by JP Summers
“What can I say… I love being the life of the party.”
“So… are you going to John’s tonight?”
“Maybe. Are you going to be there?
“I was thinking about it. If I know you’re going to be there, then I’ll definitely show up.”
“Then I’ll see you there.”
Evan walked away just as Carson came back. “Why in the hell were you talking with Evan?”
“He started talking to me first. Besides, he seems like a nice guy.”
“Trust me... he’s not. Do yourself a favor and steer far clear of him.”
Carson’s overprotective comment flattered me. I appreciated that he cared enough to watch out for me.
Julisa pulled up to the sidewalk, motioning for us to hurry. In exchange for her driving us around, Carson had to do all of her chores, which I helped out with most of the time.
She dropped us off at my place, then agreed to pick us up and bring us to the party before her eight o’clock date.
As soon as we walked inside, Carson changed into a pair of shorts that he’d left at my place and threw his clothes in the washer.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror almost dying of laughter while I pulled out the pieces of food stuck in my hair. I insisted Carson jump into the shower first since I knew I’d take longer than he would, and I went to search for more clean towels while he did so.
After a few minutes digging through the linen closet, I heard Carson yell from the bathroom that he needed a towel. When I approached the door, it was slightly open. The steam rolled past me. My eyes focused on the floor as I held out the towel, waiting for Carson to take it. I waited another minute before gently nudging the door open, wondering why he hadn’t taken it yet.
My eyes widened at the reflection of my best friend’s abs in the steam-covered mirror.
In awe of what I had seen of his body, I absentmindedly let the towel slip through my fingers as if I were holding onto melted butter. His immaculate chest made it obvious he was doing some serious power-lifting outside of school.
“Do you like what you see?” he asked smugly. I swiftly looked down to the floor, where I’d dropped the towel. A rush of blood flooded my cheeks from the awkwardness.
Shaking my head in denial, I commented, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t really see anything because of the steam.”
“I know you saw something. I’ve never had a girl gawk at me like that before. But whatever… I’ll just have to take your word.” Carson picked up the towel from the floor where I’d dropped it and wrapped it around his waist. He walked past me and winked.
I closed the door behind me, starting the shower, and began the difficult task of removing my clothes which clung tightly to my body from being drenched. As I removed each item of clothing, I found myself thinking about the apparent physical attraction I was having toward Carson. I couldn’t stop thinking about his well-defined pecs. I honestly didn’t pay attention to his body’s transformation until now.
I fought back the impious nonsense that floated inside my mind and adjusted the water temperature. Standing in only my black bra and polka dot panties, I remembered the bottle of conditioner my mom bought was still inside the grocery store bag on the kitchen table. I pried open the door just enough to yell out to Carson.
“Can you please grab the bottle of conditioner from the kitchen counter and bring it to me?”
When Carson brought it to me, he refused to hand me the conditioner. He extended his arm, dangling the bottle in front me, taunting me even more. Carson then snickered, “Is this what you want?” he asked, holding the bottle just out of my reach.
“Yes.”
“Too bad,” He joked.
“Excuse me?”
“You must have soda lodged in your ears. I… said… no!”
“Now, give it to me or else…”
“Or else what? Please. Like I’m scared of you.”
“You should be. I can kick your ass and make you go crying to your mommy.”
“Whatever. I know you’ll never do it because you would hate to mess up this damn, nice looking mug.” Carson said conceitedly.
Laughing at his snide comment, I jokingly remarked, “Seriously… I think I’m going to puke now.”
“Come on. I know that’s a lie. Remember, I caught you checking my bod out a few minutes ago.”
Changing the subject, I once again asked, “Would you please give me the bottle of conditioner before all of the hot water is gone.”
Carson had the nerve to move farther away. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was flirting. That little shit was loving every minute of me begging.
I moved away from the door and grabbed the removable shower head. I flipped off the water and pushed the bathroom door wide open aiming the nozzle at Carson. “You have 5 seconds before you get it.”
“Maybe I want it,” Carson joked, dropping the bottle of conditioner onto the floor.
That did it. I took the shower head, pushed the switch to turn the water back on, and sprayed Carson in the face. He charged towards me. When he reached me, he tried to wrestle the shower head from my hands, the water spraying both of us in the face while he did. I refused to give up. He was going to pay for being a jackass.
In the midst of our playful fighting, we somehow ended up back in the bathroom near the shower. I continued struggling against him, getting the shower head away from me and keeping the water from getting into my nose. While I was trying to prove I could hold my own around Carson, I lost my balance. Instinctively, I grabbed hold of the nearest thing—a body. We both slipped and somehow crashed into the tub.
Carson’s muscular frame fell on top of me as we laid with the shower curtain mangled around us. The shower head was at the bottom of our feet spraying up into the air, soaking the ceiling. I was laughing so hard that tears formed in my eyes, disguising the situation unfolding in front of me. It wasn’t until the mood shifted between myself and Carson that everything stopped being so funny.
Our eyes fixated on one another as the beating in my heart soared in unfamiliar ways. Flutters stormed in the pit of my stomach that quickly spread to my entire body. My lips were hungry for his, begging to feel them tenderly touching against mine.
