“Well, I’m probably gonna head back,” Luke says, standing to go. He packs up the thermos and mugs, swinging the bag onto his back.
“I might just walk back with Anna,” I tell him, “If that’s cool with her, I mean.”
“Sure,” Anna says, totally absorbed by the world she sees through her lens.
“See you back there,” Luke says to me, his eyes lingering on my face. I can feel the longing rising off of him like steam. How nice it would be, to take our time together. To stay here, unhurried, and explore each other’s bodies all day.
All in good time, I try and tell him with my eyes.
“See you later,” I say instead, crossing my arms tightly.
Luke turns to go without another word, taking off at a jog along the path we traversed to get here. I turn away from him, marveling at how relaxed my body feels. That uphill run was totally worth it, that’s for damn sure.
My dreamy daze is punctured as a flash of color catches my eye on the ground at my feet. Lying beside the rock that Luke and I just put to good use is a bright yellow condom wrapper. My stomach flips over as the sight registers in my sex-addled mind, just as Anna is swinging her camera my way. I jerk my body across the rock, planting my foot firmly over the wrapper and grinding it into the dirt. Aiming my best Hollywood smile at Anna’s lens, I spread my arms wide in a ridiculous pose.
“I’m ready for my close-up,” I grin, mugging every which way and effectively ruining her shot.
“You’re such a ham,” she mutters, lowering her camera and striding away from me. “What are you, already withdrawing from the spotlight after one week away from acting school?”
“You know me,” I laugh, “Always the attention hog. Middle child syndrome. You understand.”
I quickly bury the condom wrapper while her back is turned, spooked by the close call. If Luke and I are going to make it through the next couple of weeks without being found out, we’re gonna need to step up our discretion game. Especially around Anna. My younger sister is one of the most observant people I know. Maddie and my mom will each be too wrapped up in their own shit to notice if I steal off with John’s gorgeous son time and again, but Anna could very well catch on if we’re not more careful.
Part of me wonders if I should just confide in her right off the bat. I already let it slip that I had a thing for one of my TA’s at Sheridan. What if she puts the pieces together? It’ll be much worse if she finds me out, rather than being told up front. But how can I know that she won’t be totally weirded out by my relationship with Luke? What if she tells me that it’s sick, or wrong, or just depressing to be screwing him while our parents are…whatever our parents are? I couldn’t stand that. I trust Anna’s opinion more than anyone’s. So if she disapproved of me and Luke…I don’t know how I’d get over that. I’m not willing to risk it. Not just yet.
“Are you coming?” Anna says over her shoulder, moving back off into the woods, “I want to get some more shots before I lose this light.”
“Right. Sure. I’m coming,” I call after her, standing to follow. Better to keep my secret to myself for the time being, I decide. After all, what’s a little lie of omission between sisters?
Nice try, I think to myself, following in Anna’s path. Great. Even my own subconscious can’t be convinced that I’m doing the right thing, here. But how could something this wrong feel so, so right?
Chapter Eight
My newly whetted appetite for Luke trumps any reservations I might be having about keeping our relationship from Annabel and Madeleine. I’ll tell them eventually, if and when the time is right…Meaning, once Mom has ditched John for her next conquest. He can’t have much time left in my mother’s good graces. She’s been here at the lake house for weeks, after all. The clock must be running down on their little love affair.
Really though, I don’t have much room in my mind for Mom, John, or any of the others. Luke has captivated me, mind and body…and heart too, if I’m being honest. We haven’t said a word to each other about any sort of future beyond this summer, or made any attempt to label what it is we are to each other. None of that really seems to matter, with him. What’s important is the deep understanding that’s formed between us. The unheard-of degree of respect and admiration that we have for each other. That’s more important than labels and titles any day.
As the days go by at the lake house, Luke and I get better and better at covering our tracks. We take separate routes to every rendezvous we plan, making sure that there’s no way anyone else could stumble upon us. When we spend time with our siblings, we put on a great show of being neutral acquaintances. It’s not that hard to sneak off whenever we wish—all eight of the Porters and Hawthornes have fallen into their own routines, here at the lake house. Neither of our families are particularly warm and cuddly—a fact that only makes it easier to peel off from the pack.
