Raw grief and incapacitating loneliness overwhelmed her. “Cale,” she sputtered, wrapping her arms around herself and hugging firm. “Cale,” she repeated, rocking back and forth.
The need to reach out to him, to absorb his comfort and contact, clawed at her brain. She needed him. She needed that contact. Her brain spun and her awareness pushed out, searching for the other half. Avery fought it. If she allowed it to happen she would find Ridge and he didn’t want her.
That knowledge knifed through her heart and soul, drawing another desperate gasp and more fat, hot tears. Dear God, she was losing it. She couldn’t allow that to happen. Wouldn’t end up like her mother. She didn’t need anyone. She could function on her own.
Avery clawed her way toward her bed and pulled herself up on the mattress where she curled into a fetal position and hugged her body. Her brain throbbed as her subconscious pushed hard, searching frantically for that missing piece of herself. She’d become addicted to never being alone much like an addict became addicted to the stimulant coursing through their veins.
Alone. The realization that she’d never, ever been alone before struck hard. No matter where she was, or what she was doing, Cale had always been there inside her and her body needed that. Now that she’d purposely separated herself from Ridge, her system didn’t know how to handle it. Three days without real contact with another human being was akin to three days without medication a body needed to function.
Hours passed with her balled up on her bed, her body quaking and trembling like a junkie going through withdrawal. One moment icy chills ravaged her body, the next sweat seeped from her pores and drenched her bedding. It took every ounce of will power to keep from calling out to the one man who could help her. The one man who didn’t want her.
She could do this. It would hurt. It would leave her shaken and changed, but she could do it. Once her brain, body and soul realized as a package they were alone, everything would be okay. It had to be. That or she would end up like her mother in a padded room strapped in a white jacket and muttering to herself. No, that wasn’t an option.
“Cale’s gone,” she whispered, wincing at the heartache exploding inside her chest. “He’s gone and he isn’t coming back.
Ridge’s name echoed inside her brain as if the organ could force her to reach out and end its torment. “He doesn’t want me. He told me to stay out of his head and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
Finally, sheer exhaustion overcame her and Avery slipped fitfully into sleep. Short bursts of memory and confused wants mingled together and filled her dreams of Ridge. The brief moments of happiness they’d shared and then the anger Ridge held bombarded her thoughts. In her dreams Avery’s anxious subconscious took the form of an ugly, deformed creature she battled to keep contained.
Its howls and screeches filled her ears as it reached for the images of Ridge. If she let it free, allowed it to make contact, she would forever be tied to Ridge and unable to function without his presence. They would be linked and Ridge’s hatred would grow until it, too, became a living being inside her.
“You can’t have him,” she muttered between clenched teeth in her sleep. “Accept it. He doesn’t want us.”
The fearsome creature masquerading as her subconscious withdrew at her harsh words. It whimpered, hissed and then retreated back into the darkness. When she thought the battle had been won the wounded creature leapt toward her and swung its long claws. Avery screamed and bolted upright in bed.
Her shredded brain pulsed with pain, making it hard to see or even hear. Every nerve ending in her body had become oversensitive, making even her sweat painful. Avery lay back down carefully, knowing she’d have to fight her demon again. But right now she needed rest.
“I can do this,” she muttered into the darkness overtaking her room. “I can win this.” She had to. She’d become dependent on her brother and then when he died Ridge had taken up the empty space inside her head, giving her emotions and thoughts to feed from. Addiction. That’s all it was, plain and simple. Addiction could be fought if the person wanted it bad enough.
One day turned into two, then four. Avery left the security of her room only to eat and half clean herself up. Fixing food became a struggle as her hands shook. She dropped jars, shattering them on the floor. Dishes filled her sink and the house took on a peculiar odor from frozen food thawed and then not cooked.
Her phone rang several times a day. Some calls were Cindy checking on her and some were Kevin. Ridge never called once and that only served to reinforce her determination to fight her needs. In her sleep she spoke with the creature she kept caged, explaining that if Ridge cared or wanted them he would call, stop and check on them, but he never did.
Slowly, in her dreams, Avery became stronger than her subconscious. The creature fought less. She even sat and stroked the beast, telling it they would be okay on their own. Avery actually slept six hours and woke without feeling as though she’d gone ten rounds with a prize fighter. Things were looking up.
By the end of the week, she ventured downstairs and took in the disaster that had become her home. Then she caught sight of herself in a small mirror hanging on her wall and cringed. She looked like hell, worse than hell. She looked more like the creature in her dreams than she did a human being.
A hard bang on her door startled her. Avery jumped, hit the mirror and knocked it to the floor. The glass shattered into pieces and bounced around her bare feet.
“Avery, open this damn door,” Kevin shouted from outside.
Avery placed her hand over her hammering heart and took a few steady breaths.
“Avery! If you don’t open this door I’m kicking it in. One. Two.”
She ran to the door. The last thing she needed was a busted front door. She jerked it open and found Kevin standing there huffing with a deadly look on his face. He rushed past her and then tucked her in behind him.
“Who’s here?” he snapped, looking around her house.
“No one,” she answered, pushing the door closed. “What’s got your boxers all knotted up?”
