by C. N. Bird
“Too close,” she whispered.
“Really?” She nodded. “But we are engaged to be married. One day soon I shall see you naked.”
Colour rose in her cheeks. “Ben!” she admonished.
“Forgive me but I cannot help it. You are beautiful and intelligent and kind. Has… has our marriage bed been something you have considered this past week?”
Her flush gave her answer, and it had also confirmed to him that she was an innocent. Good. He had not had a woman in the time since being recovered from the sea. He may have kissed a few maids but had not wanted to take it further. It was not fair to get them with child if he had no intention of marrying them. Other footman had wanted to take him to whorehouses but he was frugal. Being a footman was a step on the ladder to bigger and better things. It was almost as if he had known he was born for more responsibility. And as for his life before, he did not know. To all intents and purposes, he too was a virgin. But when he imagined Cassy and the things he wanted to do to her, he suspected he had indulged. Surely those acts were not something that just an imagination could conjure. They must be memories.
“Please, Ben,” her voice was a plea but one she seemed to expect him to obey because she knew him to be a gentleman.
“I apologise, I should not speak of such things to a genteel lady, even if soon you will be my wife.”
The orchestra played the opening bars of the waltz and they began to circle the room with the other dancers. He was relieved that the dance lessons had paid off and that he did seem to have natural rhythm. Cassy danced exquisitely too, allowing him to lead—light on her feet and a good conversationalist. She asked about his week and the things that he was having to re-learn, like riding a horse. He answered as best he could.
“Perhaps I could speak to Mama. Our country seat is only one day’s carriage ride from London. Your family and mine could meet up for a few days and it may be easier for you to integrate back into society. Mama has booked St George’s but there is nothing to say we cannot be married in the country. With both our families in attendance there would be nothing improper about us getting to know each other.”
He nearly stopped dancing. That was a wonderful idea. Their own ducal home was at least four days ride away—up in Yorkshire. She nudged him to keep his feet moving and he automatically held her tighter. She was so close and that silk dress insisted on brushing his ankle when they turned.
“That would be very sensible. I am sure my parents would appreciate being away from the public eye. Until our faux pas, they were considering travelling home to Aprigdon for at least part of the season to allow me to find my feet again.”
“I shall speak to Mama tomorrow morning. You will be all right, Ben. I will make sure of it.”
“Is it not the husband’s job to ensure the welfare of his wife?”
“We are not married yet. Besides, I think of marriage as more of a partnership—and not just in the bedroom.”
He only realised that the music had stopped when she took hold of his arm and urged him from the dance floor.
***
After supper, Ben asked Cassy to walk on the terrace with him. She readily agreed. She had walked on terraces with gentlemen before now but she somehow knew that this was a further development in their relationship. She had spotted other couples kissing in dark corners of terraces, but had never indulged herself. Was she going to get her first kiss? All her dreams of Ben being the first man to kiss her resurfaced and she realised that it really might happen. Her shattered dreams had been put back together. They walked the length of the balcony and looked out onto the garden. It was just a small town garden but the flowers were beginning to bloom and beauty was returning to the desolate waste ground it had been all winter.
She described Craigbeck manor and estate to him and he smiled at the correct times and nodded his understanding. She could tell he was distracted.
“Would you like to kiss me, Ben?” she asked suddenly. It was better to get the awkwardness out of the way. He could kiss her or refuse her. He stiffened and she raised a gloved hand to his cheek. He inclined his head into her touch and began to relax.
“I would like that very much,” he replied gruffly as he snaked a hand around her waist and drew her flush against him. It was all terribly improper—but exciting. Her hand was still on his cheek when he bent his head and pressed his lips to hers. He brushed them slowly and gently as she puckered her lips. His tongue flicked out and ran along the seam of her lips. She wanted to shudder at the curious sensation but instead she ran her hand round to the back of his neck.
“Open your mouth a little,” he murmured. When she did, his lips met hers again and started to move. She moved her lips too, enjoying the pleasure that almost made her dizzy. The warm wet stroke of his lips over hers made her want to moan. Then he pressed his tongue inside, just a little at first, touching his tongue to hers, then a little further, licking the roof of her mouth. She pushed closer to him, wanting to feel his whole body. And this time he groaned quietly as he clasped her bottom with one hand—massaging and caressing.
His tongue now tangled with hers as she explored his mouth, working out what made him groan or tighten his hold on her buttocks. Her back was against the stone balcony and as he rocked his hips against her she could feel—Good God, was that what she thought it was? It was huge. She had to…
He grunted and pulled his lips away from hers, grasping her wrist and placing it at her side before walking a few steps away from her. He moved to her side and shoved his hand through his curls.
“Are you trying to drive me to Bedlam, Cassy?” he asked, his voice clipped and terse.
She licked and bit her lips, trying to stifle the tears that were pooling. She could not go back into her own engagement ball with tearstained cheeks and red eyes.
“I…I…it seemed so natural,” she said quietly. “And it’s huge,” she finished in a whisper.
