I ran a finger down his cheek. “Where’s that coming from?” I asked him. The mood had been light, teasing, and suddenly he appeared heavy with emotion.
“I just need you to know that I would never hurt you, and I won’t allow you to hurt yourself anymore. You are in my hands now, baby, and I’m going to handle you like spun fucking glass.”
“I banged myself up pretty good in the past, and I came out the other end mostly intact. I’m stronger than I look, you know.” I loved his devotion to keeping me safe, but I had defeated my demons on my own this time. I wasn’t a wilting flower in need of a man to coddle me.
“You are the strongest person I know, Violet. I’ve seen you at your lowest, I’ve seen your tears, and I’ve seen your hate for yourself. And you beat it, but I’ll be strong for you on the days you can’t be.” Taking my hand, he placed a kiss on my fingertips. Tears gathered in my eyes before one rolled carelessly down my cheek. Cain reached forward and wiped it away, and without a word he took hold of a red Sharpie and nudged my legs apart to lie between them.
“If you think for one moment I am going to let you draw anywhere near that region of my body…” My voice was rough with emotion.
“Shhh, I’m saving that region for a midnight snack. Be quiet for a moment.” He began writing on my stomach, most of the words too small under the dim light for me to make out. ‘In your smile I saw pain’…‘shade of Violet’… poetry perhaps? I sighed and laid my head back while Cain stopped and pondered something before he started again. If I wasn’t so tired, physically and emotionally, the pen on my skin might have kept me awake. All worry of how easily it would rub off in the morning disintegrated into carefree background noise. While Cain amused himself with his body art, I drifted to sleep.
I stood in front of my mirror, back in my old bedroom in Seattle. It was Christmas Eve, and we were having dinner with Cain’s family at a restaurant downtown. I was nervous, not only because the last time I had seen Cain’s family was at my mother’s funeral, but also because Cain’s ex, Annabelle, and her parents would be there. If that wasn’t a recipe for awkwardness, I don’t know what was. Cain’s parents hadn’t realized I was accompanying Cain for dinner, and they had already gone ahead and invited Annabelle and her family. Cain had offered to cancel, but I wanted to be the mature, emotionally intact girlfriend I knew I had dwelling somewhere within me. Dad was coming with us which I was grateful for; he could be my buffer. I fiddled with my jacket and pulled my beanie down a little lower to cover my ears. It was snowing outside, and I hated to be cold. Cain handed me my gloves, and I slid them on, my eyes never leaving the scared green eyes staring back from the mirror.
You can do this; you are a beautiful, intelligent woman. He loves you, not her. You can do this.
The mantra played over and over in my head, but my stomach was still a mess of butterflies. Cain’s arms slipped around my waist, and his head perched on my shoulder.
He turned his lips to whisper in my ear, “My heart beats for you and you alone, Violet; it always has. No matter what, remember that. And if you want to leave, just say the word, okay?” I appreciated his reminder of who I was to him, but it didn’t smother the flames of jealousy.
Wrapped up in as many layers of warmth I could comfortably wear, we all left for the restaurant.
“Hi, sweetie, how you doing?” Cain’s mom jumped from her chair to embrace Cain with a big warm hug. Everyone else was here and seated. Awesome, nothing like a fashionably late entrance to the most uncomfortable night of one’s life to make you feel a little ill. “Violet, you look radiant,” his mother moved to give me a hug.
“Hi, Mrs. Everett, merry Christmas.” Cain’s mom was the female version of her son, beautiful features, blue eyes, blonde hair. Dressed in her typical highly fashionable and expensive clothes with a layer of an expensive scent, Channel No. 5 if my nose was correct, Mrs. Everett was a stunning woman. She was also kind, considerate, wise, everything my mother hadn’t been. While Mrs. Everett began fussing over my dad, Cain’s father moved to stand in front of me. He was a stout man with a greying mustache and thinning grey hair. His eyes were gentle, his smile affectionate. I had always liked Mr. Everett; he made me feel curiously safe much like his son did.
