“We didn’t call her, either.” He regretted that fact on a daily basis, but it had been too dangerous.
“When were we supposed to call, man? We’ve been deep undercover for months. We have to face facts. She didn’t love us. It’s over. Fuck.” Burke turned away. He stalked to his desk and picked up the phone. “Rafiq al Mussad, please. Yes, tell him this is Burke Lennox, and he needs to call me soon. We’re heading back to Colombia soon. We need to meet with him.”
Cole stared out his window. Miles separated him from Jessa, but even if she stood in front of him now, he wouldn’t be able to reach her.
His future was over. He needed a drink.
Burke continued to make plans, but Cole could see the rest of his life mapped out in a neat plan. Fight. Fight. Die. Alone. Maybe he would save a few people, but the only woman who could have saved him was lost.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Present Day – Dallas, Texas
Cole watched Jessa, his every instinct on overload. She was thinking something, up to something. She glared at him, then paced the small room, her feet padding across the floor in a quick step that told him all about her anxiety—and her anger.
Of course she was angry. In her head, they had lied, but it hadn’t really seemed like a lie at the time. It had been a cover. They went undercover enough that it was just part of the job.
But this particular cover had blown up in their faces. Burke could be as optimistic as he wanted. She wasn’t coming back. Not now that she’d decided what they really were.
Mercenaries.
He hated that fucking word. It sounded selfish, made them seem like men who sold their services to anyone with cash, who used their power and strength, no matter the cause and no matter who got hurt. That wasn’t him, but he wouldn’t be able to convince Jessa. Did he even deserve a chance to try at this point? He sighed. And how would their son regard them when he got older, grew up?
“So, how long do you expect me to live in a swamp?”
Cole watched her pace, her hands clenching and unclenching. She was ready to explode, and he was going to let her. Maybe if she bled off some of her tension naturally, he wouldn’t be tempted to throw her onto the bed and force orgasms on her until she relaxed. He liked that plan much better, but she didn’t want him. Uncle Martin had been right; he wasn’t good for anything. No one would ever love him.
Burke crossed his arms over his chest and stared straight at Cole. “Well? Don’t you have some caveman comeback to that one?”
Cole just shook his head.
“Not a single word?”
“No.”
Fuck. Burke wanted to bait him into losing his temper, and Cole refused to let him. Burke wanted him to grab Jessa and push pleasure on her until she melted in his arms, then pass her to his brother so he could give her more of the same. But Cole wasn’t going to give his brother the satisfaction of showing Jessa how much he loved and wanted her. Or of trying to break her down and soften her up for them. It was pointless. She wasn’t coming back.
Burke’s growl came from the back of his throat. His brother was getting really angry, a surprise since Burke rarely lost his temper. That was Cole’s job, but Burke seemed willing to take over for him. “Fine. I’ll do what I always do. I’ll fucking speak for you. Jessa, you’ll stay in the swamp for as long as it takes, until we tell you it’s all right to go.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Or maybe I’ll call the cops myself. He can’t possibly own every single one of them. Maybe I would be better off taking my chances with them than the two of you. At least they won’t lie to me.”
Cole felt his whole body flinch, like she’d hit him with a bullet. No, a bullet would hurt less.
“You’re not calling anyone.” Burke crossed his arms over his chest and intentionally crowded Jessa. He got right into her space, towering over her. “Do you honestly believe we haven’t tried everything we could in the short amount of time we’ve had? We have people calling the feds, the US Attorney’s office, the DA of New York. These things take time. That’s what Marco is counting on.”
“Or maybe he’s counting on the fact that he’s had months and months to prepare for this and he knows exactly what you’ll do at every turn, like just sitting here and waiting for him to come get us.” Her body was practically vibrating with anger.
“Do you think I like sitting around? Do you honestly believe I wouldn’t rather be out looking for this bastard? If I knew you’d be safe, I would. But I don’t know if this asshole is nearby, and driving around in the middle of the day is just asking for someone to spot us. So until dark, we’re staying. What the fuck else do you want me to do, Jessa?”
