For that reason alone, I should toss it with the rest, but I hung it back up between the thick, oversized cardigan and the blazer I never wore.
Pulling open the drawers in the center dresser, I breathed a sigh of relief when I spotted the extra sets of iron daggers and cuffs. I closed the drawer and then picked up my makeup case. Setting it on the counter inside the closet, I flipped the switches and rooted around, pulling out the heavier makeup—the stuff I wouldn’t even wear for a fancy occasion.
Not that I attended many fancy things.
I dumped the makeup into an old grocery bag and walked out—
Caden stood in the doorway of the bedroom, arms loosely crossed over the plain gray tee shirt he wore as he stared at the garbage bags.
He lifted his chin, and the room seemed to tilt as our gazes connected. His hair was pulled back, and the beams of sunlight seemed to be attracted to all the striking, symmetrical angles and planes of his face.
Upon the unexpected sight, my heart lodged itself in my throat. Now, it was firmly back in my chest, pounding for reasons unrelated to shock.
Caden was…he was gorgeous, his beauty rugged and raw. As shallow as this sounded, I could stare at him all day, and there was a good chance he knew that. Warmth crept into my cheeks and flowed down my throat. It took a moment for me to find my ability to speak. “How did you get in here?”
One side of his lips quirked up. “You know I’m not a vampire, right? I don’t need permission to enter a home.”
My eyes narrowed. “I’m pretty sure the front door was locked.”
“It was.”
I lifted my brows.
“Tink let me in,” he answered finally, eyes twinkling.
I really needed to talk to Tink about letting Caden in. Not like this was the first time, but that damn brownie knew better.
He unfolded his arms, the act doing interesting things to the muscles under his shirt. “Doing some light spring cleaning?”
“Something like that.”
“What are you going to do with all that stuff?”
I glanced down at the overflowing bags. “I thought I’d give them to Goodwill or a women’s shelter.” My nose scrunched. “Although, they’d probably wonder if an escort had cleaned out their closet.”
“A high-priced escort,” Caden murmured, and my lips twitched at that. “I have to say I’m glad to see you throwing this stuff away.”
I almost said that I didn’t care what he felt, but doing so would lessen the significance of what getting rid of these items meant.
“Although…” He reached inside a bag and pulled out a knee-high boot that took an act of God to get off. “I will miss these.”
Storming forward, I snatched the boot from his hands and dropped it back into the bag. Caden grinned down at me as if greatly amused by my actions. My stomach did a little flip, and I was reminded of Tink’s question. Could I resist Caden?
“What made you do this?” He gestured at the bags with his chin.
I backed up, crossing my arms. Like always, it was almost impossible not to open up. I had no idea why it was like that with him. “They’re costumes—the clothing, the wigs, all of it. I don’t need them anymore.”
“No more late-night visits to clubs then?”
A picture of me in a skintight dress, several months pregnant, formed in my mind, and I snorted. “Not in the foreseeable future.”
“What about patrolling?”
That was a good question. “The Order never really had me patrolling, but I…I like being out there.” How long I would be able to do that safely was anyone’s guess. “I just won’t be looking for any fae in particular, I guess.”
His jaw tightened as if he weren’t all that happy to hear that I still planned to patrol, but he wisely didn’t voice his opinion.
In the ensuing silence, I looked at the bags. “Everything that’s in those bags isn’t me, you know? They really were like costumes, and I don’t need them anymore.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” he replied. “They represent a chapter of your life that’s now closed.”
I blinked in surprise as he nailed how I felt. He really did know me. Better than anyone else. Panic blossomed in the pit of my stomach, and my mouth dried. “Why are you here. Caden? I know last night might’ve confused things, but I’m sure I made myself clear.”
“Oh, you were clear, all right.”
“Then should I repeat my question?”
“If it makes you feel better? Sure. Go ahead.”
“It wouldn’t make me feel better.”
“Good. Because I don’t want you feeling bad.” He stepped forward, and I tensed. That reaction had nothing to do with my time with Aric. “I want you to feel good. I want you happy. I want you to feel safe and cherished. I want you to feel comforted and comfortable. I want you to feel loved.”
Oh God.
All those broken shards of my heart started to piece themselves back together. I needed them to stop. A repaired heart would only hurt worse.
Caden took another step forward, and I moved until the backs of my legs hit the bed. “Did you sleep well last night? I did. Best sleep I’ve had in years, sunshine.”
My heart jumped. Sunshine. He called me that because he said he’d seen me smiling once and it was like the sun finally rising. That was possibly the sweetest, kindest thing anyone had ever said to me.
“It’s time.”
I looked up. “For what?”
“For that talk I told you we needed to have but would be better if we waited until you had time to process everything you’d gone through. But I can see we don’t have the luxury of that time,” he said. “I know, Brighton.”
My breath caught. “Know what?”
Those golden eyes met and held mine. “I know.”
Chapter 10
My legs seemed to have given up on me because I was suddenly sitting on the edge of the bed.
He…he knew?
How?
Well, there were countless hows. Four of them had a name. I didn’t believe Tink had said anything about me being pregnant, but the other three could’ve just been convincing when they’d said they wouldn’t say anything.
