, and Charlie, that bitch, was smiling like the cat that swallowed the canary, and I had a feeling that she’d set this shit up.
“I hate you!” Laney screamed in my face before barging past me.
I grabbed her arm and she flipped out on me, acting like a damn crazed cat, hissing and spitting, scratching and kicking until I let her go again.
I followed her as she ran outside and toward his truck and started talking to college boy again, begging him to ignore me, but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. He looked over at me and I gave him a grim smile, my warning to move the fuck on because my offer to let him live was quickly expiring.
Laney grabbed at his arm when he tried to open the truck door, and he pushed her away. Unfortunately for him, too hard, and Laney fell sideways, landing on her side with a yelp.
Oh fuck no, he wasn’t getting away with that.
I stormed toward him, reveling in the fear that came from him as he climbed into his truck and tried to shut the door, but I got there before he could. I gripped the handle and ripped the door back open, and then my hands were dragging him from the truck and slamming him to the ground.
“No, Jesse! Don’t!” Laney screamed from next to me, but I ignored her in favor of my throbbing fists begging for blood.
It all turned into a blur as I pounded fist after fist into his face and chest, and the blood began to flow. He fought back, but his strength was nothing compared to my experience and my raging fury, and I lost count of how many times I smashed my knuckles into him.
All I know is that when the veil of red lifted, he was unconscious, I was covered in his blood, and there were two police officers aiming their guns at me.
I stopped hitting him and sagged back on my haunches, breathless and exhausted, my anger finally spent. Laney was hysterical and being held back by Charlie, both of them looking fucking petrified.
“Put your hands behind your head and get down on your front!” one of the officers yelled, while the other one got down on his knees and checked college boy’s pulse. He stood back up and spoke quickly into the walkie talkie at his shoulder.
“We need medics here ASAP—”
I zoned him out as I lay down on my front with my hands behind my head and my cheek pressed against the hot blacktop of the driveway, and I stared at Laney, wishing, for not the first time, that I was dead. Because in her eyes, I was dead now anyway.
She looked over at the man I had probably just beaten to death, one hand covering her mouth to stop the noises she was making from escaping. Charlie was holding her, her own gaze wide-eyed and in shock at what had just happened.
Sure, in this life, it wasn’t a surprising occurrence, but if, like I believed, Charlie had orchestrated the whole thi
ng as a way to get Laney and I back together…well, shit, then it was just as much her fault as it was mine. Because you don’t set a trap for the devil and expect someone to live through it.
The sound of bikes pulling up drew my attention away from Charlie and Laney, just as one of the officers put his knee between my shoulder blades and grabbed my hands so he could cuff me. I grunted in pain as he pushed all of his weight onto the one spot.
“Jesse?” Casa yelled my name and started toward me, and I watched as Dom held him back.
The other cop had his gun aimed at Casa and the rest of my brothers that had turned up. Poor cop looked like he was about to crap himself, too. In the distance I could hear the sound of an ambulance, the distinct wails echoing through the neighborhood.
I looked back at Laney, watching the trail of tears streaming down her face. “What have you done, Jesse?” she sobbed, breaking what little piece of me there was left. “What the fuck have you done!?”
Chapter twenty-three:
present day
Jesse
The loud clank of the cell door closing vibrated through my bones. Always hated being locked up, but right then I knew it was the safest place for me and everyone else I loved.
I had fucking lost it, that was for damn sure. And I was almost certain that I had completely lost Laney. The worst part of everything had been seeing the fear in her eyes. Sure, she knew I did shit like that for the club, she wasn’t stupid, but to see it happening right in front of you is very different.
God, I was an idiot. Yet every time I thought about the asshole touching her and shoving her so hard she fell down, I felt the rage clawing its way back up my throat.
Yeah, being locked up was definitely the best place for me at the moment. Because I’d likely go on a killing spree if I were anywhere else.
The light was fading, and no one had come to turn on any lights, which was good. I wanted to sink into the blackness of my cell and pretend none of it had ever fucking happened. What would happen next? I had no clue, but it sure as shit wasn’t going to be a slap on the wrist, that was for damn certain.
Ride or Die 1 Page 19
