“You were hard all right,” she groaned as his middle finger slipped between her swollen lips. “Perpetually hard.”
He smiled, not a cocky, egotistical grin, but a shy smile that stole her breath. He did that to her often. Something small, like a smile, a comment or even a gesture could turn her inside out and make her fall in love with him all over again. That’s what had drawn her to him in the first place. Sure, she knew women who would throw themselves at any man in uniform. She fell for the man hidden behind the uniform.
“You do that to me,” he told her, dipping his finger into her sensitive opening. “Are you sore, Avery?”
Okay, she could answer truthfully and risk him stopping his glorious little strokes that were carrying her toward yet another orgasm, or lie and soak in the tub later. Yeah, tub. Later.
“No.” She shifted her hips, driving his finger in deeper.
“You don’t lie very well,” he chuckled, pulling out.
“Ridge,” she moaned in protest.
“What do you want, baby?” he whispered in her ear. “Tell me.”
“I want you to keep doing what you were doing,” she nearly snapped in frustration. She’d spent so many years walking around half turned on and she was sick of it. He was here, now. He could finish it.
“Say it, Avery. Say the words and I’ll continue.”
Dirty. He wanted to play dirty. She’d have to keep that in mind and reverse the roles later.
Looking up and holding his gaze in the mirror, she gave him her best alluring look. “I want you to finger me, Ridge, until I come all over your hand.”
He shivered against her bare back and she thrilled in the fact that she could make this man who held her heart and soul quiver with need.
“You’ll watch me do it.” His demand came out thick and husky. Using his index and ring finger, Ridge spread her glistening lips wide and slowly slipped his middle finger into her waiting entrance. “Look how pretty and pink you are,” he said, nuzzling her neck.
Oh God, the sight of his finger being swallowed by her body turned her on. Her blood ran hot, sweat beaded on her flesh and she needed more.
“That’s it, work those hips,” he whispered. “Fuck my hand, Avery. Fuck it like it’s my cock.”
She did, she rolled her hips, bucked and reached for that last bit of touch that would send her flying. It turned out the sight of her body wrapped in lust was all it took. Her naked flesh against his fully clothed body writhing and hungry showed her she could be the woman she always wanted to be. Confident, sexual and wanted. Two out of three wasn’t bad.
“When we get you home, I’m gonna eat that pretty pussy,” he growled in her ear and pressed his palm against her clit.
Everything went white and then colorful little lights filled her vision. This orgasm didn’t explode but rolled free like a gentle wave through her body. Slowly it consumed her until she stood quivering, her head thrashing back and forth and tiny little whimpers falling from her lips. God, had she ever known anything so magnificent before in her life?
“God,” he moaned into her neck. “You’re beautiful when you come.”
Ridge held her until the last wave of pleasure died away and then helped her get dressed. He took his time sliding her panties up her legs and over her hips, made certain to touch every bit of flesh he could slipping her bra on and hooking it. He really was a sensual man when he wanted to be.
“I’ll wait outside,” he said, leaning down and kissing her tenderly before opening the door and stepping out.
Avery finished dressing and then looked at herself in the mirror. She’d been thoroughly fucked to the point of madness and she felt like a million bucks. Now, all she had to do was keep reminding herself this wouldn’t last forever.
Chapter Eleven
Avery sank down in the warm bath water to her chin and let out long sigh. The day had been hectic, yet fun. Imagine that, she thought to herself, one day after burying her brother she’d managed to not only smile, but laugh a few times as well. Thanks to Ridge, of course. It seemed he went out of his way to coax as many smiles from her as he could.
Still, so many things shadowed the pleasant afternoon. Every once in while she’d find herself lost in memory of Cale and the absence of his presence left her reeling. Then, she’d go from sadness to anger. How the hell could he have kept what had happened when they were younger a secret? Why not tell her? She had a right to know, damn it.
She could almost hear Cale now. “What good would it have done? You’d a spent all your time tearing yourself apart for their actions. Face it, we came from bad seed and me having to know about it was enough.”
Still, she had a right to find out a better way than a death letter. What made it all worse was that Ridge knew everything. What her father did, how her mother treated her, everything. She still wasn’t sure all that information didn’t taint the way he looked at her.
And what the hell was going on with the break-in and shooting? Kevin wasn’t giving her any real information and it seemed he and Ridge knew something they didn’t want to share. That pissed her off. It was her life, after all. This business of everyone trying to protect her from the truth was getting old, fast.
Oh, and she couldn’t forget about the cherry on top of this disgusting sundae. Mike. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself she didn’t have anything to worry about, she did. Maybe she should say something to Kevin about it.
“Ugh, my life sucks,” she groaned, slouching further into the water.
The silence in the house hung heavy around her. She’d convinced Ridge to give her a few hours alone after they finished shopping and hauling the mother lode into the house. She was tired and sore and needed some time to think. To her surprise he’d argued, but eventually agreed and promised to return with two thick steaks. She wouldn’t hold her breath about him returning.
