She stared up at him, feeling the fragility of this peace offering and longing to accept it. To believe in it. To hope that perhaps they could make this work. But then she remembered that he knew nothing of who she really was. And when he discovered that shame of her past? She forced her gaze towards the azure water. She couldn’t trust that the truth wouldn’t be used to take Luke from her.
‘Señor Torres?’
Relief and regret hit in equal measure as a steward interrupted them to deliver a platter of fresh fruit, cheese and cold cuts. Emmy snaffled a piece of apple, savouring its juicy freshness and the distraction it provided, and gave Luke one of the baby crackers that had been thoughtfully put on the plate.
‘So why were you angry when you learned who I was?’ Javier asked after a bit. ‘Was it because I’d bought Lucero’s property? Or because I’d lied?’
Her nerves tightened. He was so far out of her league—wealthy and powerful—she’d been sure he’d take Luke from her if he knew. He still could.
She needed more time to figure out how she could convince him that she was a good influence on Luke’s life. So she diverted her answer. ‘I loved Lucero’s property how it was—the age of the old hostel, that old boathouse and the value of his foundation for getting volunteers to help keep everything around here pristine. I know it was a little run-down, but I was afraid of what you’re going to do with it.’
‘But isn’t it a good thing for that property to be developed? You must know Lucero wanted it cared for,’ he said. ‘He didn’t have the energy or resources to do it himself. He trusted that to me.’
‘To you?’ Her stomach dropped. ‘You met him?’
‘I returned a few months after...’ He cleared his throat. ‘I was looking for an opportunity here and approached him when I learned he owned that property.’
Javier had been back to the Galapagos before now? And she’d not run into him?
‘But I would’ve known if you’d seen Lucero,’ she said, trying to reject the terrible regret rising within her. ‘I was his carer round the clock towards the end.’
Javier frowned. ‘He told me his carer was called Esme. She was visiting another island when I was there.’
She gasped. ‘He called me Esmerelda when he was being grand—Esme for short.’
‘Esme. Emerald...’ He muttered something indecipherable beneath his breath and then looked at her with a rueful shake of his head.
That shimmering electricity fluttered between them. Fate. It had failed them that time.
‘So why did you name our son after him?’ he asked quietly.
That question was easy. ‘Because he was a good man,’ she said simply. ‘He gave me a home and I hadn’t had one in a while.’ She fell silent, realising what she’d just admitted and hoping Javier wouldn’t ask why. She rubbed little Luke’s back as he sucked on the cracker and quickly thought of a question of her own. ‘Why did you want the hostel?’ she asked. ‘Was it just the location?’
‘Mmm.’ Now Javier glanced away, his gaze skimming the blue waters. ‘Why not go for a swim?’ he suggested. ‘It’s a beautiful afternoon. It’ll refresh you after the sleep.’
She shook her head and looked down at Luke in her lap, disappointed by him avoiding directly answering her.
‘I’ll hold him while you’re out there,’ Javier offered, and then rolled his eyes at her continued hesitation. ‘I promise not to make off with him when you’re half a mile from the boat.’
She half chuckled. ‘You’re not going to turn on the engines and leave me in the middle of the ocean?’
‘Of course not,’ he said. ‘Maybe you might try to trust me?’
She couldn’t hold his gaze for long; the gleam in his eyes threatened to mesmerise her all over again. And the regret she felt?
‘I’m not going to hurt him, Emmy.’
‘I know,’ she muttered with a sad shake of her head. ‘I never thought you would.’
She was the one who was going to be hurt. She’d feared it from the moment she’d found out his true identity, and from the second he’d walked back into her life she’d known it would be inevitable.
‘Then give him to me and go get changed.’
The water was tempting and she desperately needed to cool down and regain some thinking time. She hadn’t taken a proper swim in so long; she’d always had Luke with her. But there was a kind of freedom she only felt in the water. And she knew Javier understood that—they’d bonded over it that night they’d been together.
Down in her cabin, she realised her old green bikini didn’t fit as well as it once had. She covered up by draping one of the large, soft towels in her private bathroom around her and then walked out to the rear deck.
Javier was there holding Luke and they were sporting matching floppy-brimmed hats, casting their faces in the shade. Javier’s gaze glittered as she dropped the towel and put it on the top step.
‘I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about that bikini,’ he said huskily.
Emmy swallowed hard and she pretended she hadn’t heard him. The thinnest tendril of trust was blossoming between them, but that raging physical need threatened to overshadow—or stomp on—that tender shooting stem. She pressed her lips together, holding in the sharp yearning to turn and lean against his body. As crazy, as wrong as it was, she couldn’t deny her desire. But she could try to ignore it.
She turned her back, hiding how her heavy breasts had tightened in response to his mere look. They were almost too big for the stretchy fabric encasing them. She stepped down, bracing in the cold water. She struck out strongly, swimming hard, then dived beneath the clear waves. She’d missed this so much—the total liberation as she submerged and let the cold soothe her heated skin.
Animals, as always in this remote, fascinating part of the world, came close. Curious and unafraid and enchanting—tortoise, sea lions, birds. A weight slipped free, letting her float and enjoy the serene peace of the sea.
