#1 Crush

by T Gephart

  I knew where his allegiances lay, and chances were he was probably already texting Eric, but I just needed a little more time. More distance. More something.

  “Get in.” The car continued to creep along side of me. “I won’t tell anyone anything, but you need to get in the car right now.”

  My head turned to face him. For the first time since I’d met him he wasn’t smiling or joking; he was serious but his eyes were kind.

  “You’re upset, and I won’t ask you anything, but I’m not leaving you on the street. So you get in the car and we get out of here, or I call Eric.”

  It was risky and could have been a complete trap. After all, what was to stop him from calling Eric anyway after I was already in the car? Not that I had a lot of options. My phone, money and everything else had been left in the police station. It’s not like I could catch a cab. Hell, I didn’t even have ID.

  “Fine.” I huffed, hating that I was forced to make a choice. “But if you call him, Ryan, I’m going to punch you right in the balls.” I opened the passenger side door and slid into the seat.

  It wasn’t an idle threat either. I figured if I clocked him right in the groin I’d incapacitate him long enough for me to get away. Plus, hopefully him knowing the score up front would curtail any plans to rat me out.

  “Wow, you went straight for the balls?” He smiled as he eased back into traffic. “Such a badass.”

  I didn’t answer, my feet nervously tapping on the floor with my hands knotted in my lap, the fake police station fading into the distance as we continued driving.

  “Where do you want to go?” Ryan broke the silence, eyeing me from the side. “I’m assuming you don’t want to go back to the house of he who should not be named.”

  “No, I don’t want to go there.” My voice was a whisper, the urge to cry so overwhelming my eyes started to water. Not now damn it, I begged. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry. “I don’t know where to go.” The words wavy as they croaked out.

  “Don’t cry, Tia.” A hand reached across and covered my still knotted fingers.

  “Did you know?” I didn’t look up, keeping my vision focused on my knuckles. I’m not sure why I even bothered asking him to be honest, of course he knew.

  “That you’re a writer and not an actress?” I felt more than saw his head turn toward me as he returned his hand to the wheel. “Or that he orchestrated this elaborate plan so it would be out in the open?”

  “Well, I guess that answers everything.” I shrugged, wondering why I had put myself in the hands of the enemy. “You can drop me off anywhere, I’ll just walk.”

  “Nope, can’t do that.” He shook his head returning to gaze out the windshield. “I already said I wasn’t telling anyone anything, so you’re stuck with me until you have some kind of a plan.”

  I shook my head, unable to respond.

  For once in my life I had no plan. No idea what to do from here. And worst of all, I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to do.

  “Drive it is,” he said drily, not willing to concede.

  The ringing of Ryan’s phone punched through the silence, startling me. The bright screen mounted on the dashboard lit up with Eric’s name and I shook my head in panic.

  “I said I wouldn’t,” he reminded me before accepting the call, putting the phone on speaker. “Your Majesty, what can I do for you?”

  “Ryan, where the fuck are you? Have you seen Tia?” Eric sounded desperate, his voice tearing through the phone.

  I should have been happy he was frantic, glad that he was suffering a little after what he’d just done. He deserved it. But I wasn’t happy, and just hearing his voice made my heart hurt more.

  “What do you mean where am I?” Ryan smirked, pretending to sound indignant. “I called Nick like you asked. He told me you were there with your own car and that neither you nor any of your bonehead brothers needed a ride home. So I turned around and left. And why . . .” he turned, looking at me as he said the words, “would I have seen Tia? Isn’t she supposed to be with you?”

  He was smart. Not outright lying, but definitely evasive.

  “Fuck!” Eric shouted making me jump in my seat. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. No she is not with me. She’s gone and I have no fucking idea where she is.”

  “Well in that case.” Ryan grinned, almost enjoying himself. “She’s in the car with me.” My mouth dropped open, my hands waving in the air. “And we’re running away together.”

  What?

