When I felt a distinct brushing of something against my foot, just a whisper-touch that was as real as my fear, I collapsed onto the pew, curled my body into itself and did not move for the rest of the night.
“WHERE HAVE YOU been?” Nate asked.
I turned toward my locker, hiding my face. He wasn’t buying it, though. He leaned over my shoulder, his face and lips inches from mine.
I slid away and smoothed a lock of hair over the bruise.
“Who hit you?” Shock, then anger flashed behind those hazel eyes, the eyes I had seen a thousand times in my dreams over the days I’d been out of school.
I had spent one night in the church, and Nate’s image was the only thing that brought a small sliver of light when everything else was consumed in black. Black. Black.
I would’ve liked to return to school—to normalcy, to the sight of Nate—earlier, but when Edna had opened the door to the church that next morning, I was nearly comatose from fear and didn’t leave my bed until I was forced out of it yesterday morning for service.
“Nothing. It’s nothing.”
“That bruise is not nothing. Who hit you?”
I flinched.
“It was your father, wasn’t it? After you laughed in church?”
It had been Edna, but the details were unimportant.
“That’s sick. You can’t marry Josiah. This will only become your life.”
“It’s already my life.”
“No! It doesn’t have to be! Marli, this is crazy. You’re sixteen.”
I had spent the past days mentally preparing for the future. Really, it was all I ever expected. Well, not the young marriage but the control and domination of the church. I didn’t know of anyone to ever leave its suffocating little grasp and seriously doubted that trend would start with me.
Except…I sighed.
Except didn’t matter anymore. My dreams had become more elusive with each minute spent in the darkness until I didn’t even know what they had been.
There was one Marli Meade and this was her life.
But here was Nate and he was putting his hands on my arms, the heat from his touch piercing something deep inside of me. He looked down at me as if he could read my thoughts, feel my uncertainty. He stepped forward. I had to step back. He moved forward again and my back hit the locker.
He was so close I had to raise my chin to look at him. He was being aggressive. I couldn’t move if he didn’t want me to. Yet, somehow I didn’t feel threatened. I felt safe…protected.
I searched his face for some sort of sign, the cut of his jaw, the thickness of his lips. The dark stubble had grown thicker, as if he hadn’t shaved since the last time we saw each other, yet his skin still looked baby soft and tender underneath. I tried to meet his gaze but he wasn’t looking at my eyes.
He was looking at my lips.
No one had ever looked at my lips like that. For a moment I was too stunned to be self-conscious.
And then he kissed me.
The kiss was soft, just a light press of his lips. An inhale. An exhale.
Adrenaline shot through my body like a flaming arrow. Never had a pair of lips brushed against mine and his did so with purpose. With intention.
He squeezed my arms, just barely, as if trying to hold me closer but also to keep me upright. Surely he knew my knees were about to buckle. If this kiss lingered any longer, he would be picking me up off the linoleum.
But it was so terrifying and so delicious, I didn’t want it to end.
He pulled away, came closer, pulled away and came closer, moving his lips with a satiny mix of pressure and relief, as if he was either teasing me or going slow because he knew I needed him to.
When the bell clanged overhead, abrupt and jarring, Nate pulled back. His gaze traveled over my face like he was memorizing every minute detail of it—my brows, eyes, cheeks, lips. “You’re beautiful.” He ran his fingers through my messy hair then leaned forward to brush his lips against mine again.
I did nothing, absolutely nothing to stop the kiss even though somewhere in the distance I could hear the tide of students rolling down the hall.
“Don’t marry that guy.” He rested his forehead against mine.
“Why do you care?” I managed, my voice barely above a whisper, my body still floating far off in the atmosphere. Somehow I doubted it would ever return to earth. Not after a kiss like that.
His head turned side to side. “I don’t know why I care. I just don’t know.” He looked at me. “But I do.”
