“I will and sweetheart, if there is anything you need, please call me. Anytime. I mean that.”
I know she means every word. Sara is a wonderful assistant and friend, but I look at her as more of a part of my family than as an employee.
“Thank you Sara,” I add and end the call. I run my fingers through my hair and tug. She won’t answer my phone calls and I know she won’t speak to me face to face. So I do the only thing I know how to do—I pour my heart and soul into the words of my letter to her.
I watch the movers tape closed the box holding the last of her things and I stare down at the envelope in my shaking hands. Should I have the movers give her this? This note completely bares my soul to her. I’m a coward, but I know she will never allow me the opportunity to say these words face to face, so this is my only option. I just pray she’ll read it and will one day find it in her beautiful pure heart to forgive me. My dream is that she finds her way back to me, but as long as I know she is truly happy, that’s all that matters. I deserve the fate of which this life has dealt me, but she doesn’t.
“Is this everything, sir?” the short young mover asks me, as he sits the box down and wipes the sweat from his brow. I see the box marked ‘Personal Albums and Pictures’ and instantly I have an idea.
“No, can you please add this to that last box there?” I ask and anxiously hand him the envelope.
“Sure,” he replies. He places it inside the white cardboard box and begins sealing it up with tape. Moments later, they’re leaving and I’m left surrounded in the emptiness of the home that we once shared. I lean back against our bedroom wall and stare at the now empty side of the closet. I ease down the wall and collapse onto the floor. I feel my chest slam with pain and feel my body begin to shake with uncontrollable sobs. Her things may be gone, but her memory . . . her touch, will continue to haunt every corner of this place. She is, and will forever be my life.
Skylar
“Which box are you looking for?” Kylie asks me as we stand in the large storage building.
“The movers said they marked it ‘Personal Items and Pictures’ on the outside. It has my picture albums in it and I wanted it before I leave next week,” I reply.
“I still can’t believe you’re leaving me to go explore the world with Mr. Hot Stuff,” she jokes while wiggling her eyebrows up and down.
“You know I’m going to miss you like fucking crazy girl, but you have your new job and Nik now. Sophie’s gone off to college, so there isn’t any reason for me not to take Lucas’ job offer. Right now there’s still too much pain for me here. I need to heal and I can’t do that if I stay,” I explain.
“I know honey, but I just wish you would just talk to me. We’ve been best friends since we were three years old. I know this has to be devastating you, Sky. I want to help you, but you won’t let me. It’s not good for you to keep all this inside you like you’re doing,” she says with tears in her eyes.
“I told you that I’m fine, Kylie. It’s over between Sebastian and me. There isn’t anything else to discuss.”
“Oh don’t give me that shit, Skylar! There is plenty to discuss and you fucking know it! A week ago, you were the happiest I’d ever seen you. You were about to get married for fuck’s sake! Now all of a sudden it’s over and you won’t even tell me why? Do you have any idea how much it kills me to see you like this? You walk around here like a fucking zombie, not eating and not sleeping. Hell, I haven’t even seen you cry Skylar! Are you sure you two can’t still work this out?”
“There is no working this out, Kylie. I’ve told you that. I’ve been through so much shit in my life that I guess I’m all out of tears,” I said angrily. “Even if I wasn’t, he isn’t worth them. He did something that I can never forgive him for! It’s over between us, so please just drop it alright?”
“I mean, did he cheat on you or something? I just know that man fucking loves you more than life itself and I can’t see him doing something so unforgivable, Sky. Are you sure you have your facts straight on whatever it was you think he did?”
“Yes, I have all my facts straight! He lied to me about something, Kylie, and it wasn’t something little!” I shout as I slam down the box that I’m holding. “It’s the kind of lie that there’s no coming back from! I don’t want to talk about it, please.”
“Fine! I’ll drop it! But I still think you are making the worst mistake of your life by letting him go like this. If you really love someone, you fight for him or her, Skylar. You don’t push that person out of your life or run away from them like you’re doing.”
