The thought of not ever feeling her touch, not ever seeing her again caused me physical pain. I blinked away the sudden moisture in my eyes.
And Rene. I did think of him as a father figure. He was a prime example of how a man should be with his family. The thought that he felt I didn’t care as much for him as he did for me rankled, but I knew I deserved his anger.
I thought of his insistence that I was capable of real, honest emotion.
Love.
Was it possible I loved Fee?
I rubbed my chest, the ache that had been building all night burning and relentless. If knowing I would never see Fee, never touch her again, felt like this, then Rene was right.
I had been fooling myself.
I did love her. As terrifying as the thought was, she had become the center of my world. Her presence soothed me, her touch anchored me, and her smile lit my world ablaze.
I had screwed up in horrendous fashion. In trying to stop myself from being hurt, I had hurt those I deeply cared for. I was so afraid of love and the pain, I didn’t see I was causing myself even greater pain. And by acting the way I had been, I had become the sort of person I fought against daily.
I made others feel less. As if they were not enough, when in fact, they were everything.
The simple reality of those words was astounding.
I grabbed the phone, my fingers shaking as I pressed the numbers.
“Halton,” Rene answered wearily. “It’s eleven p.m. What is so important?”
“I love you, old man. You’re like a fucking father to me, and I’m sorry for all this shit.”
There was silence, then he spoke, his voice wary.
“Have you been drinking again?”
“No.” I barked out a laugh. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. About what an ass I’ve been.”
“Well, hallelujah. Miracles do happen.”
“I’m serious. You’re a vital part of my life, Rene. You mean more than you know. More than I can properly express.” I swallowed. “You’re the family I chose for myself.”
Rene’s voice was raspy when he finally replied.
“You have no idea what that means to me.”
“Yeah, I do. I’m long overdue in saying it. I’m sorry.”
“Just full of apologies tonight, aren’t you?”
“Necessary ones.”
“Apology accepted.”
“Thank you.” The sudden rumble of thunder made me jump. “Shit.”
“What?”
“The storm—Fee hates them. They scare her, and she’s alone.”
“You’re still in the office I presume?”
“Yes.”
“There may be a spare key in my top right desk drawer Fee gave me for emergencies,” Rene said.
I sucked in a sharp breath. “I’m not sure she wants to see me.”
“Try, Halton. Take the key and go to her. She needs you and, frankly, you need her even more. Grovel if you have to.”
Another rumble sounded, the sky lighting up, bright and vivid. Fee would be terrified.
I stood. “Well, it is the night for apologies. “
“That’s the spirit.”
“I meant it, Rene.” I remembered the words I had heard Bentley say so often and never understood until this moment. “You are my family.”
“Go get your girl, Halton. Allow yourself to be happy.”
I found the key, holding it up like a trophy. “On it.”
I couldn’t call Fee. She had given Rene her cell phone and told him she would be getting a new one from BAM. It was in the drawer next to the key, and I shoved it into my pocket. I would give it back to her if she allowed me to do so.
I drove as fast as I could. The streets were mostly deserted in the dreadful weather, and I made it to her house in record time. I pulled in the driveway and hurried to the door, ignoring the rain soaking into my suit. The power was out on the street, all the houses dark. I used the flashlight on my phone to light my way. I knocked, but there was no answer, which didn’t surprise me. Inserting the key, I paused briefly, unsure as to what her reaction would be when she saw me. Inside, I slipped off my shoes, calling her name so I didn’t frighten her any further. The thunder echoed in the empty rooms as I hurried down the hall.
“Fee!” I shouted, panicked when she hadn’t replied. “Love, where are you?”
“Halton?” her anxious voice finally responded. I rushed to her room, holding my phone high, the light guiding me to her. She was on her bed, sitting in the middle, wrapped in a comforter. Her hands gripped the edges, keeping it tight to her body.
“Wh-what are you doing here?”
“I came for you.”
In one fast movement, she lunged off the bed, and I caught her in my arms, feeling the tremors racing through her body.
“It’s okay, love. I’ve got you.” I pressed my lips to her head, inhaling the fragrant scent of her hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know it’s not forever, but I need you,” she whimpered as another long roll of thunder shook the walls.
I tilted up her chin, meeting her eyes in the dim light cast by my phone. “It is forever, if you’ll have me, Fee.”
Her chin trembled in my grip. “What?”
“Forgive me for my actions. Forgive me for being a coward. Let me be with you, Fee. Tonight. Tomorrow. Always.”
Tears coursed down her cheeks.
I sank onto the bed, holding her tight. She wrapped her arms around my neck, silent sobs shaking her shoulders. I placed my lips to her ear.
“I love you, FeeNelly. I’ve never loved anyone until now, but I love you. I want to be with you.”
She looked up, her cheeks wet. “So you can sleep?”
I smiled, wiping her face. “So I can live.”
“Why?” she whispered, doubt still coloring her voice. “How?”
“I realized I was hurting you. Hurting Rene.” A sigh rumbled through my chest. “I was denying myself something I wanted but was too afraid to accept.”
“Tell me.”
