“Are you sure? How well do you know them?” I asked.
“I don’t know either extremely well.” Lifting a hand, he dragged it over his head, clasping the back of his neck. “But I know they had nothing to do with this tragedy.”
Tragedy? As if what had happened was due to an unexpected car accident. “You mean attempted murder?”
His silvery skin paled as he tipped back, recoiling from what I’d said. A moment passed. “You’re right. It was attempted murder. I…” He dropped his hand to the arm of the chair. “Caden gave you the Summer Kiss. He did this years ago?”
Caught off guard by the change of topic, it took me a moment. “Yes. When I was injured by Aric and the other fae. It was why I didn’t die then.”
“You are his mortuus,” he said, his voice thickening as his gaze roamed over my face. “You hold a piece of his soul. That makes you a far more worthy choice than any fae that could be presented to him. The entire Court, once they are aware, will not only support his choice but will celebrate such a union. It is rare for one to find their mortuus.”
“That’s what Caden told me.” Emotion clogged my throat, and I couldn’t think about how things were now. “I didn’t know what it meant until yesterday. He hadn’t wanted to overwhelm me. If I knew, I never would’ve tried to hide my pregnancy from him, and I wouldn’t have asked you to do that or to help make sure he chose someone else.”
“I know.” A small, sad smile appeared as his eyes glistened. “I wish he had told you. I wish I had paid attention enough to realize what you meant to him. Looking back, it was obvious. I should have known. I found my mortuus once, but I lost her.”
“I’m sorry,” I told him.
“It wasn’t Tatiana or her brother.” A tear slid unchecked down his cheek. “It was me.”
Chapter 17
“I can barely live with myself now,” Tanner said. “I can’t let someone else take the blame for my actions. Not when this reckoning was always coming.”
Blood pounded in my ears as I stared at Tanner in disbelief.
“When I saw him with you, I thought you’d changed your mind. That he’d convinced you to stay with him,” he explained, staring at his open hands. “And I believed that after everything I’d done, the dirt I’d sunk my hands into, that it was all for nothing. That our King was going to forsake our entire Court.”
I couldn’t think.
“I didn’t know if you’d already told him about the baby. I thought you hadn’t, because if you had, I couldn’t imagine that he’d allow you into the room with that poor youngling,” he continued. “I thought that if I could at least end the pregnancy, it would cut one of the threads that bound him to you, and you to him. After all, it would not be the worst sin I have committed to protect the Court.”
I couldn’t move.
“In the beginning, I thought you were just a passing fancy and then a distraction. I knew he cared for you. Deeply enough that even if I hadn’t known you were his mortuus, I saw that he would not easily choose another.” His voice rasped, barely audible. “Aric lied to you, Brighton. There was no Summer fae willing to work with the Winter Court to release that monster. There was only me.”
I couldn’t breathe.
“I knew I could get a message to him through Neal, and I did. I met with him twice, and there was a moment when I considered killing him. I’d brought a sheathed dagger with me. I could’ve done it. The Ancient was so arrogant. I had a window of opportunity.” He continued staring at his hands. “But I didn’t take it. Not the first time when I told him that…that you were important to our King, and not the second when he told me that he planned to use you to force Caden to open the gateway. I didn’t know then that was possible. I thought…”
The shock of what he’d admitted snapped me out of my stupor. “You…you’re the reason Aric came for me? You knew that he had me alive? That he was keeping me there, torturing—?”
“I thought he would kill you. I didn’t know he’d keep you alive,” he said without looking up.
“You thought…he would kill me. As if that makes a difference, makes it better,” I whispered, disbelieving what I was hearing.
This was Tanner.
Prim and proper Tanner, who wore polo shirts and khaki pants. Who I could easily imagine playing golf on the weekends. Tanner, who was nice and always calm, who I knew had harbored a crush for my mother and had been genuinely upset over her murder.
Murder carried out by the Ancient he’d later all but handed me over to.