“Know what?” I repeated.
His head tilted to the side like it did whenever he was sensing some sort of emotion I was giving off. I was sure he was picking up on them.
“I know you’ve been told what would happen if I do not marry Tatiana or a fae of the Court,” he said.
My mouth opened as my heart pressed against my ribs. Relief made me dizzy, so much so that I almost laughed. He didn’t know. Not really.
His head tipped to the side once again, and I knew I needed to get a handle on my emotions. I dragged my hands over my bent knees, knowing there was no point in lying about what I’d learned. “You mean the basic collapse of your Court and how you’d be dethroned and left to fend for yourself? How the Summer fae would be weakened, and it would eventually lead to the whole world going to hell? How you would be weakened?”
Caden’s features softened as I spoke, causing warning bells to go off left and right. “I’m honored, sunshine.”
I blinked.
He came forward, each step slow and measured. “You don’t need to worry about what will happen to me. I’m not worried.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” I replied. “And also concerning that you’re not worried.”
Caden sat down, his large frame seeming to overwhelm the bed. “I will be fine, with or without the throne. But I won’t be fine without you.”
My heart gave a happy little jump, and I closed my eyes. “I wish you wouldn’t say things like that.”
“Why?” His voice was quiet.
“Because it’s always so perfect. It’s always what I…” It was what I wanted to hear, and that was the problem. “I just wish you wouldn’t say things like that.”
“I don’t think you’d prefer that I lie.”
Actually, I would in this situat
ion.
“This is why you’ve tried to push me away,” he said, and my eyes opened on the word tried. He was staring down at me, a slight smile on his lips. “It’s not because you don’t want me. It’s not because you don’t love me. It’s because you think you’re doing the right thing.”
“Because I am,” I snapped.
The smile grew. “Not that I needed the confirmation that I am right, but thank you nonetheless for providing it.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong.” I rose, shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter how I feel or how you feel.”
“It does matter that you believe you’re doing the right thing. That you’re willing to do the right thing. At least to me.” He looked up at me, gaze warm. “You know what that says about you?”
“Yes. I’m brave or selfless or whatever.” I waved a hand, dismissing that. “I’d rather be selfish.”
“But never a coward?”
I didn’t even have to consider the answer. “No.”
“I didn’t think so.” His gaze searched mine. “I’m going to ask you something, Brighton, and I want you to be honest. I need you to be honest. Do you love me?”
Tension settled on my shoulders as I started to speak—to lie. But he already knew the truth. I imagined he just wanted to hear me say it. Either way, I didn’t think I had it in me to force that lie past my lips once more.
“I love you, Caden.” My voice thickened as I crossed my arms and gripped my waist. “I think…I think I fell in love with you the moment you walked into Flux and let me pretend I was under the glamour of a fae. I know that sounds weird, but I’ve always been able to tell you things I couldn’t share with anyone else. As crazy as this sounds, I’m comfortable with you in a way I’ve never been with any guy, even though you’re freaking perfect, and I’m the exact opposite of that. You’re smart. You’re funny, even when you’re annoying the ever-loving crap out of me. You’re sensitive in a way I don’t think many people would ever expect you to be. So, yes, I love you, Caden.”
His eyes closed briefly. When they reopened, it was almost like twin fires had lit them from within. “Do you know that the fae believe that a piece of their soul is released upon birth and finds a home in their soulmate?”
Recalling what Luce had said about two souls and the mortuus, I had a feeling that whatever he was about to say was going to make me cry.
“I found that piece of my soul in Siobhan. When she was killed, I didn’t believe that I would ever find it again, even though the fae believe that upon death, that piece of the soul is once more released. You see, I was lucky when I found Siobhan. Not all fae find the missing piece of their soul. It doesn’t mean that their love for another is any less real. It’s just that two souls being connected is more intense and immediate. It can happen with just one look.” He pressed his palm against his chest. “What is in here recognizes what belongs. The joining of two souls is an unbreakable bond.”
A tremor coursed through me as I fought the urge to both run to him and run from the room.
“I saw you before the night the gateways to the Otherworld were sealed. Just brief glimpses, but each time, I felt this throbbing in my chest. It had been so long since I’d felt anything like it that I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. But that night when you helped my brother…” His voice roughened as he tipped forward. “I knew that somehow, someway, the part of my soul that had been released had found another home. I never would’ve dared to hope I’d find you, the one who held a piece of my soul, but I did.”
What he said would’ve sounded crazy to me a handful of years ago. Soulmates? I would’ve said they only existed in fairy tales. But now? This made sense.
“I tried to stay away then. I could sense your fear and distrust of the fae, and when I realized that you could be used against me like Siobhan had been, I tried to distance myself from you. Both were mistakes, ones I will spend an eternity trying to make up for.”
A breath seemed to shudder out of him. “I love you, Brighton. I know I fell in love with you before we even spoke to one another. That love only deepened when I saw how strong and resilient you became. When I learned how incredibly intelligent and generous you are.”