This time I was the one to throw any sense of caution to the wind, tilting forward, joining my lips to his. I knew it was a chaste kiss for someone like Nate. For someone like me, it was the opening to a whole new world.
THE DAY PASSED in a haze as I moved from class to class, homework assignments piling up in my school-issued planner. There was a biology test on Friday, an English paper due on Tuesday, and I needed to figure out a topic for the final term paper in history. But school work was the last thing on my mind.
The skin on my lips tingled, like Nate’s kiss had left a lasting film there for me to taste long after he left my side. I couldn’t stop my fingers from running over the surface as if that film was a physical thing I could touch. I kept my head bowed to hide the flush that I knew was now a permanent mark on my pale cheeks.
When the last bell of the day rang, I burst through the doors that led to the outside and searched for Polly. It was odd I hadn’t seen her the entire day, but sometimes she and her siblings were late to school. There was never an explanation as to why.
Now she stood by a picnic table with an arm around Mary, whose sobs could be heard across the schoolyard.
“What’s wrong?” I rushed over.
Polly’s face was pale and drawn, her dark eyes overly bright in the afternoon sun. She passed Mary to Samuel’s embrace and pulled me away. “She got caught with a boy from school.”
“What? Who?” Shock washed over me like a tidal wave. I had never heard of a mountain girl getting caught with a boy, a local boy at that, but I knew enough that this would not bode well for Mary. Would not bode well at all.
“Toby Jones.”
“The senior?”
Polly nodded. “Mom and Dad are inside talking to the music teacher now.”
“Why the music teacher?”
“Mary was supposed to be staying after school to help her prepare for the spring concert, but she never stayed. The teacher was concerned and contacted Dad.”
“Oh no.” Fear prickled in me like my blood was swarming with tiny spiky insects.
“Instead of staying after school, she would leave with Toby.”
How could Mary be so foolish?
I straightened. How could I be almost as foolish? Letting Nate kiss me in the middle of the hallway like that? “Where did they meet?”
Polly rubbed her palms over her face with such vigor I couldn’t tell if her skin itched or if she was trying to wipe away the image of her sister with Toby.
“At his house when his parents were still at work.”
“What’s going to happen?” My voice came out in a rushed, earnest whisper. No one was around so there was no need to speak quietly, but this information was too tragic to say aloud. Too tragic for Mary. Maybe for us all. A child from the mountain, especially a girl, simply did not cavort with the opposite sex. We weren’t a culture of so-called honor killings, but I wouldn’t put it past her father.
When Polly didn’t answer, I pulled her into a hug as our fears swirled around us like a dust storm.
An ugly burst of laughter made me pull back.
“Oh, I see how it is!” Janelle flipped her brown hair. “That’s how they do it up on the mountain. At least you can’t get pregnant that way!” She high-fived Chad. Heather didn’t smile or look up.
“Why do they have to be so mean?” Polly asked as they walked away.
“Just ignore them. They aren’t worth the time.”
Polly offered a tentative smile, almost li
ke she was trying it on to see if a smile could fit when the world around her was spinning.
We started a slow, meandering walk around the school grounds. Mary was still crying in Samuel’s arms, but her sobs had died down to occasional hiccups and shaking inhales that reverberated through the air.
“So…” Polly said, “how was it?”
Amazing…insane…liberating and terrifying…Nate’s lips are pure bliss.
“I can’t believe your grandmother locked you in the church.”
My heart plummeted. I thought Polly was asking about the kiss though there was no way she’d know about it. “How’d you find out where I’d been? Father didn’t announce it to the congregation, did he?”
“There are few secrets up there. You know that.” Polly rubbed her arms like she’d caught a chill. “I don’t know. I guess we all just figured it out. That’s what they’d done to Peter when he fell asleep that one Sunday. Remember?”
I did remember. Peter was only ten years old at the time and had fallen asleep during service because he was sick with the flu or something. He’d been shut in the church for one night as punishment. When his parents went to retrieve him the next morning, he was dead. A snake had bitten him on the hand.