And now he’d tried to kill my child.
“How could you?” I demanded, hands shaking. The betrayal cut so deeply that it was all I could feel. It hurt, because never in a million years would I have expected that he’d do something like this. It hurt.
“It wasn’t personal.”
“Are you serious?” I cried. “How could this get any more personal?”
“I know that sounds absurd. I like you, and you know I liked your mother—”
“How could you do this? I trusted you. My mom trusted you.” A rising tide of anger chipped away at the pain of his betrayal. “Caden trusted you.”
“I know.” He lifted his head then. Tears tracked down his face, and seeing them made me even more furious. What right did he have to be upset? He’d tried to kill our child. He was responsible for my seemingly never-ending weeks in hell. “I thought I was doing the right thing.” He sat back, arms limp at his sides. “Caden thought he was doing the right thing by not telling you everything. You thought you were doing the right thing by pushing him away and not telling him about the baby. And I thought I was—”
“What you did is not even remotely the same,” I snapped. “We were trying to protect one another. You—”
“And I was trying to protect the entire Court and the world!” His shoulders shook. “That’s what I was trying to do.”
I stared at him, trembling. The rage building inside of me diminished everything else—the betrayal, the disbelief, and the pain. I’d told Tink that I would kill whoever had been responsible. I wasn’t being overdramatic then, and that was before I knew that the person responsible for nearly ending my child’s life was also responsible for the horror I’d suffered at Aric’s hands. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the cuff and blade on the table.
Murderous fury was a cyclone inside of me. I liked Tanner. I trusted him. My mom had trusted him, and maybe later, the pain of his betrayal would haunt me, but the bitter burn of vengeance consumed me now. I moved without thinking, twisting at the waist as I kicked the blanket off. I reached for the cuff, fully intending to slam the blade deep into his throat. I would sever his head from his shoulders, ensuring his death.
Tanner was quick, like all fae were, no matter if they fed or not.
He shot from his chair, knocking it over as he swiped up the cuff with a linen napkin that had been left beside it.
Shit.
Sliding off the bed, I grabbed the lamp just as the door burst open. I yanked the lamp from where it was plugged in and swung it at Tanner as Kalen burst into the room.
“What the hell is going on?” Kalen demanded as Tanner jumped back, blocking the blow with his other arm. The ceramic base shattered, cutting into his flesh. “Brighton!”
“It’s him!” I shouted, refusing to take my eyes off Tanner. “He poisoned me. He handed me over to Aric!”
“What?” Disbelief filled Kalen’s voice.
“It’s true.” Tanner backed up, his gaze briefly darting to where Kalen stood inside the room. “She speaks the truth.”
“What?” Kalen repeated, denial still evident in his tone.
“I was trying to protect the Court.” Tanner kept backing up.
“I don’t care what you were trying to do!” I screamed. “We trusted you!”
“Tanner.” Horror had replaced the shock in Kalen’s voice. “Our King will kill you.”
“No, he won’t,” I said, hands balling into fists. “Because I’m going
to kill him first.” I took a step forward.
“That won’t be necessary.” Tanner’s back hit the wall as his tear-stricken pale gaze met mine. “Neal has left the city. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I have nothing to gain by lying. Neal is gone.” The thin linen wasn’t giving much protection against the iron. Wisps of smoke drifted from the cloth and the fae’s skin. “Aric didn’t tell me you were the King’s mortuus, but he would’ve told Neal. He may be gone, but he knows you’re the King’s greatest weakness. And he would’ve told others. They’ll come for you, thinking they can use you to control the King. Do what I failed to do. Protect the King and the future of my Court. Never let your guard down.”
It happened so fast.
Tanner jerked his hand back, then plunged it toward his chest. Kalen was at my side, pushing me behind him as he shouted. Tanner’s entire body jolted, and his eyes flared wide with pain. It took me a second to realize that the hand that had slammed into his chest had been the one holding the cuff blade.
I stumbled back in shock, knocking into the bed. “What…?”