The back of my throat and eyes burned as he continued. “My love for you grew each time you pushed back at me, showing me you weren’t afraid, and I knew the reason why you became my mortuus when you were willing to look past who I was and saw beyond what I’d done when I was under the Queen’s spell. You are my sun, Brighton. I loved you before I found you in that club, even before I gave you the Summer Kiss.”
I shuddered, taking a step back. “Caden…” I pushed the tears down. “What you just said, it was beautiful, and I know it’s real. There is something entirely inexplicable about us. But hearing that…it hurts.”
“It’s not meant to hurt, sunshine. I wish you would’ve come to me the moment you heard what would happen if I didn’t choose a Queen. I think I could’ve saved you a lot of heartache.”
I wasn’t sure how hearing this days ago would’ve lessened the amount of pain I was in.
“What if I told you that you could be selfish?” he asked.
Letting out a dry laugh, I shook my head again. “Caden, it’s not like I haven’t thought about this. About whether either of us could live with ourselves, knowing what we’ve risked. I know I can’t. I know you couldn’t.”
“I didn’t want to be King. You know that,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean I would let my Court rot and decay.”
“See?” I reasoned. “You agree. We can’t be together. No matter how badly we want to be. So, this conversation is only hurting both of us.”
“This was a conversation I planned to have once you had a little time to process everything you’ve been through and learned,” he repeated. “Because what I’m about to tell you will come as another shock, but I see now waiting was a mistake. Sometimes we think we’re doing the right thing when we’re not.”
Considering what I knew that he didn’t, I doubted he could shock me. “What do you have to tell me?”
“I have to tell you that I have chosen a Queen.”
My entire body jerked as my heart twisted painfully in my chest. I searched desperately for relief but found nothing but aching emptiness and bitterness. This was what the world needed, but God, it still cut so deeply. “Okay,” I whispered, wondering what the hell the point of this conversation was. “Congrats.”
One side of his lips curved up. “Perhaps I need to be a bit clearer. I’ve chosen you, Brighton. I’ve chosen you to be my Queen.”
Chapter 11
“Me?” I squeaked. I couldn’t have heard him right. There was no way.
Caden nodded. “You. I’ve chosen you.”
I stared at him for what felt like an eternity, heart racing, and stomach feeling as if I were poised at the top of a rollercoaster. “You can’t choose me.”
“Oh, yes, I can,” he replied. “And I have.”
“But the Summer Court, the world—”
“Will be just fine.” He reached out, curling his fingers around my elbows. “Because you are my mortuus, and I’ve given you the Summer Kiss.”
“What does that have to do with it?” Tears blurred his face.
“Because you’re not entirely human any longer.” He rose slowly as if trying not to startle me. “You’re not fae, either. You have a piece of my soul inside you. That places you above any fae my Court could offer me. The Summer fae would not weaken, nor would the human world. I would not be dethroned.” His thumbs slid along my elbows. “I would be whole.”
Confusion swamped me as a tiny kernel of something more powerful than hope formed. Some fae knew I was Caden’s mortuus—Tanner and Luce. I imagined Fabian knew, as did Tink. I didn’t think any of them would be particularly dishonest with me. “Is this something well known? That your mortuus, no matter if they are fae or human, can be your Queen?”
“It’s not just the mortuus. It’s also the
Summer Kiss,” he explained, his gaze questioning. “Why?”
“I…” I’d told no one about the Summer Kiss. Luce didn’t even know that. Neither did Tanner. Had Caden told Fabian? If so, he must’ve kept it from Tink because Tink would’ve told me. The tiny kernel grew, unfurling like a blossoming flower. “Are you…are you for real?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Caden dragged his hands up my arms.
My brain sort of shorted out. I could have him and the future I wanted so badly and not risk the entire world? We could be together. Our child would have a mother and father who loved each other. My legs started to tremble, and I jerked back from his hold. “Why didn’t you tell me this when you told me you ended your engagement with Tatiana!”
“Looking back, I realize I should have, but I figured you’d been through enough, and it seemed like a good idea to wait before I told you I planned to make you my wife. I figured after you had some time to heal, we’d talk,” he explained. “I didn’t expect anyone to go to you.”
My breath came in short, quick pants. What he was saying sounded reasonable. He’d been thinking of what I could handle given that I’d just been held—wait. “You…you want to marry me?”
His lips twitched. “To make you my Queen, I would have to marry you.”
“Is this a proposal?”
He grinned then, somehow looking boyish. “I had planned on doing something romantic.”
Feeling like I might faint, I pressed my palm to the center of my chest. “You’re not lying to me now, right?”
“I would not lie about this.” He lifted his hands, cupping my cheeks. I didn’t flinch. Everything that had happened with Aric was the furthest thing from my mind. “I would never lie to you about how I feel or our future. Never again, sunshine.”
“This isn’t…this isn’t a hallucination, is it?”
Anguish filled his gaze. “No, sunshine. This is real.”
I didn’t know what happened next.
It was like a seal deep inside me cracked wide open. I tried to say his name, but all that came up was a deep, soul-shaking sob. The tears I’d been fighting overwhelmed me. Vaguely, I was aware of Caden gathering me in his arms, and then we were on the bed, him sitting with me in his lap, one arm wrapped tightly around me, a hand curled around the back of my head.
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