Red Dress

by Bridget Finklaire

  “I told you José was good!”

  “It might not have been José,” said Fran, dabbing the corners of her mouth with her serviette. “It might have been psychosomatic. She had eczema because she didn’t want Richard to touch her. Now she’s met Tony, the eczema’s cleared up! I’ve seen all sorts of things heal like that! Especially under hypnosis!”

  “And another thing.” Katy blushed and twiddled her left earring. “I had this dream about a wedding, and I heard the words, ‘What God has joined together let no man put asunder!’”

  “Yes!” Tara chimed in. “Marriage vows. The dream’s reminding you that you’re married to Richard!”

  “But I was standing next to Tony. There was a flash of lightning, a crack of thunder, then the words. It doesn’t make sense if it’s to do with Richard.”

  “Of course, it does! It’s a warning!” said Ben. “It’s God telling you not to mess around!”

  Tara beamed at him and squeezed his hand.

  The waiter returned and cleared away their plates. Katy had managed about half her prawn salad.

  “Did you ask Dinah about the soul contracts?” Shanti looked up from the dessert menu she’d been poring over.

  “She hasn’t got back to me yet.”

  “Probably nothing to say!” Tara said, scanning the menu. “I think I’ll just have a coffee.”

  Katy ignored her. “I’ve been doing some research on soulmates.”

  “Oh, yes!” Shanti launched into one of her soliloquies. “People think they’ve only got one soulmate, but that’s rubbish. We’ve got hundreds. And they’re not all romantic liaisons, either. Most of them are here to teach us. We come across them so we can grow. They can be your mum, your dad, your brother, your daughter.” She paused for thought. “Your granny or your best friend down the road, or even your boss at work. At a soul level, you’ll have travelled with them through aeons of time, incarnating as different characters, but always turning up in each other’s lives.”

  The waiter took their order.

  Everyone leaned in to hear Shanti’s quiet voice above the clatter of the restaurant. Wise, introvert, wonderful Shanti, who seemed to know everything about anything alternative!

  “Where was I? Oh yes! Soulmates! It isn’t all positive, either,” she continued. “Sometimes you get a challenge or a bit of a kick up the b.”

  Katy wondered if ‘b’ was for backside, bum, bottom or butt. “Like having a histrionic mother?”

  “Or a psychopathic boss,” said Ben.

  Their drinks arrived.

  “Exactly. Sometimes they guide you, like the teacher who was strict at school, but you always liked them,” continued Shanti.

  “I had one of those. Mrs. Schofield.” Tara was scooping the foam from the top of her cappuccino.

  “And some of them love and support you.” Shanti nibbled at the mini shortbread that had come with her tea and sighed. “But mostly they show you what’s in your shadow by rubbing you up the wrong way and pressing all your buttons!”

  “Why?”

  “Because they’re the opposite of you.”

  “Huh?”

  “That’s how it works. We made soul contracts with them before we incarnated. Deals designed to stir things up so we would learn from the clashes.” She was jabbing at the mint teabag with her spoon.

  “Spell it out for us, Shanti!” Tara had forgotten she was cross. She loved listening to her friend.

  “A true soulmate acts as a mirror. Your soul has chosen to be around them so you can learn something.” Picking up the tall glass mug, she blew on the hot liquid. “Look, I don’t know exactly how it works, obviously. It’s far too complicated when you take past lives and karma into account, and all the different members of your soul family, but I could give you the gist?” She looked up. Katy and Tara nodded, and she continued. “Let’s imagine you and your sister are up in heaven as souls.” Taking the salt and pepper, she placed them together to demonstrate. “At this point, you’re soulmates rather than siblings. She agrees to be a bitch from hell when you both incarnate, so you can learn what it’s like to be on the receiving end of emotional abuse.” She placed the pepper in front of her. “You agree to be an annoying younger sister who’s clever and well-behaved.” The salt was moved in line. “She makes your life miserable. You learn to heal yourself, assert yourself, and put boundaries in place.” She took a mouthful of peppermint tea. “And you end up helping other people who feel bullied. You become compassionate. You forgive your sister and find out she was a bitch from hell because she was jealous of you!” Sipping at her drink, she paused before continuing. “She never thought she could live up to your standards! She was in competition with you for your parent’s love, you see? She felt threatened, and it came out as bad behavior.” Shanti shuddered. “She’s learning about jealousy and envy, how to overcome it, how to believe in herself.”

