Gladys studied Luther’s face as she considered his words. “Luther, it’s not the same. You knew my brother, Charlie. You must have read how he was tortured by that black man?”
Undeterred, Luther answered right back, “Yes, my whole family followed the trial. I loved your brother, Gladys. He was everyone’s favorite friend. But Gladys, what if it had been a white man who did it? Would you turn on Karl here? What if it had been one of those German immigrants who have been moving down here from Chicago? Would you hate all Germans? What if it had been the son of one of those Jewish New York jewelers who moved into Atlanta that same year to open up a shop down on Fulton Street? Would you hate all Jews?”
“Actually, Luther, I think I would.” Gladys’ voice broke as she said this. “Luther, my pain is so great and my anger is so all-consuming, I need to have somewhere to dump it or I will explode. It is too much to pour onto one single man. Since the first day I saw him in shackles at his arraignment, I promised myself I would never say his name ever again. The truth is…” Gladys confessed, “even if the courts would have allowed me to torture him the way he tortured my brother, I know it would never be enough to empty out the rage in my heart.”
I was amazed at how this conversation was going. I kept praying for Gladys, and I knew Karl was praying. Then we heard Luther, the crewman who did not believe in religion, say to Gladys, “Then it appears to me, Gladys, that that black man killed more than your brother that day. Your brother, Charlie, lived an amazing life for twenty-two wonderful years. I have hundreds of great memories of Charlie; yet you only remember one—the day he died. Why are you giving that man so much power over your life? Didn’t he take enough from you that day?”
Knowing his lunch break was quickly coming to an end, Luther stood up, gathered his lunch bucket, and asked one final question: “Gladys, what would Charlie think about how you are living your life now? Would he be happy for you?”
Luther was only three steps away from the table when the five-minute whistle blew. Karl, Gladys and I sat there quietly for a minute. None of us had even unwrapped our lunches, but none of us were hungry. We had too much to chew on to be thinking about food right then.
Karl finally stood up and took Gladys’ hand, “I have to get you back to the freight yard gate, Gladys. I only have three minutes to get you there and be back to work before the final whistle blows.”
Turning to me, Gladys said, “Can I come back tomorrow? My question from yesterday is still unanswered. Tobias, I’m not saying I have changed my mind about blacks, but I do recognize how unfair it is to you. I don’t know if I could change even if I wanted to, but I’m willing to listen if you are willing to keep talking to me.”
No one was more amazed at my calm and loving reply than I was. “Gladys, you are always welcome here. Maybe we both can learn truths about God’s love.”
After work Karl and I talked about how the lunchtime had gone. I confessed, “Karl, I was so frustrated when I saw Luther and Sammy sitting at our table. I just knew they were going to mess up our chance to talk with Gladys. But upon reflection, it could not have been more perfect.”
Karl smiled, “‘I doubt that Luther understands just how on the money he was. It is funny; Luther hates it when people talk religion, but God used him today, didn’t He, Toby?”
“He sure did, Karl,” I chuckled. “If you had been the one to say that, Gladys might have resisted because you want something from her. If I had said that, I would have been a black man defending all black men in her eyes. But Luther’s love for her brother gave him permission to talk on Charlie’s behalf. Gladys thinks she is showing her love for her brother by hating everyone she blames for his death. Luther reminded Gladys of Charlie’s character and what he would have wanted for his kid sister.”
After we clocked out that day, I turned to Karl and said, “Karl, you and I both know that Gladys’ real problem is not with blacks. That is really a secondary issue. Her first and most important issue is her relationship with God. We cannot get so focused on how she feels toward blacks that we never get to the most important question in her life. Even if we could turn her into a radical lover of black people, but never introduced her to God’s Son, we will have failed her.”