Kevin stomped through the living room and then the kitchen before returning. Avery crossed her arms over her breasts and frowned at him. Kevin took in her disheveled state and the murderous glare in his eyes diminished.
“I’ve been calling you for days,” he said in a deep, irritated voice. “You don’t answer your phone, no one’s seen you and then when I come over I hear glass breaking.”
Avery shrugged. “I didn’t know it was a crime to not want to talk to anyone.”
Kevin pinched the bridge. Oh, she could tell he was prepared for a fight the way his nostrils flared and his body tensed.
“I was worried about you,” Kevin whispered, “and apparently for good reason.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She suppressed the need to flinch as his gaze slid up and down her body. Okay, so she hadn’t changed out of her nightshirt or had a shower in a week. If he didn’t like it, he could leave.
“When was the last time you ate?”
Avery rolled her eyes and padded into the living room where she flopped down on her couch. Kevin followed, stood in front of her and jammed his fists on his hips.
“Answer me, Avery. When was the last time you ate?”
She honestly didn’t know for sure. “Last night. What’s it to you?”
“Last night, right.” Kevin puffed out his chest and lifted his chin. “What did you eat?”
Avery mimicked his arrogant look, squaring her shoulders and trying to look as intimidating as him. “Food.”
“I’m gonna take a really good guess here and say you ate about the last time you showered. Am I right? And what the hell is that rancid smell?”
Avery jumped to her feet and tilted when the room spun. “You weren’t invited here, Stone,” she snapped as she fought the dizziness. “If you don’t like my home you can fucking leave any time you want.” The wooziness caught up with her, forcing her to sit back do
wn. Damn it, she hated looking weak.
Kevin sighed, scrubbed his face with his hands and then sat down next to her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to come over here and insult you. I was worried, that’s all.”
Avery didn’t care for his apology or for the fact that he worried. She didn’t need that from anyone. She didn’t need anything from anyone. Her nerves snapped and crackled as her temper simmered below the surface.
“I didn’t ask you to worry about me. In fact, I didn’t ask you for anything.” Avery stood, slower this time, but she stood and the room didn’t pitch. She walked out toward the front door and opened it. “I don’t need anything from anyone, understand me? I’m fine on my own and I don’t need you or anyone else dropping by to make sure I haven’t dissolved into a puddle of pathetic pity.”
Kevin pulled his large frame up and stood. He ambled toward her, his thumbs hooked into his gun belt and his long legs taking lazy strides. He eyed her with a mixture of humor and curiosity but when she dared look closer, she saw genuine concern. Kevin stopped only a scant inch away from her and looked down. Funny, she never realized how freaking big he really was until right now.
Determined not to allow him to intimidate her, Avery squared her shoulders and glared up at him.
“Okay,” he said, nodding once. “I see you’re finally going through the grieving process and as much as I’d like to be here to help you out with that, you seem to be dealing in your own way.”
Avery’s temper flared. She gripped the doorknob hard and fisted her other hand at her side. “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” she snarled between her clenched teeth. Why did everyone think they knew anything about her? The only person who ever came close to knowing her was cold dead and six feet beneath this lousy earth.
Kevin stepped to the door but kept his large body where she couldn’t slam it on him. “I’ll check back in two days,” he told her, holding up two fingers. “If you aren’t on your way out of this funk,” he said, waving at her pungent attire, “I’ll have to do something about it.”
This time the earth spun and then came to a jarring halt. How dare he? “Who do you think you are?” she snapped, as white-hot fury coursed through her body.
Kevin leaned down and got eye to eye with her. “I’m someone who cares, Avery. Like it or not, those are the facts.” Kevin tapped his finger against the tip of her nose. “You really should get a shower, babe. The grunge look doesn’t work well on you.” With that he turned and left.
Avery slammed the door as hard as she could and fought the overwhelming need to open it and slam it again. Exactly who the hell did he think he was, anyway? Coming to her home, insulting her housekeeping and then telling her she needed a shower.
“See what I mean?” she yelled to herself. “I don’t need anyone telling me what to do or how to live. I control my life, no one else.” She stomped into the kitchen, jerked open the fridge and pulled out a container of lunch meat. “Telling me I have to eat,” she muttered, cramming a wad of meat into her mouth.
She stomped out of the kitchen and up the stairs. “Telling me I need a shower,” she continued, storming her way into her bedroom and slamming her door. “I don’t need anyone,” she shouted as she opened her door and slammed it again simply because she could.
* * * * *
Ridge swung his hammer with purpose at the defenseless nail until it drove all the way through the board. Sweat trickled down between his bare shoulder blades, followed the line of his spine and disappeared beneath the waistband of his jeans. He’d spent the last ten days hammering, sawing, measuring and working out his frustrations on this old garage. Since that night he ran out of Avery’s house in a fit, he’d been lost, out of sorts and edgy.
Other than that one time when her excitement and arousal crashed over him, he’d been completely and utterly alone inside his head. At night his terrors overcame him. No Avery to help him through the guilt and anxiety attacks. No warming comfort when he woke, nothing. He hadn’t had one tiny ounce of connection to her and it drove him mad.
