by Lisa Kessler
I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. Seeing Becca again would lift my spirits, but it wouldn’t change the reality of the fucked-up situation I was facing. I also needed to tell Becca about mates. I’d promised her no more secrets so I couldn’t keep holding this one back. Plus, I’d spilled it to Dex today. The clock was ticking, and I didn’t want her to hear it from anyone else.
After drying off, I wrapped the towel around my waist and headed for my bedroom. I opened the closet and stared inside. I chose a green polo and a black pair of jeans, and quickly got dressed. I sat on the edge of my bed, shaking my head. The future I’d been dreaming about, the family I’d always wanted, they were all right in front of me, but I couldn’t quite grasp them.
I loaded a bunch of Chinese takeout into my truck and then pressed Asher’s number. He answered on the first ring. “Hey, Gage. I understand we have the boys for the night?”
“Unless it’s a problem?” I said as I jogged down the stairs to my truck.
“No problem, but if this is to see Becca…”
“She’s my mate,” I interrupted. “I haven’t told her yet, but I will tonight.”
“Congratulations.” He paused, his tone warming. “I guess she was right beside you all along.”
“The universe is fucking hilarious, right?” I got in my truck and turned the ignition. “I was calling you back about something Sloan found, though.”
“I talked to Becca at the office, and she mentioned something General Sloan was concerned about. From his intercepted text messages, he thought Deidra Harlow had finished a new serum. Becca confirmed what the general suspected.”
“What’s that?” I asked as I backed out of the parking spot.
“Something the Transparency Collective believes will ‘cure’ shifters. Becca’s uncle has it, and he’s planning on using it on his grandchildren—your boys.”
I slammed on the brakes, squeezing the steering wheel so hard my arms were shaking. “They were coming for Henry and Hawk to…try to cure them?”
“We think so.”
“Whatever Harlow made has never even been tested on any actual shifters. It could kill them!” I narrowed my eyes, my nostrils flaring, not even bothering to mention that being a shifter wasn’t a disease in the first place. “He would rather see my kids dead than have them grow up as werewolves. I’ll fucking end him.”
“Slow down.” Asher’s voice carried a push of Alpha power, calling to my wolf to obey. “We’re going to figure this out. I’ll keep the boys safe. You talk to Becca. She’s pack now.”
“Wait.” I blinked. His words, or the Alpha power in them, sliced through my rage like a knife. “She’s… What happened?”
“She chose a side in this, and my wolf has accepted her as pack. She has our protection.”
A car honked, snapping me back to reality. I turned the wheel and headed for the exit. “I’m coming for the boys later tonight. Let me talk to Becca first.”
“Okay.” He paused for a moment. “I’m not going to let anything happen to them, you know.”
“I know. I just…” I needed to hug them, to smell their hair and tickle them until they laughed so hard they couldn’t speak. I needed to make sure they knew I loved them and that they are perfect just the way they are. “I need to protect them.”
“I understand. See you soon.”
I ended the call, put Becca’s address into my phone, and headed for her place. As I merged onto the highway, I glanced over at the three paper bags full of Chinese food and an unexpected smile tugged at my lips. Way too much even for a werewolf. I dropped a hundred dollars on multiple main dishes, but hopefully I got a few things she liked. She was my mate, but I didn’t know if she was a beef and broccoli girl or a spicy Kung Pao chicken lover.
Okay, now I was just distracting myself. But between worrying about my boys and trying to figure out how to tell Becca about the mate bond without scaring her off, I was grateful for anything that kept me from losing my shit at this point.
Her house wasn’t in an exclusive neighborhood full of custom homes like the ones I usually worked in, but it was bigger than I expected. Her home sat on a nice-sized corner lot in a development of single-family homes that couldn’t have been more than five years old. I wasn’t sure what I had imagined her place would look like, but this wasn’t it. From what I knew of Becca, she loved camping and hiking, and she worked for Asher’s small tour company as his sole employee. How could she afford a new house on her own? It was none of my business, but I couldn’t help being curious.
