by Ruby Dixon
“I’m fine,” I tell him, even though I’m not. The stabbing pain in my side isn’t going away, and I want to cry because everything hurts so much. My brain feels scrambled and it’s hard to focus. But we’re alive. I have vague memories of being inside the ship when everything shook and then—
I gasp, sitting upright again and looking around. In the dark, it’s hard to make out anything. I feel the floor underneath me, though, and I can feel a few familiar squares that feel like keyboard keys.
Oh my god. This narrow, dark pit? This is the ship.
“What happened?” I ask Rukh. “Tell me.”
He pulls Rukhar close and ignores the baby’s smacking fists. He presses his mouth to the top of Rukhar’s head and I think for a moment he’s not going to answer. But then he speaks, slowly, as if trying to remember the words. “Cave…move.”
The ship moved? I peer up, to the bright spot that hurts my eyes. I try to force myself to look even though it makes my head throb. It’s the door we use to come in and out of the ship…and it’s about a hundred feet up.
The ship is sideways.
I’m suddenly terrified. If the ship is sideways, what is it resting on? We might be in danger even now. “Rukh, we have to get out of here.”
He growls again, and I’m hoping it’s acknowledgment.
I stare up at the doorway and wonder how we’re going to get there. We have Rukhar, and I’m having a hard time sitting up, much less climbing out of a wall. Hot tears threaten, but I swipe them away. Now is not the time. I have to save my baby and my mate. “Can you carry Rukhar?” I ask him. “I don’t think I can carry him up the wall.”
“Carry,” he rasps, and touches my cheek. “Har-loh carry. Rukhar carry.”
He wants to carry me? It’s sweet, but I want them to get out first. “I can manage,” I tell him, crawling to my hands and knees. If I go slow, maybe I can do this. Heck, I don’t have a choice— I will do this. “Everything is going to be fine, Rukh.”
My mate pulls my son close to his chest and tucks him into what looks like a leather sling. He gets to his feet and then looks down at me, waiting. It’s clear he’s not leaving without me.
Okay. I need to move, then. I slowly get to my feet. Once there, everything seems to hurt worse and my rib feels like it’s stabbing a hole in my gut. I need something to lean on, and am grateful when Rukh is there, cradling me close. “Har-loh.”
Rukhar starts to wail.
“I know,” I say, trying not to breathe in too deep. “I’m coming. Take Rukhar out of here if you can. I’ll be right behind you.”
He puts an arm around my shoulders, ignoring my request.
“No,” I tell him, pushing away his touch. It hurts—both physically and mentally—to do so, but my little Rukhar is screaming and I’m worried over him and my mate. I need them safe. Being in the belly of the ship while it’s turned on its side is terrifying me. I need them out so I can concentrate on rescuing myself. “No, Rukh. I need you to take him to safety. Get him out of here. Now.” When he hesitates again, I continue. “If you love me, you’ll do that.”
Rukh makes a pained groan, and I can hear his tail flicking against the floor angrily. He’s mad at me—and hurt—but I need them to be safe.
“I’m right behind you,” I promise him. Somehow I will be.
With a snarl of frustration, he flings himself away, and I watch as he moves to the wall and begins to climb it with effortless ease. Rukhar’s wails grow stronger, and my body vibrates with anxiety. My need to be a mother and protect him wars with my need to tumble back to the floor and take a break from standing. I’m already exhausted, my legs strangely weak. But I can’t stay here.
I watch as Rukh climbs, and as he disappears into the sunlight above, I get a flash of bare ass and a glimpse of his sac swinging between his legs as he climbs out. Naked? Wonder what happened there. The sight of it is enough to make me smile, though, and it rejuvenates me. I can do this. I need to be with them. Rukhar needs me desperately…and Rukh might need me even more than that.
I take a shuffling step forward. Pain lances through my body, and I double over, which only causes more pain. Everything hurts. Everything. I’m starting to worry I might not be able to make it up the wall. Floor. Whatever.
Rukh did it, I remind myself. He’s out there with your baby, waiting for you. You don’t have a choice.