“Hi, Vi honey, merry Christmas.” He kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry if this is awkward for you. We’ll do our best to make sure you’re comfortable, okay?” Mr. Everett was the only person who had ever taken to calling me Vi, and he was probably the only person I would allow to get away with it. For me, the name Vi conjured up images of an old, cranky elementary school teacher who owned too many cats and had a grudge against everyone. Coming from Mr. Everett though, it was like an affectionate cuddle of my name; it made me feel cared for.
“Thank you, Mr. Everett, I’m fine, dinner will be fine, I’m sure everything will be fine.” Had I really just said fine three times in as many seconds? Mr. Everett gave me a knowing smile before shaking my dad’s hand and guiding us towards the table. Then my eyes turned to take in the gathering. Cain’s brother and sister and their respective families sat at one end of the table, while the other end was occupied by unfamiliar faces, and Annabelle. She looked stunning, her curls falling softly around her face, her big brown eyes gentle and unassuming. Her hand rested on her slightly protruding stomach as she stood to hug Cain. It took every ounce of strength I had to keep the smile on my face and not throw up. Beyond the image of Cain hugging Annabelle was a bar. The temptation couldn’t have been more palpable. I clenched my dad’s hand which I had grabbed with quiet desperation at some point. He squeezed my hand back as he drew me towards the unknown group, strategically placing me between himself and Cain, who quickly wrapped his arm around my waist, taking the burden of one struggling female from my dad.
“Annabelle, Mary, George, I’d like you to meet Violet and Garrett Trivoli.”
“It’s good to see you again, George, Mary,” my father said, shaking their hands politely. Deciding it would be easiest to just follow his lead, I also put my hand out, and it was accepted with only a moment’s hesitation. Annabelle’s parents seemed reserved but cordial, then I turned to the one woman who had the power to destroy me. I could clearly see, even though Cain assured me their separation was a mutual agreement, the sorrow in her eyes as she watched him at my side. When she turned her gaze my way, she didn’t even attempt to hide her scowl.
“You look beautiful.” The words came out without filter or thought, for she did, in fact, look beautiful. It seemed to catch Annabelle by surprise, and Cain took advantage of her silent shock by steering Dad and me to the opposite end of the table, where three seats had been saved between his siblings and parents. I sat stiffly, my eyes drifting the length of the restaurant to the bar, wishing I could grab a whiskey to ease my nerves. My dad’s sturdy presence at one side and Cain’s at the other helped fill me with resolve though.
“Nothing says merry Christmas like dinner with your boyfriend’s family and his pregnant ex-fiancé, right?” Cain’s brother, Samuel, murmured across Cain. “And since you can’t get royally tanked, I guess I’m just going to have to use my wit and humor to keep you smiling.” He gave me a wink before picking up a bread stick and placing it in his sister’s glass of wine just as she was taking a sip.
“Sam!” she shouted. Across the table a little blonde haired girl giggled.
“Ava dared me to do it,” he said defensively.
“Oh charming, go ahead and blame it on your five-year-old niece. I apologize for his behavior in advance,” Cain’s sister, Abbi, said. Her husband pulled the bread stick out of the wine and proceeded to eat it. “Duane, seriously? That’s gross.”
Duane shrugged. “Bread and wine, just like at church.”
Cain chuckled as he filled a glass of water for me. The playful banter helped ease my nerves a little, until I glanced to the opposite end of the table and received the spiteful wrath of Annabelle’s now cold brown eyes. I didn’t blame her; she obviously cared for Cain, had been
engaged to him, and was having his baby. He threw it all away for me. I’d hate me, too.
Between Dad, Cain, and his family, they all did a wonderful job of keeping me distracted, but eventually the need to just breathe without the heavy, spiteful gaze of Cain’s ex overcame me, and I used the ever faithful bathroom as my excuse to escape. Bypassing the bar without so much as a tempted glance, I almost ran down the short hallway that led to the ladies bathroom. It wasn’t until I locked myself in a cubicle that I felt my shoulders relax. I don’t know how long I simply stood there, taking long, deep breaths in an attempt to ease the tension from my body, but the outer door to the room opened and someone slipped inside. I took advantage of the location for my freak out and quickly used the toilet before stepping out to wash my hands. While I rinsed and dried, someone stepped from the toilet stall beside mine. And let’s just say, if there was a devil, he was having himself a Hallmark movie field day with my life just now. Annabelle washed her hands at my side.