I pulled into the driveway and parked in front of the closed garage. I grabbed the bags of food and headed up the walk.
She opened the front door as I approached, and her eyes widened. “That’s a lot of food for two people.” She glanced past me. “Did you invite the whole pack?”
“Werewolves have a high metabolism. You’ll be lucky if I share any of this with you.” I winked.
She laughed and held the door open for me, shaking her head as I passed by. Damn, just catching her scent calmed some of the aggression and worry that had been pumping through my veins.
There was a coat rack next to the door and the entry opened into a modest, open-concept living room that led to a kitchen twice the size of mine. I put the bags down on the counter, unable to stop myself from checking out the rest of the interior. The flooring was mostly glazed clay tiles, and unlike most of the earth tones desert homes in the area, she’d gone with a Mexican feel with bright turquoise, orange, and brick red walls covered in folk art and amazing photos of the Red Rock formations. I walked over for a closer look.
Behind me, she unloaded the containers from the bags. “I took those.”
My eyes widened as I looked back at her. “Seriously? I didn’t know you were a professional photographer.”
“I’m not a pro or anything, but I like to get the shots you can’t grab with a drone and a GoPro.” She pointed to the one on the left. “It took two days of backpacking to get around to the back side view of the valley for that shot. Worth every blister.”
I raised a brow. “Asher told me you liked to hike and camp, but I guess I didn’t realize how hard core you were.”
“Now you know who to hang out with when the zombie apocalypse hits.” She grinned. “I can help you live off the land for at least a couple weeks if we had to. Although we wouldn’t be eating anything amazing like tonight’s feast.” She surveyed the now-open containers of food and glanced my way with an amused grin. “This will feed me for a few days.”
I went back into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, taking in the way she moved.
She caught me staring and rolled her eyes. “What? Do I have something on my face?”
“No.” I chuckled, shaking my head. “You’re beautiful.”
She stopped in her tracks and met my eyes. “You never seemed to think so until you knocked me out of the way of a couple bullets.” She raised a brow with no trace of her earlier smile. “Why is that?”
I frowned. “Who said I didn’t always think you were beautiful?”
“Please.” She rested a hand on her hip. “You didn’t even know I existed unless you needed a babysitter.”
“That’s not true.” I straightened up. “Where is this coming from?”
She shook her head and jerked a drawer open to grab a handful of serving spoons. “I met Serenity this afternoon.” She jammed a spoon into one of the takeout containers. “She’s Ryker’s mate.”
Shit. The extra emphasis on word mate didn’t escape my notice. Now I understood why she’d been so annoyed by my comment about her being beautiful. Someone had told her about mates. She must suspect she was mine. Did she think I was still keeping secrets from her?
I took a step forward and caught her wrist before she could plunge a spoon into the Kung Pao chicken. “Wait. Let me explain.”
She looked up at me and her dark eyes sparkled with tears that stung me as much as a slap across the face. I fucki
ng hated that I kept hurting her. She deserved better than this.
“Here’s the thing,” she said, pointing the spoon at my chest. “Half of me hates myself for even wishing I might be your mate, and the other half is terrified that if I am your mate, then none of this attraction to me is real.”
Part of her wanted to be my mate? I clung to that hope as my gaze held hers. “Everything is so fucking real I can hardly keep my head on straight.” I took the spoon from her hand and placed it in the container. “How about we get some food before it gets cold, and then I’ll tell you everything?”
She slid her wrist free of my grasp and picked up a couple plates, then handed me one. “Deal.”
She scanned the spread of Chinese food again, and I chuckled. “Please tell me I got something you like?”
“You did.” Her hint of a smile buoyed my spirits. “I’m just trying to decide.”
I grabbed a spoonful of cashew chicken. “Nothing wrong with a little of everything.”
