“Hey. Works for me,” Jenna laughed. “Maybe I’ll be really decadent and have a second glass of wine at home, after we put the kids to bed. And you can help me toast turning thirty.”
“It’s a date,” he promised. “Have to be a nonalcoholic toast for me, night before the game. But it’s the thought that counts.”
“Is it time now?” Harry asked eagerly.
“Harry,” Sophie hissed. “Not yet. Wait till pudding comes.”
“Ooh, a surprise?” Jenna asked. “How exciting.”
“You have to wait,” Sophie said severely. “That’s the rule.”
“All right,” Jenna sighed. “I’ll try to be patient.” She winked at Finn and saw his answering grin.
“Now it’s time,” Sophie announced, when their desserts and Jenna’s coffee arrived at the table. Harry dove underneath and produced the small bag he’d brought with him. He pulled out two heavily decorated homemade cards and knelt on his chair to put them in front of Jenna.
“Oh,” Jenna said helplessly. Harry’s card showed a curly-haired stick figure with a triangle for a skirt, beneath a laboriously printed “Happy Birthday Jenna.” The “J” was backwards, and Jenna’s heart twisted with love. She opened the card to find a hugely printed, “I Love You. From Harry.”
“It’s beautiful,” she told him. “Thank you, Harry.”
“Mine next,” Sophie urged her.
Sophie’s card was an explosion of color, featuring flowers and stars and heavily embellished with shiny stickers of hearts, rainbows, and more flowers. Jenna read aloud. “I hope you have a very nice birthday. Thank you for taking care of us. Love, Sophie.”
“Thank you,” she told the little girl. “It’s lovely. I’m going to put both of these next to my bed when we get home, so I can look at them every day.”
“That’s not all, though,” Harry said. “We have a really, really big surprise.” He pulled a gift-wrapped box out of the bag and reached again to place it ceremoniously in front of Jenna.
“It’s your birthday pressie!” he announced, wriggling with excitement. “We all bought it. Daddy took us, but Sophie and I helped choose it. It’s really, really pretty. It’s for you to wear.”
“Harry,” Sophie hissed. “Don’t give it away. Wait till she opens it.”
“I didn’t say it was a necklace,” Harry protested. “I just said it was pretty.”
Sophie groaned and slapped her palm to her forehead as Finn and Jenna laughed.
“Never mind,” Jenna consoled a mortified Harry. “I’m opening it now anyway, see? I’m very surprised that you bought me a present. And so happy.”
She was happy, she realized, opening the white box and peeling back the tissue paper. In fact, she was in danger of crying, right here and now. Her mouth opened in genuine shock as she pulled back the final layer of paper and pulled out the greenstone pendant.
“You can’t be a real Kiwi if you don’t have a pendant,” Finn told her with a smile. “We reckoned you needed one.”
“It’s a koru!” Harry was bouncing in his seat now. “And it’s real pounamu, Jenna! It’s green, like your eyes! D’you like it?”
“I love it,” Jenna said fervently, holding the jade ornament in her hand, tracing the delicately carved spiral shape with her thumb. “It’s so beautiful. Thank you.”
She really was crying now, she realized. She picked up her napkin and wiped the tears away with an apologetic laugh, then put the black cord around her head, adjusting its length so the deep green spiral sat just beneath her collarbones, cool against her skin.
“Are you sad?” Sophie asked anxiously. “We thought you’d be happy. We thought it was pretty. We thought you’d like it.”
“It’s so beautiful,” Jenna told them through her tears. “Thank you.” She got up and went around to the other side of the table to give each of them a hug and kiss. Then looked across, her eyes meeting Finn’s.
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “This means a lot to me.”
“No worries,” He smiled back at her. “We did think it would match your eyes. And that the symbol was right. Because the koru’s all about nurturing and peace. And I’d say that’s what you’re all about too. It’s the symbol for new beginnings as well. And unless I’ve guessed wrong, I reckon that works. Your first thirty years may not have been everything you could’ve wished for. But the next thirty are a whole new story.”
“Why are you still crying?” Sophie asked as Jenna reached for another napkin. “Aren’t you happy?”