“I’m sorry.” Tanner’s voice came out as a whisper. His eyes closed, and then he just…sucked into himself, folding from the top of his salt and pepper hair to the polished loafers on his feet. He crumpled like paper. There was a crack, a sound like a muffled gunshot, then a flash of intense light.
Then…nothing.
All that was left where Tanner once stood was the iron blade, remaining where it had fallen.
Chapter 18
I sat on the bed while Kalen called…well, I don’t know who he called. In situations like these, he normally would’ve called Tanner, and I doubted he’d call Faye when she was dealing with her cousin.
But he spoke to someone while I sat there, holding the iron cuff and staring at the spot where Tanner had been standing.
I was still angry, but I was also…I just couldn’t believe that Tanner had sent himself back to the Otherworld. Whatever Caden or I would’ve done to him would’ve paled in comparison to what would happen to him in a realm ruled by the Winter Queen. We would’ve killed him. End of story. But a fae stabbed by iron didn’t die. It basically sent them home, and being sent to the Otherworld was a fate worse than death.
Not that he didn’t deserve it, but I…
I just couldn’t believe any of this.
“Brighton.”
Blinking, I realized that Kalen had been speaking to me. “I’m sorry?”
“It’s all right. I said…” He dragged a hand through his hair, trailing off as he stared at the same spot as I did. “I can’t believe this. I wouldn’t have believed any of this if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.”
“I thought that maybe he’d told Tatiana and perhaps her brother. So that they’d know what was happening and she could pursue Caden, you know?” I explained hoarsely, running my fingers over the cuff. “I had no idea.”
“I don’t know what to even say.” Kalen turned away from the spot. “I really don’t.”
“Neither do I.”
It was only a few minutes later that Caden filled the doorway. I looked up, my heart seizing at the sight of him. The urge to race over to him hit me hard. I was starting to stand when I realized what I was doing and stopped myself. Was he still mad at me? Well, obviously, he had to be. One didn’t get over all that he learned in a matter of hours. I wasn’t sure if he would want me to go to him, to touch him.
And God, that was another sting on an already raw, rapidly spreading wound.
Caden had halted, but then he was striding forward, coming to where I sat. I half expected him to stop there or to put space between us.
That’s not what he did.
He knelt, gently taking my face in his hands. The contact was a jolt to the system as his gaze searched mine. “Are you okay?”
I started to answer, but his touch threw me for a loop, and all my hesitation slipped away.
Dropping the cuff onto the bed, I all but launched myself at Caden. If he were unprepared, he didn’t show it. He caught me in his arms and straightened, holding me tightly. He didn’t push me away. I buried my face in his chest, inhaling deeply. That didn’t mean that everything was peachy and perfect between us, but I needed him—needed to feel him, to smell him, to be held by him—and he was here.
That meant everything.
“Brighton?” he murmured, smoothing a hand through my hair and down my back as I felt his head turn. “Is she okay?”
“Physically, yes,” came Kalen’s answer.
“I’m fine.” My voice was muffled and probably barely coherent, but I didn’t lift my head. “I’m just…it was Tanner, Caden. It was him.”
Tension strummed through every part of his body as he said to Kalen, “Tell me what you know.”
Kalen did exactly that, but he didn’t know everything. I did. Forcing myself to put it together, I lifted my head and reluctantly stepped back. I told Caden everything Tanner had told me, and he went from tense to downright rigid when I got to the part about Aric.
I was pacing by that point, one arm curled over my stomach. “He kept saying that he thought he was doing the right thing—”
“He wasn’t,” growled Caden.
“I know.” I stopped, meeting his gaze. “I was going to kill him. I trusted him. My mom trusted him. You trusted him. But I was going to kill him.” Tearing my gaze from Caden’s hard one, I started walking again. “That’s when he grabbed the blade with a napkin and told me that Neal had left the city, but that he had to know that I was your weakness, and that Neal would’ve told others. He then told me—” I cleared my throat. “He told me that I needed to do what he’d failed to do. Protect the Court by never letting my guard down. And then he…”
“He sent himself back to the Otherworld,” Kalen picked up where I left off. “What will be done to him there will… It will make whatever we could do to him here look like nothing.”
