“This is one of a kind. There’ll never be another.” She lifted it out of the case and handed it to him.
He turned it around in his hand. “Is the band platinum?”
The clerk nodded. “Yes, and I used some stones removed from an antique ring.”
Zeke studied her, changing his original opinion. She was the artist, not just a store clerk.
“It’s my most expensive piece.”
“It’s perfect. I’ll take it.”
She smiled now. Starving artist be damned, she definitely liked selling something this expensive. Zeke handed her a credit card and watched as she placed the ring in a box as unique as the ring itself, a bird with rainbow wings that spread wide when the box was opened and wrapped around the box when closed. The kids would love this little box.
Feeling good about his purchase, he walked from the store with a spring in his step. He debated whether or not to give Paisley the ring in the traditional one-knee way, but this was a fake engagement, and he needed to remember that.
Instead, he waited until after she’d put the kids to bed and asked her to join him on the deck. They drank wine and watched a ferry cross Puget Sound. Zeke fidgeted as butterflies fluttered in his stomach, and he tried to rein in the wild beating of his heart.
Paisley looked over at him, her smile warming every corner of his cold soul. He smiled back and reached for her hand. Pure affection slid through him like a tropical fish gliding through warm turquoise water. There was nothing wrong with liking Paisley, he reminded himself. Liking her made this farce so much easier to pull off. They both played their parts well, and he’d reward her handsomely once they ended it.
Zeke rubbed his free hand over his face. A lead weight settled in his stomach, and he forced the negativity from his mind. This was all good. He was a loner, meant to truly be alone. She lived to shine her light on people who needed her. If she stayed with him, he’d dull that light, even extinguish it. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself.
He had her now, and he’d stay in the moment. She was a gift lent to him by the universe. He knew as well as anyone the universe could be cruel, and someday it would demand that he give her back. That day hadn’t come quite yet, and he’d make the most of the todays and tomorrows they had together.
“Thank you for everything. Despite the outing being all for show, we had an awesome time.”
“I know. That’s how it is when you hang with me.” He gave her a cocky grin, meant to detour the serious direction of their conversation to something more shallow.
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t let it go to your head, but you were good with Sadie, faking it or not.”
He blinked and searched for words that wouldn’t reveal the turmoil inside him. The day started out as a promo op and ended with promo being the furthest thing from his mind. He’d forgotten about Bernie as a paid photographer and enjoyed the day more than he had a right to. They weren’t his family, and they never would be. Yet for a brief few hours, he’d overlooked the facts and lived in the moment.
“You were wonderful. The kids all like you.” Paisley looked at Zeke with such longing in her eyes, he ached to wrap her in his arms and never let go, but he contented himself with holding her small hand. Eventually he would let her go. It was, after all, the right thing to do, and Zeke almost always did the right thing, even if his heart wasn’t in it.
“What about you, Paisley? Do you like me?”
“Of course I do. You’re a nice guy most of the time.”
“I’m sorry I lost my temper.”
“I know you are. Everyone loses it once in a while, and I should’ve asked your permission about the kittens.”
“I would’ve said no,” he admitted with a wry smile, then he frowned. “What if I’m not the guy everyone thinks I am?”
She laughed at him. “You’re not making sense.”
“Yeah, forget it. I’m just being weird. I had fun,” he said honestly. He was telling the truth, not saying what he thought people wanted to hear, and the truth felt damn good.
“I could tell. You were like a little kid out there.”
He laughed, letting her joy absorb his pain. “It was fascinating.”
“Haven’t you ever been to a zoo before?” Her brows drew together in puzzlement.
Zeke shook his head, feeling his face heat up with embarrassment. “My family focused on sports. We didn’t have time for frivolous excursions.”
“Everything I’ve read says you had a great childhood.”
“You shouldn’t believe everything you read.”
“I don’t. You can’t erase what I saw and heard, Zeke. You blame your brothers for leaving you with him. What happened? What did he do to you?”
