by Amanda Black
“Bitch!” I laughed, shoving my shoulder into hers. “Sorry if I’m not comfortable with my ass hanging out in forty degree weather like you are.” I nodded toward the little cheerleading skirt she wore over very thin leggings. I often teased that the only reason she was comfortable in this weather was because she didn’t have any feeling left in her ass after years of frostbite. “I’m waiting for Amy to get done with band practice so I can get a ride home.”
“Oh yeah, the car took a shit again. I forgot.”
“Yep,” I sighed. “I wouldn’t mind so much if it didn’t always mean putting up with that douchebag son of my dad’s friend coming around.”
“That Luke kid you mentioned?”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “He always volunteers to work on it for free, then struts around my yard half naked like he’s God’s gift.”
“Ah, so he’s a subtle peacock,” she teased.
“Subtle like a freight train.” I rolled my eyes, laughing at the memory of him clearly freezing his ass off trying to impress me. “It’s not like he isn’t good looking, but I am so over guys who are that full of themselves.”
“I know what you mean,” Zoe said, nodding her head in agreement. “That’s one of the things that I love about Devon. He knows he’s good looking, but he isn’t cocky about it. He doesn’t act like the world owes him a favor just because he’s hot.”
Hot was an understatement. It only made sense that the most gorgeous girl I’d ever seen was dating the walking definition of muscle-bound athlete. He was this huge, crazy-ripped guy, but was also one of the nicest people I’d ever met and he had the brightest smile in the world. Together he and Zoe made such a striking couple that you had to gasp when they walked in a room.
“Hey, why aren’t you with the squad? Aren’t you supposed to be practicing now, too?”
“They’re down there,” she said, gesturing toward the track around the field. “We’re taking a quick break, so I wanted to come talk to you.”
“What about?”
“Amy said you might actually come to the party tomorrow, and I’m hoping to lock in a firm yes.”
“What is it about this party? There’ve been others and you guys never made this much fuss about them.”
“Because,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “They’re always fun, but every party you don’t show for just bums us out more each time. We both think you should come hang out because everyone really likes you.”
Okay, I’ll say it. Fucking awwww.
“Yeah,” I choked out over the lump in my throat. “Okay. I’ll go.”
“You will? Excellent!” She jumped up and started doing her enthusiastic cheerleader clap.
“God, go away before I change my mind,” I grumbled. “I can’t handle that much energy so close to me.”
“Oh, stop being a brat,” she laughed, patting me on the head like her good little puppy. “I gotta get back.” She went to turn, but suddenly stopped and looked down at me again. “Oh, hey, I’ve got a few guys in mind. Well, one kind of jumps out at me more than the others, but that’s just my opinion.”
“For what?”
“For your list, silly!”
“Jesus Christ, Zoe!” I snapped, looking around to see if anybody heard her. “Keep your voice down!” I could already feel my face heating up from total mortification.
“What are you embarrassed about? I think it’s a great idea. It’s about time you started noticing some of the guys around here.” She looked past me for a moment before glancing back down, a curious smile on her face.
“I just don’t want everyone to think I’m desperate or anything, because I’m not. I’m just trying to open myself up t0 possibilities.”
“And like I said, it’s about damn time.”
“Zoe! Come on, already!” Ashley Sanders yelled up at her. “We’d like to go home some time tonight!”
“Guess break’s over,” she sighed. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Yeah, later.” I was still embarrassed that Amy had shown the list to her, but I couldn’t really be mad about it. I hadn’t told her not to, and in all honesty, they practically shared a brain. There was no way Zoe wasn’t going to find out.
“Hey, Logan!” she called out past me, waving before she turned and ran down the bleachers.
I turned around just in time to see him returning her wave timidly. He was on the same bleacher as me, but toward the other end.
“Oh, hi!” I smiled at him. “I didn’t see you over there.”
“Hi, Eden,” he said quietly, nodding his head in my direction.
His voice didn’t carry very well over the wind, so I tossed my book in my bag and walked closer to him.
“What brings you out here?” I asked when I was close enough to hear him. Sitting down next to him on the bench, I pointed to the marching band. “I’m stuck here waiting on a ride. How ’bout you?”
“Devon,” he mumbled, also gesturing toward the field with one hand, his other thumb stuck in the pages of a well-worn paperback. I couldn’t see the title, but when I looked back up at his face I saw a definite blush creeping up his cheeks, so I didn’t ask what it was.
I found myself wondering if maybe he had some secret romance novel fetish. Maybe it was one of my mom’s books! Who was I to judge? I’d read them all numerous times myself. It probably should have felt weird to read such steamy things and know that my mother wrote them, but the only thing I’d ever felt was pride.
“Yeah, you give him rides sometimes, right?” Devon was even worse off than me; his parents flat out refused to buy him a car. They wanted him to pay for one himself so he would appreciate it, but they’d also wanted him to join so many afterschool activities that he had absolutely no time for a job. It sounded like some pretty screwed up logic, if you asked me.
Logan simply nodded his head in reply.