“Go back a year ago and change everything. Hell, if I could go back, I’d be smarter, see through you two. I should have known exactly what you were. I can see it so clearly now.” Her fists were little balls of barely contained emotion. Even her toes seemed curled, biting around the cheap carpet.
“And just what are we?” Burke challenged. “Lay it out, sweetheart. Put it all out there.”
“You’re liars.”
Cole closed his eyes. That hurt almost as badly as the idea that they were mercenaries. Did she think they lied to everyone or just sweet virgins like her, looking for affection? Did she believe they really made money off saving or taking human lives? Probably. He’d been called worse, but never by someone he cared about.
“We were undercover. Did you want us to walk around giving the bad guys business cards?”
“In the end, it didn’t matter. They seemed to have figured out who you are. They were way smarter than I was.”
“Of course, they figured it out. We had to file a ton of paperwork to get the feds to accept the evidence we’d collected. We had to put the bad guy away. Don’t act like we’re the villains in this scenario. We were the ones saving the women, and you know it.”
“Well, you didn’t save me, did you?” she said acidly.
Cole felt his fucking heart almost stop at the question. Unlike her previous rantings, this question came out of her mouth with a hint of vulnerability that broke his heart. The hurt in her eyes was raw, like it had been scrubbed to bleeding with steel wool. Guilt churned in his gut.
Burke softened up a bit. He reached out for her. “Sweetheart, we didn’t know you needed us or were in danger. The minute we thought you were, we came for you.”
The vulnerable girl was gone in a heartbeat, righteously angry female taking her place. “I wasn’t talking about that, you asshole. I was talking about the fact that you left me alone and pregnant, and if Marco Delgado hadn’t decided I would make a spectacularly good Judas goat, you would never have come back for me.”
“We would have checked.” Burke’s hands came back down, his fingers twitching as though they really wanted to be on her. Cole knew his brother. Burke thought if he could get his hands on her, he could smooth their way back. Cole didn’t think Jessa wanted to be placated. She wanted to fight, and they were the only available targets.
“Would you? Or would you have just moved on to the next job and the next female who was stupid enough to buy into your routine?”
“It’s not a routine, and we would have checked on you.”
She turned those big green eyes on him. Cole felt his heart stutter. “Would you, Cole? Really? Would you have come looking for me, a woman you thought was married?”
“No.” He’d died a little the day he’d heard about her marriage. A piece of himself had shriveled, and he’d buried it. He wouldn’t have gone back. He wouldn’t have wanted to see her with her husband. “We’d already discussed it and decided to leave you in peace.”
“Goddamn it, Cole. Can you think for two seconds before you say something? Why are you sitting there? I know you love her. Why are you just letting her tear us apart?”
“We can love her all we want, but we’re not together, Burke. I can’t tear us apart because she’s not going to let us close to her again.”
And it hurt like hell.
Cole had never felt more alive than when he’d been with Jessa. With her, he’d felt like he’d been good at something other than his fucking job. He’d been good at loving her.
Then he’d fucked up.
He watched as Burke spewed angry words her way, and she yelled right back. Yes, he’d fucked up. Brutally. He had told Jessa the truth. They wouldn’t have gone back. Cole knew he would have taken job after job after job until it killed him. That fucker Landry had lied to him about Jessa’s marriage, and he’d swallowed every damn word. He would have gone to his grave heartbroken, loving her…and believing that she belonged to another man.
“Have you thought about the fact that Caleb is our son?” Burke challenged.
“He’s probably Cole’s son.”
“You think that matters to me? That I give a shit?” Burke shot back. “We’ve shared everything since the moment we were conceived. In my heart, that is my son, and I’ll be damned if I let you shove me out of his life.”