“I’m not running away! Do you not realize that because of him, I can’t go back to a job that I love or to a place to live that actually felt like a home? I can’t stay in this town and see all the million little reminders of him or of the people who are gone from my life. It’s time I move on. This is a chance for me to see the world and to get away for a while. Just please don’t be against me doing this. I need you on my side with this. Please understand that I need to do this for me.”
“I know, honey. I just love you and I hate seeing you go through all of this,” Kylie says sympathetically.
“I love you, too, Kyles. I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be okay.”
Who am I trying to fool? Would I ever really be okay again? I can’t even convince myself of that much less my best friend!
“Found it!” She exclaims as she drags out the box we had been searching for.
Carefully, I remove the tape from the outside of it and begin folding back the cardboard praying that they had packed it correctly. I see the two small picture albums to the side and breathe a sigh of relief.
There is no way I can be gone for months without being able to look at my parents’ picture.
Suddenly, a small white envelope catches my eye and I instantly recognize the elegant handwriting on top. Sebastian. With trembling hands, I reach down and lift it out of the box. I can’t stop shaking and I can feel the pulse in my neck thumping against my skin.
What is this doing in that box? Did he put it in there himself?
“What’s that?” Kylie asks me, as she curiously peeks over my shoulder.
“It’s um . . . a letter from Sebastian, but I don’t know why it’s in that box,” I answer her while trying to hide the emotion in my voice.
“Well? What are you waiting on? Aren’t you going to open it up and read it?” she asks curiously while my mind fights with my heart.
Open the letter. Come on. He’s reaching out to you.
“No, not right now. I don’t want to look at it,” I explain as I toss the letter on the top of the box beside me. Who am I kidding? Part of me wants to rip it open, while the other part of me wants to strike a match to it and watch it burn. Why did he have to go and do this? I’m leaving in just a few days and the last thing I can deal with right now is this damn letter.
“Do you want me to open it and read it to you?” she asks me.
“No, I’m not ready to read it—I need more time.”
I need Sebastian.
“Suit yourself there then, sister. I’ll take this box on out to my car. Why don’t you lock it up and we’ll go grab some lunch or something. I’m craving tacos and margaritas.”
“Sure, that sounds good, I’ll be right there,” I reply as I watch her turn and leave.
I wait until she is out of sight and then I pick the envelope back up.
Slowly, I trace the elegant lines of the black ink on the front. Something about the way he wrote my name sends chills down my spine. It is so personal, so intimate. My curiosity is driving me insane, but I just can’t bring myself to open it. In order to move past him, I have to prevent him from having control over me. This little thing in my hand already holds too much control and I hate him even more for that. Shoving the envelope down into my purse, I lock up the storage unit and head out to Kylie’s car. Right now those margaritas are sounding pretty damn good.
After lunch, Kylie convinced me to do a l
ittle shopping for my trip. Using some of my money that I had gotten from selling my Granma’s house, I began making the first steps toward my future. Kylie helps me pick out a new set of luggage and outfits for the trip. I have to admit; it had felt amazing trying on all of those clothes and shoes. I don’t want to wear or bring anything with me that Sebastian had bought me or complimented me on. If this is going to be a completely new fresh start for me, then I intend on doing it right from the beginning.
So many of these things that lay across Kylie’s bed, I would have never picked out for myself. This is who I am now and I am excited to show the world the new Skylar.
I lay the new suitcase across the bed and begin my daunting task of packing. How exactly does one pack for a trip around the world? I guess they pack everything.
After a few hours of rearranging and shoving, I now have everything packed and ready for the airport. Kylie and I had decided to spend our last night here together out having some fun. We’re headed to a new hot little club downtown for some drinks. I don’t need to spend any more time moping about my life. Tonight, I just want to forget that I ever knew the name Sebastian Thorne. With a new outfit and a new attitude, I bid farewell to the old Skylar and welcome the numbness that the new one feels.
