by Louise Hall
It went dark far too quickly and as there were no lights in the tower, they carefully made their way back to the car park. “Is this enough for you?” Cate asked, biting her lip. She knew Kian was much more experienced than she was; she couldn’t imagine why he would settle for just kissing her when he could have so much more with somebody else.
“No,” Kian said bluntly.
Cate was so stung by his answer; she felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She’d asked the question but how could he answer like that, when her lips still tasted of him?
“Fuck,” Kian kicked the ground. “I didn’t mean it like that, I swear.”
“Look,” He pressed Cate up against the side of his car. “Angel, I’m never going to lie to you, okay?”
“Okay,” Cate tried to control her bottom lip, which was starting to tremble.
He held the sides of her face and tried to kiss away the stray tears which tumbled down her cheeks. “I want more with you. I want everything.”
“I can’t…” Cate tripped over her words. “I’ve never had sex before, I’m a virgin.”
“I know,” Kian locked his eyes with hers. “I know you’re not ready. I would never, ever pressure you to do anything… you know that, right?”
“Yes.”
“When I said I wanted more, I didn’t just mean sex. I want that with you but only when you’re ready. I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want, without worrying if somebody’s watching us. I want more than just Thursday afternoons. I want Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. I want the whole fucking week. I want to be able to call you whenever I want; first thing in the morning, last thing at night or just to hear your voice. I want to take you out on a proper date.”
“I’d like that too,” Cate smiled.
Kian tipped her head back so he could kiss her more deeply; knowing that it would have to last until next Thursday. “Fuck,” he groaned, pressing his forehead against hers. “I want everything with you, Cate.”
Cate clung to him, not knowing how she was ever going to let go. “I feel the same way.”
Kian ran his hands raggedly through his hair. “What are you doing to me? You’re the truth serum.”
CHAPTER 7
“I haven’t heard you mention Cate for a while,” Jean said to Sinead at Sunday dinner. “You two haven’t had a falling out, have you?”
Kian stabbed at his steak with his fork. He couldn’t even have dinner with his family without hearing her name.
“Nah,” Sinead shrugged. “We’re cool. I’ve just been spending a lot of time with Jake, that’s all.”
“Well, just make sure that you don’t neglect your friends.”
“Mum,” Sinead pouted. “It’s totally fine. Cate’s got her own life as well, you know. I think she might be seeing someone.”
Kian’s head jerked up. “Oh?”
“Mm, she’s being really secretive about it but when we were out shopping yesterday, I think she bought a Valentine’s Day card.”
“Well, good for her,” Jean said.
Eamon kicked Kian under the table. “What?” he mouthed when Jean and Sinead weren’t looking.
“Outside,” Eamon mouthed back.
“Son, what are you doing?” Eamon asked. He quickly checked that he was out of sight of the kitchen before lighting up a cigarette.
Kian scuffed his trainer against the side of the house. He couldn’t look at his Dad. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing,” Eamon said angrily. “She bought you a Valentine’s Day card. The poor girl thinks you’re her boyfriend.”
“What’s wrong with that?” Kian snapped.
“You’re my son and I love you to bits but you’re not the right guy for Cate. You treat women like shite. I know you’re going to tell me that you’re always honest with them about your lack of intentions and true, some of them seem fine with it. I know you’ve stayed friends with a couple of them but Cate’s not like them. She’s a good, sweet girl. If you get involved with her, you’ll break her heart.”
Kian wanted to defend himself, to say that he wasn’t that bad but he couldn’t.
A week ago, Kian had been driving back from the match, replaying it over in his head. It had been a damn near perfect day; Rovers had won, he’d scored one of the best goals of his career and been voted Man of the Match.
In the changing room afterwards, he’d sounded out some of his teammates to see if any of them were up for a few drinks in town but they’d all declined, they had families waiting for them upstairs in the players’ lounge. The gaffer made it known that he liked his players settled down with steady girlfriends or wives and kids. Even Kian’s old partner in crime, Jack “Yoakey” Yoakam had got married the previous summer.