“True.” She put some shrimp and snow peas on her plate and pointed the spoon in my direction. “After the day I’ve had, I think I’m entitled to eat some of my feelings.”
“No judgment from me.”
She bumped me with her hip as we overfilled our plates, and even though we still had more talking to do, my heart was full. Being with her was not only easy but it filled the empty spaces in my soul. I’d been an idiot for shutting her out for so long.
We carried our plates out to the table, and I took the chair directly across from her.
She pulled her chopsticks apart. “The boys never mentioned their love of Chinese food.”
“Don’t tell them we ate some without them or that’s all you’ll hear about.”
She took a bite and smiled. “Oh, this is really good.”
“It’s a family-owned restaurant, and my little guys have charmed the pants off the owner’s wife. She gives them extra fortune cookies and egg rolls. We go for Chinese almost every week.” I cracked the chopsticks open and poked the tips into my rice. “Tell me something about you that I don’t know.”
She pointed her chopsticks at the photos on her wall. “You didn’t know I’m an amateur photographer.”
“Doesn’t count. You told me that before I asked the question.”
“Fine.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure what you want to know.”
Everything.
I swallowed my food and said, “Why did you stay in Sedona? Isn’t your family in San Diego?”
“Yeah. My mom still lives there.” She lifted her eyes to meet mine. “But we were never very close. I was a daddy’s girl, and when he died, I…” She looked down at her plate. “I guess I lost my way when I lost him.”
“I’m sorry.” I set my chopsticks on the edge of the plate. “My grandparents raised me, and after my grandfather passed away, I decided to join the military. I was only nineteen at the time, and my grandmother wasn’t happy about it. She had dreams of seeing me go to college and becoming a doctor, but there was no money for school, and I didn’t want to be a financial burden on her.” I shook my head, unsure if I’d ever shared any of this with another person. “I couldn’t focus on anything except the empty places that haunted the house, the city, everywhere I looked.”
She nodded, her eyes meeting mine again. “There’s no escaping the constant reminders that they’re gone. I didn’t know how to fill that hole.”
It felt so damned good to be understood, to be accepted, even the broken parts. I reached across the table and took her hand. She tightened her grip on me, and the invisible bond between us pulled taut. “I couldn’t stay in Portland any longer. I set aside all my dreams and the things I thought I wanted, and I went to the recruiter’s office.”
Her gaze wandered over my face. “I dropped out of college and came to Sedona for that spiritual retreat with Sam, and I just…stayed.”
“I’m glad you did,” I said, meaning it.
She stared at our joined hands and back up to my face. “You’re only sitting here with me holding my hand because there’s some wolf instinct telling you I’m the one.” She shook her head slowly, her voice wavering. “I don’t want you to be here because I’m the one you’re stuck with.”
“It’s not like that.” My heart hammered in my chest as I frowned, shaking my head. “I’m such a fucking idiot, Bec.” I struggled to find words. “I never meant to take you for granted. You were right here beside me, loving my kids, and I never saw it.” I shook my head. “Asher found Naomi, and then Kaya and Vance got together, Wendy found Chandler, and when Cole found Madison, I guess I got so caught up in the search for my mate that I was blinded by the panic.”
A crease lined her brow. “Panic?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I knew Samantha wasn’t my true mate, and seeing the rest of my pack so happy and all the new babies…” I squeezed her hand. “I wanted to give Henry and Hawk a family. I went on all those dates for the wrong reasons. It wasn’t like I asked them out because I enjoyed their company or found them devastatingly beautiful. I went out with them so that I could touch their skin to see if they were my mate. When nothing happened, the search continued.” It sounded stupid when I said it out loud. “After Ryker found Serenity while she wasn’t even conscious, I gave up dating altogether.”
“Why are you telling me all this?”
I shrugged with a sheepish grin. “Because I was worried you might’ve thought I was just sleeping my way through Sedona.”