CHAPTER 33
Suffer or Surrender
TRUE TO HER word, Gladys was standing at the gate the next day. Luther and Sammy returned to their old seats without a comment. Over breakfast that morning, Ruth and I had talked about what happened the previous day. Having a neutral third party at the table, getting Gladys to open up about her anger and hate, in front of me but not directed at me, had laid it all out in the open. Both Ruth and I were amazed that God had used Luther that way. He really didn’t much care about Gladys. He said his piece and moved on, but God used him to prepare Gladys’s heart, and he wasn’t even aware of his role.
I decided I was not going to bring up Gladys’ hate today, unless she brought it up. I wanted to get to her original question, but the day before reminded me that I could serve God better by not trying to control things. After all, I would have booted Luther and Sammy off the table if I had been in control of things the day before. I took a deep breath and lightheartedly prayed, “God, Grasshopper Private Bascom here, reporting for duty.”
As soon as Gladys finished laying out Karl’s lunch, she said, “I spent last night thinking about what Luther said yesterday, so I made myself remember lots of good memories of Charlie. Every time I slipped back and started rehearsing the trial, I made myself go back to when we were kids and thought of a fun day memory; it really did help.”
Karl suggested, “Gladys, when you feel up to it, I sure would like to get to know Charlie. Maybe we could sit on your steps, and you could tell me some of those memories.”
“I’d like that, Karl. Luther was right. I have allowed that man to rob me of all my good memories.” Then taking on a more serious face, Gladys turned to me and stated, “Now, back to my unanswered question. Tobias, for years, your people suffered horribly under slavery. How can you believe there is a loving God who cares about you when He did that to your people?”
“Wow, Gladys, that’s exactly what my Grandpa Samuel used to say until someone shared God’s love with him. Many black people hold that belief. Actually, I don’t think it is exclusively a black issue. Gladys, everyone has something terrible to overcome. It might not be the terrible death of a beloved brother or hundreds of years of forced slavery, but everyone has experienced something painful and feels the need to blame someone. The bigger the pain, the bigger the target must be for us to blame, and what is bigger than God? Gladys, you asked me how I could trust a God who allows bad things to happen. Gladys, it’s because bad things happen to us that I know I must trust God’s love. Every bad thing that anyone does, and that includes you and me, only proves that we are all sinners in need of a Savior. Oh, most of us would never kill someone. Most of us would never own another human being or sell a baby away from its momma or sell the baby’s daddy. We justify our ugly sins because we can point to others who have done much worse, so we think we are good.
“Sin is like poison, Gladys. Imagine ten people being lined up at a table and told to drink the glass of water standing in front of them. However, murderers and those who hurt little children are given a glass full of poison to drink. That would be okay, right, Gladys? The next person in line is someone who captured and sold slaves for a living. How much poison should be in his glass? Same as the murderers, right? Of course right. Next to him stands the man who represents all of the men who use their power to control and oppress the common man. They build their wealth by cheating others and destroying lives through oppression and depression. Oh, they would never physically kill a man, but many a man has taken his own life because he could not endure what happened to him. Might we say that man’s glass should be half full of poison? The next is a mother who is so full of her own pain and selfish desires that she pours out her pain on her own children. Her cruelty, both physically and emotio
nally, destroys that child’s will to live. How much poison should be in her glass? Gladys, all of these examples represent terrible people, right?”
“Of course they are,” responded Gladys.
“Gladys, you, Karl, and I are nothing like any of those people, right? As long as we compare ourselves to the likes of these terrible people, we are good people, right?”
“Well, we are good people, Tobias,” Gladys cried out in defense. “We don’t do bad things.”
“No, we don’t do terrible sins, do we, Gladys? We are never selfish. We have never been cruel to anyone. We have never walked past a needy person and ignored his need because we were too busy. We have never used our words to make anyone feel small and insignificant, right?
“Gladys, can we both agree that, sometime in our life, we have all done something, said something, or even simply thought something mean and hurtful?”
Obviously uncomfortable with where this was going, Gladys admitted, “Well sure, we would be kidding ourselves if we thought we had lived a perfect life, but I’m not a terrible person like those people.”
