by S. J. West
“Everything goes on sale eventually,” she would tell us kids. “No sense in paying full price for somethin’ when you can wait a couple of months and get it for half the money.”
I saw Brand walk over to the racks holding books of poetry. I couldn’t help but stare at him as he picked up a leather bound copy of something and thumbed through its pages. He must have sensed me looking at him because before I knew it he was looking back at me, capturing me with his mesmerizing silver-grey eyes. There was a warmth in the way he looked at me which made me feel like I was the only person in the world, or at least his world. He held my gaze causing everything else around me to fall away into nothingness, all I could hear was my own ragged breathing. We stared at each other for what felt like minutes but were in actuality only a few seconds. I forced myself to look away, breaking the spell he was weaving around me.
Who was he? What was he? Surely he was more than human. No one, not even Will, had ever made me feel like every fiber in my body was on fire with just a single glance. I was still trying to get my breathing under control when Brand came to stand by me, putting a casual hand at the small of my back like we’d known each other for years instead of just two days.
“Did you find anything to pique your interest?” He asked.
Well, that was a spot on question but I think he was asking about books.
“Not really,” I answered. “You?” I noticed he still held the same leather bound book in his hand from a few minutes ago.
“I’ve been meaning to read some Lord Byron. I thought I would pick up a book of his poems. Do you like poetry?”
“Some of it,” I hedged. “Depends on if it makes any sense to me or not.”
“Come with me,” he murmured, holding his hand out to me.
“Where are we going?” I placed my hand in his without a single thought of worry.
He didn’t answer but led me through the racks of books to a staircase which connected to the second floor. There was a maroon leather couch facing a large window which looked out over the city park. He pulled me down beside him onto the couch so we could sit next to one another.
“I’m sure you’ve probably heard this poem before,” he said, flipping to a particular page in the book.
“She walks in beauty, like the night…” he began.
The rest of the poem was a bit of a blur for me. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Brand’s face while he read the poem aloud. His mouth didn’t just say the words like you do when a teacher forces you to memorize a poem for class and repeat it out loud in front of your classmates. He said the words as if he felt the meaning behind each one. They left his mouth like he was caressing them with his tongue and lips.
“… A heart whose love is innocent.” He finished and closed the book staring at the leather front. “That’s how I imagine you are,” he said, “someone with an innocent heart.” He looked up at me. “Have you ever been in love?”
It was an unexpected question forcing me to hesitate long enough to quickly evaluate how Will had made me feel once upon a time.
“I think so. It was a one sided love though. He never returned my feelings.”
“Would it be presumptuous of me to assume you’re talking about Will Kilpatrick? Is that why seeing him with that girl affected you the way it did?”
“It wasn’t really Will’s fault. He just didn’t feel the same way about me. You can’t make someone love you just because you want them to. It has to be freely given or it doesn’t mean anything.”
“Not many girls your age would see it in such a mature light.”
“I guess if you’ve thought about it as much as I have, it’s the only way to see it.”
Brand stood, holding his hand out to me. “I should probably take you back to your car. It’s getting late.”
When we got back into Brand’s car, I couldn’t help but steal glances at him on the drive back. I didn’t want to just stare at him like some crazed, love sick school girl, but just his presence was making me feel things I thought I would never feel again. Having been thrown to the wayside by Will after our first kiss had caused me to inadvertently build a wall around my heart. I wasn’t sure if anyone would ever feel brave enough to attempt to breach my self induced preservation mechanism. Would Brand be the one who finally broke through? Was he interested enough to try?
Brand took me back to the parking lot behind the science building where my car was parked. Before I got out of his car, he took one of my hands and placed a gentle kiss on it.
“I’ll be sitting on the steps outside biology class before it begins in the morning. If you want to join me, I would love to spend some quiet time with you.”
“How early will you be there?” I asked breathlessly.
“Oh, at least thirty minutes before class begins. Will you come?”
My heart leapt at the yearning and hope I saw in his eyes.
I nodded. “Yes, I’ll be there.”
We said our goodbyes and I walked to my car.
I drove back home excited about life like I hadn’t been for a long time. I parked in front of my apartment. I’d just locked the car door and shut it when I heard someone close behind me call my name. Turning around I saw Will leaning against his Honda Civic with his arms crossed in front of his chest. If it were possible, the look of hostility I saw on his face earlier in the evening had intensified.
Well, if he planned to be rude to me, I wasn’t about to just stand there and take it.
“We don’t have anything to say to each other, Will.” I made my way to the door of my apartment, but he was there in a flash blocking my path.
“We need to talk,” he said brusquely, grabbing me by the top of my arms so tight it scared me for a moment.
“Will Allen Kilpatrick, you need to let go of me …right…now.”
He dropped his hands to his sides and took a step back.
“I just want to talk with you, Lilly. Please.”
The look of desperation on his face convinced me to at least hear what he had to say. Since he was breaking over a year of silence, I assumed it was probably important.
