by JP Summers
“Well, why don’t you show me some of your moves after school? That is… if you aren’t worried I will show you up.”
“Trust me, I am not worried. You should be, though!”
Carson shook his head, chuckling as we arrived at my next class. His laughter came to an abrupt stop while I stood across from him for a few seconds in total silence before finally saying “Goodbye.” Then he walked away, leaving me to wonder why he was being so nice to me....
Carson seemed genuinely different than those other hormonal teenage boys. I’d never had a guy treat me with such genuine respect after only knowing me for day.
I actually looked forward to the next four years at New Holston High, especially if everyone continued to treat me like I belonged.
*****
I quickly closed the yearbook at the sound of approaching footsteps and waited for Carson to show himself. Even though he didn’t deserve my kindness, he also didn’t deserve to starve. Without looking at him, I reached for a plate and a fork and placed them next to the enchiladas, figuring he'd get the hint. I cleared my plate off the counter, took the yearbooks and disappeared into the living room. Maybe ignoring Carson won’t be as hard as I thought, just as long as we keep our distance from one another.
I should take lessons from Carson. The asshole was a pro at staying clear of me. Granted, he’d had years of practice. Nothing is worse than having your former best friend walk past you for a month, never saying a single word, all because he had too much pride to admit he was in the wrong.
Carson knows damn well how much I hate the silent treatment. Always have, always will. In fact, as much as I hated it in high school, I hate it that much more now, especially being stuck with him in these confines.
I wanted to see past his cruel and vile treatment of me in high school, but the last straw was the moment I realized he truly hated me. I figured then that I had effectively closed the door on any chance of reconciliation.
I made myself comfortable on the sofa with the yearbook from our freshman year open on my lap. So many things had happened to me in the four years of high school. Most people find themselves during that time, but I wasn't one of them. I was more caught up in chasing after guys who were all wrong for me, hoping it’d increase my popularity. When I wanted to be a part of Carson’s life as more than a friend, he wouldn't allow it. He knew how much I wanted to explore a relationship with him, but he pushed me away every time things got too complicated. Of course, our complication had a name—Erin Storms.
Suddenly the lights flickered. The wind had picked up considerably. I jumped up off the couch at a loud thud that crashed above me. The yearbook slid out of my hands as I heard creaks and crackling sounds spanning one side of the roof to the other. I pulled the dust off of some particularly inventive curse words from my teenage years. I was startled when a husky voice repeated pretty much every single word I had spoken as he stood next to me, staring up at the ceiling.
The windows violently rattled, causing the hair on the back on my neck to stand at attention and my heart to race from my chest into my throat. The weatherman was clearly smoking something when he missed predicting the Armageddon that was now raging outside. I wanted to peek out the window, but fear kept me from moving. Instead, I stood there listening to the pounding of my heart. The noises outside continued to get louder as the lights went out for a few minutes and then came back on. I was almost certain we were about to lose power, which meant nothing would work around here other than the fireplace.
I thought being left alone with Carson was bad enough, but the thought of being with him all by myself in the dark scared the shit out of me.
CHAPTER THREE
Every window in the cottage vibrated uncontrollably under the onslaught of the howling winds. If I didn’t have so much repugnance for Carson, I’d have already jumped into his arms to feel safe. As it was, he was looking better and better. Interesting how being scared half to death causes your mind to focus less on resentment and more on the need for safety.
Carson’s eyes frantically darted around the room trying to track down the source of the sounds. I don't ever recall seeing him terrified of anything other than falling in love with me.
With the lights continuing to flicker, I remembered the flashlights Cruz had found for me and that there was one more left in the drawer. I figured I’d be nice and get it for Carson. As I made my way to the kitchen, I saw him throw more wood into the fireplace. Even though we didn’t communicate with words, our minds were clearly on the same page. Get light and heat. We had to be prepared for the inevitable. This storm already had us in its sights and it looked like we were going to be in for one hell of a ride.
If either one of us made it out unscathed, it’d be a miracle.
Grabbing the flashlight from the junk drawer, I noticed that a huge portion of the enchiladas were missing. Even though Carson refused to talk to me, he had at least eaten the dinner I’d made. Maybe there were a few cracks in that tough exterior. Who knew, maybe now he wouldn’t be such an ass toward me.
Or maybe not.
Carson was involved in a pretty heated conversation over the phone when I made it back into the living room. Judging by the eye rolls and the unbridled rage, he was talking with someone he'd rather not be. The bickering and name-calling sent chills throughout my body. I was thankful I was not on the receiving end of his verbal brutality.
Carson’s tone quickly became infuriated as he screamed out, “JUST GIVE HER WHATEVER SHE WANTS! IT’S NOT LIKE I HAVE MUCH. SHE’S ALREADY TAKEN THE LAST FIVE YEARS FROM ME. I JUST WANT TO BE FREE OF ANYTHING THAT TIES ME TO ERIN.”
He disconnected, gripping the phone in his hands so hard his knuckles turned white, as if he wanted to crush it into tiny pieces. One slight problem with cell phones is the lack of a satisfactory hang-up mechanism.