For the rest of the night, we dance; we drink, and shamelessly flirt with men at the bar. I even welcome a stranger’s arms around me as we grind on the dance floor together. Later, I also welcome his lips against my neck in the hallway of the dark club. His touch and his smell don’t have any effect on me. Instead, I stand there and allow the alcohol to surge through my body and give me the courage I need to forget.
I must forget.
Tonight, I feel as if I am finally the one in control and I like it.
Around 2 am, Kylie is helping my very intoxicated self out the front door of the loud club. I hear her whispering something into her phone as she props me up against the cold brick wall that is behind me.
“Where are you? Yeah, we are up front. Okay. Thanks,” she says and ends her call.
Who is she talking to? Wait! Why the fuck do I care? I feel terrific!!
A few seconds later a familiar motor rumbles around the corner and I immediately recognize the Aston Martin that’s pulling up to the curb.
“What is he doing here? I don’t want him here,” I spat out at my friend.
Oh no! I’m going to be sick.
So I stagger in my tall heels to the side of the building, while my best friend keeps me from face planting into the pavement.
Over and over I vomit onto the pavement in the dark alley until sheer exhaustion overtakes my body. Kylie holds my hair back and tries to soothe me, but I am so weak that I have to grab for the brick wall. I can barely stand. I had forgotten Lucas was even here with us until I felt his strong arms reach around and pick me up. He pulls me to him and I lay my head against his chest and breathe him in. I barely remember him sitting me in the cool leather seat of his car before I pass out.
Lucas
I sit here watching my angel as she peacefully sleeps in my oversized bed. Last night I had been too afraid to fall asleep just in case she got sick again and needed me. I’m grateful that Kylie had called me to come and get her. She had argued with me a bit when I had insisted on bringing her home to my place instead of taking her back to her apartment, but I managed to convince her that it would be easier this way. Especially since we are supposed to fly out today.
Yeah, that doesn’t look like it’s going to happen.
I don’t know why she did this to herself last night. It angers me to think about some guy taking advantage of her in the state she’d been in. I am just so thankful Kylie hadn’t let anything happen to her. Swallowing my fears, I sit on the bed beside her sleeping body and take her in. I have dreamt for so long of seeing her in my bed and now that she’s in it, I don’t ever want her to leave. Even watching her all night had not been enough for me. I think I memorized every single thing about her perfect face and body as she slept.
I know she’s going to feel like shit when she wakes up this morning, so I postponed our departure until later. Brushing back the hair from her face, I can’t help but feel the tugging it causes in my chest. She’s my broken angel right now and I’d give anything to take away all her pain. Sebastian had shattered everything inside of her when he broke her heart. Because of him, she may never be able to love again.
What had he done that’s so unforgivable? Had he cheated on her? Had he lied to her about something? I know he would never lay a hand on her, but if I find that to be the reason, I’ll fucking kill him. It just pisses me off that here I am looking at the shell of what once was the most loving, beautiful soul I have ever known. He did this to her and for that, I’d never forgive him.
Yes, right now my gorgeous girl is lost, but I’ll help her find herself. She’ll learn to laugh and love again. I just pray that when she finally does, it’s me that she loves in the end.
Skylar
Shit! My head is killing me! Why is the clicking of that clock so damn loud? I cover my eyes with my arm and shield it from the sunshine that is saturating the huge room.
Seriously Kylie, invest in some damn shades and a quieter clock. Wait . . . clock? Kylie doesn’t even own a damn alarm clock.
I shoot up in the bed and look around.
Where the fuck am I? Oh no! Did I go home with that guy from the club last night?
I look down and cringe.
Shit! I’m wearing a guy's t-shirt!!!
I hear the shower running in the adjoining bathroom and I begin to freak out. Quickly, I spin around to get out of the bed to find my clothes, but the sudden movement makes my stomach begin to roll violently.