And I don’t, so I push forward another step. Then another. I make it to the wall and put my hands on it, feeling around for a handhold. There’s not much, but I manage to wedge my fingers into a crack and pull myself up. Just a little. The next handhold is even higher up, so I heave myself forward to reach it.
My entire body protests. My head swims. The world goes black.
2
GEORGIE
I’m worried about Vektal.
It’s hard being the chief. And normally my mate handles everything with calm, with a fair gaze regardless of his personal feelings. Exiling Hassen? It weighed on him because he understood Hassen’s reasons. He understood the soul-crushing loneliness of wanting a mate. And Hassen was a friend. But an example had to be set for the tribe. I know it kept him awake many nights, worrying if he was destroying his friend. If the punishment was just. Being chief means he’s responsible for everyone. That in a time of crisis, they look to him to fix everything.
And I don’t think this can be fixed.
I look over at my mate, who’s busy tying what few goods we have onto a makeshift sled. Others are standing around in the early morning, trying to ignore the cold, or the ash that’s falling like snow. Nearby, Analay cries despite Ariana’s soothing of him.
“Cover your mouth, little one,” I tell Talie as she pulls the leather bib off her face again. I replace it carefully, letting it hang off her nose so she can breathe, but it has to go on. I point at my own bib. “See? Like Mommy.”
“Da da,” she tells me.
“Not like da da,” I say. Vektal’s not wearing a mouth cover, even though I’ve suggested repeatedly that he should. I don’t like the thought of us sucking in all this ash. I also don’t know that a piece of leather over our mouths is going to do the trick, but we don’t have any other options. Talie ignores my request and tugs on the bib again, and I put it back. Again. It’s a game we’ve been playing all morning. I’m trying not to get upset at her, because she’s a baby. But my patience is strained thin and I’m just as worried as everyone else.
We’re homeless. I look back at the wreck of what used to be the cave. It’s completely collapsed. The cave that everyone lived in. The cave that my daughter was born in. The cave that Vektal brought me to because it meant safety and family and home. It’s nothing now. And the shock I feel can’t be anything compared to the shock that the sa-khui must be feeling.
At my side, Claire bursts into sudden, noisy tears.
“Are you okay?” I ask, rubbing Talie’s back. She’s still at the age where if she sees someone crying, she starts to cry, too.
“I don’t m-mean to be mean, Georgie, but that’s a s-s-stupid question,” Claire blubbers, wiping at her face. It smears ash all over her cheeks, leaving dark streaks. “I’m homeless and hormonal and pregnant. Of course I’m not okay. Where are we going to live?”
Poor Claire. Her belly seems to be growing by the day, and as it does, her anxiety is ratcheting up. I don’t blame her—the timing is not great. But I can be reassuring. “There’s a runner out to the South Caves right now,” I tell her in a firm voice. “We can winter there. It’ll be a tight squeeze, but we’ll manage. And in the spring—sorry, the bitter season—we can look for a better home, or fix the one we’ve got.” I move forward and pat her shoulder. “It’s going to be fine, I promise.”
It’s a lie, of course—I don’t know if it’ll be fine, but it has to be. We don’t have any other options.
“Oh sure,” Claire says, sniffling. “God, I’m such a mess. I didn’t realize how crazy I would get when pregnant.”
“We all ha
d those moments,” I tell her. I think of the baby in my own stomach, a secret for now. Vektal and I recently resonated again, and I know I’m carrying. A second resonance is a little strange. You still resonate to your mate off and on after the first initial ‘song,’ but when you resonate a second time, it feels different. The song itself feels pitched differently, though you’re just as horny. I think that’s the reason why we’ve been able to keep it a secret so far. No one knows but us.
Now’s a bad time to think about that sort of thing, though. We have to focus on the tribe. This baby’s not coming for at least thirteen months, so there’s plenty of time to worry about it later. For now, I have to keep my tribe together—and that means being a cheerleader to my human girls, even when I want to sit down and bawl like Claire. “Are you ready to travel? Where’s Ereven?”
“He’s helping Kemli and Borran make a second sled. I told him to leave me alone because I needed a moment.” She wipes at her face again. “Clearly I need more than just one.” She gets all teary again and clutches at my arm. “Tell me we’re going to be okay, Georgie. I need to hear it.”
