No one spoke.
Not even Tink. Not for a long time.
It was Tanner who finally did.
“You are doing the right thing,” he said. At his sides, his hands were opening and closing.
Finally! Finally, someone realized that I was doing the right thing. There was no relief, though. No joy. Just a heaviness that threatened to drag me to the ground and then through it.
“It gives me no pleasure to hide anything from my King, nor does knowing what you must be going through. But the future of our Court and of this world is paramount and trumps our needs and desires,” he continued. I felt myself nodding slowly. “We’ll keep your confidence, Brighton.”
Sitting down in the chair, all the energy went right out of me. “Thank you.”
His mouth tightened.
“Neither Faye nor Kalen will repeat a word of what was overheard or discussed here,” Tanner announced, and for the first time, I saw his mask of civility slip a little, revealing the deadly creature underneath as he looked to the two of them. “Do you understand me?”
Faye looked uncomfortable but she nodded. “I do.”
“I was right. I regret this.” Beside her, Kalen thrust a hand through his hair. “I don’t like this. He’s our King.”
“I’m not asking if you like it.” Authority bled into Tanner’s tone. “None of us do. But we must do things we don’t like to protect the future, no matter how distasteful we find them.” His hands stilled as his gaze met mine. “And I promise you that what you’re doing will not be in vain. I will do everything in my power to ensure that.”
I nodded again because I felt distasteful. I felt wrung out. I felt everything and nothing as Tanner bid us goodbye. The others followed, but Kalen stopped and whispered something in Tink’s ear. The brownie nodded solemnly. At any other time, I would’ve been curious to know what was said, but right then, I didn’t have the brain capacity for it.
Tink sat beside me. “So…”
Wearily, I looked over at him.
“That was awkward.”
I laughed, but it didn’t feel right. “Do you think they’ll keep silent?”
“I believe so.”
“And you?” I whispered.
“Of course. I don’t want you to throw away my packages.”
I smiled at that.
He leaned in, resting his forehead against mine. “You know what I think?”
I was half afraid to ask. “What?”
“I think you’ll make a good mom. After all, I’m one hell of a test run.”
* * * *
I spent the following two days with Fabian and Tink as my shadows. If I wanted to go out into the courtyard, they went with me. If I stayed in my room, they kept me company by either joining me on the bed to watch bad reality television or a movie in the living room area of the suite. I didn’t think I’d ever spent that much time in bed with one man before, let alone two. I knew they were there because Caden wasn’t, and I had a feeling they were with me at his request. Not that I believed they didn’t want to spend time with me, but it wasn’t like I was great to be around. I was the living embodiment of morose.
I hadn’t talked to Caden since I’d told him I didn’t love him, but I woke in the middle of the night, swearing that his scent was in the room. Often, when I was in the courtyard with Fabian and Tink, a shivery wave of awareness broke out along the back of my neck and over my skin. I’d turn, fully expecting to find Caden there, looking at me in that intense way of his. But he was never there, just like when I woke in the night—the room was empty.
I couldn’t make sense of how I felt. I didn’t know what to think or feel. A stupid part of me had been pleased to know that Caden had possibly been the one to deliver the food or could be watching me while I was in the courtyard. The other half of me wanted to punch myself in the face.
Tanner and the others had kept their vow so far. I figured I would know if they’d told Caden about the pregnancy, but when I walked out to the courtyard with Fabian and Tink Friday evening, I saw that he was diligently working to make sure that Caden chose a Queen.
Stepping out into the courtyard, I felt as if I’d been sucker punched in the heart when I saw Caden standing to the right, under several softly glowing paper lanterns. Wearing black trousers and a white button-down shirt, with his hair loose and brushing broad shoulders, he looked as if he’d stepped off the cover of a magazine or out of some fantasy. He wasn’t alone. Tanner was with him, as were several other fae, including Kalen. So was the tall and elegant, raven-haired Tatiana. Her brother, who was equally striking with his dark hair and deep, silvery hued skin, was also there.
There was a slight smile playing across Caden’s face as Tatiana said something to him. She reached across the scant distance between them and touched the forearm exposed by the rolled-up sleeve of his shirt.
There was no mistaking that Caden and Tatiana would make a stunning couple found only in fairy tales and seeing them together made me painfully aware of the fact that no one in their right mind would ever believe that he’d chosen me over someone so flawless. So graceful.
The bite of jealousy took a huge chunk out of my heart even as I told myself I should be relieved. I should be happy to see him speaking with her. It wasn’t like him finding another fae to marry would lessen the blow if he rekindled the arrangement with Tatiana.
Tink had taken my hand the moment we spotted them and began talking about sea turtles. Or possibly opossums. I wasn’t sure. Caden appeared wholly unaware of us. The only person who seemed to know we were there was Sterling, Tatiana’s brother. His gaze tracked us until I could no longer tell if he was watching.