I felt the strong pulse palpitating off of Carson’s heart pounding through his chest as it remained wrapped around the back of my head. He’d used his arm as a cushion to prevent any blunt trauma from our bodies falling into the bathtub. A heat between my legs stirred as Carson shifted his body, aligning himself perfectly against the only barrier between us.
My mind lost all track of reality as Carson’s lips lingered slightly above mine. His eyes darkened with unveiled desire. If he kissed me, I had to know if it meant something. I didn’t want a cloud of confusion cast over us. I needed confirmation that my heart wasn’t lying to me about the amazing connection we shared being more than just a friendship.
Before I had a chance to lift my head, making my mouth more accessible to Carson’s, his lips eagerly pressed against mine. My hands trailed to the back of his head, pulling him closer, leaving no room for our mouths to escape one another’s. The stubble above his lip tickled as he circled his mouth around mine, intensifying our kiss.
Carson pried my mouth open with his tongue seeking mine. Our lips glided effortlessly against each other’s while his free hand cautiously moved toward the mound of my breast. Carson’s fingers gently glided over my breast while I moved my hands to his back. I held onto him tightly, somehow knowing that this moment would soon pass.
An array of emotions overshadowed any misconceptions I had about Carson. After losing myself in his fervent kisses, I wanted more of him. Just as I readied myself to whisper “Don’t stop,” when Carson’s fingers danced around the edges of my bra wanting to gain full access to what was underneath, his cell rang. He pulled his lips away from mine, then placed them onto my forehead, leaving one last kiss before getting out of the bathtub.
/> I sat up feeling absolutely frustrated with myself and the situation that had just taken place. I reached for the handle to shut off the water and I heard him sigh. I didn’t want what had started between us to end. But the timing was all wrong. I was about to leave for my dad’s.
Carson leaned over to me, extending his hand to pull me out of the tub. He gave me a towel while placing one hand on my waist, admitting, “I’m not sure what to make of…”
His other hand motioned between us as I interjected, “This.”
“Yeah, this.” He whispered, clearing his throat.
I wrapped the towel completely around my body as Carson walked out of the bathroom. Numerous thoughts raced through my head. Carson was my best friend. He was the guy I ran to when-ever something went wrong in my life. If anything did develop between us, I was afraid I’d lose him the minute things didn’t work out.
Questions without any type of answers flooded my mind as Carson unexpectedly sought out my hand to hold it. We both stood in complete silence, searching one another’s eyes for the hidden meaning behind our little bathtub tryst. If there was something going on between us, it shouldn’t be this difficult to say something about it. If two friends care a great deal about one another, they should be able to easily transition from friendship into a relationship.
Carson was my safety net. My go-to person. The only one I could tell anything and everything to. But this time, I didn’t know what to say to him.
All I could do was keep holding Carson’s hand until he let go of mine.
Though I knew we only held hands for a few seconds, it felt like hours. But in those few seconds, I regained some sense of logic and remembered how much I valued my friendship with Carson and that I didn’t want to ruin it due to a momentary lapse in judgment.
Carson stepped away and went to get his clothes out of the dryer while I took a real shower. Once I dressed, I went into the living room and found DVD’s scattered across the coffee table.
“I figured we could watch them while we wait for Julisa to take us to the party,” Carson winked at me with a smile. “And of course, make something to eat.”
“Well... I’d rather just stay in tonight, if you don’t mind. I don’t really feel like going to the party now,” I insisted. I didn’t want to spend my time with anyone but Carson.
“That’s quite the change of plans, but I’m happy to stay in, too.” Carson said happily. He fast forwarded through the previews so that it was actually to movie part of The Wedding Singer while I made us some macaroni and cheese.
Carson swallowed down the last of his noodles and confessed, “I didn’t intend on things going as far as they did in the shower, but it was kind of amazing.”
“Yeah. It really was.”
“A part of me feels a little guilty for taking advantage of you like that… kissing you when I know how important our friendship is to both of us.”
“Don’t feel guilty. If I hadn’t wanted to kiss you, I would have pummeled you and drowned you with the shower head.”
“You are quite the little comedian, Tia Deltoro. Now let’s go watch the movie so that you get in your weekly intake of laughter.”
Carson was kind enough to pick up our plates and then wash them while I pressed play with the remote and waited with a comfy, oversized throw. We soon found ourselves underneath the blanket laughing at the same damn lines we’d seen a million times.
Carson placed one of his hands on top of mine. “I’m not sure how I'll manage without you for most of the summer.”
“You’re not sure! I’m trying to figure out how to make time go by faster while I’m bored out of my mind being around my dad and his incredibly annoying girlfriend.”
Carson didn’t once lose his grip on my hand until the movie was over. He gave me a huge hug, leaving me with the certainty that everything would be fine. I did my best not to tear up in front of him or think about being 300 miles away.
*****
The memory of Carson’s touch still on my mind, I grabbed the items I had put together on the counter and headed back into the living room.