“Sometimes people cry when they’re happy too,” Jenna told her, pulling herself back under control and returning to her seat. “And right now, I’m very, very happy. Thanks to all of you.”
“Cheers.” Finn reached across the coffee table with his mug of tea and clinked it against her wine glass. “Happy thirtieth.”
“Thanks.” Jenna took a sip and set her glass down on the coaster. “And thank you for dinner, and my present.” She touched the pendant at her throat, traced the design with her finger. “I wasn’t expecting anything like this. You really did surprise me. I’m so touched.”
“We all wanted to do something. Did you have a good day, though? Hear from your family, and all?”
“Ah. That would be somebody else’s thirtieth birthday,” she said wryly.
“Not even your mum?” he asked in surprise. “Sorry. Has she passed away?”
Jenna shook her head, took another sip of wine. “Not dead. Let’s just say I don’t really have any family. But hey, that’s why I could come to New Zealand and reinvent myself. Which people have been doing for a long time now, right?”
“Crikey. Well, I’d say you’ve done a good job of it.” He smiled across at her and lifted his mug again in salute. “Here’s to new beginnings.”
Jenna sat on her bed in her nightgown. She adjusted the black cord to lengthen it, then pulled the pendant over her head and sat fingering the koru, her fingers sliding once again over its pleasing coolness, the smooth, polished curves. She looked at the two cards, sitting as promised on her bedside table, and felt the lump rising in her throat again.
They’re not your family. She felt the truth of Natalie’s words like a blow to her chest. It had felt so much like it, though. Sitting in the pub, opening her birthday cards and reading their sweet messages. Knowing that Finn had gone to the trouble to take the kids shopping and, she knew, urge them to make those cards. And had chosen something with such significance to her.
The koru’s all about nurturing and peace. And I’d say that’s what you’re all about too. She’d spent her entire life wishing to be part of a family like this, trying to find the kind of connection she’d felt tonight. First with her mother, then with Jeremy. And had never even come close, until now.
But Jeremy had got her here, she reminded herself again. Her life with him hadn’t worked out the way she had imagined it would. But he’d been a good friend once. Whatever she could say about this birthday, she was light years away from where she’d been ten years ago. She’d had her very first chance, that year, to get away from Las Vegas. And what a revelation it had been. Even though it was only the first small step in the journey that had led her here.
“I got the job!” She had put her phone down that late spring day and given Jeremy an exuberant hug.
“Awesome,” he congratulated her. “Pity you can’t come back to En Zed with me, though. Mum told me we’re doing a trip to Queenstown for the skiing.”
“Winter does sound good,” she agreed, looking out her dorm window at the heat-baked sidewalks of the UNLV campus, the sprinklers arcing over green lawns. The mercury was regularly hitting 90 already, and it was only May. “Or just someplace cooler. I wasn’t looking forward to staying here. But New Zealand—I can’t ski. And I need to earn money for next year, you know that.” And most importantly, she thought to herself, she wouldn’t even have been able to afford the plane fare.
“Two good reasons,” Jeremy admitted. “One, anyway. Y
ou could learn to ski. But being a counselor at a summer camp? Are you sure this is what you want? Kids, all the time?”
“If I’m going to be a teacher, it had better be,” she said firmly. “And don’t start with that. You, the guidance counselor, my high school teachers, even some of my professors. Everybody.”
“Maybe the fact that everybody’s saying that should be telling you something. Teaching pays sod all. And business courses aren’t really any harder. You’re the one helping me with the maths.”
“It’s not what I want to do,” she reminded him as patiently as she could. “It isn’t what you want to do either, and you know it. At least I’m studying what I like.”
He grimaced. “Mum and Dad’re so keen for me to enter the firm, though. And I can always write on the side. Like I’m doing now.”
“Yeah,” she sighed. “You’re doing what your family approves of, but it’s not what you want. And I’m doing what I want, and nobody approves of it. Neither of us is exactly matched up, are we? I thought college was supposed to be this carefree time when you explored all your options.”
“You’d have to work a bit less for that to be true, in your case,” Jeremy pointed out. “Unless you really wanted to explore the option of working in the dining hall. Did you mention the job to your Mum yet?”