The courtyard had lost some of its beauty that night, and I hadn’t lingered long. Caden and the group of fae were gone when we went back inside, but based on the amount of activity behind the frosted glass of the common room, I had a feeling the King was in there. There was a lot of laughter, and I thought I even detected music. I’d heard that they often threw parties, sometimes for birthdays or weddings, and other times just because. Envy joined jealousy, and the moment I was in my hotel room, I managed to get Fabian and Tink to leave. I hoped they joined whatever was going on downstairs. They belonged there. I didn’t. And while I knew I wouldn’t be unwelcome—well, I doubted Tanner would be thrilled if I made my presence known since he was obviously working hard to reconnect Caden and Tatiana. But I also knew that I was an outsider, no matter my relationship with Tink or Prince Fabian.
Feeling older and wearier than I had in a very long time, I pulled on a sleep shirt that Ivy had retrieved from my house. It was lightweight and long, reaching my thighs. I climbed into bed, shamefully early for a Friday night, beyond thankful that tonight was my last night here.
“I got this,” I reminded myself as I had every night since Monday. As I placed my hand against my belly, I repeated, “We got this.”
Drifting off, I wondered why it was so easy to fall asleep now when I’d always struggled to do so before. Was it the pregnancy? I’d read once that it could make you more tired. Or was it my body healing and recovering? The bruises and the cuts had all faded. My eyes were no longer swollen, and most of the slices had become only faint pink marks. Or was it depression? It was probably all of it.
The darkness of a dreamless sleep slowly broke apart, revealing damp bricks covered by thick, ropey vines. Two torches struggled to beat back the shadows of the…tomb.
My eyes widened as my heart stuttered. Under me, the stone was like a sheet of ice. I jackknifed up, but pressure around my neck choked me. Gasping, I pressed my fingers to my throat. Cool, hard metal.
No. No. No.
I wasn’t there. I wasn’t in the tomb. This had to be a nightmare. Shaking, I looked down at myself, recognizing the faded image of a mound of beignets on my sleep shirt. My gaze shot to where the door to the tomb was located and saw nothing but a void of nothingness. The abyss rippled out. Thick tendrils licked over the walls and drenched the floor,
rapidly swallowing the tomb and me.
Wake up. Wake up. I need to—
“Miss me?”
The sound of Aric’s voice in my ear sent a bolt of fear straight through me, and a scream tore from deep within me. I twisted, hands pushing out—
My palms connected with something hard and warm. Aric was never warm. His skin was always cold, his touch painfully frigid.
“It’s me. Brighton, you’re okay.” A deep voice scattered the darkness. “You’re safe.”
Caden.
I opened my eyes, wincing. A bedside lamp had been turned on, casting the room in light that was normally soft. My pounding heartbeat accelerated as I realized that the hard, warm surface under my palms was the white button-down shirt covering Caden’s chest.
Scrambling back to the center of the bed, my gaze flew to Caden’s face. He was right there, perched on the edge of my mattress, several strands of hair falling forward to rest against his cheek.
He didn’t blink as he stared back at me. “Brighton?”
“Yes?” I whispered, disorientated.
His gaze searched mine. “Are you all right?”
“I…I think I was having a nightmare.”
“You were. You screamed.”
“You heard me scream?”
He nodded.
Some of the fog lifted. “How did you hear me scream?”
“I was outside your room.”
I started to ask what he had been doing there, but then it struck me. “You’ve been keeping watch during the night?”
Caden said nothing as he tucked the strands of hair back from his face.
My heart started pounding for a wholly different reason. “Have you’ve been doing that every night since…?”
“Since you lied straight to my face and walked out of the room?” he finished for me. “Yes, I have.”
I jolted. “I didn’t lie.”
One eyebrow rose as thick lashes lifted.
I decided to ignore that look. “Why are you doing that? You’re the King. I am sure there are several fae you’d trust to keep watch.”
“There is no one I trust enough to keep watch—”
“Besides your brother and Tink?” I interrupted.
“I trust them to a certain degree.”
I thought about the sensation of awareness when I was in the courtyard as if he were there. The warring mix of emotion rose again.
“And if you have to ask why I’m the one watching over you, then I don’t think I’ve been clear enough with you,” he added.
Oh, he’d been clear, and I was desperately trying not to see the reasons. Maybe that was why the tiny piece of bitterness slipped out of me. “I’m surprised you’re not busy right now with—” I managed to stop myself from finishing the sentence.
“With whom?” One side of his lips curved up. “Tatiana?”
I looked away.
“I saw you in the courtyard, Brighton. I wasn’t there with Tatiana, but it seems where I go this week, Tanner finds me with Tatiana in tow.”
I kept my face impressively blank. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t even know why I did. And you shouldn’t be here.”
“I know what I should and should not do. Keeping you safe is something that I should be doing.” His gaze lowered. “Checking out your legs at the moment would probably be one of the things I shouldn’t be doing.”
My legs?
I glanced down to discover that the blanket had slipped to my knees, and a whole lot of leg was visible. Flushing, I yanked the cover up. “I see knowing you shouldn’t be doing something hasn’t stopped you.”