Eventually she returned to the boat, climbing up the stairs that made it so easy to get in and out. Physically tired but happy, she wrapped herself in the towel.
Javier had retreated up to the pool deck and was now sprawled with Luke on the shaded sofa. As Emmy walked up to check on Luke, she warily glanced at Javier—had she taken too long? His expression was unreadable behind the sunglasses he’d put on. ‘I haven’t swum like that in ages, thank you for that,’ she said.
Javier didn’t answer but Luke gurgled.
‘Let me have him.’ Impulsively she let her towel fall. ‘He loves the water.’
Javier leaned forward. ‘He swims already?’
Emmy undressed Luke and lifted him into the warmer water of the onboard pool with her. Luke squawked happily as she swished him through the water. Javier stood at the pool’s edge and watched, a smile slowly spreading over his face. Emmy’s heart bumped as she heard him laugh. The carefree humour reminded her of that first night. ‘You want to hold him?’
She didn’t wait for him to answer, she just handed Luke to him.
Javier laughed throatily as Luke bounced excitedly in his arms and wet him completely.
‘You mind if I come in with you?’ he asked huskily.
‘Of course not.’ Her mouth dried as she took Luke back from him.
Javier’s shirt had got wet from wrestling with their wriggling, giggling, soaked son. She tried not to gape as he peeled it from his body, but it was then impossible not to stare at his rippling muscles as he entered the water and took Luke from her again. The fiercest wave of heat engulfed her at the sight of him engaging with their son. A primal, powerful surge of feminine pride followed—he was the father of her child, he was her mate—and her body wanted him again.
Except he wasn’t hers.
She stepped out of the pool and into the shade, embarrassed by the fierce reaction of her body at the
sight of Javier in nothing but swim shorts. That earlier, incendiary kiss lingered on her lips like an illicit sizzle and she wanted another burn.
He laughed lightly again. ‘He’s a natural,’ he called to her. ‘No surprise given he’s your son.’
Emmy couldn’t answer because her heart was in her throat.
Fortunately Javier then called for the nanny. Thomas appeared and capably swept Luke into a massive, soft towel.
‘I think he’s ready for a tidy-up and a snack,’ Javier said smoothly to Thomas and then glanced at Emmy. ‘We need time to relax over dinner.’
‘Of course.’
Emmy anxiously watched Thomas take Luke inside. But it wasn’t that she didn’t trust the man with her baby, it was that she didn’t trust herself to be alone with her son’s father.
CHAPTER FIVE
EMMY WAITED FOR the last page to emerge from the printer and then gathered the leaves of paper together. She’d been in the blindingly well-equipped onboard office for two hours but she was finally done. She stood and stretched in a fruitless attempt to ease the tension from her body.
She’d tried talking to Javier about light things at dinner last night—but the monosyllabic replies she’d got from the most innocuous of questions had swiftly taught her that he wasn’t interested in opening up. And perhaps that was good. So she’d then been careful, keeping conversation utterly focused on Luke, and she’d escaped to her suite as soon as they’d put him to bed. She couldn’t trust herself around Javier. Not after that kiss. Apparently he was her personal Kryptonite and when she was around him, all rational capacity to think fled, leaving her as little more than a ball of raw desire. To be so undone by hormones was mortifying. The only way to get through it with even a smidge of dignity was to keep her distance.
She knew she needed to let Javier have time with Luke without her hovering as if afraid he were about to make off with him. He needed to forge his own relationship with his son. She’d denied them both that for too long and felt terrible about it.
In the middle of the night—when her stupid brain wouldn’t shut down—she’d thought of one small way she might alleviate some of his loss, but now she’d finished, she was nervous about giving it to him.
She walked through to the pool deck to find Javier alone with Luke. She stopped in the doorway, somewhat stunned to see him engaged in the task of finishing up a nappy change.
He glanced up. ‘What?’ he sounded defensive.
‘You did a good job.’ The second she said it she realised she sounded as patronising to him as that doctor had been to her yesterday. But she hadn’t meant to be. Javier had said he hadn’t meant to either. She was prickly and too defensive and right now so was he.
‘The first time I put his nappy on backwards,’ she admitted with a shy smile. ‘The nurse in the hospital broke it to me so kindly and then showed me how to do it properly.’
Javier sat back and a rueful expression softened the hardness in his eyes. ‘I looked up instructions online.’
‘Really?’ Her grin widened.
‘And I checked with Thomas for good measure.’ He lifted his son back down to his play mat, where he immediately crawled over to his favourite toy, sat down and stuck it in his mouth.
‘You did?’ Emmy was surprised. ‘You seem so capable, like you’re just naturally brilliant at everything you attempt, first time.’
‘No.’ He laughed softly. ‘Definitely not.’
She didn’t believe him. He had that aura of surety about him.
‘Most people need to try things a couple of times before they get the hang of it,’ he said lightly, but his gaze was unwavering and unbearably intense.
Suddenly the most inappropriate recollection ran in her head. To make it worse, she had the suffocating feeling he sensed exactly what it was that she was remembering.