I met her gaze. “I am worthy of love. Of being loved and giving it.” I gripped her tighter. “I want your love, Fee. I want you.”
She cupped my face, not speaking. Turning my head, I kissed her palm and pressed her hand into my skin.
“You told me once you thought everyone had a little perfection inside them. Let me love you, Fee. If you’re inside my heart, then I finally have my perfection. You’re it.”
“Halton…”
“Tell me I’m not too late. Forgive me.”
She held me tighter, brushing her lips to mine. “Forgiven.” She kissed me, whispering against my mouth, “I love you, Halton Smithers. I love you. I love you. I love you. I’m going to say it until you’re sick of hearing it.”
“Not gonna happen, Fee. I’ll never tire of those words,” I whispered back. “I love you.”
The storm passed, but Fee and I remained locked together on her bed. I had only moved to shed my wet suit then lay beside her, holding her close. As exhausted as I was, as we both were, I couldn’t sleep. I had too much to say.
“I’ve been such an ass.”
“You were trying to protect yourself.”
I laughed, kissing her forehead. “I didn’t need protection from you, Fee. Or Rene.”
She snuggled closer. “You weren’t ready to admit that yet, Halton.” She tipped up her head. “What changed?”
“What Rene said. The thought of never seeing you.” I swallowed. “A call I got from my mother.”
“Oh.”
I sighed. “She wanted money. She didn’t say hello or even pretend. She just wanted money. When I said no, she wasn’t happy.”
“And?”
“I asked her why she never loved me enough. Why she kept me away from my father. She said it was to prove a point. When I told her that it was her fault he became a drunk and ruined my life, she laughed. It hit me right then, she had no empathy. For my father—fo
r me. It terrified me more than her illness. I never wanted to become that callous, and by refusing to admit my feelings for people, I was doing exactly that. And by continuing to be in contact with her, I was letting her continue to hurt me.” I ran my hand down Fee’s back in a long, slow motion. “I don’t need people who hurt in my life. I need people like you. It was time to cut off the past and move forward.” I met her eyes in the dimness. “With you.”
“I’m sorry she hurt you. And I’m sorry you had to cut ties.”
I shrugged. “Actually, it felt good. I don’t owe her anything. She thinks I do, and I’d let her make me feel the same way. It’s done.”
“You don’t owe anyone anything, Halton, except yourself.”
“What do I owe myself?”
She cupped my cheek. “To be happy.”
“I need you for that to happen, Fee.”
“You have me.”
“Can I stay?” I asked, my heart in my throat.
“You want to stay with me? Here?”
“I don’t want to go back to the condo. I’m tired of being alone. I want to be with you.”
“Yeah.” She tightened her hold on my face. “Yeah, you can stay—for as long as you want.”
“I want it all.”
“What are you saying?”
“I lied to you. Weeks ago. I don’t want to be your right now, Fee. I want to be your forever. If you let me.”
“My forever,” she repeated.
I kissed her palm. “Marry me.”
Shock rendered her speechless.
I held her hand over my heart. “This is useless without you. Be my perfect spot forever, FeeNelly.”
“Halton,” she whispered.
“Please.”
Her answer was as simple and perfect as she was to me.
“Yes.”
I pulled her close, kissing her with everything I had in me. Finally free to let myself feel the emotion of loving her.
My Fee.
Moments passed of relearning her in a different language entirely. One of love.
The last of our clothing disappeared with gentle hands. There was nothing rushed or urgent. Long, slow passes of my tongue on hers. Tender sweeps of my fingers along her silky skin. There was a low hum in my body, a need for her I couldn’t explain. I couldn’t get close enough. I couldn’t touch her enough or taste her enough to satisfy my craving for her. No matter what I did, I needed more.
I needed her.
I was cradled between her legs and our gazes locked as I slid inside her, my body easing once we were joined. With a low groan, I buried my face into her fragrant neck.
“Welcome home,” she murmured.
Fusing our lips together, I moved inside her slowly. We were connected from hip to neck, our skin molded together so close, it was as if we were one. I kept my movements easy, our hips never separating as I rode her. Her tender touch made me shiver.
“How do you convey so much with your touch?” I asked, my gaze locked on hers. “How did I not feel your love until now?”
“You weren’t ready.”
“Don’t ever stop.”
She pulled me close, her mouth a breath away from mine.
“Never.”
I loved her with everything I had. My body worshiped hers. My words expressed it. My heart beat her name.
My orgasm washed over me, slow, deep, and powerful. She tightened around me, calling my name. We crested together, our hearts echoing in the passion of the moment.
I rolled away, pulling her close and holding her tight. “I love you.”
“Hmm,” she whispered. “Always, Halton. I’m yours.”
With a contented sigh, I let sleep take me, safe in the knowledge I had her beside me.
“When are you coming home?” Fee’s voice was rough. She’d had the flu the past couple of days, and I hated leaving her alone at home, but the office was crazy.
In the month we’d officially been living together, a lot of changes had happened. I’d hired another lawyer—a woman named Lydia Watson, who had been far and away the most impressive in her interview—even astonishing Rene with her ethics and desire to help people. She was currently working in the library, but Van was busy in the office next door, and soon, she would have her own space.