Zeke ground his teeth together. All the good feelings lost their buoyancy and sank to the bottom of his gut like a lead weight. “I can’t—I won’t talk about him.”
“Why not?” she pushed.
“Because I hate him,” he snarled, and jerked his hand from hers. Leaping to his feet, he paced the deck. With both hands balled into fists, he glanced around for something to punch and not break his knuckles. Wave after wave of near-lethal animosity crashed through him, burying the peaceful shoreline of his mind with dark, ugly blackness.
He’d worked on his anger in therapy, but he hadn’t dealt with it. He’d repressed it.
Paisley stared at him with wide eyes and mouth agape in shock. He knew then as well as he knew how to catch a ball in his mitt that his blackness would destroy her if he held on to her too long. The concern in those deep brown eyes undid him, beating down on him with guilt over his outburst, guilt over scarring her with the depth of his destructive emotions, guilt over letting her glimpse the man underneath the carefully constructed bullshit.
Making a Herculean effort to force his anger back in its box, he leaned against the railing and sucked in the night air with huge, ragged gulps.
Breathe in and out. Long, slow breaths. Calming breaths. Clear your mind. Relax.
Finally, his heart rate slowed and his fists uncurled. He turned to her, once again composed. She’d silently moved to stand near him and reached out a tentative hand to touch his shoulder.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded and managed a smile. “Yes. Please don’t ask me about him again.”
“I won’t. I’m sorry.”
“Good. How about we go to bed? Together.” He pulled her close to his side.
“What do you think I am? A fake fiancée with benefits?” She’d picked up on the lightness in his tone and given him a teasing response. He could hug her for letting him off the hook.
“I could work with that.” Zeke grinned, feeling a tightening in his groin.
“So could I, even if I shouldn’t, but I should check on the kids.”
“They’re fine. They’re asleep. They’ve had an exhausting day.”
“So have I.”
“Not too exhausted for what I have planned next.” He tugged on her hand and led her to one of the huge flowerpots with colorful blooms spilling over the sides. He reached around the back and extracted the bird box.
“Oh, my, what a gorgeous box.”
He opened it, letting the bird spread its wings and reveal the treasure inside. Paisley gasped.
“Do you like it?”
“It’s beautiful.” Tears formed in her eyes.
“I know you said you wanted a big-ass engagement ring, but I thought this was more you.”
“Oh, it is, it is.” She reached out for it, and he yanked it away.
“Oh, no, not yet. A fake engagement requires a fake proposal.” Against his better judgment, he sank to one knee, and she giggled. Taking both her hands in his, he spoke, simply and from the heart. Somewhere deep inside, he wasn’t certain he was faking this.
“Paisley, you light up every dark place inside me and chase away the loneliness. You take away the pain that I never thought would end. You make me believe in things I never dared to believe in. You
give me hope where once there was only fear and resignation. You bring joy to my sadness. You are my safe oasis in the middle of a perfect storm. I want you by my side. I want to look at this view with you for the rest of our days.” Emotions played across her face. Her lips quivered, and a lone tear crept down her cheek.
“Zeke.” She whispered his name, and a breeze picked it up and carried it to the heavens, sending down stars to light his heart with joy. “That’s quite the fake proposal.”
“When you’re good, you’re good,” he quipped, trying to make light of words that had come from his heart without his permission. “Will you marry me, Paisley?”
She nodded, tears streaming unchecked down her cheeks. His own eyes threatened to fill with tears, but he blinked them back. Zeke placed the ring on her hand and rose to his feet, pulling her into his arms. She felt so good, so right, as comfortable as his favorite baseball glove and as exciting as hitting a grand slam.
She buried her head in his shoulder, and he stroked her hair. Zeke placed his hands on either side of her face and tasted the salt from the tears on her cheeks.
He’d told her the truth, and he’d told himself a bigger lie.
