by S. J. West
“I don’t think you can do that. Personally,” she said leaning toward me in her desk. “I think you need to see this thing through. I don’t want to see you miss out on love, girl. Not when it’s this close. I think he just freaked out that day because he felt responsible for Michelle trying to kill you. Take a chance, Lilly. If you love him, take a chance on him.”
I skipped lunch and physics class that day and went directly to Dr. Barry’s so I could go home early that afternoon.
When I got home, I found Malcolm sitting on my futon flipping through the channels on my TV.
“How do you watch this drivel?” he asked stopping on a channel which was playing one of those day time soap operas.
“I don’t.” I laid my books down on the table and turned to him.
Malcolm stood up. “I thought you might like to see my new house.”
“What continent is this one on?”
“It’s about a 10 minute drive away.”
“You actually bought something here in town? Why?”
“Appearances mostly. Plus I wanted a place to go when you were busy so I could at least be close by.”
“Ok, let’s go,” I held out my hand to him. He took it but pulled me toward the apartment door.
“Why are we going outside?”
“I bought something else to make me look a bit more normal.”
I’m not sure how I missed it when I came in, but sitting on the far side of the parking lot was a red and black sports car I’d never seen before.
“This is supposed to make you look normal?” I asked walking around it. “What is it?”
“It’s a Bugatti Veyron. Do you like it?” He leaned against the driver’s side with a Cheshire grin on his face.
“It’s one of the most gorgeous cars I’ve ever seen.” The term ‘sex on wheels’ came to my mind but I decided to keep that to myself.
“Hop in!” Malcolm sounded like a kid on Christmas morning.
“For someone who never needed a car you seem to be enjoying this one,” I said slipping into the plush black leather bucket seat.
“Oh, I’ve had cars before but nothing like this baby.”
I could tell he was having trouble going the speed limit when we got on the highway. He kept one hand on the wheel and put one hand on my thigh. Before I knew it, we were somewhere else.
“Did you seriously just transport us and the car?” I asked staring out the window in astonishment at the change of scenery.
“Yep,” he said, revving up the engine. We were going 200 miles an hour before I knew it.
“Where are we?”
“We’re on the Autobahn in Germany. Did you see how quickly this baby hit 200?”
The glee on his face made me want to laugh, but I was having a hard time controlling my fear of hurtling into space. After about five minutes, Malcolm noticed how tightly I was gripping the bottom of my seat.
He slowed down to 45 and we were back on the highway in Lakewood.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you would enjoy it.”
“Well I didn’t,” I admitted finally unclenching my fingers from the fine black leather and pointedly taking his hand off my thigh.
“You need to tell me when I do things that make you uncomfortable, dearest. I’m new at trying to please a human.”
“Haven’t you ever had a human friend before?”
“No. It’s hard enough to have business dealing with them. Do you make a pet out of a cow before you eat it?”
“Do you mind me asking how many people you’ve killed?”
“Too many. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I’m not going to sit here and try to make excuses for the things I’ve done in my past either.”
“How often did you feed?”
“In the beginning? As much as I could. But, sometime in the last century or so I came to realize I didn’t like myself much anymore because of what I’d become. So, I tried to limit myself to one feeding every few months.”
“How long’s it been since you fed last?”
“It’s been a while. Over a year I think. That might be another reason Justin chose me to take care of you. He knew I would be eager to feed again and by killing you I would be doing him a favor too.”
I noticed we were heading down to Lake Serenity. We passed Brand’s driveway and turned on the next driveway off the highway. I started to laugh.
“You bought the house closest to Brand’s? Why?”
“I was hoping it would annoy him,” Malcolm stated with a small amount of satisfaction.
“Oh, I have no doubt it’ll do just that.”
Malcolm’s home looked like one you might see featured in Southern Living. It was an antebellum era reconstruction complete with tall white pillars and a veranda. Scarlett O’Hara would have been proud to call it home.
It felt funny being so close to Brand yet not seeing him. Malcolm made us some tea and we sat out on the veranda to watch the sun set across the lake.
“Malcolm, would my mind if I asked you a question?”
“You can ask me anything, dearest. I’m an open book for you.”
“The creature you were with the first night we met. What was it?”
“My son, Sebastian.”
“When Will and Brand were explaining things to me, Brand did mention that the children of the Watchers were cursed but he didn’t say how.”
“It wasn’t only the children but their mothers too. No mother has survived the birth of one of our offspring.”
“Why?”
“The child drains the life out of the mother, almost literally.”
“How?”
“Something happens very early in the gestational period. Even before we know they’re pregnant. By the time we know they’re with child, it’s too late. Somehow the outside of the womb grows extensions which wrap around every organ in the mother’s body completely incapacitating her. The child basically takes the body over and treats it like a cocoon. The mother’s are lost early in the process. It’s the child who keeps the body alive until it’s ready to be born. Then it simply claws its way out of the mother’s womb which is usually just an empty shell by that point.”