  “Blimey!” said Fran. “Your sister sounds complicated!”

  Shanti cast her eyes down, shrinking back into herself.

  “So, it’s not someone you’re with for life?” Ben had been quietly taking it all in.

  “No. Sometimes we share the journey with them for a month, a year, a decade – but it can be for life!”

  There was a pause, and Katy broached the subject of Twin Flames. “I’ve been looking at different soul relationships,” she began, looking up for approval. “It’s all about proximity or how close the souls are.” She drank from her chamomile tea. “Imagine a field of daisies.”

  They nodded.

  “The entire field is your soul family. The next field is another soul family. Within your field there’s a clump of daisies, all growing together. They’re your soulmates, and like Shanti says, they teach you, and they could be anyone that you have a meaningful relationship with – uncles, aunts, cousins, lovers.”

  “We’re probably all soulmates,” Shanti added.

  “Within the clump, there’s a single daisy. All the petals on that daisy are your Flame Mates. So are the petals of the neighboring daisies that touch yours.” Katy was sketching out her theory on the back of a paper serviette.

  “Flame Mates carry you through life and help you along the way,” chipped in Shanti.

  “That’s right. Freddie and Tilly are Flame Mates, and so are Richard and I. That’s why we’ve been a tight-knit family.” She gulped. “Richard helps me financially, and encourages me when I don’t believe in myself, and I help him emotionally. I’ve provided him with the close, loving family he never had as a child.”

  “And that’s exactly why you’re meant to stick together! In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, remember?” Tara wouldn’t let it go.

  “I know, Tara, but there’s more. Each individual petal can be split in two, like the yin and yang, the two halves of the one soul. They’re the Twin Flames. The closest you can get.” Katy stopped. She felt uncomfortable with Ben and Tara. They probably wondered what their own soul relationship was.

  It was Shanti who broke the awkward silence. “It’s a highly sacred soul union,” she explained. “When Twin Flames meet, there’s work to be done, devotional work, in service to humanity and the planet. Together they create the one soul in preparation for ascension. You have to be pretty advanced to meet your Twin Flame!”

  Fran almost choked on her coffee. Shanti ignored her. She was used to people reacting that way, and she’d learned to rise above.

  “Of course, you can have a perfectly wonderful relationship with a soulmate or a Flame Mate. It doesn’t have to be your Twin Flame to make it work, does it?” said Katy, hoping to smooth things over with Tara and Ben.

  “How would you know if you’d met your Twin Flame?” asked Ben.

  “There’d be fireworks!”

  Ben was rubbing his chin. “But how could you be sure? How would you know what your soul relationship was? I mean, there were fireworks when I met Tara, lots of people experience that at the beginning, but it doesn’t mean they’re with their T
win Flame!”

  “You’d have to dowse,” said Katy. “Unless you recognized them.”

  “How?”

  “I dunno! Signs? Intense feelings? A magnetic pull?” She wasn’t exactly sure, but her explanation seemed to fit.

  “So, what’s the soul relationship between you and Tony? I take it you’ve dowsed?” Tara was interested now.

  Katy blushed. “It’s hard to be objective, but if I had to bet, I’d say we’re Siamese Twins. I dowsed several times and got the same answer.”

  “What’s a Siamese Twin? Is that the same as a Twin Flame?” asked Tara.

  “Hot flame, big flame, blue flame, flaming heck!” said Fran. “What does it matter? Nobody can really know this stuff! What’s important is how two people interact, how loving they are, how respectful of each other, how free they are to be themselves and grow within the relationship!”

  “I know, Fran, but—”

  “Let’s get back to Siamese Twins!” Tara was curious. “What are they, in soul terms?”

  “I don’t know. There wasn’t much about it on the SRT course, and I can’t find it anywhere on the internet. It’s incredibly close, though! It must be?” Katy looked up expectantly.

  “How does that fit in with the daisy theory?” asked Ben.