Kian parked up outside his house and grabbed the bottle of champagne from the boot of his car. Maybe he could sweet-talk Ben and Erin into letting him crash whatever plans they had this evening. But when he looked across the courtyard at their little house, all the lights were off. Shit, they weren’t home. He’d forgotten that they’d gone to Ireland for the week to see her parents and do wedding stuff.
Grumpy and alone, Kian let himself inside the house and Erin’s dog Monty came bounding towards him.
“Sorry mate,” Kian said, ruffling the top of the dog’s head. “You’re great and all but I want to talk to another human being not a bloody dog.”
He chucked his stuff on the floor and flopped down on the couch. Most of the time he liked living in the middle of nowhere but not tonight. He was Man of the Match for fuck’s sake and all alone. The adrenaline was still coursing through his veins and he was horny as hell. He hadn’t had sex for two months. Not since before he’d kissed Cate on Christmas Eve.
Cate. Ugh, she was terrorising him. Being around her made his balls so blue they nearly matched the Rovers navy-blue home kit.
He needed something or someone to distract him. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through the names. Alice was still on tour in the Far East. Anya had sold a story on him; she’d said the sex was fantastic but his Mum had seen the story and hadn’t spoken to him for a week. Delete. He didn’t remember asking Bella for her number; she must have put it in his phone while he was asleep. Delete. He quickly skipped past Cate, not tonight. Frankie was crazy. Delete. Georgia was married. Delete. Fuck, his little black book was looking punier and punier.
He scrolled through the names again but kept coming back to Cate. No, she couldn’t give him what he wanted, not tonight.
He threw his phone down in disgust; it was abundantly clear that he wasn’t going to get laid tonight. He put a bowl of food down for Monty and went upstairs to take a really long, really cold shower. When his cock was sufficiently shrivelled and pathetic, he got dressed and went downstairs. Monty had finished eating so he picked him up and carried him out to the car. He figured he’d spend the night at the ‘rents house. His Mum would make his dinner and he could watch the match highlights with his Dad.
But when he got to the end of their road, he remembered that his Dad was allergic to dogs. He looked in the rear-view mirror at Monty on the backseat, his wet nose pressed against the glass watching where they were going.
Shit, Kian slammed his fist against the steering wheel. He didn’t want to go back to his big, empty house, not tonight. He parked the car at the side of the canal and got out to get some air. Monty was going berserk inside the car because he thought Kian was going to take him for a walk, he’d already got the handle of the lead in his mouth.
“Fine,” Kian stormed. He yanked open the car door and reached for Monty’s collar. It’s not like he had anything better to do. They walked along the canal and Kian found himself by the gate at the bottom of Cate’s garden. His phone felt heavy in his pocket. Call her. What the hell, he thought. He wasn’t going to get laid anyway.
Cate answered on the 2nd ring. “Hey, what’s up?” Just the sweet sound of her voice made all the tension lift from his shoul
ders.
They chatted for a few minutes and he tried to ask discreetly if anybody else was home. “Mum’s gone to Ireland with Ben and Erin and Liv’s staying over at Ryan’s tonight.”
“Can I come over?” Kian asked.
Suddenly Monty barked at something. “Shush,” Kian said, pulling on the lead.
“Where are you?” Cate asked. She must have heard Monty from inside the house.
“I’m kind of outside,” Kian said. “By the gate at the bottom of the garden.”
“I’ll meet you at the basement door,” Cate laughed and hung up.
They sat on the sofa and watched TV, waiting for Match of the Day. Cate snuggled up to him and rested her head on his chest. He stroked his fingers through her glossy, black hair. Shit, this was a bad idea. He could feel himself getting hard. Not now, he cursed. He looked down to see if she’d noticed but she was still watching the TV. Ugh, he could see the edge of her bra down the front of her t-shirt. All he could think about was how it would feel to slip his hand inside, to feel that soft, warm flesh against the palm of his hand.
