Don't Tell

by Violet Paige

  I’d program my number in his phone. I’d tell him my horrid history with the ballet and the Goddesses. I’d tell him I loved pasta even though I shouldn’t. That I loved scary movies and hated football. I’d tell him my last name or even my middle name. If I had stayed and looked in those eyes, I’d have told him anything he asked.

  Last night I had given him something I’d never given to another man. There wasn’t a name for it. It was physical and primal, but it was deeper than any connection I’d ever felt. It was the reason I had to leave. It was the reason I snuck out. It was the reason I was questioning every step I made on the sidewalk.

  For a little while, I knew where he was. He was in the Austin Grand Hotel in room 621. But I didn’t know when he was checking out or where he was going. I had to drive home and stay there until I knew for certain it was past check-out time. I had to force myself to put the key in the ignition and drive home. Because if I didn’t, I’d race back to the hotel and break the promise I made. And as much as I wanted to see Sam again, I didn’t want to break a promise to him. It was the main thing holding me back. Right now, it was the only reason my foot was on the gas pedal.

  I didn’t wear a watch. Instead, I checked my phone a hundred times before noon. I did a load of laundry and completed an hour’s worth of stretching. I would do the entire routine again before the game, but I had to find something to do to keep my mind off last night.

  I jumped when I heard my phone ring, and for a quick second, let myself think it was Sam calling. I scowled at myself. It was Heather.

  “Hey, girl.”

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  She laughed. “I saw you leave last night. Just checking on you.” I knew she wanted a juicy story.

  I ran water in the sink to rinse out my bowl from breakfast. “How about you? Looked like you were having fun.”

  The truth was I hadn’t paid attention to what Heather was doing. I spent my time talking to Sam and making a stupid decision. I wasn’t a very good friend.

  “Oh my God, we had the best time. Aren’t you glad you went?”

  “Yes.” I threw my bowl in the dishwasher. “Now I don’t have any guilt about that tradition.”

  “You’re turning into a real Goddess. You know that?”

  “Don’t remind me,” I groaned.

  Last night, I was like all the other girls. I went home with a random bar guy. True, he was an incredibly hot random guy, but I had let the environment and the neon lights influence me. I convinced myself I was being rebellious and free, but when I thought about it, I was the same as my squad partners.

  I hooked up in a bar. I had a one-night stand with someone I had barely known an hour.

  It didn’t help that he had a rock-hard body, sexy voice, and eyes that…

  “Nat? Did you hear me?”

  “Oh, what? Sorry, I’m doing dishes.” I slammed the door shut and started the wash cycle.

  “I asked you what time you’re going to be at the stadium for warm up. I thought we could run through some new steps. I talked to the choreographer about it.”

  “Oh, that.” I sighed. “I guess I’ll get there at five. I need to do some extra work on my hamstring.”

  “Is it giving you problems again?”

  “The same. It’s better if I keep it warmed up. Less chance of reinjuring it.”

  Heather was the only one who bothered to ask about my leg. She was also the only one who knew the extent of my injury. I didn’t want the others to think I wasn’t physically capable of being a Goddess.

  “I’m glad it’s not worse.”

  I smiled even though she couldn’t see it. “Thanks. Me too. Listen, I’ve gotta run. I have a lot to do before I head to the game.”

  “All right. See you tonight. But I’m getting details when I see you. You’re not getting out of this that easily. I know your avoidance tactics.”

  “Heather, there’s nothing to tell. I’ll see you there.”

  I hung up and looked at the clock again. Finally. It was after noon and I could convince myself Sam was gone. He had driven out of town—back to wherever he came from.

  I felt the exhaustion hit my body. I had barely slept. My limbs were sore in new places. And with the realization that he wasn’t in Austin anymore, the tension I held in my shoulders and neck rolled off my skin.

  I pulled back my white duvet and climbed under the covers. I had been running on fumes. Forcing myself to push through until I knew it was noon. As soon as my head hit the pillow and my eyes closed, I slept.