For the first time since she moved in here the silence left her edgy and nervous. Every creak, every outside noise made her fidgety. Before she headed up for her bath she’d heard a car door slam outside. Immediately she ran to the window and peered out thinking Mike had returned only to discover it was her neighbor, leaving her looking silly. So went her life lately. Silly, sad and disturbing.
“Ya know, Cale,” she said out loud. “If I didn’t love you so much I’d hate you right now.” It seemed her life had taken a nose dive the second he died.
Avery soaked in the tub until the water began to chill and her skin wrinkled. She didn’t care and didn’t have the energy to move. Reluctantly, she pulled herself from the tub, wrapped one of Ridge’s towels around her body and shuffled to her bedroom. All she wanted to do was sleep for about three weeks and hope when she awoke, everything would be back to normal. Fat chance of that happening. Normal and her didn’t seem to fit.
She was in love with a man who could sleep with her, but not stay for the long haul. Her brother was dead and had left her with a letter telling her all the disgusting details of her parents’ twisted lives, and she’d apparently caught the attention of some psycho who liked to destroy her belongings and shoot at her. Yay for her. Was it possible to go bat-shit crazy in a few weeks’ time? Because she sure could feel her mind slipping away.
“Just like you, Mom,” she said into the silent room. “Maybe the nut doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.”
“Maybe the tree became diseased after the nut fell.”
Avery jumped from the bed, her heart leaping into her throat, and took the defensive stance Cale had taught her as adrenaline poured into her bloodstream. Ridge stood leaning in her doorway, his hands held up and his face reflecting surprise and confusion. Why hadn’t she heard him come in the house? The alarm should have sounded.
“Cale taught you well,” he said, lowering his hands and stepping into the room.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing sneaking up on my like that?” God, she couldn’t get her heart back down into her chest; it just sat there in her throat pounding
away.
“I didn’t sneak in, Avery. I shouted for you when I came in.”
“Wasn’t my alarm set?” She could swear she’d set the house alarm before coming upstairs. Habit, damn it. She always set the alarm when she planned on being out of service for a while.
“No.”
Ridge frowned, the red scar on his face crinkling into a painful bunch that made her chest clench. God, that must hurt like a bitch, and yet he never said anything about it.
“Must have forgotten about it,” she muttered, digging through a bag and pulling out clean panties. “Although I don’t see how,” she continued, wiggling into them.
“You have a lot on your mind.” Ridge walked to her, cupped her cheek in his hand and gazed down into her face. “More than your share, I’d say.”
A loud bang sounded, making her jump again.
“It’s okay. I pulled up at the same time the delivery men did. Your living room furniture and kitchen table are here. I let them in.”
She pulled away from him, her nerves rattled and her head spinning. “I swear I set that alarm,” she fussed, pacing back and forth.
“Did you change the code?”
“Yes, I changed the code. The day after the break-in. I’m not stupid.” Ridge cocked an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. “Sorry.” She had no right to take this out on him. God, what was happening to her?
“Avery, when was the last time you had a vacation? I mean, a real getaway where all you had to do was decide where you wanted to eat and what bikini you wanted to wear that day?”
Combing her fingers through her hair, she thought. “When we all went to…” When her family had still been a normal family. She and Cale had been only around eleven. “A long, long time ago,” she finally said.
“Then it’s about time you took one. You deserve some quiet time to get away.”
“Already trying to unload me?” she snapped, not sure where that bit of venom came from. “If you want to leave, Ridge, just fucking leave.” Ashamed, she walked to the mattress and plopped down, holding her face in her hands. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
The mattress depressed next to her and his arm circled her shoulders. “Nothing’s wrong with you, babe. It’s all catching up and overwhelming you. Hell, I’m not sure how you held it together this long.”
Avery rubbed her temples. Even the thought of sitting on a sunny beach with warm sand between her toes didn’t sound appealing at the moment. Nothing did. Everything seemed wrong, off-kilter, out of whack, as if she’d stepped into a mirror image of her life and all that was good had gone bad.
“Why don’t you get dressed and come downstairs?” Ridge stood, rubbed his thigh and took a few easy steps. “You can show them where to put everything.”
Yeah, something useful to do. That’s what she needed. “I’ll be down in a second.”
As Ridge stepped through her bedroom door, he stopped. “I’d like to talk to you about something tonight, if you’re up to it.”
He kept his back to her, his body stiff and tense and his fists bunched. Her first thought—he was already bored with her and ready to move on. Well, she’d expected it, just not this soon. “Sure,” she replied in whisper.
Tugging on a pair of shorts, she fought desperately to keep the tears from flowing. It seemed she cried all the time now and she was damn sick of it. Tears got you nothing, they were useless. Slipping into her shirt she decided if Ridge wanted to end it tonight, then she damn well better get on with telling him about the little secret she’d kept.
He’d need to know in case her thoughts or emotions slipped through from time to time. Not to mention she’d have to teach him how to keep his emotions closed off to her. Nothing like knowing the man you’d loved for the last ten years was hot and bothered and about ready to get it on with some other woman.