He wasn’t faking this.
Chapter 17—Tagging the Base
Much to Paisley’s dismay, Zeke left the next morning on a road trip after a long night of lovemaking, which spanned the entire range of emotions: soft, slow, and gentle, to hard, passionate, and almost crazed in its intensity.
With a kiss full of promise, Zeke left Paisley’s bed early in the morning to catch the team plane.
Paisley cuddled his pillow next to her face. His scent still lingered along with the smell of their sexy night together. She drifted in a state of drowsy happiness in that blissful place between sleep and full wakefulness.
The alarm rang, and reality slammed into her.
She was a single parent to three kids. She had a fake fiancé who had piles of baggage. She had a brother-in-law who had most likely killed her sister. He would come looking for her when he finally was released from jail. While she wasn’t exactly in hiding, she didn’t need to advertise where she was, either. By being Zeke’s fiancée, she’d agreed to do just that. Without once considering the well-being of the kids, she’d put them out there to be seen by every crazy person, including the craziest of all—their father.
She ran her finger over the beautiful ring Zeke had given her, torn between living in this fantasy and owning up to the reality. Her ability to dwell on the good things won out. She’d ride this fairy-tale horse as far as she could ride it.
Besides, Zeke would protect her and the kids, only he was gone at least two weeks out of every month, and she’d never told him the entire situation, either. The last thing she wanted was to drag him into her drama when he was trying so hard to get his career on track and deal with his brothers. He didn’t need to shoulder her problems.
She hated negative thoughts. So she turned them upside down. Virgil wouldn’t come after them. He didn’t want to be burdened with children, and he’d be on probation, so he’d have to stay in Idaho.
All was good.
Dragging herself out of bed, she stood in the shower and let the warm water slide down her body.
Clarity, or her brand of it, often came to her in the shower. She knew she tended to pepper her reality with happy, friendly twists on whatever challenging events she was facing at present. She had learned to do this as a little girl when their mother left them alone overnight. Paisley and her sister Calico would pretend they were princesses kidnapped by the witch. Of course, a handsome prince would rescue them and take them to his palace to live happily ever after. Then there were the few occasions she had friends over to find her mother passed out on the couch. She’d tell them her mother worked three jobs and was sleeping. When asked about the absence of her father, Paisley told the story of the war hero who never came home. A half-truth, since the “never came home” part was accurate. When she couldn’t afford to go to college, she convinced herself she needed more time to mature enough to appreciate the experience and would do it later when she was ready.
Yeah, her life was one large fantasy and denial of reality. She’d taken on the kids thinking it’d be easy. Being a surrogate mother hadn’t been easy, but she wouldn’t change it for the world.
Now she had Zeke in her life, and she’d fallen absolutely head over heels in love with him. She’d been there before, but this time was different. Yeah, she’d thought the others had been different, too, but Zeke really was different. Besides, Zeke needed her, and soon he’d see how much he needed her. She would show him and make her fantasy into her reality.
Smiling at the thought, because she could do this, she walked into the kitchen and put together lunches. The ache between her legs reminded her of last night. They’d been insatiable. She touched her lips; the feel of his mouth lingered there.
Brayden walked in, dragging his backpack behind him, and Paisley switched back to mother mode. He took a seat at the small table and poured some cereal, liberally dousing it with milk and sugar. She should say something, but she didn’t. Brayden needed some weight on his bones.
“School’s out soon. When’s the last day?” He gazed up at her.
He’d been asking her this question for a month. “The end of next week.”
“Are you going to marry Mr. Zeke?”
Paisley’s head shot up, and she rubbed the ring on her finger. “I, I—uh, well, it’s been discussed. I’d like to.” She frowned, mad at herself for being so honest with a child and giving him false hope.
“If you marry him, can we move upstairs?”