I remembered Zoe mentioning something about him and Devon being best friends for as long as she could remember, but I didn’t get it. Logan was always so quiet whenever we all hung out that I didn’t have any idea how anybody got to know him well enough to be considered best friends. Just like right now, nodding and mumbling seemed to be his main form of communication.
Being his lab partner wasn’t the easiest thing in the world, but somehow we made it work.
“What did you think of that dissection today in class?” At his silent shrug, I kept talking. “I thought it was going to gross me out, but it ended up being kind of interesting.” I tried to catch his eye to make sure he was listening, but he kept glancing away at the last minute. It didn’t help that his glasses kept blocking any eye contact, either. Sure, they were sort of geek-chic cute on him, but at the moment they were pissing me off.
I watched in wonder as he started flipping through the pages of his book nervously, like he needed something to do with his hands. Back and forth, he flipped them loudly like a cartoon flipbook, only to turn the book over and start again from the other side.
“Any idea what Mr. Baker is going to give us to dissect for the final? I know it’s a couple months away, but it just keeps getting grosser. I heard they did a fetal pig last year.”
“Dunno,” he muttered, following it up with another one of his now-famous shrugs. I saw his eyes dart quickly to mine, then instantly back down to the book he was torturing in his hands as soon as he saw me watching.
It finally dawned on me that I was probably annoying the shit out of him.
Great. Take a hint, Eden.
“Hey, listen… I’m sorry for being rude. You’re over here trying to read and I’m all up in your face.” I waited for him to say something, just in case I was assuming the worst, but he only stared at me like a deer in headlights. His silence was all the confirmation I needed. “Uh… Well… I’ll let you get back to it, okay? See you tomorrow in class.”
I returned to my abandoned homework, wanting to kick myself for being an inconsiderate jackass. Sure, he was a little awkward, but Logan was a nice enough guy. He was clearly
too nice to tell me I was bothering him.
Chapter 4
The next day in study hall, I couldn’t stop myself from leaning over and asking Amy the question that had been bothering me all night.
“Why doesn’t Logan ever say anything?”
“Who, Logan Black?” She looked at me like I was crazy. “What do you mean? He talks.”
“No, I know he can talk; what I want to know is why he chooses not to.”
“Eden, I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. There are times we can’t get that boy to shut up.”
“Bullshit,” I blurted out bluntly.
“No, really. Don’t ever get him and Devon talking about freaking video games or computers; I swear to God, they never stop. Then Owen will go and bring up some dumb shit like Star Wars or Lord of the Rings and it starts all over again.”
“Then why the hell won’t he ever talk to me?”
“He doesn’t? I thought I saw you two talking last night at practice.”
“No. What you saw was me talking and him blowing me off.”
“That can’t be right.” Amy shook her head. “He’s a really nice guy. He doesn’t blow people off.”
“I’m telling you what happened. I thought I was just annoying him last night, but now I’m starting to think he doesn’t like me at all.”
“Oh Eden, come on! Why wouldn’t he like you?”
“I don’t know, but I must’ve done something to piss him off right from the get-go. Maybe he thinks I’m a dipshit and doesn’t want to be stuck as my lab partner.” For some reason that thought made me feel really sad. I always thought he was a nice guy, if a bit quiet. It upset me to think that I had been annoying him that whole time.
“I’m sure that’s not it.” A look crossed her face like something had just dawned on her. “Even if what you say is true, which I still say it’s not, why does that bother you? You never cared about talking to Logan Black before.” She dropped her voice to a dramatic whisper. “Do you think you like him?”
“How could I like him, Amy? I don’t know him! Until thirty seconds ago I thought he never talked to anybody about anything. I’ve honestly never even considered him because he was always just some quiet guy in the corner.”
“Well, maybe you should.”
“Maybe I should what?” The direction of our conversation was frustrating me, and I didn’t know why.
“Consider him. There are certainly worse guys out there.”
“Don’t talk like that.” I shook my head, getting more upset by the minute. “Don’t make me look for something that isn’t there. How can I consider him when I’m apparently the only person in the world he won’t talk to?”
“Won’t…or can’t?” She looked at me meaningfully, willing me to understand what she was saying.
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
The bell rang loudly, startling me. I used the chance to end our uncomfortable conversation and told her I’d see her after school.
“Wait, you’re still coming to the party after the game tonight, right?”
Great. That was all I needed.
“Yeah,” I huffed, running my hands through my hair. “But I don’t know how much fun I’ll be.”
“Don’t think like that,” Amy said, patting me on the shoulder. “You’re going to have a great time, I know it. I’ll pick you up before the game. Just tell your parents you’re sleeping at my house tonight; we’ll end up there after the party, anyway.”
I nodded and turned around, heading down the hall. After this newest revelation about Logan, I was seriously dreading my next class.
When I got to zoology, he was already seated at our desk. Part of me wanted to run right up to him and shake him until he talked to me, while the other part just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide. I had no idea what was bothering me more: the possibility that he had quietly hated me for months or the chance that I was starting to like him.