“We’re absolutely going to be okay, Claire. It’s a cave. We made it out and that’s all that’s important.” I look over at Warrek, who’s struggling. Not all of us made it out alive. His elderly father, Eklan, was crushed in his own bed. Grief threatens to clog my throat at the thought. Eklan was sweet. Gray-haired, still strong but starting to fade, and always kind. He made the fur blankie that’s around my Talie right now.
And Pashov…we still don’t know if Pashov is going to make it. I can’t think about that right now, or the fact that Stacy might be a widow soon. I hug Claire close and give her a reassuring smile. “As long as we’re together, nothing bad can happen.”
“Ho!” someone calls in the distance. I turn, and as I do, Vektal rushes past. He’s racing toward Haeden and Josie, sent out to check the South Caves yesterday.
Was it only yesterday? We’ve been homeless for almost two days now and it feels like eternity.
Please have good news, I silently beg. I watch Vektal sprint through the dirty snow toward them, and I can practically see the tension vibrating through his big blue body. We need a win right now. I watch them speak, and then a moment later, Vektal bows his head.
Oh, no.
My heart hurts for my mate. I can see an almost imperceptible slump in his shoulders. The news isn’t good. We’ll manage, then. We’ll figure something out. I hold Talie tightly as Vektal returns to our small camp with Josie and Haeden. His face is grim, and I can tell by the firm set of my mate’s mouth that he’s unhappy. “Bad?” I ask, moving forward to meet them.
“Gone,” Vektal says in a gruff voice. He reaches out and brushes his knuckles along my jaw. I’m not sure if he’s trying to comfort me…or himself. He ruffles Talie’s curly hair and then looks at me. “We wait no longer, then. We go to the Elders’ Cave as planned.”
I want to ask questions. I want to see where his thoughts are, because I can tell he’s not happy. I want him to open up to me and let me share his burdens. But everyone’s looking at us and we need to be strong and take charge right now. So I nod and turn to the cluster of people standing around. “Everyone, have your things ready to go within the hour. Let’s get packed up. We can be at the cave by nightfall if we hurry.”
Vektal gives my shoulder an absent squeeze, and I feel his tail flick around my waist, almost like a hug. “I must go help the healer ready Pashov to travel.”
“Do what you need to. I’m fine.” I smile brightly at him so he won’t worry about me. “I’ll round up the others and get everyone moving.”
He gives me a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, and then bounds away, heading to the makeshift tent where Pashov and Maylak have been huddled for the last day and a half. I watch him go, and then turn to the other humans waiting nearby. Claire has been joined by Ariana and Josie and Megan. They’re all looking to me like I’ve got answers. So I gesture at the spread of gear by the fire pit. “Let’s get this together, all right? Ariana, take Talie so I can help pack things up, would you? And let’s make sure someone grabs Stacy’s things, because I don’t want her to have to worry about it right now.”
And then we’re busy, and there’s no time left to worry, because there’s too much to do.
Vektal sees the broken, lopsided carcass of the Elders’ Ship before I do. He’s dragging a sled of supplies behind him, and I’m holding Talie as we walk. He’s everywhere as we travel, trying to take care of the tribe. He takes over for Taushen when Pashov’s litter gets to be too heavy. He helps Kashrem pull Maylak’s travois for a while—because the healer is too exhausted to walk. He carries infants, drags sleds, and heads to the back of our group to help stragglers catch up. He’s everywhere, with a seemingly endless supply of energy.
He’s a good leader, my mate. He’s hiding the fact that he’s just as worried as the rest of us. I know that later, when he and I are alone, all of that positivity is going to come crashing down. But until then, he’s putting on a brave face. I’ve been watching him closely, and that’s how I know something’s wrong. His steps slow, and then all the color drains from his face.
“What is it?” I ask. I turn to see what he’s looking at…and then I feel sick.
Over the next ridge, something is sticking out high into the sky. Something black and metal. I realize after a few moments that it’s the Elders’ Ship—and that underneath all the snow and ice that coats it, it’s black. And it’s on its side.