Purr leaped onto the kitchen table. Paisley scooped her up and put her on the floor. “Bad kitty.” She shook her finger at the kitten, who stared up at her with wide eyes and attempted to climb her legs. Her sharp claws dug in. Paisley extracted her from her jeans. Taking a slip of paper, she balled it between her hands and tossed it on the floor. The kitten crouched low and began to stalk the paper.
Brayden laughed. “Kittens are weird.”
“They sure are.”
“Can we move upstairs?” he asked again.
“Zeke really likes his privacy.”
Brayden’s face scrunched up in absolute concentration, then he smiled. “I’ll ask him.”
“Uh, I wouldn’t do that.”
“Why not?”
Paisley sank down on the chair across from him. Dealing with kids’ constant questions was draining, but she was glad they asked instead of staring at her silently as they had after their mother disappeared. “It’s complicated.”
He tilted his head and frowned, leaving her wondering if he understood the word complicated. He dug into his very soggy cereal and didn’t ask any more questions.
A few seconds later, the whirlwind that was Sophie flew into the kitchen. She squatted down to pet the kittens, then crawled onto a barstool. Brayden helped her with her cereal and milk. She dug in, never stopping to breathe or take a break from the never-ending chatter coming from her mouth.
“Did you see the guy working on the house? He bent down and you could see his butt. It was gross. Sadie didn’t like it, but I thought it was funny, even if it was gross. He needs to fix his pants so they don’t do that. Don’t you think?”
Paisley opened her mouth to answer, but Sophie plunged onward, barely taking a breath.
“The other guy working on the house has long hair in a ponytail. He has lots of ta-ta—uh, toos. He has a horse with a long tail on his arm. I saws it.”
Paisley just nodded. Sadie came into the room much more demurely and sat next to her twin. Sophie turned to her. Without pausing, she continued her descriptions of the workers.
Paisley shook her head and hid a smile. This was how kids should be: happy, secure, and bubbling with energy. Even Sadie smiled now and almost bubbled, though Paisley doubted Sadie would ever be a bubbler unless Zeke came home with a coveted pony one day.
Zeke.
; It all circled back to Zeke.
They might have a fake engagement, but last night their relationship had become real, to her. Somehow she’d make it real to Zeke, too, and they’d be a real family.
* * * *
Zeke sat in the locker room before the game, scrolling through pictures of the kids on his phone. Paisley had sent him some of the best ones taken of their zoo excursion five days ago.
He couldn’t wait to get back home, even though he’d had a productive road trip. He’d had a hit in every single game and a few RBIs so far, with one game to go.
He smiled at the pic of Sadie on his shoulders, laughing and pointing at the giraffes. The next one showed him sitting with the three kids and Paisley, eating ice cream cones.
Fernando sat down across from him. “You look happy.”
Zeke glanced up. “Just looking at some pics of the zoo outing.” He held up his phone to show his friend. Pretty soon a few more guys gathered around, and they started sharing pictures of their own kids. A month ago Zeke would’ve never imagined he’d be part of a team-bonding moment like this.
Sully sat by himself at his locker, scowling at them. An odd feeling of sadness tweaked Zeke. A few months ago that would’ve been Zeke, with a few differences. Zeke billed himself as a nice guy, while Sully embraced the same badass rep Zeke’s asshole brother Isaac once had. The result was the same.
Loneliness. Soul-sucking loneliness.
Zeke’s smile caved momentarily at the thought of how very alone he’d been and how much his life had changed.
He didn’t want to go back to being that person, but he couldn’t shake off the darkness insisting he couldn’t have what he wanted because he didn’t deserve any of it. He wasn’t good enough. He was flawed, and his life couldn’t include normal, everyday things.
But he could pretend for a little while.
“And this Pedro. He three. He like trucks,” Juan, a pitcher just called up from the minors, said in his broken English. He’d already shown them pictures of at least three kids.
Bottom of the Ninth: Seattle Skookums Baseball (Game On in Seattle Book 6) Page 19