“It’s true what they say; pregnancy turns you into a walking, talking bladder,” she mumbled. I wasn’t too sure how to respond to that. “I hate you for what you’ve done to me.” Annabelle saved me from finding a fitting reply; obviously she didn’t want small talk. “If you had just stayed away, he would have stayed with me and everything would be alright.”
“Cain and I go back quite a way, Annabelle. I would have always been the elephant in the room, and I’m not saying that to be cruel or vindictive, it’s just the way things are with us. We have a lot of history.”
She shook her head, her lip curling with distaste. “Yeah, but at least my baby would have a father.”
I put my hands on my hips, anger stirring under the layers of jealousy and anxiety. “You’ve got a father for your baby. Cain’s here, and he has every intention of supporting you and the baby, emotionally and financially.”
Annabelle matched my stance. “Do you honestly think bringing a baby into a broken home is the ideal way to start a child’s life?”
“Of course not, but your child will be born to two parents who love him and would do anything to protect him. He’ll be loved and provided for, and whether his mom and dad live together under one roof or separately under two roofs, that love won’t be any less.” I was panting with outrage now.
Annabelle’s shoulders slumped. “You know what really sucks about all this,” she said gruffly. Annabelle looked up from the spot on the floor that seemed to have taken her fancy and pinned me with a stare full of pain and anguish. “I could like you. I know you’ve had problems. I don’t know the full extent, Cain was very tight lipped about it all, but you actually seem really nice. Cain’s family seems to genuinely love you; his dad never hugged and kissed me like he did you.” She sighed. “You seem like someone I would be friends with under different circumstances.”
That stumped me for a moment, and when Annabelle started crying, I panicked. “Oh darn, don’t cry, that can’t be good for the baby.” I wrapped my arms around her, and she stiffened. “And we can still be friends. I really don’t have many friends, and we are going to be in each other’s lives, whether we like it or not. And I promise you, I won’t let anyone or anything ever hurt your baby.” Annabelle sobbed quietly. “And you’re going to meet someone who will make Cain seem like a speck of dust; he’ll be your everything and he’ll make you so happy. And I’ll need someone to vent to when Cain doesn’t pick his dirty clothes up off the floor or leaves the toilet seat up.”
Annabelle laughed. “He won’t leave his clothes on the floor; he’s too much of a neat freak.”
“I know. I’ll be the one leaving dirty laundry everywhere.” We remained wrapped in a tight embrace before Annabelle stepped away.
“I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me. How did we mess everything up so bad?” she quietly confessed.
“I wouldn’t say you messed everything up; you got something right.” My gaze lowered to her small tummy. “Everything happens for a reason, right?” She nodded and wiped away her tears. “And if it is any consolation, I am so green with jealousy over you I can barely see straight. You have a part of him that I don’t.”
Annabelle mournfully shook her head. “You will have this part of him one day, too.” We fell into an uncomfortable silence. “Do you really think it will be a boy?” Her question caught me off guard. “Before, when you were ranting at me, you said ‘he’.” I thought back and realized I had, in fact, referred to their baby as a boy. “I guess in another week or two we’ll know for sure. Oh, oh, oh, you have to feel this.” Annabelle’s eyes lit up, and she grabbed my hand, placing it on her tight little tummy. I was about to ask what on earth she was doing before I felt a curious little flutter under my hand. The door behind us swung open and Cain barged in, stopping still when he saw the two of us together.
“Everything all right here?” he asked nervously.
“Come here, you have to feel this.” I grabbed him and pulled him further into the bathroom. I went to shove his hand on Annabelle’s stomach and felt his resistance. When I glanced at his face, he was watching Annabelle warily.
“It’s okay; he’s yours, too.”
“He?” Cain asked, surprised.
“Well, Violet here seems to think so.”