“Do they all look like Sebastian?”
“Sebastian is actually a very handsome boy. They only change into that form when the moon rises, but he can’t control that. We have to restrain him most nights.”
“Restrain him from doing what?”
“Killing.”
“People?”
“Yes.”
“Has he ever killed anyone?”
“No, I won’t allow that.”
“Seems a bit hypocritical doesn’t it?”
“If he were to ever kill a human and drink their blood, he would be as damned as I am. I can’t let that happen. It’s not his fault he’s the way he is. It’s mine.”
The determination Malcolm’s voice to keep him son’s soul pure surprised me.
“When he dies, I intend to make sure he has the best chance possible to reach heaven.”
“Do you miss it?”
“More than you could ever possibly imagine, dearest.”
Seeing Malcolm so sad seemed strange. It was definitely yet another side to my complicated new friend.
“I’d like to meet him again one day if I could.”
“I’ll make the arrangements.” Malcolm seemed pleased with my request. “I know he’d like to see you again. When he changed back to his human form he said he felt drawn to you for some reason. But I’ll have to take some precautions before he can stay here safely.”
Malcolm talked me into playing a game of chess with him on the veranda for the rest of the afternoon and into the early evening hours.
It was almost seven when I got a call on my cell phone.
“Hey girl, where are you? I got supper cooked.”
“Tara, I’m so sorry. I’ll be home as soon as I can. Malcolm wanted to show me the house he bought here in town. I’ll get him to br
ing me home.”
“He ain’t tried to show you his bedroom has he? I heard what he said last night to Will and Brand.”
“No, he’s been a perfect gentleman tonight. We were just playing some chess. I’ll be home soon.”
Malcolm was behind my chair before I closed the phone to escort me out to his car. Once I was back at the apartment, he leaned in towards me and kissed my cheek.
“Sweet dreams, dearest. I’ll see you sometime tomorrow if that’s all right.”
“Would you mind calling me before you just show up next time? It’s a little disconcerting to just find you in my apartment without warning.”
I gave him my numbers and went into the apartment.
Tara was setting the table.
“Hey, didn’t you invite him in?”
“No, I didn’t want to give you the chance to tear into him about the whole bedroom thing.”
“Now why would I do that?” Tara said obviously disappointed she wouldn’t get to set Malcolm straight in her own delicate way.
“Because you love me more than anything,” I told her giving her a kiss on the cheek.
When I went to sleep that night, I had dreams about Malcolm again. At one point in the dream, he was holding me in his arms and asking me to tell him I loved him more than anyone else. My mind rebelled against what the dream me was about to say. After I professed my undying love to him, I forced myself to wake up, rejecting what I had dreamt.
I sat upright in my bed trying to calm my racing heart. How could I say that I loved Malcolm? Even though it was a dream, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d betrayed my feelings for Brand in some way.
I heard a deep moan come from beside me. My head jerked toward the sound and I saw Malcolm sleeping on the other side of my bed. I jumped out from beneath the covers and turned on the ceiling light to make sure I wasn’t still dreaming. As soon as the light came on Malcolm’s eyes opened.
“Hmm, I guess you finally caught me,” he said raising himself up on an elbow, yawning.
“What do you mean finally?” I asked suspiciously.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. You look so lovely when you sleep. I didn’t think I was harming anyone by resting beside you.”
“How long have you been doing this?” I asked.
“Since the night we made our bargain. Please don’t be upset with me, dearest. I didn’t think I was doing anything that bad.”
I sat back down on the bed staring at him, understanding dawning. “Do you dream Malcolm?”
“In a way,” he said. I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it so I pressed on.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I prompted.
“Well, we don’t really need to sleep but if we do, we can control what we dream. It’s like having your own little fantasy world where anything you can imagine is possible.”
“What have you been dreaming since you started sleeping here?”
I didn’t think it was possible but I saw a hint of crimson blush Malcolm’s cheeks.
“I’d rather not tell you that, dearest. You probably wouldn’t like it very much.”
“Oh my God,” I said putting my hand to my mouth. I sat there thinking quickly. “Malcolm, I need you to be completely honest with me. I’m going to try to describe what you’ve been dreaming and I need you to tell me if I’m right.”
“How could you possibly know what I’ve dreamt?” He asked as if I wouldn’t be able to guess the fantasy world he’d been dreaming about in a million years of trying.
As I described the dreams I’d had the past few nights, Malcolm’s face became redder and his eyes wider the more I described my own dreams.
I decided not to tell him what he had dreamt just a few minutes ago. I thought I would save us both the embarrassment of reliving it. When I was through telling him about his own dreams, he rolled over onto his back, covered his face with his hands and groaned.
“How could you possibly know all that and in such excruciating detail?”