  9

  Sam

  I sat on the bench, gripping my helmet between my hands. I stared at my cleats on the dirty floor. We had been in some god-awful locker rooms, and some that would make even us jealous, but the Warriors’ guest locker rooms had to be the worst. There was peeling paint. Chipped tiles in the showers. Half the lockers didn’t close. It was disgraceful to the league. I didn’t know how they got away with it.

  Some teams liked to show off their wealth. The Warriors’ ownership didn’t buy into that philosophy. They kept the money for themselves and let everything else fall down around the team.

  I felt his heavy hand on my back before I heard his voice. I turned. “Ready?”

  Wes was grinning. He loved this shit. His hatred for the Warriors ran deep.

  I nodded. “Hell, yeah. Throw the ball to me every time and I’ll get it done.”

  “What’s that?” Stubbs yelled from the other side of the junk pit.

  “I said I’ll get the TDs this game.”

  “Like hell you will.” The wide receiver strutted over. “I’ll take a few myself.”

  “Come on, boys,” Wes chuckled. “We can split them. Stubbs, you take four, and Sam, you take another four.”

  We laughed. The Wranglers had come here not only to win, but also to annihilate our enemy. We weren’t walking out of here with anything less than a complete and totally humiliating victory.

  Right now, none of us were thinking about the cameras or the hype around the opening game for Monday night. We were defending national champions, and this game would prove that we were on our way to becoming repeat champions. We would rightfully claim the title of Texas’s team. The country’s team. It all came down to this game.

  I pulled the laces on my shoes, making sure they were extra tight. I liked the feeling across my feet.

  Coach Howell walked in the locker room. “Listen up.”

  Our mumbling stopped, and we focused on his pre-game speech. I could predict what he would say. It was seldom different game to game.

  “Guys, we came here for one thing—to win. It’s opening night. Everyone is watching to see if we can do what we did last season. They’re watching Wes. They’re watching Stubbs. They want to see if Sam can catch the ball. They want to know how many yards Persons can get against their defense. They want to see Grainger’s first game. And all the rest of you… they’re watching. Was it a fluke? Was it luck?

  “Well, we know the answer to that. This is a room full of champions.” He paused for a second. “And we’re going to take this game back to San Antonio.”

  We all nodded in agreement.

  “Bring it in,” he yelled.

  I lifted my helmet in the air with everyone else. We could hear the fans through the tunnel. They were screaming and chanting. They would boo when we took the field. They’d throw stuff at our helmets. They’d tell us to fuck off. But it was noise.

  The points on the scoreboard would shut them up, and that would make all this shit worth it.

  I bowed my head as the Coach led a Wranglers’ prayer.

  As soon as Howell said amen, we clapped in unison and filed out of the locker room. I shoved my helmet on my head, ready to take the field. I didn’t care what the fans did or shouted. We were going to win this game. And I’d catch every fucking pass Wes threw my direction to shut them up.

  It was everything we expected. The announcer called for the Wranglers, and as we stormed onto the field, the
jeers were deafening. It only fueled our hatred. They thought they were getting in our heads, but they were feeding our determination to win.

  We waited on the away sideline while the Warriors ran out of their tunnel. The fans cheered. There was a burst of fireworks overhead. Everything was a production. It didn’t feel like a football game. It felt like a circus.

  There were cameras everywhere. Someone shoved a mic in Coach’s face before kickoff. I didn’t know how he handled it.

  The Wranglers won the coin toss and opted for us to receive first. I jogged in place, knowing as soon as the special teams were off the field, I’d be on it. I looked toward the booth where Ross, our offensive coordinator, was assessing the defensive. I took my cues from Wes, but sometimes I could tell from Ross’s stance whether or not we had a problem. He looked relaxed from my angle.

  The whistle blew and we had the ball on our own thirty-five yard line. It wasn’t a bad place to start. Plenty of room for me to run was how I looked at it.