Oh shit! I’m going to be sick again!
Throwing the covers back, I try to stand, but find myself hunched over holding my mid section. I quickly make my way to the bathroom as the vomit begins rising in my throat. Throwing back the door, I make a run for the toilet and barely lift the lid in time before losing the contents of my stomach. The shower door opens, but I don’t even have the energy to look to see my one night stand’s face right now.
So this is what a hangover feels like. Why do people do this to themselves a second time?
I prop my head on the toilet and sit there in agony as I hear footsteps approaching. Still, I don’t bother looking up because I am disgusted with myself at the moment. The water at the sink turns on and off and it’s then that I feel him kneel down before me and gently lift my hair away from my face. He tenderly wipes my face with the cloth and I keep my eyes closed at my humiliation. At least one night stand guy is sweet about it I guess.
Once my face is clean, I feel him move in closer and I smell the amazing woodsy leather aroma in the air. Only one man can smell like this. I open my eyes and find Lucas smiling back at me, sporting nothing but a towel. Holy shit he looks like some Abercrombie model standing with his ripped muscles and broad shoulders. The dragon tattoo that I love so much is glistening with beads of water that remain from his recent shower.
I wish I could stand upright now so I can run away and hide, but instead I just close my eyes and groan at my stupidity.
“Hello there, my gorgeous girl. How are we feeling this morning?” He teases and I flip him off.
Laughing, he squats down beside me on the cold tile floor. He lifts my hair and begins securing it back with a hair tie. I won’t ask where he got that from, but I’m glad to have my hair out of my face. Lucas takes the cool rag and begins wiping the back of my neck with it.
Oh that feels better. I lay my head over the seat of the toilet and pray for the nausea to stop. It doesn’t, of course, but neither does Lucas. He hasn’t ceased caring for me since I came in here.
I really just want to die. Actually I am pretty sure I’m dying at this point. I have never felt so horribly sick in my entire life. I thought if I could just keep swallowing the shots that eventually Sebastian would leave my head, but even at my drunkest point…he rema
ined.
Oh no! No! I’m going to be sick again.
Lucas
Although she still hasn’t completely recovered from her hangover, she’s now mostly back to herself. The sight of her in my kitchen makes me smile. Even though we had dated for a little while, she hadn’t been to my place too many times. She has me completely mesmerized, watching her move about so comfortably in the large room. She belongs here and I want that more than anything. She hasn’t noticed me yet, so I duck around the corner of the room and study her long beautiful legs in that oversized t-shirt of mine that she’s still wearing. Her long hair is still wet from her bath and is now springing into curls across her shoulders.
She looks cute as hell trying to cook us pancakes this morning for breakfast. I stand there and try suppressing my laughter as she frantically tries to reach the maple syrup above her on the top shelf of the pantry. Trust me, from where I am standing; I have the perfect view of her deliciously perfect ass. Each time she stretches and jumps, her hot pink lace underwear plays peek-a-boo out from underneath the hem of the shirt. She is tempting my cock in ways I have never known and has my manhood saluting the heavens above me.
Holy shit, I shouldn’t be wearing these lounging pants. They’re so not going to hide the massive hard on I’m sporting right now.
Once I tame myself, I slowly make my way around behind her. Her intoxicating smell floods my senses and I fight like hell to not take her right then and there. Damn it! Why does she have to smell so fucking sweet? Holding my breath, I reach around her body and savor her delicious aroma as I retrieve the syrup off the shelf.
“Oh, thanks,” she says with an embarrassed smile. “I didn’t know you were awake. I would have changed out of this if I had known.”
“And why would you want to do that? I happen to like what you are wearing,” I tease her while I wiggle my eyebrows up and down. She rewards me with a sweet smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. Those beautiful eyes of hers are still dull and lifeless when I look back into them.
Thorneless (Rose of Thorne Series) Page 3