She was toe to toe with Burke, her face more alive than he’d seen in hours. She was flushed, her hair sliding out of its ponytail with every shake of her head. Little tendrils of red hair escaped to flutter around her face. She was so goddamn beautiful. Even when she was screaming at them, Cole was utterly fascinated with her.
Could he really let that go—her go—because he was worried he was everything she accused him of being? Was he going to let his uncle keep taunting him from the grave? Jessa wasn’t married. She’d given birth to their son. Cole still fucking loved her. She’d cared about him once. Maybe…Burke had a point.
Cole paused and really watched her. He’d been mired in his own misery and hadn’t looked beyond her beauty, her anger. But now he did. His eyes narrowed. It was as if she wanted to…provoke them. For a fight? Or something else?
“You shouldn’t be in his life at all,” she insisted.
“How can you say that, Jessa? He’s our son. We’re his fathers.”
“You didn’t care enough about me to call and find out that you had a son, but I’m supposed to believe you’re suddenly going to be dads of the year?”
Burke gritted his teeth, clearly nearing the end of his control. “I’ve explained that.”
“You gave me an excuse. How hard would it have been to pick up the damn phone?” She turned to Cole. “There were three months between the time you left and I returned from Scotland with my supposed husband. Three months. Ninety days in which you could have called me. Ninety days of me waiting and believing that you’d abandoned me.”
She said it with an angry growl, but there was something else underneath. Burke continued to argue his case. Cole frowned, working to shove aside his own guilt and misery, his uncle’s destructive words. He watched her. She just kept picking at them, getting more frustrated with every one of Burke’s comebacks.
“Just admit it, Burke. You found a dumb virgin who gave you two exactly the kink you two wanted, then you left with no intention of ever coming back. You’d gotten what you wanted and you were through. And you.” She turned to look directly at Cole, her gaze laced with some sense of anticipation, like she sought something. “You’re sick. Perverted.”
Cole absorbed her words, but he was calmer now. Thinking. Watching. She was after something, and he didn’t think it was simply the means to let out her anger. If that was all she sought, he’d take her rage. But there was something about the way she sidled closer and stared at him that made him question the reason behind her tirade.
“Yes. I’m very sick, baby.” He gentled his tone. If he could calm her down by agreeing with her, then he would. But his guess was that his composure would only piss her off more. If so…he’d know exactly what she needed. “I’m damaged. I’m not good for you.”
“Goddamn it, Cole.” Burke’s anger came off him in waves, blasting at his brother who had always been able to sense his strong emotions.
Jessa stiffened, her rage seeming to escalate, not dissipate. “Do you spank all your stupid little conquests? Poor Cole, can’t get it up without a little kink. He has to tie up women or they might run away.”
Jessa wasn’t just spewing anger. She was painting him a picture with her words. If all she wanted was for him to admit his sins against her, he’d done that. But she kept poking.
“What? You don’t have anything to say? You just don’t care, Cole. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Under all that aggressive attitude, you give up. You back down, don’t you? You’re just going to stand there and let a girl tell you off.” She shrugged like it didn’t matter.
But it did, and he was beginning to get the picture.
Burke opened his mouth to start defending Cole’s honor, but he stopped his brother with a shake of his head. Burke didn’t need to waste his breath. All this bullshit of Jessa’s wasn’t really about him.
“Big, bad Dom, huh?” She scoffed, baiting Cole even more.
The pieces slid together, unmistakable. She’d clung to him in the night, and for part of it, she hadn’t been asleep. He’d been able to feel her breath take on an uneven rhythm as she’d awakened, restlessly moving until he’d wrapped his arms around her to force her to be still. He’d felt her stiffen for a moment and worried she would reject him, but she’d simply melted back into him and fallen back to sleep, their arms and legs entangled. She’d woken this morning wrapped around Burke. She’d wanted comfort, but she wouldn’t ask for it.
This argument was no different. She was fighting, battling against him when he’d laid down his arms and given her the victory. Yet she still poked him, as though picking a scab she couldn’t let heal over. Because she didn’t want it to. Fuck. If he was right, then she was in a corner, wanting something from them, but having no idea how to fight past her pride to simply ask for it.