  My eyes narrowed as I watched Ryan try to stifle a laugh. “If you’re nice, you’ll be invited to the wedding. Or not. It might be awkward, and I don’t want to upset my future bride.”

  “Cut the shit, Ryan. This isn’t a fucking joke.” He sounded less than impressed, agitation biting his tone. “She left her phone, her purse, everything.” He blew out a long exhale, sounding almost defeated. I guess that made two of us, the lump in my throat making it hard to breathe as he continued. “I’m going to circle around a few more times, Roman has gone to check the house, and Nick and Dave are hanging at the location in case she goes back. Can you . . . I don’t know. Look, if you think of where she could be, call me.”

  “Yep, can do,” Ryan quipped, his hand hovering over the end button. “Hey, before I go.” He side-eyed me, his finger still in position. “If I see her, you want me to tell her anything?”

  There was a pause, the sound of air rushing out of Eric’s lips before he took another breath. “Tell her I’m an asshole. That I’m sorry and I need to know she’s safe.”

  “Will do.” His finger pressed the end key and then he turned to me. “So, Eric’s an asshole—”

  “I heard him.” I pointed to the phone, the call having just ended.

  “I know.” Ryan shrugged. “But I figured it needed to be said again.”

  I felt a tiny smile twist at the corners of my mouth, which was ridiculous considering everything that had happened. But Ryan was a really good guy.

  “Thanks for not saying anything.”

  “I don’t like being in the middle of this shit, New York.” He continued to look forward, staying focused on a road I had no idea where it went. “He’s my best friend, and fuck, he’s been good to me.”

  “Which is why I said you could drop—”

  “But I don’t always agree with him.” He held up his hand, ignoring the interruption. “I will tell you this, I have never—and I do mean never—seen him as twisted up over a girl as he has been over you.”

  I didn’t answer, wanting to hear more but knowing I had no right to ask. It already felt like I had asked Ryan to do more than what was fair, to push further—it just wasn’t right.

  “So I’m just going to say it.” His voice answered my silence. “You are both fucking nuts.”

  “Probably,” I agreed. Definitely is what I should have said.

  “And you both should fucking talk to each other.”

  “Maybe.”

  God, I wanted to, but I was so scared. I had put my heart on the line, what if he didn’t feel the same way?

  “He cares about you.” He responded as if reading my thought. “A lot. So if you don’t feel that way then you should tell him.”

  Little did he know I had, I just wasn’t sure I could do it again.

  “And no fucking pressure, but if you do want to run away with me we can be in Vegas in four hours.” He bit his bottom lip, trying to hide the grin. “It would solve the issue of whether we invite Eric to the wedding.”

  “I’m not running away to Vegas to marry you, Ryan.” I reached across to shove him lightly, the smile creeping across my face.

  “Fair enough, you probably want a big traditional wedding. That’s cool. We’ll wait a little longer.”

  I couldn’t help but marvel at his genius. Ryan had told Eric exactly where I was—albeit skewing the details—which meant he hadn’t outright lied to Eric while still maintaining his word to me.

  “You’re a good guy, Ryan.” A wave of warmth flowed through
my body, slowly easing some of the tension. Nothing had changed with Eric, but I didn’t feel as alone as I had before I got in the car. “Thank you for everything.”

  “No problem, New York.” He turned his head giving me a wink. “You’re pretty good yourself.”

  I sighed, my back relaxing into the seat. I still had no idea where I was going. Both metaphorically and literally. I was so fucking confused, and missing home, and angry, and sad, and . . . why couldn’t I just have a crystal fucking ball so I knew how this all turned out? One thing I knew was, despite everything, I still loved him. As much as I wanted to turn off those feelings—knowing it would be easier—I couldn’t.

  “Do you love him?” Ryan asked, pulling his mind reading trick again. Or I might have been talking out loud. I couldn’t confidently rule it out.

  “Yes,” I answered quietly. Because saying it—even to myself—scared the fucking shit out of me.