“It must have been awful.” Concerned crawled across Polly’s features.
“I don’t want to talk about that. Ever again.” I shuddered, the sound of something moving beneath the pew still a very vivid memory in my ears. “It’s over.”
“But what did you do to deserve that?”
“I laughed in church—when Betty Jean was having a moment.”
Polly skidded to a halt. “What were you thinking?”
“Polly, it was funny and I laughed. Is that so bad that I have to be locked in the church?” Tears burned my eyes as memories flooded my mind.
As if sensing there was nothing else to say, we started walking again, this time arm-in-arm, each of us providing support the other needed. We made it two trips around the yard before my tears stopped and the darkness was replaced with something a whole lot better. Nate.
“There is something else,” I whispered, like I was sharing a conspiracy…which, in fact, I was. Revealing the kiss was dangerous, even to Polly. “Do you remember the guy from church? Not Josiah but the other one that came with the Stones?”
“The cute one with the hat?”
I nodded. “Well…” I looked into Polly’s familiar opaque eyes. “He kissed me.” I threw the words out like a stick of dynamite and held my breath. That confession landed a ticking bomb right in Polly’s hands. How would she use it?
When a mischievous grin broke out over Polly’s face, I sighed.
“Are. You. Kidding. Me?”
Giggles molded with a slight twinge of hysteria tumbled out of my mouth.
Polly grabbed my elbow and dragged me to a nearby tree where there wasn’t a soul around. “Spill it.”
But I was suddenly at a loss for words; emotions and explanations and raw gut feelings were fighting for space in my brain. Eventually, I just shrugged.
“Huh-uh,” Polly chided. “I need details. But I’m not even sure where to start. Isn’t he Josiah’s brother?”
“He’s not, but that’s a long story.”
“Are you still engaged?”
I threw my hands up like a young, and female, General Lee, ready to surrender. “I can’t go there and I don’t want to talk about the engagement. I don’t want to talk about that ever again.”
Polly’s brows folded.
“Instead…” There was a tingling in my face that forced my lips to a grin. “It was amazing,” I said in a rush, unable to contain myself, like an overeager jack-in-the-box. “I felt…normal for the first time ever. Actually, I felt better than normal. I felt like…like I was going to explode in a rainbow of fireworks!”
Polly gawked. “That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard.”
When I closed my eyes, I could feel Nate’s lips on mine as if they were still there, lingering languidly, leisurely lingering. I was impressed with my internal vocab skills but didn’t tell Polly that. Instead, I clutched her arm. “There’s a whole world out there we’ll never get to experience if we don’t step away from the church.”
Polly was staring at me like I was speaking Chinese, and I understood why. Our brains were so consumed with the church’s teachings that there was room for little else. It was difficult to have one set of beliefs hammered into your head for your entire life, but to also have instincts and urges that contradicted those beliefs.
“You can’t say anything. Not to Mary, or anyone.” I tugged on her wrist. “Especially to Mary.” I couldn’t take the chance Mary would use this information to divert attention from her own problems. “Promise me.”
Polly wouldn’t tell, or at least wouldn’t want to tell, but the church’s clutches were deep. I could never be fully confident, could I? Had I just been a fool with my little disclosure? Paranoia oozed through me like hot oil.
Finally, Polly smiled. “Marli, I would never do anything to get you into trouble. If this guy makes you feel something, I couldn’t be happier, and I would never take that from you.”
Just then Samuel called out. “Polly. Come on. Now.”
Mr. and Mrs. Lowe emerged from the school, pale and stooped. A sob escaped Mary’s lips as Samuel pulled her forward.
Polly started off. Within a few feet, though, she turned, her expression now molded with warnings and sirens and fear. “Just be careful.”
“I know. I will.”
“I think we all need to be careful.”
Polly’s words were like little black bats escaping into the air.