Match of the Day started and he tried to concentrate but his eyes kept drifting down to her bra.
“I don’t get it,” Cate said and Kian snapped his head back up guiltily.
“Don’t get what?” He looked quickly at the TV trying to work out what she was talking about.
“I don’t get how Jankovic could get so badly injured; it wasn’t much of a tackle.” The TV cameras showed the tackle again and you could hear the loud snap as his ankle bent back on itself. Kian winced; he’d always been lucky with injuries, touch wood.
“His studs must have got caught in the turf,” Kian tried to explain.
“Show me,” Cate got up from the sofa. “Pretend I’m Jankovic.”
Kian smiled, “I’m not going to do a sliding tackle on my girlfriend.”
Shit, as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. He didn’t do girlfriends. He waited for Cate to say something but either she hadn’t heard him or she was choosing to ignore what he’d just said.
“Please,” Cate said, her eyes still staring at the screen so he couldn’t see what she was really thinking. She had the worst poker face.
“Go on then,” He got up and put a hand on her leg. “This foot’s stuck in the turf.”
“Okay,” he tried to recreate the tackle without hurting her. He pressed his foot against the slender bone of her ankle and she nodded, “oh I get it now.”
As he tried to get up, his other foot slid on the carpet and he grabbed hold of her to stop him from falling but ended up pulling her down with him. They collapsed on the floor, him on top of her and her black eyes burned into him. She was offering everything he wanted but he couldn’t take it, could he?
He planted his hands on the carpet on either side of her head, allowing himself a little distance. She was right there, right where he wanted her. He looked down at her lips, they were so goddamn tempting, he had to kiss them. He could just kiss her, couldn’t he?
He kissed her and she tasted so good. He knew his cock was hard and pressing against her hip but she wasn’t pulling away. She lifted his shirt out of his trousers and ran her hands over his back, scratching him just a little with her nails. Oh, that felt good. He kissed the side of her neck, behind her ear and she whimpered a little. He needed to see more of her.
He inched up her t-shirt, exposing her navel, and peppered her stomach with tiny, butterfly kisses. She arched her back towards him, trying to get as close to him as possible. This was getting dangerous but it was like the brakes had failed and he couldn’t stop. He kissed each of her ribs up to the edge of her bra. She sat up a little and pulled her t-shirt up and over her head and he did the same. He laid her back on the carpet and pressed his skin against hers. She was warm and soft and he was in trouble.
Suddenly Cate started giggling and Kian looked down to find Monty licking her arm. Kian didn’t know if he wanted to kill or thank the stupid dog. Whatever, the moment had been broken. He quickly pulled on his t-shirt and Cate did the same.
“I’d better go,” Kian said, getting up from the floor.
“Yeah,” Cate said. She looked shy, like she regretted showing him that much of herself. He kicked himself again for starting all of this. What was I thinking? He thought as he snapped Monty’s lead back on to his collar. What the fuck was I thinking?
CHAPTER 8
Cate had never had a Valentine’s Day card. Even when she was little and other parents bought their kids Valentine’s Day cards, Cate still didn’t get one. Irene didn’t approve of Valentine’s Day.
The Saturday before Valentine’s Day, Cate had gone to the Trafford Centre with Sinead. Clinton’s was packed and Sinead was obsessed with finding the absolute perfect card for Jake so Cate had wandered off on her own. When she was certain that Sinead couldn’t see her; she’d squeezed into a tiny gap in the crowds looking at Valentine’s Day cards.
Kian had called her his girlfriend. Cate had acted like it was no big deal when he’d said it; not wanting to scare him off.
After she’d paid for the card, she was just walking back to the racks of Valentine’s Day cards to see if Sinead had found a card for Jake when she realised that she was already in the queue. Cate couldn’t hide the carrier bag quickly enough.
