“Well, why don’t you drive me home?”
“It is such a nice day today, I thought it would be nice to walk you home, like I used to do in Jefferson County,” he said, smiling.
I agreed with him. The temperature was mild, and the sun was shining bright. It was the perfect day for a walk around the neighborhood, which was filled with scenery. It had every colored business imaginable. It even had an old colored cobbler who made shoes just for coloreds. Folks said it would cost an arm and a leg even though he got the leather cheap from a farmer he knew. I had left home to walk and clear my head and now I was more confused than ever.
“I suppose you will be going back to the club.”
“I’ve got to unload my car.”
“What is in the car?”
“Just some alcohol for the bar…”
We walked down the street hand in hand. For a brief moment, I thought back to the days when I first moved to Richmond and remembered how Simon, Robert and I used to stroll down the cobblestone sidewalk to take in the views. And even before Robert, Simon would wait for me on the playground under the tree, and then walk home with me. It was those memories I held close to my heart. In Richmond, we would admire the beautiful shrubbery and immaculate landscape and the well-built architecture of the Jackson Heights neighborhood. Now he was escorting me home and I knew it was only to keep me from knowing what he really had stored in his Model T. The closer we got to our house, the more curious I became.
Chapter 11
Momma was leaning across the balustrade observing us as we walked down the street. The brisk wind was waving her coattail back and forth as Robert held tightly on to her dress as if he was going to fall. When Simon kissed me softly on the lips and turned to walk back up the street to the club, I could hear Momma grunting even before I placed a foot on the step leading up to my porch. It was at that moment I wanted to take two steps backward, turn around and follow Simon back to where we’d just come from. Instead, I went inside our duplex apartment anticipating Momma’s comments, and as I envisioned, she followed close behind me literally kicking my heels.
“Where is Simon going?” she asked, putting Robert down to roam around on the kitchen floor.
“I’m not sure. He left his car up the street parked on the side of the club.”
She listened intently, and her eyes appeared like tiny slits as if she was in disbelief of what I was saying. “It is chilly out there. I was wondering where Simon left his vehicle—seem to me he would have driven you home like most decent men.” She glanced toward the window. “The wind is stirring mighty fierce out there.” Outside, the trees were leaning and the March wind was pushing the leaves up the street.
I could tell by the tone of her voice, Momma was annoyed. I was upset too.
“I left something at the store. I’ll be right back,” I said, without sitting, as I pulled my scarf back up over my head.
“I saw how your eyes followed Simon when he turned to walk back up the road. I also saw the disappointment in your eyes. You’re going up there to find out what is really going on with yo’ husband. You didn’t leave anything at the store, girl! You don’t fool me,” she said with her hands on her hips.
“I forgot something, Momma, I did,” I said, deliberately avoiding eye contact.
She stood grounded with a scowl on her face and wrinkles in her forehead. “You got yo’ mind somewhere else besides the store. Now you don’t need to run after no man. Just sit on down and rest yourself. He will be home directly; no need to look for trouble.” And then she sat down.
“But, Momma, I need to run out for a minute,” I said, as fidgety as a drunk.
“Now, why are you acting like you desperate? If that man is doing something he don’t want you to know about, then going back to the club is only going to make you mad.”
I crossed my arms across my chest and began to pace the floor. “I want to see what is going on, Momma. I need to know.” I tried to persuade her.
“Once you find out, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I just need to know.”
Momma threw her hands up. “Go on, Chile.”
I hesitated before I took a step. I inhaled and thought about what Momma was saying. I walked out of the kitchen and went into the bedroom. Robert crawled behind me. I picked him up and stood in front of the sitting room window staring across the street at the house Nadine lived in. My attempts to keep from going back to the club did not stick with me. I went back into the kitchen and handed Robert to Momma, who was sitting at the kitchen table. When I opened the door, Momma shook her head.
I didn’t say anything; I just trotted through the trees and out of sight. I was on a mission, no matter what I might find. If I had stayed home, I would have felt miserable.
Twice, I decided to turn around—once when I passed the corner store and again when I recalled Momma’s questions. I even stood in place and let the wind braze my skin pondering over my determination to catch my husband in the lie I wanted so much to avoid.
On the way up the street, I passed the same twins I’d seen downtown. They were walking in unison—with each step, their heels playing a perfect harmony of beats. It was at that moment that I remembered Kindred, and how he was also at the club. I convinced myself he had better not come my way. As the twins marched down the street and around the corner, I realized it was impossible for me to distinguish their appearance even close up. With each step they took, it reminded me of Kindred and how he was the exact duplicate of his brother. For a brief second, I allowed my mind to stay fixated on Kindred who also had been at the club salivating over Ms. Pearl, grinning just like his brother had done.
I stopped at the corner store when I noticed Simon’s car drifting down the street. I stooped down behind a Studebaker and watched him cruise past me without noticing. Nadine was sitting in the front seat. My blood started to boil, and I broke out in a sweat. I had to dab my nose with my hanky. “Why was she in his car?” I mumbled. Simon pulled over on the side of the street and Nadine got out along with her children. Nadine’s daughter ran around to the driver’s side and Simon handed her a fistful of greenbacks. She gave it to her mother, who smiled shyly. I wanted to run up on them, but instead, I peeked from behind some stranger’s car.