I let Rene choose the new assistant. Fee felt it best to still work for BAM, thinking we needed that separation. I hated it and had tried to persuade her to change her mind, but she was adamant. I had to admit, the young man, Clark, who Rene had hired, was excellent at his job. Rene enjoyed bossing him around a great deal.
The office was busy, productive, and hummed all day and often well into the evening. Luckily, Bentley’s office wasn’t far away. So on occasion I got to see Fee during the day for lunch, and she often came after work to help me out. Those were my favorite days.
“Another hour, love. I promise. I’ll bring home some soup?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I feel a little better. I hope you don’t get it.”
I chuckled. “Since both Clark and Rene had it, I’m shocked it skipped Lydia and me and went for you.”
“I guess I hugged them too much last week.”
“You had best save your hugs for me, then,” I growled playfully.
She laughed. “Incorrigible.”
“Yep. Mine.”
She sighed. “Come home soon, counselor. I miss you.”
Her words made my chest warm the way they usually did.
“Soon.”
I hung up and dug into my pocket, bringing out the small velvet box. For the hundredth time, I opened it and stared at the ring. The beautiful emerald sparkled under the light, the diamonds surrounding it brilliant. Bentley had sent me to a friend of his, and she helped me design and choose the perfect gemstone and setting. I wanted an emerald because of Fee’s lovely eyes and the warmth of the color. Diamonds seemed too cold for her. I was sure Fee would love it, but I hadn’t given it to her yet for some reason.
She had already said yes, so the ring was a simple formality, but I was still nervous. Rene found it amusing, and I knew he was anxious for me to give the ring to Fee. I would as soon as she was over this flu bug. It had been a twenty-four-hour thing for him and Clark, but for Fee, it had been a few days.
A throat clearing made me look up. Reid was in my doorway, his laptop under his arm, looking oddly nervous. I was surprised to see him, and for some reason, his unease put me on edge.
“Hey.”
He came in, shutting my door, and then sat across from me.
I slid the ring box back into my pocket. “What’s going on?”
He sighed and leaned forward. “I was cleaning up my drive today—deleting files and freeing up space. I saw something I thought you needed to know.”
“What?”
He hesitated, then opened his laptop. His anxiety made me tense, and I frowned as he spun the screen in my direction.
“There was a file from Scott’s computer. I hadn’t noticed it until today, and it caught my eye as I was deleting them. I opened it and read it. It seemed—well, it seemed important.”
I pulled the laptop close and read what looked like a medical report. I read it again, then met Reid’s eyes.
“Holy fuck.”
He raised his eyebrows in agreement with my statement.
“Scott had a vasectomy? He told Fee his tests came back fine. How is that possible?”
Reid tugged a hand through his hair. “I’ll give you the gist of what I discovered. Scott hired a doctor, who has since lost his license. The report was false. Scott’s vasectomy happened six months before they had their tests.” He met my gaze. “Fee’s test was falsified as well. It appears Scott had no desire for kids but didn’t want to tell Fee, so he lied.”
I froze. “That bastard made her think it was all her.”
“Yeah.”
“Goddamn asshole,” I fumed.
“Ah, Hal?”
“What?” I growled, wishing Scott were still alive
so I could kill him all over again.
“I don’t want to get personal here, but doesn’t Fee supposedly have the stomach flu?”
Supposedly?
“Yes.”
“Ah, do you use protection?”
I blinked at his question and was about to tell him to mind his own business when the lightbulb went off. Fee wasn’t infertile, and we’d been having unprotected sex for weeks.
She’d been ill longer than Rene. Her symptoms were somewhat different.
It wasn’t the fucking flu.
I stood so fast, my chair toppled over.
“Holy fuck. I have to go.”
He laughed and stood, then shouted at me before I reached the door.
“Hal!”
I spun around. “What?”
He held out the ring box. “You might need this.”
I grabbed the box that had fallen from my pocket. “Thanks.”
He winked. “Congrats—on all the news.”
I tore out of the office, running as quickly as I could.
How the hell was I going to tell Fee?
I found her on the bathroom floor, resting her head on the cold tub beside the toilet. She lifted her head wearily as I rushed in, offering me a small smile.
“It came back.”
I lifted her into my arms, cradling her close. “Sorry, love.”
She pushed away. “Ugh. I smell awful.”
“I don’t care.”
“I do. Let me clean up.”
I stood behind her as she brushed her teeth and washed her face. She was pale, her eyes exhausted.
My thoughts were rampant. I had to tell her that her dead ex-husband was a lying sack of shit, and then follow it up with, “And by the way you may be pregnant since I fuck you every chance I get. I stopped and got a pregnancy test—wanna pee on the stick?”
I chuckled dryly as I wondered if she’d knee me in the balls or just yell.
She looked at me in the mirror with a puzzled look.
“I look so bad, you’re laughing?”
I wrapped my arms around her, tugging her back to my chest. “You’re beautiful. I’m laughing at my own thoughts right now.”
“Did you bring the ginger ale?”
“And crackers.”
Vested Interest Box Set Books 4-7 Page 71