  “You know when two daisies grow so close they touch? I think that’s Siamese Twins. When another petal, exactly like yours, is lying back-to-back with you.”

  “Or where two petals are joined at the base because they haven’t split properly!” said Fran.

  “I’m sure he’s the one, Fran! You just said it’s about the couple themselves, and that makes sense!” said Katy.

  “Don’t give me that bullshit, there’s no such thing as ‘the one’,” said Fran.

  Tara reached out to hold Ben’s hand. “I don’t see how it makes sense, Katy?”

  “Of course, it does! I met Tony when we were both teenagers. He turned up at my school but only for the last three years, and he was my first. Then he turns up after all this time! There must be a reason!”

  “Not necessarily,” said Fran.

  “Can’t you see? It’s all kicking in because I’ve chosen this path!” Katy’s thoughts coalesced as she saw the connections. “Tony only found me because I changed my name, and I only changed it because of the soul contract! I went to Dinah because I wanted to know my soul purpose, why I was here on planet Earth!”

  “And you only care about your soul purpose if you’re awakening to something bigger!” said Shanti.

  “That’s right! And Shanti keeps saying I’m being guided, and I am! When I changed my name, it sent out a signal to his soul that it was time! It must be pre-ordained!”

  “Yeah. Sure.” Fran was checking her phone.

  Katy wasn’t going to let it go. “We love the same things, we get on incredibly well, he’s into metaphysical stuff, and the chemistry is out of this world! You can see how it would work, can’t you?”

  “But you’ve only known him a few months, and anyway, you’re spoken for!” said Fran.

  “I reckon we’re already married at soul level. That’s why I heard the vow in my dream.”

  Fran rolled her eyes. “You’re basing a major life decision on a hypothetical idea that souls are like daisies! You over-analyze everything. Why not work through your feelings? What do you feel for Richard and the kids? What do you feel for Tony? Is it worth upsetting the apple cart?”

  “I’ve been chatting to Terry about that.”

  “Your supervisor? Does he know about Tony and all this soul-flame-daisy stuff?”

  “No. I didn’t tell him. He’s not MOSES.”

  “Who’s Moses?” asked Fran.

  “M.O.S.E.S.” Katy spelt it out. “Movement of Spiritually Enlightened Souls!”

  Shanti squealed. “Love it!”

  Fran wasn’t going to be derailed so easily. “All I’m saying is, be cautious! Step back and think it through with your therapist’s mind, not your spiritual one!”

  Katy had to convince Fran she was destined to be with Tony. The more she thought about it, the more obvious it became. In her mind, Siamese Twins were even better than Twin Flames because they were joined! “But you have to admit it’s incredible when you look back and join the dots?”

  “Most people’s lives are pretty amazing when they look back and join the dots,” said Ben.

  Katy pressed on. “I couldn’t possibly have known that my first true love—”

  “Hang on, you said he was your ‘first’ – I thought you meant your first sexual conquest?” said Fran.

  “I did.”

  “And he was your first love as well?”

  “Well, my first serious boyfriend, then, and my first lover. How could I have known he was my twin soul? I suppose we had to grow up before we could be brought back together by fate.”

  The waiter arrived with the bill, and there was the usual scrabble to work out who paid for what. “I told you! My treat!” said Katy, snatching the piece of paper, and taking out her credit card.

  “Are you sure?” said Ben.

  Katy nodded.

  “That’s very generous! Thank you!” said Fran. “I’m afraid I’ve got to love you and leave you.” She hesitated. “I don’t mean to be a wet blanket, but here’s the thing – I don’t know anything about Twin Flames and Flame Mates, but I do know that in real life, Siamese Twins are born with huge challenges. One twin is joined to the other, and their lives are at risk because of it. Usually, one thrives at the expense of the other. It doesn’t seem very healthy or equal to me. Just saying.”

  “She’s got a point.” Ben and Tara were getting ready to leave. “We’ve got to make tracks too. Take care of yourself, Katy. We worry about you.”

  “Me too.” Shanti hugged everyone. “And I love that MOSES thing! You should organize a monthly MOSES meeting at your house!”