Before I had a chance to escape from the living room, Carson turned around and caught me standing there like a deer in the headlights. I didn't want him to assume I had been purposely eaves-dropping on his conversation, even though it looked as if I did, so I just silently handed him the extra flashlight. However, it seemed like the window of opportunity for getting on Carson’s good side may have just closed.
He looked away from me as he walked past where I was standing and mumbled, “Fucking divorce lawyers.”
Carson went back into the kitchen, and I didn’t have to figure out why that was the first place he’d go to after getting upset over something. Even after all this time, he found comfort in anything that would fill his stomach.
Not sure if I had a death wish or a burning curiosity, I followed him into the kitchen, where he was already stuffing his face with more enchiladas. I see that his appetite hadn’t changed much over the years. It was kind of refreshing to see part of the old Carson. HELL, I’ll take any part of my former best friend rather than this intimidating stranger I’m forced into being secluded with.
I decided it might be time to get myself back into his good graces. It may not have been one my best ideas, but I had to try. As pissed as I was with him about the way he had treated me in the short time we’d been together, I still wanted to make amends. If there was a slight chance we'd be able to talk without killing one another... Well, I’d take the risk, even if it meant getting my ass chewed or my head bitten off.
I am not sure if it was stupidity or the old Tia taking over my body. However, when I had needed a friend in the past, Carson had been there for me. I blurted out, “Why don’t you drink something before you choke?”
Carson gave me a perplexed look. “Like anyone would give a shit if anything happens to me, especially Erin and her fucking lawyer.”
I didn’t know how to react. If I responded, “GOD, please don't die. How could I ever live with myself?” it would sound like I cared way too much about him. However, “Whatever dude, it’s your funeral,” made me sound like a major bitch and wouldn't help matters. Instinctively, I walked over to the fridge, pulled out a gallon of milk, grabbed a glass, and
sat it down on the counter. At least a nice gesture would show Carson I was willing to be civil if he could manage to do the same.
Unsure of what else to say, I turned around and walked away, leaving Carson in stunned silence. I walked to the couch and got comfortable, turning back to the page where I’d left off in the yearbook.
There was a picture of the outgoing, energetic girl I used to be smiling next to the boy the man in the other room used to be, both looking full of life and without a care in the world.
What the fuck happened to me? How was it humanly possible to be that damn naïve? I always thought life would be perfect once I left high school. Did my happily ever after end up being someone else’s? Was I destined to wander this world never feeling as complete as I did when Carson had been in my life?
So many questions left unanswered. Would I ever find any closure or was I destined to keep being punished because of the mistakes I’d made as a teenager? It was possible Carson had been right all along. I really did reap what I sowed.
I studied the picture. My fingertips traced the outline of the once spirited, clueless girl’s face. I missed this person. She was so much fun to be around back then. Carson loved spending every second of his free time with her, too.
My head rested on the arm on the sofa as I settled into the doughy cushions while holding the yearbook close to me. I remembered the events which took place the very day this picture was taken. The day I would meet Carson’s future-soon-to-be-ex-wife, Erin.
*****
It was three months into our freshman year and Carson and I had remained friends.
“Why in the hell did I chop the long locks I spent all of middle school growing out?” I blurted out while running down the hall, trying to make it to my next class on time so I wouldn’t have detention for the seventh time that month.
“I think it looks good. There’s not too many ways to screw up hair that short,” Carson commented, suppressing his laughter.
The bell rang just as Carson and I made it to our desks by the skin of our teeth. Our teacher gave us a dirty look. No words could describe how much I hated math. Carson attempted to make it fun when he helped me, even though I had no clue what I was doing most of the time. He promised to tutor me just so I’d be as smart as him, but I didn’t think even he could make miracles happen.
We always started off each class by passing notes to one another. This time, Carson almost got me back into detention for interrupting the class as I laughed my ass off at one of his stupid jokes. I wrote back about how much I hated my new hairstyle and how I was sure the Spanish Club picture we took earlier that morning would forever be ruined because of my cheesy smile. He pressed his pencil onto the paper, writing his remark with a goofy grin across his face. I reached for the note, trying not to fall out of my seat as I read his comment about us looking cheesy together since he was next to me smiling the same caked-on smile.
The sound of our teacher clearing his throat interrupted us. I focused my attention away from Carson, knowing if I didn’t we would end up back in detention for the third time that week. We only had an hour before the weekend began, but it felt like days. As much as I should have been paying attention to what was on the blackboard, I was too busy trying to picture what I’d wear to John’s party.
Supposedly Luke Kingston, the varsity team’s quarterback whom I’d been trying to hook up with these past few weeks, was going to make an appearance. Cruz had introduced us after one of their games, and he didn’t have a girlfriend. That was my cue to gain his attention. We did a lot of heavy flirting, but nothing else transpired between us. Carson was even kind enough to put in a few good words with him about me, thinking it’d help my odds.
The fact Carson was willing to help me hit on other guys made me realize how lucky I was to have a great best friend like him. Mira was never as good as Carson when it came to being my wingwoman. I knew Carson was still heartbroken over Erin. I wanted to try to fix him up with someone, but I could tell he just wasn’t ready to date yet.