But while I’m intent on obscuring my relationship with Luke from my mom and sisters, there’s one person I simply can’t hold back from. My best friend, Danny.
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” he all but screams when I give him the skinny over the phone, late one night. “Professor Sexy Pants is, like, your step-brother?!?”
“No, no, no,” I groan, flopping onto my twin bed, “Our parents aren’t married. I mean, they almost were. Once. But it’s totally not the same thing.”
“Uh-huh,” Danny drawls, “Sure. Whatever you have to tell yourself.”
“You don’t think I’m some kind of freak, do you?” I ask him nervously.
“Only in the best sense of the word, my darling,” he assures me, “And remember, that’s high praise in my book.”
“Gee. Thanks,” I mumble.
“I mean it!” he gushes, “I saw Cruel Intentions. I know a thing or two about stepbrother bangin’.”
“Well, since you’re the expert, maybe you can tell me how the hell I’m going to break it to my family, down the line?” I suggest.
“Is there going to be a down the line?” Danny asks, surprised, “I thought this was a summer fling sort of situation.”
“I mean…it’s hard to say,” I waffle. “You never know what the future—”
“Oh. My. God,” Danny cuts me off, “Sophia Elizabeth Porter, are you falling for this guy?”
“Uh-oh, you’re using my middle name. Does that mean I’m in trouble?” I laugh.
“Don’t change the subject. Do you really like him or what?” Danny demands.
“I don’t…I mean…Maybe?” I sigh, “He’s not like anyone I’ve ever been with.”
“In that he has a personality and is not a major douche-rocket?” Danny replies.
“Nice.”
“The truth hurts, hun,” he goes on, “Look, I’m thrilled that you’ve found someone who gets that screwed up little brain of yours. It doesn’t hurt one bit that he’s gorgeous, and brilliant, and a bit kinky from the sound of it. Just do me a favor while you’re out there screwing brother dearest in the woods, would you?”
“Of course. Anything for you,” I say dryly.
“Don’t go falling so deeply for him that you can’t pull yourself out of it in a pinch, OK?” Danny warns me.
“I thought you were all for him?” I ask, surprised.
“Oh, I am,” Danny assures me, “After his knight in shining armor moment at The Bear Trap, I’m a huge Luke Hawthorne fan. But there’s a soft, gooey heart underneath all that armor of yours, Sophie. Don’t let down all your defenses at once. At least not until you know exactly what you’re up against.”
I assure my best friend that I’ll be careful. But even as I’m swearing up and down to keep myself from getting in too deep with Luke, I realize that restraint is the last thing I want with him. My feelings for Luke pull at me like a strong current. I’d have to fight like hell to beat against that force. Wouldn’t it be easier to give into the tug? Let myself be carried away?
Or would that just be a surefire way to drown?
***
&nb
sp; Part of keeping my relationship with Luke on the DL is making sure to spend time with the rest of the Porters and Hawthornes once in a while. Toward the end of my first week at the lake house, I decide to make good on some sister time and spend the afternoon with Maddie and Anna down on the dock. We’re lounging around on the sun-warmed boards, bikini-clad and peaceful. They have no idea that my relaxed state is thanks, in large part, to a vigorous fucking from Luke in the bed of the family pickup truck early this morning. I have to cross my bare legs as a resounding pang of longing shoots up through my body at the mere memory of it. Hopefully, my gigantic black sunglasses obscure the furious flush that rises in my cheeks.
Maddie’s quizzing Anna about taking a gap year before college when I manage to wrangle my attention back to the conversation at hand. My older sister sits with her feet in the water, a red bandana tying up her short dirty blonde hair. Anna lays on her stomach, letting the sun kiss her shoulders. I sit cross legged, slightly apart from them, absentmindedly fingering my mermaid tail braid as they chat.
“I give you a lot of credit,” Maddie says, “I wouldn’t have had the wherewithal to take a gap year before college at your age.”