So she’d maneuvered him into taking it. She might need him far more than he’d expected.
“Not so tough without handcuffs and a ball gag, are you?” She glared with disdain.
Cole tested the waters, crossing the room to tower over her. He laced his arms over his chest and got in her personal space, leveled a dark, heavy stare at her. A thousand dirty thoughts of Jessa naked and under him, between him and Burke, crossed his mind. He let every one of them show in his eyes. Relief and arousal flared across her face. She should be backing away, but she wasn’t, because Cole could clearly see that she didn’t merely want to stir his ire. She’d been looking to rouse his dick, maybe even his heart. She wanted them. Needed them? The next few hours would tell.
This might not solve anything, but he wasn’t giving up his forever without a fight. He hoped that his uncle rotting in hell was gnashing his teeth. He was done stewing on all the swill the old man had shoved down his throat. Jessa might not love him, but she cared. That would be enough for now. It was a start.
“Jessa, turn off your mouth, or we’re going to have some serious punishment.”
Though he’d spoken quietly, both Jessa and Burke shut up immediately. The air froze.
“You don’t have the right to punish me.” Her breathing picked up pace. Her cheeks flushed.
Stubborn little sub. “I’ll take it if I have to. You don’t top me, baby.”
“You don’t touch me.”
“Oh, but you want me to.” He edged closer, satisfied with her sharp intake of breath.
Then her shoulders relaxed, and her eyes softened, as though she knew she was going to get what she wanted. “You’re wrong.”
Oh, she was so digging her own grave with those breathless words. He smiled.
“You won’t admit the truth. I suspect you’re going to fight me, even though we both know you want this. You want me to take you, Jessa. I showed you a whole world, then I left you alone to suffer. You haven’t been with anyone since that night, have you? Don’t you dare lie to me.”
“I’ll lie to you all I like, Cole. Our whole relationship has been a lie.”
“That’s bullshit, but I understand why you feel that way. Now, we have a few hours before
we can leave. Do you want to sit down and rationally figure out how to deal with this or do you want to play this game out to its inevitable conclusion?” He felt so much calmer now. The guilt was still there, but now he could see plainly that she needed what only he could give her.
Burke stood silently beside his brother, allowing Cole to take the lead. He stared at Jessa, his eyes hooding. Yeah, his twin was finally in the know and on board.
“What game is it that you think I’m playing?”
“You’re topping from the bottom, baby.” And normally, he wouldn’t rise to the bait, but if this was his only way back to her, he’d bend his rules this once. “You’re doing your damndest to manipulate me to a place where I simply take you and you don’t have to consent. You want us both, but you’re too hurt to ask for what you need. There’s only one problem with that scenario. This has to be consensual. I won’t rape you, not even to pretend.”
“I don’t want to make love with you.”
“No, you want me to fuck you. If I took that robe off you right now, would I find your nipples hard? Would they be standing up straight, all peaked for me? If I slid my hands down your body and buried my fingers in your pussy, would I find you wet and ready for me?”
She swallowed, then tried to pass off a shrug. “If I was, it doesn’t mean I love you. It just means I haven’t had some in a long time.”
“Baby, I haven’t touched anyone since I walked out of that hotel room. I won’t touch anyone else for the rest of my life. I love you. I love you with every ounce of my being, and I’ll die before I ever take another woman.”
Her eyes flared with hope. He watched her squash it quickly with pain and fear. “I don’t believe you.”
“He hasn’t, Jessa,” Burke murmured. “I haven’t touched anyone in a year, either, sweetheart. In my head, in my heart, it would have been cheating. Even after we thought you had gotten married, we couldn’t look at another woman. You’re it for us. We fucked up. We let our work and our own misery and guilt defeat us. If I could do it again, I would have told you everything.”
Their Virgin’s Secret, Masters of Menage, Book 2 Page 14