“Gladys, you’ve seen the meat scales at every butcher shop in town, right?”
“Sure.”
“Most of us believe that at the end of our life, all of our bad stuff—Gladys, can we agree to call the bad stuff sin?” Gladys nodded her head in agreement. “Good, so we believe that if our sin is placed on one of those meat scales, and if any one of those other people’s sins are placed on the other side, we would win, right? As long as we are better than them, we are good.
“The problem is, that is not how we will be judged at the end of our lives. It will not be anyone else’s sins on the other side of that scale; rather, it will be God’s perfection sitting on the other side of that scale. God loves us with a perfect love. He loved us so much that He sent His Son to die for our sins. That’s the kind of love that will judge us or redeem us. Have we loved others with that kind of love? Of course we haven’t, but if we accept His love and His sacrifice, He promises to remove our sins from the scale and make us perfect in His sight.
“Gladys, if you have not done this, then you are still standing at that table with a glass of poison sitting in front of you. It might not be filled to the brim with poison, but it still has poison in it. Any amount of that poison will kill you. Would you really care if the person beside you is drinking pure poison while you only have a little in your glass, especially if you are required to drink your glass and die? God’s love promises to remove all the poison. He offers us a perfectly clean glass because His love is perfectly clean.
“You asked why God causes bad things to happen to us. God does not cause it; He allows it. There is a big difference between the two. Man has been allowed to choose for himself the path he will take. Will he choose hate and selfishness, or will he choose God’s love and forgiveness? So, Gladys, I’m asking you that same question. Which will you choose?”
“Tobias, when you gave the example of the mother, were you thinking of me? Are you saying that because I am so filled with hate about my brother, that I would hurt my own children?”
“Gladys, God did not cause what happened to your brother, yet you hate Him for it. A sinful black man did the crime, yet you now hate all black men for what he did. He was so filled with hate that he poured that hate out on your brother. Hate is a poison that destroys the hater. Do you honestly believe you can keep from poisoning your children when you harbor so much hate yourself?”
“Tobias, I want to believe that God loves me. I know my hate is destroying me; I just don’t think I can let it go.”
“Gladys, you can’t—not without God’s help. Aren’t you tired of carrying this hate around with you? If you knew exactly how much God loves you, would you be willing to allow Him to cleanse out all that hate and bring peace and calm to your soul?”
Gladys looked from Tobias, to Karl, and back to Tobias before saying, “Tobias, if you can be patient with me and keep teaching me about God’s love, I’m willing to listen. I know I need help, but I’m scared that I’m too far gone. I think I killed off the old Gladys, and there is nothing inside of me now but hate.”
“Gladys, all God asks of us is to give Him a chance to prove His love to us. If you will keep coming, I will keep sharing God’s Word with you. Do we have a deal?”
Just as the lunch whistle blew, Gladys reached out her hand and said, “Let’s shake on it, Tobias. I want to believe.”
For the next few weeks Gladys faithfully came every lunch hour. She peppered me with questions, but now they were not challenges. She was wholeheartedly seeking truth. Several times I felt she was at the brink of surrender, but something always seemed to hold her back.
Ruth and I continued to pray for Gladys’ heart. She was no longer aggressive toward me, but that did not mean she was truly changing. At dinner, I suggested that Ruth might come and join us for our lunchtime study. Ruth had been praying for Gladys for almost a year, and I felt it was time for the two women to meet, so Ruth agreed to come the next day.
At noon, Gladys was at the gate, anxious to begin our study. Karl looked around for Ruth but did not see her, so he brought Gladys to the table. I came out of the bailing door just as Karl and Gladys reached the table. I looked back at the gate, and there stood Ruth, calm and smiling, and excited to finally meet Gladys. I raced over to the gate to let her in, and I brought her to the table. “Gladys, I would like to introduce my bride to you. Gladys, this is Ruth Bascom. Ruth, this is Gladys Thomas.”