A muscle worked along Caden’s jaw. “That knowledge doesn’t ease me. I want to watch the life seep out of his eyes.”
Kalen didn’t object to that.
Neither did I.
“Can you please sit?” Caden asked, and I stopped. “You should be resting, and nothing about any of this is restful.” He turned to Kalen. “Can you get Luce? I want Brighton checked.”
“Of course.” Kalen bowed and then turned to leave.
I sat because he was right. I felt okay, but none of this was exactly stress-free.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Caden asked.
“I feel all right. He didn’t try to hurt me.” I pressed my lips together. “At least not this time. Are you okay?”
Caden stared at me. “You don’t need to worry if I’m okay.”
“But I do,” I told him. “He said you were with Faye, handling Benji, and I know you trusted Tanner. Everybody trusted him.”
“I’m worried about you and the baby right now—”
“And I’m worried about you,” I cut in. “Those things aren’t mutually exclusive.”
His head tilted and, for a moment, I wondered if he was going to say anything. “I trusted Tanner as much as I trusted anyone. I never would have expected him to be behind this.”
“I still can’t believe it.” I picked up the cuff, turning it over in my hands. “I should be relieved that at least we know who was responsible, but I can’t feel that. I don’t understand how he thought this was the right thing.”
“Fear.”
I looked up at Caden.
“Fear is what made him think it was right.” He approached slowly, sitting beside me. “Some of the fae here have limited their contact with the outside world so much that the Winter fae and their Queen have become like…what do you call it? The thing that scares children?”
“Bogeymen?”
“Yes. That.” He turned his head to me. “It’s not that I don’t think they’re not a threat. They are, but fear and panic are far more dangerous than any creature out there. I
t’s the only reason I can think of that would’ve caused him to take this path. His fear of the Court weakening was far greater than his fear of what I would do to him.” His gaze dropped to the cuff. “Maybe some would say that I should make myself into something greater to fear, but my father didn’t rule that way. Neither will I.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” I stopped turning the cuff. “Making people fear you only works for so long. We humans have a long, sordid history of doing that and failing, and…” I peeked up at him. “And that’s not you. I mean, you’re badass and can be very scary at times, but you’re also kind. I never would have…”
“What?”
I lifted my gaze to his. “I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you if you were the type to believe that fear is a tool to be used to rule people.” I turned my attention back to the cuff, quickly changing the subject. “I can’t imagine how people are going to react.”
“This is going to hit everyone hard. Tanner was well-respected. He was cared for. Loved. Trusted,” he said, exhaling roughly. “I could lie. I could swear Kalen to silence. But lies…they never work out as one intends, even when they’re told with the best of intentions.”
“No.” My shoulders sank. “They don’t. He…he said that he thought he was doing the right thing, just like we thought we were doing the right thing.”
“He’s wrong. What he did is nothing like our situation, Brighton. Not at all.”
“I know. It’s not the same, but I get the sentiment. You thought it was best to give me time before you told me everything. I thought it was best to push you away and keep the pregnancy a secret so everyone was safe. Neither of us was right. It’s still not the same. I know that.” I leaned over, placing the cuff on the end table. “But I…I keep seeing his face. He knew what he’d done was wrong. I think he even knew when he told Aric I was important to you, but he kept doing it anyway. And I know a lot has happened. God. Things won’t stop happening, but I…” I looked up at him as something occurred to me—something important and powerful. “I don’t want to keep messing up and making the wrong choices. I love you, Caden. I want this baby. I want us to be together. I don’t know if I’ll make a good Queen. Honestly, I’ll probably suck at it, but I don’t care. I want to be your Queen. I know you’re mad at me—”
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