  “I should never have left you at the bar that first time we met.” He tsked, his hand tapping the steering wheel before stage whispering, “I knew it.”

  It made me laugh, which was crazy considering everything else going on in my head. But it felt good—the sound making its way up my throat as I dried my eyes. I would be okay; it had been a crazy ride but if I could laugh about it. I would be okay.

  I TUNED OUT FOR THE rest of the drive, the rock of the car lulling me into a weird trance. I saw the road and cars outside but nothing really stuck, my brain in neutral as we drove up to a familiar gate.

  Oh fuck.

  Shit.

  This was Eric’s gate.

  “What are we doing here?” My fingers gripped the seatbelt across my chest tight as the gate slowly opened. “Ryan, this is Eric’s house.”

  “Oops.” His hand covered his mouth in mock surprise. “Don’t know how that happened.”

  “I-I—” I had no idea what to say. I didn’t even know if Eric was home or whether I even wanted to see him.

  “Don’t freak out, you don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to.” The car moved forward slowly, the gate sliding closed behind us. “But your stuff is here, so we’re going to get it. And then if you want to go to a hotel or stay with me until you figure this out, we can do that.”

  “You would let me stay with you?” The possibility hadn’t even entered my mind. Not that I had thought of some other plan. One that solved the issue of getting my stuff—as Ryan had so elegantly put it—and a place to sleep for the night.

  “Sure, if you want.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. “But the man has messaged me ten times and is going out of his mind.” He held up the phone that had been silenced and switched to vibrate at some point, the unanswered messages displayed on the screen. “I think it’s reasonable that we let him know you’re all right.”

  “Okay.” And with that okay, Ryan continued down the driveway.

  It was reasonable, and probably necessary, because if Eric had called Judith or Will or even Lila looking for clues as to my whereabouts, I was probably hours away for having some very frantic loved ones lose their minds.

  As we drove toward the house Eric was pacing outside his front door with the phone pressed to his ear. His hand was raking through his hair roughly, with every muscle in his body so tightly coiled I could see the tension even through his clothes. He turned when he heard the car approaching, the phone lowering from his ear as his eyes widened, seeing me in the passenger side of the car. He didn’t move though, standing still in place waiting until the car came to a stop in front of him.

  “Holy shit,” I cursed out a breath. He looked terrible.

  “Yeah, this is going to be fun.” Ryan popped open his door and exited the car. He gave Eric a chin-tip wordless greeting before coming around to my door and opening it. My exit a lot slower than his had been.

  “Tia.” My name tore at his throat. He tilted his head for just a second, looking at Ryan before he came back to me. “I thought you didn’t know where she was?”

  “I told you she was in the car with me.” Ryan rolled his eyes, whistling through his teeth. “It’s not my fault if you didn’t listen.”

  “Can we talk?” he asked, his eyes locking on mine.

  And as much as I was not ready for any conversation, I knew I wouldn’t say no to him. More than that, I knew I couldn’t.

  “Do not upset my future wife,” Ryan clipped, looking to me for a nod of reassurance before making a move to leave.

  “Noted,” Eric said, not even turning in Ryan’s direction.

  Ryan strode past us and walked into Eric’s house. I didn’t doubt he would probably be close and most likely listening, something that actually gave me comfort.

  Eric stepped closer but didn’t touch me, his eyes—as usual—burning me alive as we stood toe to toe. The sound of our breathing cracking through the silence.

  “Thank fuck you are okay.” He was the first one to speak, his chest expanding heavily as he pushed out a breath. “I was losing my fucking mind.”

  “Ryan found me and convinced me to get in his car.” I shrugged, not sure what else to say. “I needed distance.”

  “I am so fucking glad he was there.” He closed his eyes, the lids slowly opening as they refocused on me. “And what about now, do you still need distance?”

  I didn’t answer.

  Truth was, I didn’t know what I needed.