“No,” Jenna admitted. “I can’t tell which I’m dreading more. That she’ll be upset that I’ll be gone all summer. Or that she won’t be.”
She got her answer soon after Jeremy left. “Oh. Hi,” Sherri answered the phone unenthusiastically. “I’m on my way out. What’s going on?”
That wasn’t a very promising beginning. “Just wanted to tell you, Mom. I got a summer job, a good one, as a camp counselor in Colorado. It pays pretty well, because some of the kids have special needs. But it means I’ll be gone all summer. Starting in early June, as soon as school lets out.”
“Uh-huh.” Jenna heard her mother inhale, then blow the smoke out again. “I don’t know why you’d want to work with a bunch of retarded kids. It sounds disgusting. But I was going to call you anyway. Can you come get the rest of your stuff? Because I think Dwight’s going to ask me to move in with him. And I don’t want to store all your shit.”
“Uh . . . sure.” Jenna wondered why she had even considered the possibility of her mother’s being upset at her absence. She certainly hadn’t seemed to be pining at the loss of her company so far.
“Call before you come by, though,” Sherri continued. “Because I haven’t exactly told him about you. He thinks I’m thirty-three. It’d be a little hard to explain you. He’s not going to believe I had a baby when I was thirteen.”
“All right.” Jenna felt the familiar disappointment seeping through her. She shouldn’t expect any more, after all these years. But being asked to disappear herself from her mother’s life . . . surely that was a new low.
“Which one is Dwight again?” she asked.
Sherri sighed impatiently. “The dealer. He deals twenty-one at Caesar’s. He makes plenty, and he’s not shy about spreading it around. Especially to people he likes. And believe me, I’ve made sure he likes me. I don’t want to screw it up now. I’m thinking that if I handle this right, he just might propose.”
“That’s great, Mom.”
“How’s your boyfriend, anyway?” Sherri asked without much interest. “That what’s his name? You still hanging onto him?”
“Jeremy,” Jenna reminded her. “And yes, we’re still together. He’s going back to New Zealand for the break, though.”
“And you couldn’t get him to take you with him?” her mother asked.
“He did ask, actually. But I can’t afford it. You know that. The fare, and not working.”
“Don’t say that like it’s my fault,” Sherri told her sharply. “I’ve sacrificed plenty for you. I raised you, didn’t I? And if you think it was easy, you’re kidding yourself. I had dreams once too, you know.”
“I wasn’t saying that, Mom,” Jenna sighed. “Just that I can’t afford to go.”
“His family’s loaded, though,” her mother complained. “Why didn’t you hint around, get him to pay for it? Sometimes I can’t even believe that you’re my daughter. It’s like they switched babies on me. I could’ve got that trip out of any man by the time I was sixteen.”
“Yeah.” Jenna wished she had a snappy comeback. But, as usual, she couldn’t think of anything to say. Anything that would make her feel stronger, more powerful. Let alone impress her mother. “Anyway. I just wanted to tell you.”
“Come get that stuff,” Sherri reminded her. “But call first. I gotta go.”
“Bye.” Jenna put the phone down. Good thing she did have that job. Because it looked like whatever had remained of her childhood had just ended.
Someday, she promised herself, feeling hollow inside. Someday she’d have her own family. And when she did, she was going to do it differently. She was going to do it right.
Chapter 13
“Can Caitlin spend the night tomorrow?” Sophie asked when Jenna arrived at school on Thursday afternoon. “Please, Jenna? We want to make more jewelry.”
Jenna looked from one little girl to the other as they turned beseeching faces to her. “It’s all right with me,” she said. “We’ll have to ask Caitlin’s mum, though.”
“It’ll be OK with my mum,” Caitlin said confidently. “She loves me to have sleepovers. She says it gets me out of her hair.”
“Mum!” she called, as Siobhan approached with Ethan by the hand. “Can I sleep over with Sophie tomorrow night?”
“You need to wait to be invited,” Siobhan chided. “Sorry, Jenna,” she apologized. “My offspring have no manners, I’m afraid.”