Cain shot me a curious glance and I shrugged. “You better hope it’s a boy, a girl would run circles around you.” I pushed his hand towards Annabelle’s stomach then stood back and waited. I saw the moment he felt his baby; his eyes lit up with amazed wonder, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“That’s our baby?” he asked in astonishment.
It stung, but not as badly as it had before. Annabelle nodded, a soft look on her face as she watched Cain’s reaction. I felt like a third wheel and would have quietly snuck off if they weren’t blocking the doorway.
Cain reluctantly withdrew his hand and took a step away. “You’re looking good, Belle. Is there anything you need? Did you get the money I transferred last week?” Annabelle palmed his question off with a casual wave of her hand, but I could still see the lingering sadness in her eyes.
“I got the money and everything is fine. I have another appointment on the sixth of January, the one I told you about. Will you be able to come?”
Cain nodded. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Annabelle cast me a nervous glance. “Would you come, too?”
I was so shocked by her question, I wasn’t sure if I could speak to reply. We all just stared at each other in a stifling silence. Finally, my brain kicked back into action. “You want me there? Won’t that be awkward?”
Annabelle laughed. “Any more so than this?”
“The doctor’s visits seem a little more personal and private than dinner,” I argued.
Annabelle moved towards the door. “I’d like you to come. As you said, you’re going to be a part of our baby’s life, too.” She glanced at Cain. “Do you mind?”
“I’d like Violet to be there,” he said without hesitation.
Annabelle nodded as if satisfied with his answer, then she quietly left the room, leaving a stunned and speechless Cain and Violet in her wake. We were both leaning against the white tiled wall, absorbing everything that had just happened.
“I thought she might have been back here kicking your ass.”
“You think she could take me?” I asked, feigning offense over his assumption.
“Not at all, but I know you wouldn’t hit a pregnant woman.” Cain’s arm wrapped around my neck, and he pulled me close. “I don’t know what happened, but I think it will go down in history as being a bathroom intervention of epic proportions. With the look Annabelle was giving you when we got here, I wouldn’t have put it past her to poison you. Then I come searching for the two of you and find you having some weird bonding moment.”
I laughed as he pressed a kiss to my temple. “Trust me, no one is more surprised than me. She came in here, guns blazing. I gave her a piece of my mind, she cried, the baby kicked, and now
we are apparently one bizarre triangular family unit.”
Cain turned to face me, pressing me against the wall. “You made her cry?” he whispered softly, his eyes teasing.
“No,” I said quietly, “you did. She cares for you, a lot. She’s scared, and I can hardly blame her. I was ruined when I lost you, and there was no lasting reminder growing inside me to prevent me from moving on.”
Cain’s eyes closed as if to shelter himself from the truth. “I know. I can’t even regret what happened because I have you and I’m going to be a father.” He opened his eyes. “I felt my baby move, and everything suddenly felt real. I’m going to be a dad. I could never regret anything that; it led us to here. I want to regret what happened to you, to us, but if none of it had happened, this wouldn’t have happened. I feel like the scum of the earth to be thinking this way.”
I kissed him which, thankfully, silenced him. “I understand and there is nothing to regret. The good times have been amazing, and the bad times have been a learning experience.”
He gripped either side of my head and kissed me. His tongue invaded my mouth, his hands tilted my head to offer him better access, and he pushed the evidence of his desire for me against my lower stomach. He only stopped when the door behind us swung open.
“Oh, s...so...sorry. I’ll come back,” stuttered an unfamiliar voice nervously.
“It’s okay, we were just leaving.” Cain grabbed my hand and pulled us out of the ladies restroom. Before I could walk back into the restaurant though, he drew me to a halt and buried his head in my neck. “I just need a moment to allow maxi-me to stand down.”
“Maxi-me?” I laughed.
“Well, it sure as hell isn’t mini-me,” he murmured into my neck with a chuckle.
I stood in Cain’s arms, wonder and surprise filling me. I had come so far since this time last year; so much had changed. It all just felt too good to be true. I was healthy, I was in love, but I was terrified of losing it all.
Violet Addiction Page 17