Avery’s stomach turned, souring at the thought of Ridge touching another woman the way he touched her. She wouldn’t be able to deal with it. At least that she could admit to. It would tear her to pieces, destroy her mind. Even as good as she and Cale had been at locking each other out, she’d been privy to some intimate, sexual thoughts coming from her brother when he was with a woman.
Sometimes she had been able to block him, others she’d had to give a mental slap to Cale and back him off. If that happened with Ridge, God, she couldn’t deal with it. Nausea rolled like a gentle breeze through her system, making her swallow several times to keep from vomiting. What a mess her life had become in such a short period of time.
Taking a bracing, cleansing breath, Avery closed her eyes and focused on tonight. She had to tell Ridge her secret—after that, she’d take things one step at a time. Wasn’t that how she’d got through life before? Conquer one problem at a time.
With little energy, Avery descended the stairs as the delivery men were carrying her couch through the front door. “You can put it in the living room up against the wall,” she told them.
It took about an hour for her furniture to be unloaded, wedged through the door and put into place. Having a few pieces of furniture helped right things a little again. Nothing would ever be perfect, but this was a start.
“You hungry?”
Ridge’s voice sounded gentle and caring behind her as she stood in the entrance of the doorway looking out at the setting sun. What a beautiful sunset. The big orange ball hanging in the sky gave the illusion of peace and rightness. Looks could be so damned deceiving.
“Not really,” she answered, fighting off the nausea that hadn’t really left.
“I’ve got steaks, potato and salad,” he offered, brushing her hair away from her neck. “Try to eat something.”
“Yeah, I’ll try.” Empty words. The way her stomach pitched and rolled, she wouldn’t be able to put anything in it.
“Good.” Ridge leaned down and kissed her neck before disappearing back into the house.
Avery remained there, leaning in the doorway, watching the sun sink in the horizon. The warm evening air surrounded her and occasionally a warm summer breeze kicked up the ends of her hair. She didn’t really feel any of it. Instead, numbness settled over her. Cale would never see another sunset or feel a breeze against his flesh. He’d never smile at her again or give her a hug.
Simple things. Yet, those simple things she’d miss the most. Several times today she’d wanted to call him and fill him in on the details of her day. Tell him about something Ridge had said and then she’d realize it wasn’t possible. How long would that go on? How many times would she reach for the phone or reach out mentally only to remember he wasn’t there?
Did everyone become this detached and lonely after they lost someone they loved? They had to. A soul couldn’t come to depend on another and then have them ripped away and not flounder. Would it be harder for her because of the mental connection? Without a doubt.
And speaking of the mental connection, she should be explaining it to Ridge instead of standing here. How would he react? Would he think she’d lost her mind? Would he curse her and run? One problem at a time. First, she had to tell him.
“Avery.”
Ridge circled her stomach with his large arms and held her against his chest, resting his chin on top of her head. God, he felt so good. It wasn’t fair. Fate had torn her brother away only to replace him with a man who couldn’t love her. A cruel joke she’d have to live with for the rest of her life.
“It’s almost as beautiful as you,” he whispered and then placed a kiss on her head.
That tender gesture squeezed her heart until she could barely breathe. It just wasn’t fair. “What?” she asked with a thick, croaky voice.
“The sunset.”
All this time standing here staring at it and she hadn’t realized how only the orange hue remained spreading out and covering the sky like a comfortable fuzzy blanket.
“Are you ready to eat?”
“It’s done?” How long had she been standing here?
“It’s don
e. Come on,” Ridge insisted, pulling her back into the house and closing the door. Holding her hand he led her into the kitchen, pulled out a chair and waited until she sat before taking his seat.
He always did that when he came to visit, one of the simple mannerisms that caught her attention so long ago. Men rarely did things like that anymore. She looked at the table he’d set. Forks, knives, napkins, fresh lemonade, a beautiful salad filled with vegetables, a small steak and a perfectly baked potato.
“I didn’t know you could cook,” she said, placing her napkin in her lap.
“I learned a thing or two over the years. I will be offended if you don’t at least try the steak.”
He was smiling at her, that bright, warm smile that always melted her heart. Avery found herself staring at him, memorizing each crinkle at the corner of his eyes, the way a tiny dimple appeared out of nowhere beneath the scar on his cheek. She wanted to remember this, them having dinner in her house, alone.
“I’ll try it,” she assured him before looking away and picking up her fork. She should be giddy with excitement. After all these years Ridge had finally sat down to eat with her in her home and no one else was there. She should be enjoying the intimacy of the situation; instead, all she could do was wonder how long before it was over and became nothing but a memory.
That’s all that was happening with Ridge. She was collecting memories to hold and revisit after he left. Wisps of warmth that would hopefully fulfill her on lonely nights.
“It’s very good,” she said around a small piece of meat in her mouth. “I’m sorry I didn’t help.”
Ridge shrugged. “I didn’t need help. Besides, you seemed to have a lot on your mind.”
Avery pulled her salad closer and picked out a fresh cucumber slice. “What about you? How are you doing?” He hadn’t really grieved as far as she could tell. Then again, who knew what he did at the house he and Cale purchased.
Sadness filled his eyes. “It’s hard,” he answered in a husky, quiet tone.
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