  “What for?”

  “Meditation, healing, support. It could be a Satsang community where we talk about what we’re doing!”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  Walking back to Harley Street, two things played on her mind: Fran’s comment about real Siamese twins, and Shanti’s suggestion that she hosted a regular meeting.

  One of the few times Katy felt calm and in control was when she was seeing clients. She could focus one hundred percent on their problems and forget her own, which she had done that afternoon. Tony called her at 9.30 pm while she was walking along Piccadilly towards Victoria. They whispered sweet nothings and caught up on the day’s news. He’d already sent three text messages and an email. How they had so much to say to each other was beyond her.

  Sitting on the train home, Katy’s thoughts turned to her new patient. The six o’clock lady was married to a man who was good-looking and earned a generous salary. There was nothing wrong, exactly, she’d said, but the spark had gone, and she couldn’t connect with him. Their sex life was dead in the water, and they had very little in common. There were two teenage boys, both at private school, and she loved them to bits. Whilst there wasn’t anyone else, she couldn’t help thinking that if the right man walked into her life, she’d be torn. That worried her a lot, and that’s why she’d booked the session. Her concern was for her boys, how it might affect them, and for her husband, who’d be left high and dry without her. Her biggest fear, though, was that she’d end up as a single mother. It was the financial struggle that worried her, she’d said, but Katy could sense there was more. The client didn’t want to end up as ‘an old maid on the shelf’. That was her exact phrase, and it had taken Katy back to her own childhood. Her swimming teacher, Mr. Tompkins, had told her when she didn’t want to dive off the board, that she’d end up as an old maid on the shelf! She was terrified of diving at the time, and it must have gone straight into the psyche. For years she was anxious about being left on the shelf. It was only when she went through therapy that she realized Mr. Tompkins meant no harm: he was simply telling her not to be held back by her fears
.

  Bringing her attention back to her client, Katy had reassured her. “But how would that be possible? An old maid is someone who’s never married and never had children!” The woman had smiled weakly, but she hadn’t taken it on board. It was as if she needed to be in a relationship. She couldn’t bear the thought of being alone! Co-dependence, thought Katy. Keeping a lousy relationship going was more important than her own wellbeing! Or more precisely in this woman’s case, keeping the family ticking over was more important than following her truth.

  A shiver ran over her, and Katy gazed out of the train window. ‘Follow your bliss’ would be terrible advice to give someone who was a co-dependent, or an addict, for that matter! Crikey, if her client, Seamus, followed his bliss, he’d create a living nightmare!

  At home later, in her office, Katy wrote up her post-session notes before locking the files away. She switched on the computer. Tony would have sent her a little goodnight message, and she was eager to read it. The laptop was taking ages to load. Huh. Fran. She could be stubborn at times. Anyway, she was divorced and resolutely single! What did she know of hot passion and Divine Partnerships? Playing it safe hadn’t got her very far, had it? As Shanti always said, ‘the magic happens outside the comfort zone!’

  Opening her emails, her eyes were immediately drawn to Dinah’s message.

  Hi Katy

  Why did you want to know about the soul contract?

  I took a look. Remarkable! Couldn’t believe my eyes! Had to check with Head Office. Tree says he’s never heard of two individuals mirroring each other so perfectly!

  Anthony Verde is without question a Twin Soul! You both hold the frequency of 11 (the Twin Flame). You know we look at the vowels and consonants separately? Well, your first names mirror each other (they are reversed, so to speak). You both have 7 (spiritual quest) for your middle names, and nine (the spiritual path) in your surnames. In fact, you, Katy, have the 22 energy as we discussed. Anthony has the potential of 33, but as you know, few mortals can ground that vibration, so we usually take it as a six (love and harmony).

  Overall, you are a 9, and he is a 6. Spiritual love and romantic love. 69 is a very sexy number! You’ll find there is an extremely passionate connection but much more. The numbers literally hold each other. The 9 rests in the lap of the 6 if you look at the shape! One is the reverse of the other. Like the yin and the yang. It’s an incredibly close, complementary soul relationship. The physical aspect is interesting – there’s a karmic lock which means you’re locked into each other. You can’t get out of it!