Carson was piling more wood onto the fire. Tension filled the air. He seemed a little preoccupied. If there’s one thing I remembered about my ex-best friend, it’s how he spaces out when something or someone bothers him. His face was expressionless.
Carson turned from the fire and made his way to the recliner without saying a single word. He pulled out his cell phone to keep himself occupied. I settled back onto the sofa and located the yearbook from our sophomore year from the pile where I had left them and turned the pages while Carson continued ignoring me from a safe distance.
A sigh escaped me as I flipped through the most disappointing year of high school. So many things had happened, causing an array of new problems to develop. Most of them had tested me in ways I never expected. My friendship with Carson had suffered immensely that year.
Sometimes, I wished that my feelings towards him had never escalated into being much more than platonic. Not only did I end up losing more than a best friend, I lost the only part of myself that once made me feel so amazingly alive. The part I have never offered to another man because it had already been shattered into a million tiny pieces and was unable to be fixed.
Even if it could have been put back together and placed into its rightful spot, there was no way of it beating right. My heart was damaged goods, just like me. We both would never be the same again. Especially after the vicious torment inflicted upon us by Carson’s bit of rage when he had stormed out of my life, swearing to never return.
I nonchalantly looked in Carson’s direction. Is he as scared as I am about something happening to us? The storm might be the least of our problems. The real issue was surviving each other’s wrath. When I was a teenager, I never would have thought the man across the room would be a complete stranger to me. The old Carson had to be lurking behind this enraged person. I swear I’ve seen a familiar glimmer of compassion ricocheting from his eyes every time they unexpectedly meet with mine.
“What the fuck!” Carson yelled, dropping his phone to the floor and jumping out of the recliner.
He looked at me and said, “There goes my only means of communication.”
In a calm voice I said, “I know this blows, but we can't do anything about it.”
Carson glared at me with an intensity so intimidating chills rocketed down my spine. I sank into the sofa cushion as he countered, “Do you want to make a bet? I refuse to be stuck here any longer.”
“So you’d rather risk your own life by going out there and freezing to death than be stuck here with me?” I asked bluntly.
“If it came down to risking my life or staying with the girl who ruined it, then I’ll gladly take my chances outside. At least if I get hypothermia, I’ll expect it, unlike when you ignored your loyalty as my best friend.”
“Don’t you dare put all of the blame on me! I shouted, wrapping my arms around my stomach to try and fight back the tears that threatened to erupt from my eyes. The last thing I wanted was to cry in front of Carson. “I never meant to hurt you.”
My hands trembled as I clutched myself, feeling utterly alone despite the man in the same room with me.
“For someone who wasn’t trying to deliberately hurt someone, you certainly did a damn good job of doing it.” Carson fumed.
“Fuck you!” I yelled out, frustrated. “When are you going to face the fact your life falling apart was mainly your own doing?”
“Don’t start this shit. It doesn’t surprise me that you don’t feel any kind of remorse for screwing with my life,” Carson shouted.
I jumped off the sofa, darting toward him, yelling, “You’re damn right, I don’t! I tried to help you out and in the end you fucked up your own life, not me.”
“So you think I fucked up my own life?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I can’t say that I’m shocked you never did anything with yours.”
“What makes you
think I haven’t?”
“Do you really want to know what tipped me off? You have bags under your eyes and your hair hasn’t seen a brush in who knows how many days. I also noticed you weren’t wearing a wedding band or ring. I remember how many times I had to wait for you to fix your make-up, hair and go through outfit after outfit just to look good for other guys. So I highly doubt you would look this unappealing if you were in some kind of committed relationship.”
“You know what, Carson?” I interjected. “What I look like shouldn’t concern you. Especially since we stopped being friends.”
“What a burden off my shoulders that was for me. I’ve greatly enjoyed not having to deal with your absentminded decisions, like dating the shittiest guy from New Holston High.”
“So how are those divorce proceedings going? I’m sure Erin managed to screw you over just like she always does.”
“Go to hell!”
“I’m sorry, I can’t go because I’m already there!”
I walked back to the sofa even more infuriated than the moment Carson had first showed up. He was not making our time together easy. I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing or talking to Carson—obviously he felt the same way. But Mother Nature was being a cruel, nasty bitch by creating the chaos outside and forcing me to deal with the emotional mess on the inside.
The eye of the storm was less lethal than Carson’s stare. The hatred in the air almost suffocated me. I covered myself with the blanket lying on the sofa and tried to avoid any further eye contact with him.
I focused all of my attention on our sophomore yearbook, flipping through the pages only to find a picture of me and Carson smiling like two moronic teenagers. Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes as I turned the page only to see the one picture that I always hated: Erin with her fake-ass smile standing next to Carson pretending, as usual, to be perfect. The word “frenemies” was invented the very day that bitch pretended to like me.
As I continued looking through the yearbook, I thought about the words Carson stated only minutes ago. How dare he imply that I’m single based off of my hideous appearance. Sure it was true. I knew I looked like shit! I just don’t need a reminder about it. Besides, I chose to stay single. No guy is worth risking what little emotional stability I had left in me.