I watched Mr. Lowe ease into traffic and didn’t see Nate until he was standing right in front of me.
“Where are you headed?” he asked.
“To the library.” My frown evaporated.
“I’ll come along.”
“You’ll come along?” I wanted to scream Yes! as desperately as I wanted to scream No! Are you crazy?
“Is that a problem?”
“Do you know nothing about the church I belong to?”
“Don’t worry. I won’t walk beside you, and if there is anyone else in the library, I won’t go in. I can’t imagine it’s crowded, though. This isn’t exactly a literary part of the world.”
“That’s mean.”
“Am I wrong?”
“No.”
“Well, then. I will meet you at the library.”
Uncertainty pricked at my brain, but with a proverbial slamming of the door, I chose to ignore it like any good Christian girl. “You go first and I’ll follow.”
“’Kay.” Nate started down the sidewalk whistling as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Except he was going the wrong way.
“Nate?”
He turned.
“It’s that way.” I pointed in the opposite direction. “Four blocks on the left.”
He chuckled. “Right-o. That’s what I thought.”
He breezed by, hands casually shoved in his pockets.
After he covered two blocks and was far enough ahead, I followed. I scanned the road and sidewalk to see if anyone from the mountain was milling about. The truth was, though, many people on the mountain worked at the coal mines thirty minutes away or did odd jobs for the church and congregants. It was a rare occurrence that anyone came to town. Still, with Mary’s image and Polly’s words fighting for space in my brain, I couldn’t be too careful.
On the third block, he slowed and I caught up with him, keeping several feet between us, eyes planted firmly forward.
“Fancy seeing you here,” he said teasingly.
I gave him my best eye roll. “You’re a mess.”
“You have no idea.”
I giggled, unsure what he meant but finding I really didn’t care.
Then I turned serious, ready to probe for information. “How much longer do you think you’ll be with the Stones?”
“I’
ll head home soon.”
“I thought there was an investigation. You can decide when to go home?”
Nate tilted upward to watch a flock of birds fly overhead. “They didn’t find any reason for me not to return. Besides, that’s what I want. I don’t like it at the Stones’. I’d rather be home. At least there I know what kind of evil I’m dealing with.”
“Evil? What does that mean?”
The birds passed out of sight but still his gaze lingered on the sky. “Mr. Stone treats Mrs. Stone like a servant. He barks orders and if she doesn’t obey, or takes too long, he gets angry.”
“What does he do?”
“Well, for instance, last night Mrs. Stone was outside talking to a woman from their church who’d come by to drop off curtains or something. I don’t know what. But she was supposed to be making dinner. When she came back in, he grabbed her by the back of the head and shoved her down on her knees in the middle of the kitchen. He started praying for her soul, like it was damned since dinner was going to be five minutes late. She never did finish dinner. She stayed on her knees in the kitchen that whole evening and was still there this morning.”
He cast a long side-stare my way and I fought the urge to squirm. “Is your father like that?”
“I’m no fool. I know what’s expected of me. And I do it.”
I chose not to acknowledge what I was doing right now would land me in serious trouble. Walking with a boy to the library was so against the grain of the church’s beliefs it was more foreign than a dancing girl popping out of Edna’s birthday cake.
“When will you go home?” I asked.
“You’re very interested in this, aren’t you?”
“A little.” Actually, a lot, but there was no need to admit that. “Aren’t you worried about your brother?”
Nate shook his head. He didn’t say anything else about that topic.
“Can I ask you something else?” I stepped closer to him.
“Sure.”
“What did that comment mean about someone stealing your mother?”
Several yards passed without a response. “It’s a long story. Too much for now. Look, there’s the library.”
“I’ll switch gears. What happened at your last school that your probation officer doesn’t want you to return?” I couldn’t remember ever asking someone so many questions, but they tumbled out of me like they had a heartbeat of their own.
The Reformation of Marli Meade Page 4