“I don’t know,” I was as bewildered as he was but my heart was racing at what I had figured out. “Maybe it has something to do with how close you were to me when you dreamt. At least I’m hoping that’s the reason.”
I jumped out of bed and rummaged through my closet. I pulled out a pair of jeans, blue jacket and sneakers. I decided to just leave the T-shirt I had on.
“Turn around,” I ordered Malcolm.
He didn’t have to be asked twice. I think he was secretly relived to not have to meet my eyes.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I have to see Brand,” I said breathlessly. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I knew what I had to do now.
“Do you realize how late it is?” Malcolm said rolling back over when he knew I had my jeans on.
“I really don’t care at the moment,” my face felt flushed with excitement. I grabbed my keys off the nightstand and headed toward the door.
Malcolm appeared in front of me blocking my way.
“What are you doing?” I asked, not in the mood for a delay.
“I’m not letting you drive all the way out there this late at night.”
“Malcolm, you really need to get out of my way, now.”
“If you insist on going there, I’ll take you myself. I’m sure after you have your talk he’ll be more than happy to bring you back home when you’re ready.”
Malcolm touched my cheek with a gentle hand. “Well, it was nice to dream it anyway. I promise I’ll try not to fantasize about you like that again.”
“Thank you for feeling that way about me, but the most we can have between us is friendship. My heart belongs to someone else.”
Before I knew it, we were standing on Brand’s door step.
Malcolm leaned down and kissed me lightly on the lips as if he were saying goodbye. He was gone before I could say anything.
The lights were on in Brand’s house and his car was parked in the driveway. I could hear music reverberating against the walls of his home. I took in a deep breath and turned the knob on the front door. The first floor was empty. I could tell the music was coming from the second floor so I made my way up the stairs.
The door to Brand’s painting studio was ajar and I could see him sitting on a stool in front of a canvas he was working on. He was shirtless and barefoot, just wearing a pair of dark blue jeans. I opened the door just enough to step across the threshold. With the door out of the way, I could see what he was painting.
It was a portrait of me in the dress I’d worn to the Black and White ball. My eyes wandered around the room and noticed there were a few such paintings scattered everywhere. Each one was slightly different. One even had me standing in the middle of the rose garden near the Common’s.
“It’s beautiful,” I said standing in the doorway waiting to see how he would react to my uninvited presence.
His hand stopped in mid stroke. Slowly, he put the brush down on the paint table beside him.
“What are you doing here, Lilly?”
Why wouldn’t he turn around and face me? I walked into the room and stood behind him.
“I need to know something.”
He remained silent with his eye cast down to the floor at his feet.
“What do you want to know?” His voice sounded strained, almost weary.
I hesitated to ask my question. Mostly afraid I was wrong and wouldn’t hear the answer I so desperately wanted to hear.
“Do you love me?”
He sat there for a long time without answering.
“Why are you doing this to me?” He finally said, shaking his head slightly.
“I need to know if you love me. Because…” I took a deep breath. “Because I think you do. I think you love me more than you’ve ever loved anyone and it scares you.”
He remained silent, unmoving.
“Do you remember that morning after our day together when I woke up crying because of a dream I’d had?”
“Yes.”
“I want to tell you what I dreamt now,” I took a deep nervous breath. “I dreamt about our first kiss. I dreamt of our wedding day and walking down an aisle of red rose petals. I dreamt about you making love to me in your bed and wanting to make it a memory I would always treasure. I dreamt about our child and watching her grown into a beautiful woman. I dreamt about us laying in a bed together in our old age and dying in each others arms. I felt the love you have for me and you can’t sit there and tell me you don’t still feel the same way about me because it was your dream I was seeing.”
“How do you know what I dreamt?” He asked breathlessly.
“It doesn’t matter how I know. I need you to tell me if the emotions I felt in your dream are how you really feel about me. I don’t understand how you can push someone you love that much away. Someone you want to share so much of yourself with.”
“Because you aren’t safe around me.” Finally, he lifted his head and turned to face me. His eyes were slightly red and puffy like he’d been crying. “I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist. I’d rather live with you hating me.”
“I could never hate you,” I said taking a step closer. “What makes you think I want to live in a world where we’re apart? That’s not living. That’s just existing. I love you.”
“What?” he asked as if he were afraid he’d heard me wrong, searching my face for the truth.
“I love you. I love only you. Don’t push me away. Please, I don’t think my heart can take the pain anymore. I love you.”
He stood up slowly as if not trusting the earth to be under his feet when he stood.
“This isn’t one of my dreams is it?” He asked, coming to stand in front of me.
“I hope not.” I went to him and tentatively touched his chest, reassuring myself that he was real. I let my hand travel up to his neck. He slowly put his arms around my waist pulling me against his body, watching my face intently. I pulled his head down toward mine, our lips almost touching. The yearning and hope I saw in his eyes mirrored my own feelings.