I motioned for him to sit on the steps leading to the second floor of the apartment complex. Standing in front of him with arms crossed over my chest, I waited for him to begin.
“You need to stay away from Brandon Cole.” He was so strident in this statement I almost laughed.
As it was, I looked him straight in his pretty blue eyes and said, “Who I spend time with is none of your business. You gave up the right to give me advice on my love life a long time ago. How dare you come here after almost two years of ignoring me and tell me how to run my life! Why shouldn’t I go out with him? He’s nice, handsome, and has shown me more caring in the last two days than you have in the last two years!” I turned to leave when I felt Will gently grab one of my hands.
“Lilly, please, he’s not the person he’s pretending to be!”
I jerked my hand away and turned around to face him. “That’s funny. He said the exact same thing about you tonight.”
Will stiffened. “What did he tell you?”
I knew Will. I could tell when he was worried about something and he was extremely worried about my answer.
“Nothing more than that. He just said I should stay away from you, which is advice I’m really thinking about taking.”
“You don’t mean that.”
I couldn’t believe Will actually looked hurt by my threat. How was that even possible? Hadn’t he avoided me like the plague the last two years? Why was he pretending to care about me now?
But Will didn’t pretend feelings. At least the Will I knew never did. Was the Will of my adolescent fantasies still in the Will standing before me now?
“Can you give me one good reason why I shouldn’t, Will? Just one,” I whispered, daring to hope for the answer I had waited so long to hear.
He opened his mouth to say something but shut it again, obviously rethinking whatever his automatic response had bee
n.
“No matter what you think of me,” he said in a controlled voice. “I’m still your friend and only want to see you happy.”
My heart sank. I could feel the tears of my broken heart threatening to show Will how much I still cared about him. I knew if I didn’t get into the apartment soon he would know how much he could still affect me and that was something my pride couldn’t let him see.
“Leave me alone, Will. If you want to see me happy, just leave me alone.”
I unlocked the door to my apartment and quickly shut it behind me.
Tara was sitting on the futon pretending to watch TV. I knew she had to have heard the conversation between me and Will outside because the apartment walls just weren’t that thick.
The tears I'd held back wracked my body as soon as I leaned my back against the door. Without saying a word, Tara stood, sat me down on the futon and held me until my heart stopped weeping.
The next morning I woke up early so I wouldn’t miss my rendezvous with Brand. I decided to try my best to forget about what happened with Will the night before and strive to find happier ways to occupy my time.
When I neared the science building, I saw him sitting on the steps in front of the classroom reading a copy of Taming of the Shrew.
“I hope you aren’t getting any ideas from that book,” I said as I walked up to him.
I was rewarded with one of his heartbreaking smiles. “You’re no shrew, Lilly. Anyway, I wouldn’t dream of changing a thing about you.”
I sat down next to him on the steps and was about to put my books on my lap when he reached for them and placed them on top of his own sitting on the other side of him.
“So, what did you do last night after you took me back to my car?” I asked, curious to know what he did in his spare time.
“I went to see my cousin Abby for a while and then I went home.”
“Your cousin? I didn’t know you had family living here. Is that part of the reason you moved to Lakewood?”
“No, actually she moved here with me. We’ve always been close. She recently lost a friend and needed a change of scenery.”
“Where does she live?”
“There was a barn on the property I bought. We refinished the inside for her. It turned out really well. Now she can play the drums without me having to yell at her to stop,” he laughed.
His laugh had a deep, easy quality to it that instantly made me feel peaceful and happy.
“She likes the acoustics in there too.” He said while gingerly taking my right hand into his left one and kissing it ever so lightly.
Dear Lord, what his lips did to my skin just wasn’t right. Goosebumps involuntarily covered my whole body.
“Are you cold?” He asked worried, seeing the bumps on my flesh and pulling me in closer to his side to drive away the chill he thought I felt.
I wasn’t about to complain. The warmth of his arm around my waist sent another pleasant chill up my spine. It had been a long time since I felt the comfort of being in a man’s arms. I sank into his side reveling in the feel of being looked after, comforted.
“How old is your cousin?” I asked, wanting to prolong the moment as long as possible.
“She’s around the same age as me.”
“Is she going to school here too?”
Brand chuckled. “No, I don’t think she would care for school. She has enough money to live comfortably. And she thinks she knows everything anyway. School would just be a distraction from her music.”
That brought up an interesting question. “Why are you here? It seems like you have a lot of money. It’s not like you need a job after college like the rest of us. And you’re what, twenty-three?”
“Twenty-four and I’m here because I like to learn things,” he replied. “Even though I’ve read Taming of the Shrew a hundred times, I want to see what the teacher and other students find important about the story. Everyone has a different point of view on most everything. I find people and their differing ideas interesting. And as far as finding a job after school,” he shrugged, “you never know. I might just find a beautiful girl and want to follow her wherever she goes. I wouldn’t want to spend my days without her so I had better enjoy working where she does.”