“It’s all right,” Jenna smiled. “I was just inviting her. We request the favor of Caitlin’s company tomorrow night. And Ethan’s as well,” she decided. “If you think he’s old enough. He and Harry have been getting on so famously, and I know Harry’d enjoy it.”
“Yeh,” Harry agreed. “We could make a jungle scene, Ethan!”
“What do you think?” Jenna asked. “Date night?”
“Date night sounds choice,” Siobhan said. “If I remember how. I’ll probably start cutting Declan’s meat for him. Are you sure it won’t be too much, though, to have both of them?”
“You’d be doing me a favor,” Jenna assured her. “Giving them both some company. Finn’s gone for twelve days, and I’m going to get a little nuts.”
“And the solution for that is two more kids?” Siobhan asked dubiously.
“Variety,” Jenna said. “And it’ll keep them entertained too. Keep me from having to play Candyland.”
“You can’t put a price on that,” Siobhan agreed.
“There is a catch, though,” Jenna warned. “You have to have a cup of tea and a chat with me when you come to get them Saturday morning, give me some adult companionship.”
“Think I could fit that in,” Siobhan mused. “Help me recover from my big night out. Wait till I tell Declan. He’s going to be chuffed.”
“Mum! We made cookies!” Ethan ran to his mother on Saturday morning and gave her a hug.
“How’d he do?” Siobhan asked Jenna as they went into the kitchen after promising Ethan and Harry that they could finish building their jungle.
“Great. We watched Finding Nemo last night, and we made cookies this morning.” Jenna handed Siobhan a container of still-warm peanut butter cookies laced with chocolate chunks. “Some to take home.”
“Just what my waistline doesn’t need,” Siobhan said ruefully. “Declan’ll be rapt, though. Finding Nemo, eh.”
“Sophie’s favorite. For obvious reasons. She has a bit of a Daddy thing.”
“Understandable, with no mum.” Siobhan watched Jenna pour tea into her cup, added milk and sugar. Took a peanut butter cookie without too much coaxing.
“Yeah,” Jenna sighed. “Makes this long road trip tough for her. Having Caitlin over helped a lot. And we’ll
watch him play tonight. That always makes her feel better. As long as he doesn’t get injured, that is.”
“I can’t imagine,” Siobhan mused. “Seeing your dad on TV every week. A bit weird.”
“It’s what they’ve grown up with,” Jenna pointed out. “It’s normal to them. He calls too, almost every night. He’s really good about that. But seeing him play is the best. Gives Sophie something to discuss with him, too. You should hear her,” she chuckled. “I don’t even know what she’s talking about, half the time.”
“I wouldn’t know, either,” Siobhan said. “Declan tries to explain all the rules to me, but I’m not that interested. Just like watching the boys in their little shorts.” They laughed together. “There’re some fit fellas on the All Blacks. Finn amongst them.”
“Mmm,” Jenna agreed.
“Does he have a girlfriend now?” Siobhan asked curiously.
“Sorry,” Jenna said with a smile. “My employer, you know. I can’t really talk about that.”
“Course,” Siobhan said with disappointment. “No rules about the other blokes, though, are there? You could give me a bit of gossip about somebody else. That’d do me.”
“Finn doesn’t tell me anything interesting that way, alas. If you want to know who’s got a separated shoulder, I’m your woman. But as to who’s separated from his wife . . .” Jenna shrugged. “Can’t help you.”
“Oh, well,” Siobhan said with resignation. “Nothing quite as interesting anyway, since Drew Callahan got married and Koti James got himself engaged. Wedding day coming up, I hear. That’ll be a national day of mourning for the female population.”
“Why is that, though?” Jenna wondered. “Why do we feel disappointed when somebody like that gets married? I mean, did you or I really think we were going to sleep with Koti James in this lifetime? Have we really lost anything?”
“Lost the dream,” Siobhan sighed. “Now I’ll have to kill off his wife in my mind before I get horizontal with him. So much work.”
“Homicide does take the edge off that sexual fantasy,” Jenna laughed.
Just for Now: Escape to New Zealand Book Three Page 10