“It’s also devilishly sensitive to the touch of a female…to your touch.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Not as such. It is uncomfortable if I am unable to find relief but it goes down and stops being uncomfortable if it is left alone.”
“I am sorry. I will know not to touch it in future.”
He blinked slowly and turned, lifting her hand to his lips. “My darling Cassy, once we are married, you can touch it as much as you wish when we are in private. It just would not be well done of me to ravish you here on my parents’ balcony at our engagement ball. Let us admire the view of the stars for a few minutes and then I shall be composed enough to re-enter the ball.
He bent his head and lightly brushed her lips with his. And then he turned her, placed his hands on the small of her back and looked skyward.
Chapter Five
They had ridden into the small town of Aylswell without mishap. Ben had been concerned at his lack of horsemanship but, just like waltzing, he seemed to be a natural. Cassy could remember him sitting on a horse as if he had been born to it, which she guessed he had been, that summer when she was sixteen.
It was now only a week until their wedding.
He sat slightly more stiffly than he had before but she could tell he was still not entirely comfortable with the big black gelding of which her father had given him use.
“Relax your shoulders,” she urged. She was wearing her best riding habit. It was light blue, with lace at the neck and cuffs and some gems sewn into the bodice. His gaze had been appreciative when he had met her in the stables. Her bonnet matched the dress perfectly. Its large brim shielded her eyes from the sun that sat high in the sky. She watched as he took a deep breath and forced his shoulders down.
“I believe I may never be a particularly good horseman. I have a fear which children do not possess. My mother says I was always falling off my mounts as a boy. She truly did worry that one day I would come to real harm.”
A loud shot rang through the trees, her own mount reared but as she got the mare under control, she r
ealised that Ben’s mount had set off at a gallop with Ben clinging onto the reins, his hat flying off into the ditch. They had taken a shortcut over the fields. Without thinking, she dug her heels into her own mare’s side. The animal had recovered enough and set off at a gallop. Thank heavens she was a good horsewoman, but sitting side-saddle meant she was no match for the Ben and his horse.
She must catch up with him though. She had no option. She was close but he was approaching a hedge.
“Lean forward when he jumps…Now!” Ben did exactly that and the horse flew over the hedge effortlessly, she was just breathing a sigh of release when Bessy, her grey mare drew to a halt, shying from the jump.
Hell, now she had to get through the gate and try to catch up. She could only hope the animal would tire or decide for itself that it was no longer frightened. She urged her horse over to the gate and once through, set off at another gallop, until Bessy cleared the next hedge. A whoop of delight came from the left and she looked down the field to find Ben, upright and astride his horse, cantering as if nothing had happened. She slowed Bessy and trotted over to the still whooping young gentleman.
“That was brilliant. It was exciting and dangerous and…” He slid from his horse and walked over to her. Placing his hands on her waist, he lifted her from her own mount. Exciting! It had taken ten years off her life. She had been terrified. She whacked him on the shoulder with her hand and he started.
“You idiotic man. It was not exciting.”
He grinned.
“It was. Don’t you see? I got the horse under control myself, I managed to stay on. For the first time since my father brought me back to his townhouse I have been in control of something, even if it was just a horse. But you gave me the instruction that helped me through the most dangerous part. The second hedge was easy after that. Thank you.”
He pressed his lips to hers and she felt her anger melt away. He was like a young boy having discovered something fascinating about the world. He was discovering part of himself. She moved her lips against his, opening her mouth and allowing him to slip his tongue inside. She rubbed the back of his neck as his tongue teased hers. Her senses reeled, her body was on fire and that ache between her legs seemed to throb.
He pulled away and smiled.
“One more week,” he said quietly, as if to himself.
It was time. Time to show him the most personal possession she owned. Time for him to see himself as he had been.
“Come,” she said, grabbing her horse’s reins and indicating for him to do likewise. I have something to show you.”
***
Please continue writing to me with all your news. Sometimes I fear that your letters are the only thing that keep me sane.
***
How I wish I could have been at the local assembly, for I would surely have asked you for a dance. I am sure you looked beautiful.
***
My Darling Cassy,
By the time you receive my next missive you should have made your curtsey to Her Majesty. You will be “out” in London Society and will have had your come out ball. And sadly I shall have missed it all.
Is it wrong of me to say that I hope you do not find a husband this season? I fear it is and it is terribly ungentlemanly of me. I plan to leave His Majesty’s navy soon and wish with all my heart to see you again and dance a waltz with you. You will never know how much your correspondence has meant to me over these past years…
“Where is the rest?”
“It is too badly damaged,” said Cassy quietly, getting to her feet and walking away from him. She swiped at her eyes. “You were dead, or so I thought. No one knows how hard I grieved your loss. It seemed silly to grieve someone whom I had only really known for a week. But I did grieve you and some of your letters have not survived. One day not long after the news of your disappearance I got myself into a terrible state and I ripped some of your letters. A few have become too tearstained. I tried to deal with your loss with dignity but sometimes…”
He stood and walked over to her, enveloping her in his arms. Her body shook as her arms snaked around his torso. She placed her head on his chest and sobbed. He tightened his grip, wishing fervently he could take away some of the pain and some of the memories. These letters told him of their deep affection for each other. He had wanted to marry her. Why else would he wish that she not find a marriage partner in her first season? It may have been a very selfish wish, but it had been an honest one.