I smiled at that. It was totally sweet and totally romantic.
It was then I knew there had to be something wrong with Brand.
There was no way a guy so sweet and gorgeous could exist in the real world. But, did I care enough to really want to find his flaw?
“What do you want to do with your life?” he asked, holding me even tighter against him.
“I’ve always wanted to work in a lab somewhere. Find a cure to an incurable disease or something idyllic like that. I would love to get a job with the CDC in Atlanta when I leave, but I just haven’t decided whether I want to go straight to work or head straight to graduate school.”
“Well, you let me know.”
“Why?”
“How else am I going to know what to do?” He smiled at me with the cutest look on his face. It was the first time I had seen him look uncertain about something, like he was afraid of how I would react to what he was implying.
“But aren’t you interested in doing something in particular?” I asked him. “Not everyone’s cut out to do the same thing as someone else.”
He shrugged. “I’m interested in a lot of things. You’ll just help me narrow down what I really want to do.”
It was then we were interrupted by the other students arriving for class. We got up from our cozy spot on the stairs and followed the others inside. In the room there was a long black table with seats all around it. Brand and I sat down across from one another at the far end of the table.
Dr. Floyd entered the room and silently nodded to me, obviously pleased to see I was able to find the room again. Geesh, I was really going to have to show the man I wouldn’t be the dunce of the class.
As soon as the lecture started I reached for one of the books sitting between me and Brand. I assumed mine was the top one but soon found out that wasn’t the case.
When I opened the book to chapter one, there was a small piece of paper with words scribbled on it. It wasn’t my handwriting so I knew the book had to belong to Brand. On the paper was written:
In the dark shadows of the night
I hear a Nightingale singing a song for my heart
I looked up at Brand. He looked from me to the piece of paper in my hands and smiled guiltily. I put the paper back inside the book and slid it over to him mouthing the word, “Sorry.”
He just shook his head silently telling me it was all right. He quickly scribbled something in his notebook and placed it at an angel in front of him so I could read it without drawing Dr. Floyd’s attention:
I just wasn’t ready for you to see it yet. You’ve inspired me to try my hand at poetry. It might not be good poetry but at least you’ll know it’s from the heart.
I smiled at him and attempted to listen to what Dr. Floyd was saying during the rest of the period. After class, Brand walked me to English comp since he had an off period next. He told me he would be waiting for me on the terrace of the Commons at lunch. He asked if there was anything he could get me to eat. I told him not to bother. I would bring something to munch on.
Tara, Michelle and Nora were sitting in a group of desks together. I took the empty seat beside Tara and behind Nora.
“Ok, when are you going to introduce me to Mister Wonderful?” Tara said leaning back in her seat to watch Brand walk down the hallway. “You know I have to approve of him before this goes any further.”
I laughed. “How about at lunch? You can do all the questioning you want then.”
When I looked up at Nora, she had the fakest look of enthusiasm on her face that I have ever seen in my life.
“You guys are so cute together,” she lied behind a perfect smile drenched in envy.
“Thanks.”
“You know, I asked Will if he wanted to go o
ver to your table to say hi when I noticed you two were in the Commons last night. But he was pretty adamant about not going anywhere near your table. Do you have any idea why?”
Yes, I do you sniveling little gossip monger but there’s no way in hell I’m telling you anything, I thought.
“Nope, no idea,” I replied instead.
It was obvious she knew I was holding something back but chose not to push the matter.
“Well,” she sighed. “I can tell you one thing: Will’s going to have to really step it up if he wants to date me.”
“Oh yeah?” Tara leaned forward in her seat. The tone in her voice warned of impending doom to someone and her name was Nora. “Why’s that?”
“He hardly said a word to me the whole night and then he left before we had even finished our ice cream. I’m not even sure why he asked me to go in the first place.”
“From what I heard, you were the one who asked him out,” Tara said. “Or did I hear it wrong?”
Nora laughed nervously.
“Why would I have to ask a guy out?” Nora pulled her long blonde hair over her right shoulder. “Anyway, I don’t think I’ll be going out with him again unless he begs me.”
“Yeah,” Tara sat back in her seat with a completely unconvinced look on her face. “I just bet you won’t.”
Our English teacher, Mrs. Connor, entered the room then. Thankfully, Nora spun around in her seat and didn’t say anything else the rest of the period.
At lunch, Tara met me inside the Commons. I bought a pack of nabs and a soda on the way in. Tara had a slice of pizza and a Coke. We made our way to the terrace where Brand was waiting at the table he and I had used the day before. The other table was occupied by a group of four girls casting coy glances in Brand’s direction, but he was either not paying attention or completely ambivalent to their gaping.
“I hope you don’t mind, but my best friend wanted to meet you.” I told him as we laid our food on the table.
Brand stood up like a gentleman should when greeting ladies. “I don’t mind at all,” he said with a genuine smile of welcome, holding his hand out to Tara. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Brand.”