Simon sped up after he had dropped them off a block away from the house. I got up and followed Nadine into the store.
“Hey!” she said, shocked, studying me like any guilty person would.
I started to pull her ponytail, but something stopped me.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked.
“You’ve got a nerve,” I blurted out, without thinking.
“What are you talking about?”
“You know what you’ve done.”
“I haven’t done anything to you,” she answered, pulling her children by their hands as if they were being violated. They stared at me hard, but didn’t say a word.
“You were in the car with my husband.”
Her eyes grew big. “I’ve known Simon a long time, longer than you will ever know.”
“What are you talking about?”
“We’ve known each other for years.”
“He hasn’t been in this town for years.”
“We met when we were no older than my daughter, who is eight years old.”
“You are probably telling a lie. I’ve never seen you in my town. Simon comes from around my way.”
“I know that. His grandma used to live down the road from me. We spent the summers playing together until…”
“Until what?”
“I don’t have to tell you nothing.”
“Even if you do know him, remember he is my husband now.”
The store owner walked over to us. “Now you ladies need to lower your voices. I have a business to run.”
“You should tell her to leave,” I said.
“I have just as much right to shop here as you do.”
“Nadine, I tell you what; I will
wait for you outside. I will not be disrespecting this business.”
“You followed me in here.”
“Like I said, I will see you outside.” I walked off.
Nadine took her time coming out of the store. Her children would come to the door, peek out at me and go back inside. I knew they were looking to see if I was still waiting for her. I was waiting, propped up against an oak tree, determined not move. When she finally walked out of the store, she saw me and immediately a scowl took over her face. I came up to her. She smacked her lips. “You should have gone on home. I don’t have anything to say to you.”
I hesitated, because I really didn’t want to do it, but inner rage was giving me more courage than I had ever had before. I was not a fighter, yet I wanted to pull Nadine to the ground and give her a whipping myself. “I want to know why you are always around my husband. Don’t you have a man of your own?” I sounded like the desperate women Momma had warned me about.
Nadine kept walking as if I had not said a word. Her children stared at me like they were going to jump on me. Her youngest daughter even maneuvered her way into the conversation. “Leave my momma alone,” she said. I ignored her, and then she said, “You just mad ’cause my…”
Nadine stopped her in mid-sentence and put her hand over her mouth. “Because I was in the car with Simon,” she said.
I couldn’t believe my ears. Nadine was determined not to answer my question, and by the way she was acting, she had a lot to hide.
I grabbed her shoulder. “Why were you in the car with Simon?” I asked. Her daughter started to say something and Nadine warned her again to hush.
“He was giving us a ride,” she said, huffing and puffing from walking fast and trying to avoid me.
“Nadine, stay out of my husband’s car. He is a married man!” I warned her.
She didn’t say anything, but when she got close to her house, she turned to look at me and said, “I can’t promise you that.”
I started toward her, and stopped. My chest was heaving. I wanted to grab her, and perhaps torture her into telling me the truth, but her children were standing beside her and guarding her with all their tiny might, waiting for me to touch their mother. One of them even had his fist balled up. I looked down and my fists were balled up too.
The lady in me turned away and went up the stairs to my apartment, stomping all the way. Momma had been sitting and peering out the window at us, her face contorted with a frown from ear to ear.
“I saw everything from the window. You were outside acting like one of those women around the way, arguing about Simon. You were all up in Nadine’s face, and he just ain’t worth it. I told you to act like a lady and ignore all this mess. But, being in the city has changed you and I just don’t know you anymore.”
“I am curious, Momma. I’m learning how to finally take care of myself. Don’t you think I need to know why this woman is always around my husband? You even talk about her.”
“Just watch yourself. Ain’t nobody perfect. Simon is a man.”
It was her attitude that had me worried when I’d left Jefferson County. Coping for her was ignoring things and pretending as if everything was good. I had been the same way before I was ever pregnant with Robert. I tried to forget things were happening to me, and it only brought with it grief. Now, I was going to take care of myself.
I took Momma’s advice and waited for Simon to return home. It seemed time was standing still, it took him so long. And just as I was about to turn in for the night, he showed up with a story only he would have the audacity to tell.
“Where have you been?” I asked him as he climbed in the bed.
“I told you I had things to do at the club.”
“What things?” I asked.
“I was making sure everybody up there had all of their needs met.”
“I guess being home is not important to you anymore.”
“Carrie, I’m tired; can we talk in the morning?”
I sat up in the bed. “No, I want to know why Nadine was in your car.”
“Nadine was not in my car. Who told you that lie?” he said with his head propped up on a pillow.
All of a sudden, I felt an uncontrollable urge to slap him. I reached over and backslapped him on the head so hard I could hear the hit. It was the same way my teacher, Mrs. Miller, used to do to students who could not answer her questions.
“I saw you with her!” I said, raising my voice.