  I jogged onto the field and waited for Wes to call the play. The adrenaline was coursing through me. For a flash of a second I thought about last night. How the adrenaline felt with Natalia. Fuck. I shook my head. The lights blazed in the sky. The camera hovered overhead. The crowd was cheering so loudly I could barely hear Wes’s deep voice.

  This was it. The first snap of the season. It was everything we had prepared for. Everything we had wanted. It all started with this first play.

  I wiggled my fingers in anticipation. I rocked forward, ready to sprint to my open spot on the field. I expected coverage, but I could get open.

  The ball was snapped and I took off on my route. I pivoted, and the ball hit me square in the chest. I ran, avoiding one defender and then another. I crossed the fifty-yard line and made it another five yards before the Warriors’ safety took me to the ground.

  “Fuck yeah,” he hollered in my ear.

  I jumped up from the ground, brushing the grass off my jersey. “Twenty yards,” I taunted.

  He thought he had accomplished something, but we were in their territory and no one had stopped me until I crossed mid-field.

  Wes called out the next play and I knew I was blocking this time. I wanted the ball, but I was a hybrid player, meant to throw the defense off. My size gave me the ability to block and my athleticism made me a hell of a receiver.

  He handed the ball off to Persons, who took us another fifteen yards down the field. I could smell seven points. We were close.

  We lined up on the thirty-yard hash mark. The fans were furious. They felt it too. The energy we possessed was electric. The Wranglers were going straight for the end zone.

  This time, Wes threw to Stubbs, who caught the ball just inside the twenty.

  I looked at the quarterback and read the signal. We weren’t going to run. No more blocking for me. I was headed straight for the goal line this time.

  My heart beat hard, but my hands were steady. I wiggled my fingers and tipped upward, ready to run. I skirted around a lineman and darted across the line. It was a blur. I turned to catch the ball, knowing Wes would find me, but I saw a pair of eyes. Eyes that had pulled me into a deep undertow last night.

  I whipped around just in time for the ball to hit me. My fingertips scrambled to hold on to the ball, but I clung to it, bringing it to my chest as the cornerback pounded me to the ground. The ground was solid on my back, but I managed to keep the ball on my chest the entire time. I opened my eyes, rolling to my side to stand when I looked toward the back of the end zone. It wasn’t possible. I forgot I was lying on the ground in front of thousands of angry fans. All I could see was her. There were at least ten yards between us, but I’d memorized every inch of her—there was no mistaking those lips or that body.

  What in the hell was she doing here? Why was Natalia staring down at me? And why the fuck was she dressed in a damn Goddess uniform?

  Stubbs pulled me from the ground, shaking me from the fog. “Hell yeah, brother.” He smacked my helmet, but my feet were rooted in the grass.

  Wes slapped my back, but I felt as if I was in the Twilight Zone, not the end zone. “First TD of the season. That’s how we get it done.”

  She stared at me, both of us searching each other’s eyes for answers, but the guys pushed me out of the way so the field goal team could set up for the point after.

  I walked sixty yards away from her, trying to figure out what in the hell I was going to do now.

  10

  Natalia

  Oh my God. He fell almost at my feet, as if he had taken a tumble from the sky. Sure, he was in the end zone and I was close to the fans, but I locked on his eyes. I wanted to turn away or cover up or run back to the Goddesses’ locker room, but instead, my boots kept my feet planted in one spot. My hands were on my hips with a pair of golden pom-poms nestled at my side.

  Sam was a Wrangler? What in the hell was going on? He walked out of the end zone back to his bench and I stared at the jumbotron. I never paid attention to the opposing team. I barely paid attention to our team. Every time they called Sam Hickson’s name for a catch, they were calling out my Sam? Okay, that was stupid. He wasn’t mine, but last night, he felt like he was mine.

  “Natalia, our line is moving. Come on,” Presley scolded me.