“You know you shouldn’t lie to me, but yet you still do,” he replied. “Why should you be the only one who does things they know they shouldn’t?”
My grip tightened on the blanket. “For the last time, I—”
“Did I ever tell you that my mother always knew when I was lying?” he interrupted, throwing me off.
I shook my head. “No.”
“She always claimed that I would look down and smile whenever I told an untruth. I didn’t believe her. Who would smile when they lied?”
“Good question,” I murmured.
“But then I started to pay attention, and she was right. Every time I lied, I looked down and felt my lips curving upward. It wasn’t a large smile, but she was right.” He grinned then as he drew a finger over the sheet, idly tracing a shape. “Of course, since I learned that she was right, I’ve managed to stop doing it. But she could never tell when Fabian lied. Used to irritate the hell out of me.”
Unable to pretend that I was disinterested, I said, “Fabian has never struck me as the type who lies a lot.”
He snorted. “Fabian lied about finishing his studying or where he was when he was supposed to be training or whatever. He lied as much as I did, but it was never anything harmful.”
“Were any of your lies harmful?”
“Only one.” His gaze lifted to mine. “But that was a long time after I learned to conceal a lie, and it wasn’t all that long ago.”
I thought about when he told me that what had happened between us hadn’t been real. My stomach churned as all those terrible, sticky feelings came surging back. And now I was doing the same to him.
“My mother would be so incredibly disappointed to learn how good at lying I’ve become,” he commented.
I dared a quick peek at him. “What happened to your mother? And father?”
“They died during the war with the Winter Court,” he answered, his voice tinged with sorrow.
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you, but they died fighting for their people. I know both took great honor in that, and I take solace.” He trailed off, shaking his head.
“What?”
“I shouldn’t even admit this. It shows how incredibly selfish I can be, but I…I take solace in the fact that neither my father nor my mother was alive to see what became of me.”
Sympathy squeezed my heart. “What became of you wasn’t your fault. You were under the Queen’s curse. I don’t think your parents would hold what you did while under her control against you.”
“They wouldn’t have.” His eyes met mine. “And that makes it all harder to comprehend.”
“I can understand that,” I whispered.
He was quiet for several moments. “You look so tired,” he said. I didn’t take offense. “Have you been having nightmares?”
“Tonight was the first,” I admitted. “And I haven’t had any more hallucinations.”
“It’s no surprise that you have nightmares. I have them.” There was truth in his eyes when my gaze lifted to his. “Let me stay with you tonight. I know nightmares won’t find either of us tonight if we’re together.”
My lips parted. “Caden—”
“Let me lay beside you so both of us can sleep peacefully. That’s all I want. No expectations. No conversations,” he said—pleaded, really. “Let me be here for you tonight.”
I knew I needed to say no. This had bad idea written all over it, even if all he did was lay beside me, and I honestly didn’t expect him to try anything else. Sleeping together was far too intimate. It would mean too much, and it would make distancing myself from him even harder.
But Caden had nightmares too, and no matter how much I wanted to harden my heart, I couldn’t. I nodded, knowing I would regret this later, then lay down on my back.
“Thank you,” he whispered. Those two words entrenched themselves in my skin.
Caden toed off his shoes and without wasting a moment, turned off the light and then climbed into bed beside me. I might’ve stopped breathing a little. I felt him even though he didn’t touch me, and when I worked up the nerve to look in his direction, I found him lying on his side facing me, eyes closed. I could make out the shape of his hand resting beside his chest, on the bed. I closed my eyes, and after several moments, I rolled onto my side. As if my hand had a mind of its own, it moved beside his, and then I fell asle
ep.
No more nightmares found me.
Chapter 8
My house looked like it had when I left.
Gray-and-white-checkered throw pillows were fluffed and placed at the corners of the couch. A stack of books was piled neatly on the coffee table. Several tiny stuffed mice had been collected and left by a foyer table where all the mail had been placed. A pair of sandals sat on the bottom step of the staircase leading upstairs. Above them were black and white sneakers that belonged to Tink. The kitchen was utterly spotless, which was almost impossible with Tink living here.
My gaze flickered over the living room. This was where Aric had grabbed me. He’d been waiting for me, and I’d walked right in, having no idea that he was here. I knew that if I closed my eyes, I would hear his voice.
I hear you’ve been looking for me.
I didn’t close my eyes, but his voice was still like a whisper in my ear.
“I tried to keep things the way you had them.” Ivy had moved ahead of me, her long, curly red hair pulled up in a messy topknot. “I even dusted.”
“Actually, it was me who dusted,” Ren said, coming down the stairs. He’d quietly gone up there when we entered, and I knew he was scoping out the rooms, making sure no one was here.
Ivy rolled her eyes. “But I was the one who gave him the supplies.”
“It was a joint effort then.” I ran my hand along the back of the couch. “Thanks, you guys. I had no idea what to expect when I returned.”
“It was no problem at all.” Ivy looked down as Dixon pranced out from the kitchen, rubbing against her legs. Bending, she scratched him behind his ear.
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