Simon sat up in the bed. He had a strange look on his face. It was my first time witnessing him without words. He put his hand on his head. “I gave her a ride, and that’s all,” he said, stuttering.
I tried to keep my voice down since Momma was in the next room. And I knew she would be listening. She had not missed anything since she’d come for her long visit.
“You seem to have a lot of things going on lately. You walked me home to keep from letting on that Nadine was in your car. Afterwards, you lied to me. What are you really up to? You are not the boy I knew back in Jefferson.”
“You act as if I don’t love you. Don’t I provide for you and Robert?” he said, still holding his head as if he expected to get popped again.
“You are turning things around. Why are Nadine and her children so special to you?”
“Nadine don’t mean nothing to me. She is just our neighbor.”
“If that is true, why didn’t you say she was in your car? Why did you have to lie?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know because you are not telling the truth.”
“Nadine don’t mean a damn thing to me. She is just a woman across the street.”
I shook my head knowing one lie can lead to many, especially if you have something to hide. I knew because I’d lied many times to Momma when I was sneaking behind her back with Simon. I guess the same thing was bound to happen to me.
Chapter 12
The Atlantic Coastline train was parked at the depot when we arrived. Standing in front of the colored-only section car was a rough-looking porter as black as coal. I had never seen a colored man that dark, and above all, he was beautiful. All of his features appeared to be structured perfectly on his face; his nose, mouth and eyes blended well. He was someone new, and he didn’t even glance our way as Nadine’s old man had done each time we arrived. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him, because he reminded me of my papa, whose skin was almost as dark. Just the day before, I had walked the same route with my momma to the depot carrying her bags, while she wore my ears out warning me about my once perfect husband. She mumbled, “You can’t be too sure about love; it will fool you e’rytime.” I listened intently, realizing she was not the same lady who had raised me in rural Jefferson County. Losing Herman Camm had awakened some kind of spark in her. Now she was giving me the kind of advice I wanted from her when I was young. “No woman should love no man more than she loves herself,” she warned. Then she informed me of her desire to get away from me. She said my emotions toward Simon were too painful to watch.
“I’ve got to go home and see about my family and the farm. I suppose Carl is worried about me too by now. I was going to stay a little while longer but yo’ ways are too much for me,” Momma said, shaking her head, “and you running after Simon like he is the only man on God’s great earth is just too much.”
Having Momma around had rattled my nerves. She didn’t understand me. Love seemed to have always been a struggle for her. I’d remember how when Papa would try to hug or kiss her, she would shun his friendly advances and push him away. When she was around Mr. Camm, things were the opposite. Even when he’d come home with the stench of women and liquor on him, making everyone gag, she’d still embrace him with a hug. The way she loved continued to be a mystery to me. But she was a good babysitter, and very protective of Robert. Before she came, it was difficult to get him to sleep. He sort of fell asleep from exhaustion. Now, he was on a rigorous schedule. He ate at the same time every day, and having her around had given me the
freedom I longed for ever since Robert was born. I had my freedom back, and I was a child again, like I had been before mysterious Herman Camm had made his unwanted appearance.
Robert loved Momma, although at night, he whined for MeMe, his nickname for Mrs. Hall. Momma hated it when he did that. “She is a white woman. What does she know about raising a colored chile?” she had blurted out. Color never bothered me; I think Momma’s real problem was jealousy. Perhaps it was because Mrs. Hall had him spoiled, and Robert and I had grown attached to her. I enjoyed talking to her about my life. Her wisdom always made sense. And, after talking to her, I’d leave feeling like I could conquer whatever was going on.
Despite the frustration Momma seemed to have with me, I knew she’d be coming back real soon. She was fascinated by the closeness of our neighborhood. Day after day, she would sit in the kitchen window, her eyes smiling with fascination at the children playing and the ladies and gents strolling down the street.
Now I was on my way back to school. As we stood waiting, I glanced around the train depot searching for Nadine’s old man to suddenly appear, but he was not on the train, and I couldn’t resist smiling. It was a pleasure that Nadine’s man was not working. I was tired of him reminding me of the things I was already aware of. Of course, I was a married woman. None of it was any of his business anyway. He didn’t even know me. Besides, he could use some help keeping Nadine under control.
Before Adam decided to come with me to the train depot, I had stopped by his house to tell him goodbye, only to find him sitting in his bedroom at his desk writing a letter to a friend he had met in school. When he noticed me standing in his doorway, a wide smile spread across his face. I grinned too. It felt like it had been months since I had laid eyes on him. Adam’s distinguished look had turned many girls’ heads, especially the ones at the normal school. He carried himself like he was special, and it was the same way he treated me. He was exceptionally calm, like he was pondering about something. He put down his pen and questioned me. “Where is your husband, Carrie?” he asked as if it meant something. I knew he didn’t care much for Simon after he had jacked him up by the collar and warned him to leave me alone. I told Simon we were only friends, but Simon had to let Adam know I belonged to him. None of it had been successful in separating us. We were still friends and even Simon had softened around him. Until now, Simon had had nothing to worry about.
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