  I had forgotten that after every score we moved to the next section of the stadium. It didn’t matter who scored the points, we kept moving. We rotated clockwise around the four sides. Eventually, the line of dancers I was in would be behind the Wranglers’ bench. I had to trade spots before that happened. I had to stay at this end of the field. I couldn’t see him again—not like this.

  I raised my hands overhead, smiling at the fans, and took my next position behind the Warriors.

  They were pissed. The Wranglers had scored within the first six minutes of the game. They were cursing like sailors behind me. I focused on the crowd and tried to pick out someone that might appreciate a smile. I saw a young mother with a baby strapped to her chest, a Warriors’ hat on its little head. I targeted her and kept my eyes straight ahead.

  What was I going to do? My mind raced. My heart beat rapidly. I was going crazy. Sam was on the other side of the field. We had royally fucked this up. I tried to keep calm, but it was nearly impossible. It wasn’t as if I had slept with one of the Warriors players. But maybe this was worse. Everyone on my side of the field hated the Wranglers. I’d never heard of a rivalry like this until I became a Goddess.

  I was sure I had broken some type of Goddess code. I had probably violated an employee rule. There could be consequences. They could throw me off the dance squad.

  “What is wrong with you?” Presley asked from the corner of her mouth.

  I waved at the baby again. “Nothing.” I grinned.

  “You look like you’re in pain and you’re smiling all weird.”

  I took a deep breath and kicked my good leg high in the air. “See? Fine.” I laughed, but if Presley could see it on my face, then I was terrible at hiding it.

  “This is the most important game of our lives, Natalia. Get it together.”

  “I’m fine,” I replied. “Let’s dance like we’re supposed to.”

  I slung my arm around her as our line snaked together so we could kick across each other. Maybe if I focused on the routines I’d forget Sam was behind me. I’d forget last night. I’d forget that I was falling apart.

  It wasn’t working. I felt off balance. I was smiling, but I was shaking. I lost the mom and the sweet baby in the crowd. There was a slimy guy staring at me and I cringed.

  What had I done?

  “Ow,” Presley whined.

  “Sorry. Sorry.” I had pinched her shoulder. I wasn’t paying attention to anything but the fact that on the other side of this field was the most amazing one-night stand I’d ever experienced. I couldn’t get him out of my head.

  “What is going on with you?” Presley growled through clenched teeth.

  “I said I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to
grab you. My boots slipped a little.”

  “You’re going to hurt someone.”

  I took a deep breath. I didn’t want a lecture from her. She had no idea what I was going through.

  “I won’t. I’ve got this.” I kicked in the opposite direction, trying to relax my face into a genuine smile.

  I felt bad for thinking it, but thank God the Warriors didn’t score on their possession. Our team line stayed in the same part of the stadium for another punt return. If the game ended now, with the Wranglers ahead by seven, I’d be happy. I wouldn’t have to rotate one quarter closer to Sam. I could escape without the awkward after-game exchange.

  Although, what would that be? Could we even speak to each other? Would he want to? Would he realize I was a dance squad girl and not want anything to do with me?

  This was a nightmare.

  11

  Sam

  I paced behind the bench. As soon as the special teams returned to the sideline, I’d have to take the field again. I couldn’t see Natalia from our side. I scanned the dozens of dancers on the perimeter, but there were too many players in the way. I didn’t know where she was or if it was even possible to land at her feet again.

  The Warriors called a time out and everyone groaned. One of the assistants ran over to me with a printed handout of the defense’s lineup.

  “Thanks.” I grabbed the sheet to study it. But I couldn’t concentrate. All I could think about was looking up from the end zone and seeing Natalia.

  Her long legs were decked out with gold boots and she was wearing a skimpy top. It was as if she was a mirage and I had imagined her, but I was positive it was her. The look on her face said everything.

  “Looks like they’re changing their blocks.” Wes walked up behind me.

  “Yeah, I see that.”

  “I think we should throw to you three times straight instead of rotating between you, Persons, and Stubbs. It’ll confuse them for a few more plays.”