Her sobbing eventually stopped and she drew away slightly, her head down as if she was embarrassed.
“Beautiful Cassy, do not be embarrassed. I have wanted to cry like that since my father discovered I am alive. The young man in these letters seems to have loved you very much…for there is much to love about you.”
He leaned his head down and took her lips with his own. She responded immediately, pressing her wet tongue past his teeth and moving her lips hungrily across his. Damn, she was a tigress. Her emotional upset seemed to have fuelled a need in her. She tugged his hair, none too gently, as she pressed her body against his, all the time sweeping her tongue around his mouth. He tried to keep his hands on her back and propriety told him to pull away but God’s teeth her body was so pliant and those soft mounds pressed against his chest begged for his touch.
A man only had so much self-control.
Without his lips leaving hers, he shrugged out of his tight fitting coat and threw it on the ground, then guided her over to it. She made no protest when he urged her down to the ground.
As he kissed along her jawline she rocked her hips beneath him. She was so eager. Desire coursed through his veins, his body was on fire for her. He had never wanted anything more in his life.
He kissed down her neck, anticipating the moment he would be able to kiss the rise of her breasts. He pressed a hand to one plump orb and her gasp shot need to his very core. As he swiped his thumb across the thick fabric of her riding habit, he groaned as the hardening nub of her nipple stopped his progress. He worried the peak through layers of cloth, loving the fact she moved beneath him, moaning his name quietly.
He drew his lips down, then along the square neckline of her gown until he reached the tight seam between her breasts. He needed to release those beauties from their confines. It was a sin for them to be bound in her stays. He licked the taut valley, making his arousal explode within him.
He tried to undo the tiny buttons at the front of her gown but his large fingers, his lack of practice made it difficult.
“Ben, kiss me and I shall undo them,” offered Cassy. He looked up into her sparkling eyes, taking in her kiss swollen lips and her smile. She wanted this as much as he. He was not taking advantage of her…the little vixen. He quickly untied the knot of his cravat and settled back on top of her as she undid the buttons then the laces of her stays. Her lips had captivated him again and he slowly, languorously moved his mouth over hers.
He thought he might explode when at last she started on the buttons of his waistcoat. He pushed his hand beneath three layers of her clothing and found his treasure. Soft, warm, pliable and capable of making her groan in a most erotic manner.
She pulled his shirt out from his breeches before pushing his waistcoat off his shoulders. He knelt up and pulled his shirt over his head.
“You are beautiful,” she said as he turned back to her. She lifted a hand then stopped. “May I?”
He chuckled. “Of course.”
She placed her delicate, flat palm on his chest, running it over the muscles there, until she reached his small, dark red nipples. She brushed her thumb lightly over one and when he sucked in a breath, she smiled.
“Do you like that?” she asked.
He burrowed is hand under her clothing and mirrored her touch on her own nipple. She held her breath for a moment then let it out in a small gasp.
“Do you like that?” he asked.
“Very much,” she whispered.
Before he could do anything else she scrambled
to her feet. Had he upset her? Damn, she was changing her mind. It seemed he would have to wait until his wedding night after all.
But she pushed her clothing off first one shoulder and then the other, baring those beautiful breasts to him. He licked his lips and his erection twitched. She then stepped out of her gown before quickly undoing her underskirt and allowing it to drop to the ground. Apart from her stockings and her boots, she was gloriously naked.
She bit her lip as she looked down at him, obviously now feeling a little shy. He smiled encouragingly at her but his gaze was drawn first to her breasts and the large rosy nipples. Those stays did her no favours. He took in her cinched waist and flat belly and then the nest of damp curls—a sign that she was definitely aroused.
He raised a hand and she took it, allowing him to guide her back down to lie on his coat. Then he quickly undid the buttons of his breeches and the ties of his drawers before he lay down beside her.
He moved partially over her and drew her into another kiss, fondling her breast, as he did so. Her skin was so soft and smooth and her nipples puckered more under his touch, drawing mewls of delight from Cassy. He kissed her thoroughly before using his lips to blaze a trail down her neck and chest, until he captured her nipple between his lips. As he bit gently on the hardened tip she moaned as if in pain. He had not bitten hard. But when he raised his head he watched as she placed her hand at the apex of her thighs and pressed.
“Are you all right?” he asked.
“It aches. I was told it would hurt the first time but this is not what I expected.” She frowned slightly and he tried to give her a reassuring smile.
“Lift your hand,” he said gently. “Now raise your knees and let that one fall sideways towards the ground.” She trustingly followed his instructions.
Her flesh was damp and warm as he ran two fingers through her folds. This time, her moan was one of pleasure and she lifted her hips to meet his touch.
“Oh Ben…that is…wonderful.”