I was so confused. I was starting to think about him as more than a lab partner—my instincts were telling me to try and talk to him, to maybe see if I could get him to open up to me. But then I remembered the way he avoided me the night before, and how obvious it was that I was talking too much and getting on his nerves. Suddenly, talking to him felt like the last thing I should do for fear of bothering him even more. I had no idea what to do.
So I took a page out of Logan Black’s handbook.
I didn’t talk at all.
When I sat down next to him and he mumbled an uncomfortable “Hey,” I just nodded and stared straight ahead.
When Mr. Baker handed out our assignments for the day, I slid his copy over without even looking at him.
When we had to work together to identify the different parts of the frog we were dissecting, I simply shoved the tray at him as an indication for him to start slicing while I wrote down the different organs as he revealed them. Apparently, hardly interacting had its advantages, because we won the privilege of sitting out during the pop quiz as a reward for doing our work fastest.
I started thinking that I should have shut up in class a long time ago. Normally I would have asked him about each organ and told him what I thought, trying to get any kind of a reply out of him that I could. Maybe this was for the best; we were already being rewarded for avoiding each other.
However, avoiding him didn’t seem to help my nerves at all.
Somehow I was even more conscious of Logan than ever before. Not looking at him didn’t spare me any awkwardness; I could feel him next to me. When he handed me the last of our tools to put away, his fingertips brushed against mine and I had to stifle a gasp. It was like a jolt of pure electricity shooting over all my nerve endings at once.
Why was this happening to me now? Surely we’d touched before and never felt like that…hadn’t we?
There were times when I could swear I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look. I didn’t want to see him looking away again to avoid me, or even worse, find out that he hadn’t been looking at all.
That’s when it dawned on me: I definitely wanted him to look at me. The realization almost made me cry.
It really sucked to already know there was no possibility with the first guy who interested me.
As I gathered up my things, I couldn’t help but notice his forearm on the table next to me. It was covered with the prettiest hair, and his muscles kept flexing. I looked farther, landing on his long, slender fingers, which were clenched into a fist.
Why hadn’t I ever noticed how sexy his hands were?
I suddenly mourned the loss of those beautiful fingers ever touching me.
And I mourned the friendship that I thought I’d had with a sweet, quiet boy.
When the bell finally rang, freeing me from that torment, I wiped at the traitorous tears that were beginning to spill over onto my cheeks. Tossing my bag over my shoulder, I muttered a barely audible, “Bye, Logan,” before busting ass out of the room and heading straight to my locker.
When I finally got the combination to work, I threw the metal door open and shoved a few books inside. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to calm down. There was no reason to get so worked up over something that quickly.
“Eden?” I heard his voice beside me. Why had I never realized how rich it sounded?
Perhaps because he was always mumbling and avoiding me.
I took another deep breath to steady myself before shutting my locker and turning to face him. “Yeah?”
He was looking down at me through those fucking cute glasses, and all I could think in the back of my mind was: When did his eyes get so pretty? They were almost pure gray.
It took him a moment to speak—he kept looking at me, no doubt taking in the redness of my eyes and my puffy lids. It was without question the longest we had ever maintained eye contact.
“You weren’t bothering me,” he finally whispered.
“What?” I asked, not quite sure I heard him right.
“Last ni
ght. You thought you were bothering me. I should have spoken up instead of letting you walk away.”
“You don’t have to spare my feelings, Logan. I get it. I know I talk too much sometimes.” I looked at him and gave him a weak smile. “I’m just sorry that I didn’t realize how annoying I was before now.”
“No! Dammit…that’s what I’m trying to tell you!” He looked almost frantic for a moment, like he didn’t know what to do, and then the next thing I knew his soft, beautiful hands were holding each side of my face, forcing me to look at him. His thumbs moved slightly over the surface of my cheeks, as if he were memorizing the texture. I wanted to reach my tongue out and lick his thumb as it grazed the side of my mouth. “Listen to me, Eden. You have never annoyed me. Never.”
He glanced down at my lips as he finished speaking, and I could swear I heard the slightest whimper under his breath. Before I had time to process what that sound was doing to my body, he was gone.
I looked around, but he was nowhere in sight.
Leaning back against my locker for a moment, I let out a huge gust of air I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. My pulse was pounding in my ears and my legs felt wobbly.
What the hell just happened?
Chapter 5
Later that night, after a quick dinner with my parents and a horribly boring football game, I was riding with Amy and Zoe on the way to Devon’s place.
They spent the entire ride in the car pumping me for information about what had happened earlier at my locker. I hadn’t intended to mention anything about it to anyone, but Zoe had taken one look at me in my next class and knew something seriously rattled me.
“I still say you’re holding something back,” she said from the front seat as she played with Amy’s satellite radio.
“Zoe! Would you drop it already? I swear that’s everything that happened.”
“Then why the hell did you look so shaken up? You should have seen your face; you looked like he kissed you senseless!”
“I don’t know! It was just something about the way he touched me…” My voice began to fade into a whisper. “And there was this little…sound he made.”