Ruth, Karl, and I were shocked at Gladys’ response. She immediately recoiled from Ruth’s extended hand, and the look on her face turned hard and angry. Gladys pushed past us and ran for the gate with Karl running quickly at her heels. Ruth turned to me and said, “Let’s pray, Toby. I believe Gladys is in the battle of her life right now.”
At least fifteen minutes passed before Karl and Gladys returned to the table. Gladys had obviously been crying, and Karl’s eyes were ablaze with fear as Gladys tried to explain to us why she had reacted the way she had. “I’m sorry I was so rude just now. I was just shocked to meet your wife, Tobias. Instantly, you turned from the teacher I have come to admire into just another black man who has a wife. I know that does not make sense, but it seemed so logical to me at the moment. I was instantly filled with rage that you get to have a life, and my brother will not. I don’t know why I reacted that way. I truly am glad that you have found love in your life, but at that moment, all I could feel was rage.”
Ruth and I remained quiet. We both knew that Gladys needed to talk through her feelings. “For weeks now, Tobias, I have struggled with my pride. Several times I have been tempted to ask you to pray with me. I wanted to surrender to God’s love, but I just couldn’t give in. I talked myself out of it because I didn’t want Karl to think I was doing it just to win him. I also couldn’t give in because I am afraid that after I do, nothing will really change for me. Then what will I do? I know I cannot stay as I am. I want to believe that God’s love can change me.”
Ruth leaned forward and with all the love God had poured into her heart for this woman, she suggested, “Then Gladys, test Him. Surrender yourself to God and let Him show you that He can be trusted. What do you have to lose?”
“I want to, I really do. I want God to clean out my soul and take away all of this poison I have inside of me. I know I’m a sinner and that my only hope is in God’s love.” Turning to Tobias while taking Karl’s hand, Gladys asked, “Tobias, will you pray with me? I am ready to surrender my heart and soul to God.”
The four of us held hands and prayed. None of us cared who was watching or what they were thinking. God’s work was being done at that table, and Gladys’ heart was surrendering to the loving God of the universe. Ruth and I prayed for her healing and redemption from the slavery of hate and rage. We asked God to flood Gladys’ being with His love and to show her how much she could trust Him. When we were done, we stood quietly with our heads bowed, hoping Gladys would a
lso pray. Quietly at first, but quickly becoming more confident, we heard her speak.
God, I love all the Bible verses that talk about Your love for me. I know I deserve to drink that glass of poison because I have so much poison inside of me. But God, You sent Your Son to drink that glass for me, and I surrender myself to You because You loved me that much. I want to become Your child, God.
Gladys expected an immediate transformation with bells, whistles, angelic singing—the works. She stood there a moment with a look of disappointment, but Ruth sat her down and explained all that had happened during her prayer. “Gladys, God just purified that glass of poison for you, and you will never again have a glass of poison placed in front of you. God adopted you into His family and wrote your name in the Lamb’s Book of Life. He just sealed your salvation for all of eternity. All of that was completed before you even said amen.”
Gladys’ eyes welled up in tears. “But I don’t feel any different. I need to see a change in me. I cannot stay the way I am.”
Ruth smiled and corrected Gladys, “You mean the way you were. You have been forgiven. Those feelings will come, Gladys. You can trust God to keep His word. You are now His child.”
Several months passed before Gladys fully realized exactly how profoundly she had changed. She had wanted immediate change, but God was making it permanent. She wanted an emotional display, but God was quietly changing her heart. We could see the changes much more quickly than Gladys could, but soon even Gladys began to realize that her heart was beginning to mellow and soften—not toward black people alone, but toward life, love, acceptance, peace, and mercy. We were seeing a new woman develop right before our eyes, and her transformation was exciting to watch.
Treasure in a Tin Box (Wall of Silence Book 1) Page 28