A few times he’d actually crawled inside his truck determined to go to her house and shake her senseless only to realize she had done exactly as he’d ordered. He was in a fucking state of confusion the likes of which he’d never experienced before. One moment he wanted her with a need that nearly choked him and then next, he knew he would only bring her more pain. Avery needed a man capable of taking care of her and he was barely able to take care of himself.
He worked himself to the point of exhaustion, barely ate and couldn’t concentrate for more than two or three minutes at a time. Proof in point, he’d nailed this same board to the wrong spot four fucking times now. Ridge hooked the claw of the hammer behind the board and yanked until it pulled free and dropped to the ground.
He should walk away, leave it until he could get his head on better, except he’d tried that too and ended up pacing around the house muttering to himself like a deranged maniac. Damn it, this had gotten completely out of hand and it was time one of them made a move to straighten out this mess.
His cell phone chirped and vibrated in his pocket. Ridge pulled it out hoping he’d see Avery’s number on the screen. A flitter of hope made his heart race and his head light. When he saw Stone’s number disappointment punched him in the gut. Pathetic, completely pathetic. Acting like a schoolboy.
“Yeah,” he snapped into the phone.
“Feel like having a beer tonight?” Stone asked with an edge to his voice.
Ridge frowned. Something was wrong. “A beer sounds good. What’s up?”
“We need to talk. I get off at five. I’ll meet you at Jimmy’s, you know where that is?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“See you there.”
Stone disconnected, leaving Ridge nearly panicked. He said they needed to talk, but not what they needed to talk about. The only thing they had in common was Avery and if she were in trouble, Stone would surely have told him. Maybe it had something to do with that jackass watching her. Ridge wiped the sweat from his brow, picked up the board and climbed back up the ladder.
Might as well nail the thing up a couple more times because no way in hell would he be able to focus on anything until he met with Stone. An hour later Ridge climbed down, leaned against the wall to relieve the ache in his leg and raked his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t do it. He had to find out if Avery was okay.
Closing his eyes he opened his mind and searched for that thread that led to her. It took a while, but he found it—barely there and weak, but he found it. Ridge allowed his consciousness to travel along the thin connection and came up against an unmovable wall. He pushed and probed until his head began to throb. Frustrated and on edge, he slammed against her wall only to be brought to his knees from the mental jar vibrating through his body.
“Fuck,” he snarled, pressing his fingers to his eyes. She had shut him out completely. “Damn you, Avery. Open up,” he growled.
Nothing. He might as well have been talking to himself, which he was. He had three hours to kill before he met Stone. Maybe he could go to Jimmy’s and get thoroughly soused before Stone showed up. He hadn’t gotten a good drunk on for a long time. It couldn’t hurt.
Decision made, Ridge tossed his tools onto the work bench, limped to the house and cleaned up. He took his time, occasionally trying to get a hold of Avery and being shut down. When he got to his truck, he climbed in, turned the key and cursed. The damn thing wouldn’t even turn over. After a few more minutes of turning the key and getting nothing, Ridge popped the hood and climbed out.
The hairs on the back of his neck stood and his skin prickled as he gazed down at the mess of cut wires and smashed components. Someone didn’t want him going anywhere. Ridge carefully looked around, eyeing the tree line not far from his house. Perfect place to disappear into. Alarm bells clanged and clattered inside his head. Without thinking, he grabbed his phone and dialed Stone.
“What’s up?”
> “I got a problem,” Ridge spoke carefully as he made his way around his house looking for any other signs of intruders.
“Talk to me.”
“My truck’s been sabotaged. It looks like someone’s trying to keep me here.”
“I’ll be there in fifteen.”
Stone disconnected and Ridge shoved his phone back into his pocket. He scanned the ground around the house carefully, looking for footprints. Nothing. He checked all the windows for indications that they’d been pried open. Nothing. As far as he could tell only his truck had been tampered with.
Stone pulled into his driveway and wasted no time walking to the truck. Ridge met him there.
Stone whistled as he surveyed all the damage. “Damn. We need to fill out a report on this.”
Ridge wasn’t sure he wanted to file a report, but Stone convinced him otherwise.
“Do you have other transportation?” Stone asked as he finished filling out his paperwork.
“I have a bike. You think this has something to do with Avery’s stalker?”
Stone shoved his notepad into his belt and then jammed his fists onto his hips. “Hard to say, but I’m not ignoring that possibility. I’ll do some fingerprinting, but if it’s him we won’t find any.”
Ridge frowned. “How do you know?”
“We didn’t find any in her place either.”
“Is he still lurking around?” Ridge watched Stone’s face carefully for any telltale signs of lies.
“Yep. He drives by several times a day and night. We can’t do anything until he makes a move.”
Ridge nodded. At least Stone shot straight. He didn’t lie and didn’t sugarcoat the truth. If it weren’t for his constant moves on Avery he’d like the man.
“You still wanna meet at Jimmy’s?”
Ridge thought a moment. “Might as well. How about a heads-up on what you want to talk about?”
Stone hung his head. “Our favorite subject, what else?”
“Is she okay?”
Spliced Page 26