“I guess that’s good to know.” She chuckled, rolling her eyes as she slid her hand free from mine. “That doesn’t change the fact that you never saw me as anything but a babysitter. You set your sights on checking if every single female in Sedona was your mate, and I never even made the list.”
“Asher made you off-limits and in my desperation to find my mate, I missed that she was right in front of me all along. I’ll spend the rest of forever trying to earn your forgiveness for me being a fucking idiot if that what it takes.” I ground my teeth, lowering my voice. “I wasn’t lying when I told you you’re beautiful. And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about kissing you yesterday. None of that has to do with the wolf. This is all me talking right now.”
She poked at her food and finally set her chopsticks down. “Okay, explain the wolf versus the man thing to me. What was it like in your living room when you knocked me out of the bullet’s path and touched my skin the first time?”
There was a set to her jaw and a spark of determination in her eyes. This was the FBI agent’s daughter. This side of her intrigued me.
I sat back in my chair. “I need to start before that, from the moment you showed up at my door that night.” She didn’t protest so I went on. “Having you so close inside my apartment, I had to keep reminding myself not to tell you too much. Asher’s warnings to shield you from our shifter affairs kept running through my head. I reminded myself that the less you knew, the safer you would be.”
“Okay…” She tipped her head. “Why is that important?”
“Because I’ve never wanted to share our secrets with anyone before. I’ve never had to consciously hold back until you.” I struggled to make her understand. “I lost count of how many dates I went on, but not once was I tempted to open up and tell them the truth. But it was different with you. You’re one of the few people in the world who I trust to watch my boys. I love them more than anything on Earth, and you’re the only non-pack member they’ve ever been around.”
Was I making any headway with her? Hell if I knew, but I was trying. “Long story short, even before I discovered you were my mate, I trusted you, and I cared about you.”
She rested back in her chair and crossed her arms. “So tell me about what happened after we touched?”
“You’re rushing me.” I chuckled as my mind drifted back to that night. “We were drinking in the kitchen. Your scent was distracting me, and then you wowed me with your recycling-bin-tossing abilities.” I shook my head. “That was the m
oment I first wished you could be my mate.”
She straightened up a little. “You never said anything or let on that you were interested.”
I nodded. “Yeah, because you were off-limits. I wasn’t going to break Asher’s trust.”
“You’re a good friend.” She gave a half-hearted nod. “I’ll give you that one.”
“Then I heard a slide on a gun outside, and that was when I knocked you to the floor. My hand brushed your bare arm when I did, and the wolf in my soul howled, clawing his way into my consciousness even though it wasn’t the full moon. That’s never happened to me before.” I met her eyes. “At first it scared the shit out of me. My vision was off for a few seconds while my pupils dilated and contracted, and you smelled so fucking amazing it was all I could do not to kiss you.”
I waited to see if she was going to sprint out of the room in fear. When she didn’t move, I did my best to open the part of myself that I still wasn’t sure I understood. “When I was bitten, this wolf inside me was so foreign I thought I’d never be able to function again, but after a few full moons together, we sort of learned to work together—or maybe more like tolerate each other. When I touched you, all that changed.
He’s with me all the time now. There’s this whole new instinctive aggression I’m trying to navigate, but instead of being terrifying…I sort of like it. You made me whole again, if that makes any sense.”
A single tear escaped from the corner of her eye and traced slowly down the curve of her cheek.
I frowned. “Did I say too much?”
She shook her head. “No. I…” She peered up at the ceiling. “I had a bad breakup in college and quit school. When I came home, my dad took me out to Point Loma. There are these cliffs there overlooking the Pacific Ocean that take your breath away. It’s like you’re standing on the edge of the Earth.” She finally looked at me again. “He stood beside me and said someday I’d meet someone who deserved me.” Her voice cracked. “We watched the sun disappear on the horizon, and he told me I’d be the missing piece to make someone whole. Hearing you say that just…surprised me.”