  My heart was telling me I needed him, for him to wrap his arms around me and kiss me. To erase all the stupid stuff we’d both done. For him to love me and let me love him back.

  But my head was telling me I needed something else. To go home, to accept it was all doomed from the start and to cut my losses. I would get over it, get over him, there would eventually be someone else.

  I wasn’t convinced.

  “Well, this is really fucked up.” He raked his hand through his hair, the ends jutting out messily in every direction.

  Even when he wasn’t trying, he still looked delicious, and it was getting harder and harder to stand there and not touch him. Not just because he was gorgeous and had the ability to make my toes curl with a single smoldering look either. It had gone waaaaaaaaay beyond that.

  “New York.”

  God, I both loved and hated when he called me that, my insides twisted into a knot.

  “Please say something.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” I blurted out, the internal pressure cooker of my head, my heart and my hormones exploding. “I’m not even sure what I’m fucking mad at right now. At you? At me?”

  Was I still even mad?

  Maybe I was hurt?

  Embarrassed?

  Hell if I knew. “Whether I should be packing up my stuff and getting the hell out of here or—”

  “I vote for or,” he cut in, not letting me finish.

  “You don’t even know what or is.” My hands waved furiously. You know, in case my verbal spillage wasn’t enough to prove I was losing it.

  “It’s the opposite of you packing up your stuff and leaving. So whatever it is, it’s what I want,” he said seriously without a hint of sarcasm. “Don’t go.”

  God. This man.

  I was supposed to be in a middle of a tirade, saying a whole bunch of something. And he had to go and be sweet.

  “Aren’t you even the slightest bit annoyed? I basically lied to you from the moment we met.”

  It didn’t make sense. If I was angry, he should at least be a little put out. Why was I the only one acting like a lunatic? And why the hell was I pointing it out? I wasn’t supposed to be making it easier for him, Goddamn it.

  “No.” His lips twisted, fighting back a smile.

  “What do you mean no? How can you not be angry?” I was basically a hazard to myself and had no idea when to shut up.

  “Because you are a terrible liar.” He stopped fighting, the corners of his mouth curling. “And I could tell that, while you weren’t an actress—seriously, you were terrible—I knew the other parts were authentic
.”

  “But you let me go on . . . digging a bigger hole.” Seriously, who needed enemies? I was doing a pretty good job at sabotaging myself, I was surprised he hadn’t agreed with me and gone to get my bags.

  “Yeah, well it amused the hell out of me. Probably more than it should.” He coughed out a laugh. “Not because I was laughing at you, but because you were so fucking adorable. And you were so committed to it.”

  His fists balled at the side like he was trying to keep them where they were. “Which is why I devised that stupid plan. The press was already looking for a name, I gave it to them. I thought the truth would come out and we’d laugh about it. Not my finest hour.”

  “I can’t believe you had me fake arrested.” I couldn’t help it. My hand leapt from the safety of my side and landed on his chest. It was meant to be a shove, but once it was there it didn’t move, sticking to his pectorals like the traitor that it was. “You looked so angry and hurt.” My voice softened remembering his face, the pain I left behind, knowing it had been because of me.

  “I was acting.” My hand on his chest seemed to give him permission, moving his to cover mine. “I was intrigued, and curious as hell. But I knew you weren’t intentionally being deceitful.”

  “I believed you, I thought it was real.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry.” His hands moved mine to his lips, kissing my fingertips gently, watching me the entire time like I might spook. “It played out longer than it should. I figured you could use a little payback, not because I was angry but because no matter what I threw at you, you wouldn’t come clean. I should have told you before they took you. And I was on my way out the door to come see you when you called. But then you said things to me.” He stopped, moving my hand from his lips, and placing it back to his heart. I could feel its steady rhythm under my fingertips. “Did you mean it? What you said to me on the phone?”

  Crap.

  The phone call.

  The one where I not only admitted that I loved him but I wouldn’t take it back.

  “Yes. I meant it.”