“Well, you knew what you wanted to go to school for,” Anna replies, “I’m still feeling it out.”
“I just couldn’t wait to get out of the house,” I cut in, “Don’t get me wrong, I love my program at Sheridan. But more than anything, getting away from Mom was the priority.”
“Yeah, well. Imagine being the only one in the house with her after Dad died,” Anna says curtly, not even looking back at me as she speaks.
I catch Maddie’s perplexed gaze and return it. Anna’s been really short with both of us these past couple of days. I try not to psych myself out about it, but it’s hard to hold my unease at bay.
“So, uh…have you given any thought to how you’ll spend the year?” Maddie presses, trying to bypass the awkward silence.
“Mostly just building up my photography portfolio,” Anna returns, “I want to get some more portraits and event photography.”
“I could hire you for the next ReImaged party!” Maddie gushes. ReImaged is the Seattle-based PR agency that she works at. The company specializes in “event marketing”. From what I gather, most of what they do is throw fancy parties for rich people. I never would have imagined my big sister ending up in a field like that. All her life, Maddie talked about becoming a literature professor like our father, Archie. But after he died, I think carrying on in his footsteps was too painful a prospect for her.
“Yeah, maybe,” Anna tells Maddie, “I was thinking of heading in a less corporate direction, though. Finn’s letting me tag along to his band’s show tonight to take some shots of them, actually.”
“Finn’s in a band?!” I exclaim. That doesn’t exactly jive with my understanding of the youngest Hawthorne son. That guy is a complete mystery to me.
“Yeah. He’s the lead vocalist,” Anna tells me.
“But I’ve barely heard a full sentence out of him,” Maddie says.
“Yeah. I didn't realize he spoke in full sentences,” I joke.
“Maybe that’s because neither of you lets anyone else get a word in. Ever think of that?” Anna snaps at me, her blue eyes flaring dangerously.
“Whoa, Anna…” I breathe, taken aback by her ferocity, “That’s a little harsh.”
“Yeah, well. The truth can be a bitch,” my younger sister shoots back, standing to make her exit.
“Did we do something wrong?” Maddie asks nervously, “You seem really pissed off at us.”
Anna turns her frank, unapologetic gaze first on Maddie, then on me. “I just wish the two of you would think about someone besides yourselves once in a while.”
“Anna, what are you talking about?” I ask her, fearing that I already know the answer.
“Come on,” Anna says, sounding more disappointed than angry now, “You can’t play dumb with me, you guys. I know you too well for that.”
And with that, she turns and marches away from us. I try and tell myself that she could be upset about any number of things. Maybe she’s annoyed about hearing the details of my and Maddie’s lives, far away from Mom? Maybe she’s sick of being cooped up in this lake house with a bunch of people she has almost nothing common with? Or maybe, I dare to consider, she’s somehow figured out the truth. Maybe she knows about me and Luke after all. But no…if that were it, why would she be mad at Maddie, too?
“Do you have any idea what she’s on about?” my older sister asks me.
“Nope,” I lie, “No idea.”
“Huh,” Maddie muses, “You know Anna. Always the sensitive one. We should probably just let her go off and do her own thing. Close quarters do weird things to people…”
That must be it. Just a case of cabin fever. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to check up on my little sister later tonight, once she’s cooled off a bit. The last thing I want is to let this toxic tension between us keep on mounting.
My thoughts are derailed as a flurry of motion catches my eye on the lake house lawn. A bright red kayak is being carried down to the dock by the two older Hawthorne boys. I barely even register Cash, holding up the front end of the vessel. With my eyes hidden behind my sunglasses, I swing my gaze instead to that shirtless, rippling body I’ve come to know so well already. Luke holds up the back of the kayak, easily bearing the weight with one thick arm. I ogle him unabashedly as he and his brother approach the dock, still amazed that such an ideal man has fallen into my life.
“Jesus Christ,” Cash sneers at me and Maddie, “I should have worn some shades down here—that pale ass skin of yours is gonna make me go blind.”
“Ha, ha,” I say dismissively, “Just wait until you’re an old, sunbaked, wrinkly dude at the age of thirty, and then we’ll see who’s laughing.”