I felt bad for the poor guy. He had dated Erin since they were in the 7th grade, then her mom took a job out of town. She had broken up with Carson right before she moved away, using the excuse that a long-distance relationship just wasn't worth the trouble. It was obvious he was still in love with her. I wished some guy would talk about me the way he always spoke so highly of Erin.
The second the bell rang, I jumped up from my desk, practically dragging Carson out the door by his shirt, I was so determined to get the hell out of school. He made fun of me for thinking about partying all the time. He didn’t like the fact that I drank, but he always took care of me when I got plastered.
Carson’s sister Julisa was home from her second semester of college and was waiting for us in the student parking lot. She served as our chauffeur that night and on many other occasions.
Our first stop after leaving school was my place. I begged Julisa to help me pick out an outfit that showed the right amount of skin, but didn’t look slutty. Carson didn’t want any part of choosing my clothes, so he watched TV until, ten outfits later, I was good to go.
We went to grab a bite to eat before meeting up with our crew like we did every Friday night after football season. Mira teased me about Luke while Carson crossed his arms, advising me to wait for Luke to make the next move. I could be patient when it comes to certain things, but when it had to do with a hot guy, I hated waiting.
The party had just started as we all entered, knowing one of us was going to puke our guts out. John's older brother got a keg. Carson stood there watching us chug beer after beer while he pretended to have a good time. This just wasn't his scene; he'd rather be at home watching movies or playing his video games.
I kept telling Carson he didn’t have to come out with me, but he insisted on it. He seemed overprotective, like an older brother would be. If it weren’t for him, I’d probably end up dancing on top of a table singing some ridiculous song while everyone laughed at my horrible voice and lack of coordination.
Shortly after we arrived at John’s, Luke made his presence known by making his rounds around John’s house. I tried acting cool, but failed miserably. As I forced myself to down a few more beers, hoping to build up a little more liquid courage, other girls were already all over him. I should have known I was wasting my time getting all dressed up for him.
Admitting my defeat, I grabbed another beer only to run into a girl who gave me one of the worst fake smiles I’d ever seen. The strange thing is, even though I didn't know who she was, could have sworn that I’d seen her somewhere before. She passed by me without excusing herself, and I seriously wanted to trip her.
As I finished my beer, a familiar voice whispered in my ear, “So, are you trying to play hard to get or did Carson lie about you being into me?”
A smile crept up on my face as I slowly turned to face Luke and commented, “Neither.”
I stood there acting like a pathetic girl in heat as Luke said the worst jokes ever, but it would have been rude not to laugh at them. He spent the next few minutes talking about himself and football.
After I spent a few more minutes flirting with Luke, Carson came over to us with his eyes wide. Luke excused himself to go rejoin his football buddies, giving me a chance to figure out what in the hell was wrong with Carson.
He glanced over my shoulder, then looked back at me, infuriated. “I can’t fucking believe she’s in town visiting and showed up with some guy," he hissed.
I finally put two and two together and realized that the girl with the smug look on her face was the same girl I’d seen looking through Carson's pictures. I couldn’t believe Erin would show up to this party either, let alone bring a date. What was she thinking? This only proved she had no remorse.
The look on Carson’s face was one of repugnance. I knew he was pissed at Erin for finding someone already and at himself for still loving her. I couldn’t help but want to kick Erin’s ass for hurting my friend.
I wanted
to find a way to get Carson out of there. I didn’t want to see him in pain. Especially not from being in the same vicinity as that heartless whore.
Carson’s eyes widened even more than before as he whispered, “Fuck! She’s coming this way.”
I knew the last thing he needed was a feud in front of all our friends. There had to be something I could do to stop her from coming over and causing Carson more grief. The alcohol in my system kicked itself into overdrive and made me think of irrational ways of quickly resolving this dilemma. It only took a few seconds, but I came up with something so impulsive, it’d cause Erin to believe she was not the only one who'd moved on.
At least, I hoped she would buy into what I was about to do.
Without any warning, my hands crept into Carson’s short, dark brown, spiked hair as I closed the distance between us. He didn’t have a chance to react as I pulled him forward, forcefully pressing his lips onto mine.
Carson was my best friend. Kissing him should have felt wrong, but I found myself giving into the kiss as his tongue stroked against mine. A frenzy of butterflies coursed throughout my body. The loud music and talking surrounding us diminished the moment Carson wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me against his body, leaving no room for me to escape.
An unexplained passion ignited. I felt complete, and I wondered if I might have overlooked Carson as being more than a friend. My mind swam in booze and lust while Carson moved one of his hands down to my lower back before reaching my ass. I gasped—the way his hands felt moving on my body felt so right. He returned my kiss, tugging at my lower lip with his teeth. Second thoughts started to niggle at the back of my mind, but in that moment, there was no way I was stopping.
Carson pressed himself against my inner thigh. A heat I had never felt before crept down my stomach and settled between my legs. My greedy fingers dug into his neck. Our tongues continued to dance as our kiss went from deprived to fervent.
Those frivolous second thoughts exploded into my head. I had to stop kissing Carson. He loved Erin. I liked Luke. I realized this was one of those boundaries you just don’t cross when your friendship means everything to you.