“Have you just bought a Valentine’s Day card?” Sinead asked.
Cate shook her head, “No, course not. Who would I send a Valentine to?” She laughed, as if it was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard.
“What about the guy you kissed on Christmas Eve?”
“That was nothing,” Cate said.
Sinead grinned. “Aha, so there was somebody. Who was he?”
Just as Cate was about to reply, a till opened up and the cashier called Sinead forward.
Cate quickly hid the carrier bag in her handbag and went outside to wait for Sinead. Did he mean it when he said I was his girlfriend, Cate thought, or was it just a ploy to see my bra?
“Who’s the card for?” Sinead asked as she came out of the shop. They stood to one side as she put her purse back in her handbag.
“It’s just a birthday card for Liv,” Cate said. “You can see it if you want?” Please, don’t say yes.
“Nah, that’s all right,” Sinead said. “I believe you.” Cate was so grateful that everybody still thought that she was a goody two-shoes.
The first thing Cate did when she woke up on Valentine’s Day morning was check her phone to see if Kian had texted her. He hadn’t. It’s no big deal, Cate shrugged, pretending that she wasn’t disappointed. It was Thursday so she’d see him that afternoon anyway.
That morning, Cate was impatient for class to finish and as soon as the bell rang, she was out of the door. She got to the library far too early but she couldn’t wait to see Kian. She’d eventually decided to give him the card and it was in her handbag on the floor of the passenger seat.
As she waited for him, she tried to read but she couldn’t concentrate. Every little sound outside made her look up in case it was him. It wasn’t.
She waited for an hour after they were supposed to meet and then another hour after that. He didn’t show up.
Cate checked her phone to make sure that it was switched on but there were no texts or missed calls.
When she looked up, it had started to snow. The windscreen of her car was dotted with tiny little snowflakes. For some reason, looking at them made her sad.
Cate picked up her handbag and got out of the car. The snow swirled around her. Everything seemed quieter.
She got her umbrella from the boot of the car and put it up as she walked across the car park. There was a path that led right around the perimeter of the Memorial Park. She joined it at the side of the library just by the children’s playground and walked down towards the little house on the corner. She followed the path close to the main road. The snow kept on falling.
When she was halfway around the park, she got the card o
ut of her bag. The pink envelope felt like it was mocking her. She calmly ripped the envelope with the card inside in half. It felt so good that she did it again and again until all she was left with were lots and lots of tiny pieces of card and paper. She dumped the whole lot in the bin and then picked up her handbag and carried on walking.
She walked up the hill on the other side of the children’s playground. The snow was blowing towards her now and it was getting thicker. Bigger snowflakes flew into her eyes, making them water. She wiped her eyes and kept her head down. She stopped for a second at the War Memorial, which was covered with a light dusting of snow. It was starting to stick.
At the top of the park was the back of the local council offices. Cate had the option of cutting through the car park or finishing her walk through the park. She decided to carry on walking through the park. She didn’t want to see her little car all alone in the car park just yet.
As she got to the bowling green and was about to leave, she saw somebody stood under the awning of the clubhouse. He waved and she looked more closely, her eyes were still watering from the snow. When she got nearer, she realised it was Zeke – her fake 1st kiss. They had a couple of classes together.
“Hey,” she came and joined him under the awning.
He took a long drag of his cigarette. “Hey.”
Cate stamped her feet on the ground, trying to get some feeling back in her toes.
“What were you doing out there?” Zeke asked.
“I needed some air,” Cate said. “What about you?”
“I needed a smoke before I walk home.”
Zeke was wearing a denim jacket and no coat and it didn’t look like he had an umbrella with him. “You can’t walk home in this. Let me give you a lift?”
“It’s just snow,” Zeke said, taking another drag from his cigarette.
“Still,” Cate said. “I’ll wait and give you a lift.”
When they got to her car, Cate couldn’t help looking at her phone to see if she had any messages. She didn’t.