“He’s already a grumpy old asshole on the inside,” Luke says, lowering the kayak from his shoulder, “I’m sure the outside will match before long.”
I deliberately refrain from responding to Luke, as per our ground rules. We’ve gotten pretty good at this whole feigning-indifference thing, I have to say.
“You got the keys to the truck?” Cash asks Luke. I know for a fact that he does. A very large butterfly ricochets around my stomach as I once again recall what, exactly, happened in that truck mere hours ago.
“What do you need it for?” Luke asks, forking over the keys to his brother.
“Need some more smokes,” Cash tells him, laughing at Luke’s unamused expression, “Sack up, man. It’s not meth.”
I glance over at the brothers, gaging Luke’s reaction. Most of the time, he hides his resentment of his older brother well enough. But when Cash goes and shoves his don’t-give-a-fuck bad boy act in Luke’s face, it’s hard for him to disengage.
“Oh, right. I forgot that lung cancer is real fucking manly,” Luke says flatly, “Forget sacking up—when are you gonna try growing up, Cash?”
“What would I do that for?” Cash replies, clearly trying to bait Luke into a conflict, “You’re already playing man of the house around here, isn’t that right little brother?”
“I’m not playing at anything, you prick,” Luke snarls, “All I’m doing is picking up your slack.”
Uneasiness spikes in my blood as I watch Luke’s square jaw pulse with anger. Cash has no respect for Luke, no idea of the sacrifices his younger brother had to make after he bailed on the family. All Cash sees in Luke is the son John wishes his oldest had been. And it drives him crazy.
“What a good little boy,” Cash sneers, giving Luke a hard punch on the shoulder.
“Don’t touch me, asshole,” Luke growls at his brother, balling his hands into fists.
“Come on, lil’ guy,” Cash goes on, shoving Luke across the dock, “You still afraid to take on your big, bad brother?”
I glance over at Maddie as the brothers square off. Luke is just as big and built as his brother—they’re evenly matching in strength. But I can
never tell how unhinged Cash actually is. I know he’s fond of boxing, and MMA, and that uber-macho crap. Luke has too much integrity to resort to violence unless it’s absolutely necessary, but Cash…?
“I’ve always preferred fair fights, Cash. Clean fights,” Luke tells his brother evenly, “Not exactly your specialty.”
Cash’s hazel eyes flash with indignant outrage at Luke’s words. I have no idea what Luke is alluding to, but whatever it is, it seems to have struck a nerve with his brother.
“Guys, come on. Chill out…” Maddie says, rising to her feet.
“Seriously, you’re being idiots,” I snap anxiously.
“You girls just aren’t used to the way guys settle things,” Cash grins.
“The way some guys settle things,” Luke corrects him sternly, “No matter the consequences. Right, Cash?”
Luke’s defiant words only stoke the ire brewing in Cash’s eyes. What the hell must have happened to these men to make them so bitter towards each other? What was it that really turned these brothers into nemeses?
“Cash…” Maddie pleads, “Could you please just drop this? You’re freaking me out.”
“Yeah Luke,” I murmur, easing toward him, “This is nuts. You guys are brothers.”
“In name, maybe,” Luke spits contemptuously, “But thankfully, that’s all.”
“That’s the good ol’ Hawthorne name for you,” Cash snarls, “It’ll stick to you like a motherfucker, even if it doesn’t mean shit.”
Luke tears his eyes away from his older brother, bitter disappointment showing through his anger.
“Well,” Cash goes on haughtily, “I’m off.” I feel my body tense up as his hazel eyes dart unexpectedly toward me. “You wanna ride with?”
Luke’s head whips around toward his brother, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. I stare back at Cash, taken off guard by his offer. He’s barely acknowledged me the entire time we’ve been here at the house. Why the sudden interest? Still, I can’t very well refuse. Part of my strategy for not attracting attention to me and Luke is dividing my time among the other lake house guests. Including Cash, I guess.
Stepbrother Broken (The Hawthorne Brothers Book 2) Page 10