Oh no. “Harlow and Rukh?” I ask softly. “Rukhar? Do you think they’re all right?” I don’t think we can bear to lose more people. Not Harlow, with her sunny attitude and freckles. Not Rukh, who’s still getting used to people. Not their sweet little boy Rukhar. If the ship is destroyed, we’ve lost so much with the loss of the computer…but right now all I care about are the tribesmates. “You don’t think they were inside, do you?”
“I do not know,” Vektal says. He drops the sled he’s dragging behind him and then takes me by the arm. “Georgie, I must go ahead—”
“I know,” I tell him in a soft voice. “Go and see. We’ll catch up with you.” Our little party is slow to travel, and something like this feels like it can’t wait. If Rukh and Harlow are in trouble, every second might count. “We’ll meet you there.”
He nods and takes a step forward, and then pauses. He rushes back to me and grips me tight in a bear hug, squishing Talie between us. My heart nearly breaks for him. My mate. I want to help. I want to fix this, but I don’t know that there’s anything that can be done except ride out the aftermath. “I love you,” I tell him softly.
Vektal presses his forehead to mine, caressing my cheek. Then he steps away. “Haeden! Ereven! To me!” When the other two jog forward, he continues. “We must go ahead and check things. Georgie will lead the others to the Elders’ Cave.” His gaze fixes on me.
“I got this,” I call out. “You guys go ahead.”
My mate nods at me, and then the three men are racing across the snow. I pray that they find Harlow and Rukh alive and well. I pray that there’s not anything bad on the other side of this cliff.
First the home cave. Then the South Cave. Now this.
We could really use a win right now.
VEKTAL
I did not think that things could get worse.
Clearly, I am a fool.
We find the Elders’ Cave. A giant crack has opened up in the ground, and it looks as if the cave has pulled itself from the ground and slid into the hole created. One end hangs high in the air, casting a shadow over the snow underneath. The entire valley has changed. It looks ripped apart, the snow churned as if many herds of dvisti stormed through. New cliffs have risen and the old ones are crumbling. The world has changed in an eye-blink, it feels. For turn upon turn, I have known this world. I have known every valley, every cliff, every cave, every mountain. Now I look upon it as a stranger, and I am worried.
We find Rukh in the shad
ow of the cave, clutching his bloody, unmoving mate to his chest while his son crawls nearby. Rukh is covered in ash and unclothed. Har-loh looks wounded, but when we approach, Rukh snarls and reacts so badly that we keep a safe distance. Haeden scoops up Rukhar and frowns in my direction. “What do we do now?”
“We retrieve the healer,” I say, watching Rukh. He strokes his mate’s face, caressing her cheeks. I do not think she is dead, but it is clear she needs healing. I am selfish, but I worry for the entire tribe when I see Rukh snarling and acting wild.
Now I have two hunters with no mind—Rukh and Pashov. I cannot afford to lose more. The tribe must eat through the brutal season, and we are rapidly running out of hunters.
I…do not know what to do. Where my people can go. Where we can be safe. There are so many kits to think of, and our mates…
My Georgie. My precious mate. Nothing must happen to her. For a moment, I feel as savage and wild as Rukh. If my Georgie was hurt? I would act the same.
To lose home and mate both? It makes me feral just thinking about it.
I take Rukhar from Haeden and sit with him in the snow while Ereven and Haeden rush back to the group to bring the healer. I play with the kit, keeping an eye on his father and his too-still mother. Rukhar is my Talie’s age, though she is larger than him. She will be tall, my daughter. I like the thought.
Rukhar sniffles and looks up. His face scrunches into an angry expression, and for a moment, he looks just like his father. “Ma ma.”
“She is asleep, little one,” I tell him, and pull my sling off of my belt so he can play with it. “The healer will be here soon, and then your mother will awaken.” I hope.
He plays with the sling for a time, but then flings it aside and begins to wail. At his cries, Har-loh stirs, but Rukh continues to hover over her, snarling at me as if I will take her from him. I am glad to see she lives, though I worry for her. And I worry for Maylak, who has so many injuries she cannot possibly fix them all without destroying herself.