Their night. Her first times—all of them with him. And that intimacy, that sweetness, had turned so hot. She’d adored the muffled laughter that they’d shared before she could only moan. It had been the ultimate seduction.
‘I have something for you,’ she said, desperately changing the subject so she wouldn’t be blinded into brainlessness by that smile. Her face burned as she held out the slim booklet she’d hidden behind her back. He took it from her, his eyebrows lifting in silent query.
‘My phone isn’t that great, but I took snaps of Luke all the time this year. Like, hundreds of photos,’ she babbled nervously. ‘I thought you might like some...’
She trailed off as Javier opened the booklet to the first page and then flicked to the next. And suddenly she worried that it would upset him somehow.
‘I didn’t do it to make you see what you’ve missed...’ She bit her lip anxiously, watching him go through the booklet.
He was too quiet. Did he hate it?
‘I hope it’s okay I asked the staff if you had a printer on board,’ she explained.
It turned out there was an entire office suite that was stocked with all the stationery imaginable, including photo paper. She’d borrowed a computer and loaded the photos, compiling and printing them into a small book using a graphics platform—adding captions beneath to explain how old Luke had been and what the milestone or moment was. It hadn’t taken long. The hardest part had been picking which of the many pictures she’d use. She’d even bound it with a piece of ribbon she’d found. But staring at it now, as Javier went through it page by page, ever so slowly, it looked flimsy and excruciatingly home-made.
Embarrassment burned from her skin, through every vital organ and deep into her bones.
‘We can get them printed professionally, of course,’ she muttered hopelessly. ‘I just wanted you to have the pictures now. There are loads more. I’ve put them all onto that computer for you, so you have them digitally as well.’
She felt appallingly vulnerable watching him silently turn each page, inspecting each picture she’d selected. Luke having his first bath. His playful smile. On his tummy. Playing in the sand. Javier went all the way through the booklet to the final page and then returned to the first one. It was a black and white shot and it was the only one that featured her as well.
‘I just included that because it’s the very first picture of him,’ she explained in a rushing whisper. ‘One of the nurses in the hospital took it moments after he was born.’
A very tiny Luke was lying on her chest. She’d been vain enough to print it in black and white so the ravages of childbirth were less obvious on her face. Not that Javier would want pictures of her, of course, but his son. And this pretty much was his son’s first moment alive in the world.
‘Thank you for this,’ he said quietly. ‘The photos are beautiful.’
Awkwardly she bent and put together a few of the loose toys, just to avoid looking at him. ‘I have an app on my phone to override the usual camera settings and amp up the results a bit.’
‘You took these on your phone?’ he asked.
She nodded.
‘You have a good eye for composition.’
‘It helps that I’m completely in love with my subject,’ she muttered dryly. Her son was the absolute light and joy of her life. ‘I have hundreds—you can have them all. I take them, not to get some stylised perfect shot, but to bring that moment back. The emotions, the story behind that stupid pose, or why I was out looking at the sunset that day...an aide-memoire, you know? Not for anyone else but me.’ She realised she was babbling. ‘Sorry to be boring.’
‘I’m not bored. I want to see the photos. I want you to tell me the stories behind them.’
She glanced down at him and then narrowed her gaze. Her little boy was sitting with a curiously fierce expression on his face. She smothered her spreading smile.
‘What is it?’ Javier noticed her reaction and turned to survey Luke’s stillness on the mat.
‘Uh,’ she half laughed
beneath her breath. ‘I think he’s testing your nappy skills.’
‘Seriously?’ Javier looked miffed. ‘I just changed it.’
Emmy leaned forward and sniffed delicately. ‘Um...well, he needs another change.’ She stood.
‘I’ll do it.’ Javier scooped Luke up. ‘But I think we need to be in the nursery.’
Emmy hesitated. ‘You don’t want Thomas to handle this one?’ She followed him through to the nursery. ‘The poor guy’s twiddling his thumbs down on the crew deck.’
‘Dream job.’ Javier sent her an ironically amused glance. ‘I figure, if I can handle this...’
He was determined to learn and be hands-on, not just seeing Luke as ‘his’ in the sense of a possession. And while that ought to please her and she knew it was best for her baby, it scared her too. What if eventually Luke chose Javier over her? She wouldn’t blame him, not when his father could give him so much more than she ever could. She braced against the insecurity eating away at her insides. She had to be better than this—for Luke if nothing else.
‘Do you want me to take a photo of you two, when he’s decent again?’ She bit her lip as she waited for Javier’s answer. ‘You know, as an aide-memoire for this moment?’
Javier’s hands stilled and he glanced her. ‘Sí, thanks.’ He bent over Luke and smothered a groan. ‘But I hope we have gas masks somewhere.’
She chuckled and went to fetch her phone. With his permission she’d take photos any chance she could...mentally working on part two of his photo book. But when she returned, Javier had finished and he passed Luke to her.
‘He needs you. He’s starting to fret.’
Luke curled against her, his grizzling instantly silenced. ‘He’s just tired,’ she explained a little guiltily to Javier.
‘It’s okay, Emmy. I know it’s going to take a little time.’
Secrets Made in Paradise Page 7
