by Ella Miles
His sweet smile turns wicked. And then he thrusts. My body clenches around his cock. My soul contracts to the beat of his breathing. And I know I’m going to be lost to Caspian forever.
“Conti!” I cry again, loving the way his name rolls off my tongue.
I hold onto him with everything I have as he slams his body into mine. He’s not gentle as his own orgasm takes over him. My body hits the shower tile over and over.
It’s hard. It’s primal. And it’s something that has been missing from my life for a long time: passion.
I clutch onto him knowing I don’t know when I will have to let this feeling go, let Caspian go.
“It’s Caspian, by the way,” he says as he slowly stills, both of our breathing still frantic.
“I like Conti better. Conti saved me from my nightmares.”
He frowns. “Conti doesn’t exist. You saved yourself.”
Jesus, my heart stops. Can Caspian say anything more perfect right now? While at the same time moments ago, say all the wrong things?
It’s a good thing my heart is stopped right now, because I don’t trust it. If Caspian gave me my freedom right now, I’m not sure I would take it. He treats me well. Then he treats me horrible. He can say the sweetest compliments and the most awful insults. Sex with him is incredible, but also intense. His house is homy but also feels like a prison.
I like Caspian. More than I would ever admit to him or myself. But like isn’t love. And even if I loved him, the thought of that feeling got me in trouble before. I can’t stay here forever. Whatever this is, needs to end. It would be so much easier if I hated him.
Why don’t I hate you, Caspian?
12
Gia
Caspian never said yes to my proposal. He also never gave me a definitive no. Neither is surprising. We don’t really talk. We fuck.
I’m not complaining. The sex is amazing, but I need to figure out what is going on in Caspian’s head to have a chance of getting free.
I woke up this morning without a nightmare. Which means Caspian slept in the bed with me last night. He only has twice. Usually, he sleeps on the couch in the living room. He hasn’t said he doesn’t like sleeping with me. But I assume it crosses some line in his book. Makes whatever this is, too relationship-y. But I want him in my bed every night. He keeps my demons away.
I put on some jeans and a fitted white shirt that makes my boobs look fantastic. I comb my long hair and then hurry out to see if I can find Caspian before he leaves for work, or wherever he goes when he isn’t here.
“He’s not here,” Adela says, stopping me as I reach the kitchen.
She sits at a barstool eating her breakfast. Michi is in the kitchen cooking omelettes.
I frown as I glance at the clock on the microwave. It’s seven in the morning. I didn’t exactly sleep in, but I have no idea what time Caspian usually wakes.
She smiles at me. “Don’t worry; he didn’t run out on you on purpose. He had a meeting. That’s why I came over so early: to keep you company.”
Adela’s voice is strong and happy. She reminds me of myself before life destroyed me.
I don’t have the heart to tell her even if he was here this morning; it wouldn’t mean we would have some romantic moment. Her eyes seem too hopeful for a relationship that will never happen between us.
“You mean you are here to make sure I don’t run away.”
I take a seat next to her as Michi pours me a cup of coffee. He’s whistling to himself, ignoring my sharp words.
My words don’t faze Adela. “I don’t need to be here to make sure you don’t run. You won’t run.”
I shake my head. “You Contis underestimate me.”
She chuckles. “I don’t think Caspian underestimates you at all. I think that’s why he’s fascinated with you. He doesn’t know what to do with you. And I’m not a Conti by the way, so don’t group me in with him.”
“I thought you were his sister?”
“I am. I’m just married. I’m a Caruso now.”
I stare at her in disbelief. I never expected her to be married. To have some resemblance of a normal life.
She smiles. “I’ve shocked you.”
I nod.
“Good, I didn’t think that was possible.”
“Omelette, okay?” Michi asks.
“Of course.”
He places the omelette in front of me. “My cooking may not be as good as Caspian’s, but mine is more reliable.”
I chuckle. “Caspian told you?”
He gives me a wink. “Yes, I guess I will have to work harder to gain your approval.”
“Your food is amazing. It’s just—”
“Caspian’s is better. You’re wrong, but I get it. When you love someone, it’s easy to look past their faults.”
“I do not love Caspian! He’s holding me captive. How could I love someone who took away my freedom?”
Adela sinks in her chair, as her and Michi exchange knowing glances.
Michi shakes his head at me. “Love is strange. You don’t get to choose it. It chooses you. I believe you if you don’t love him now, just be careful. Love sneaks up on you when you least expect it to.”
I take a bite of my omelette. I’m not going to argue with Michi about loving Caspian. It’s not possible for me to love a man who took my independence away, my choices away, for even one second.
I turn to Adela as Michi starts cleaning the dishes in the sink.
“You have the security footage of Dante’s house?”
She nods slowly, only looking at me out of the corner of her eye as she tries to sip her coffee casually.
“You had a camera in the room where I was kept?”
She nods even slower.
“I need to see. I need to know Caspian never touched me.”
She swallows her coffee, hard. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
She stands and walks slowly toward the front door, like if she walks slowly I might change my mind. She exits, and I think maybe she is leaving, rather than getting the recording. But a few minutes later, she returns with a computer in her hand.
She walks back next to me and opens the computer. She glances at Michi.
“I think I’m going to go for a walk down to town. Get us some nice wine to enjoy with our pasta tonight,” he says before walking out the front door.
Adela turns to me. “What do you want to see?”
“The night that five men came.”
She nods. She starts typing into the computer searching files, and then she clicks on a video.
She turns the computer back to me. “Do you want me to stay or give you some time?”
“You’ve already seen it?”
She nods. “I spent most of my time since Dante captured you monitoring you.”
“Why?”
“Because Caspian couldn’t. He wanted to make sure you were still okay.”
My heart hurts. How could he think I was still okay when he knew what Dante was doing to me? How could he wait so long to rescue me?
“It killed Caspian to leave you there. I know he hasn’t told you why yet. I’ve told him he needs to tell you why soon. I don’t know if he will, but it’s not my place to explain. Just know he had a reason, and it tormented him every hour he left you with that monster.”
Her words don’t make me think any better of Caspian.
“I don’t care if you stay or not.” It’s the truth. She’s already seen the horror. I’ve experienced it. Watching it can’t be worse than feeling it.
I turn the computer toward me so I can have a good view. And then I press play.
“I think I’ll stay,” Adela says softly, sitting next to me.
I don’t look at her. I can’t take my eyes off the completely broken version of myself lying in the room.
There is no audio. It’s a good thing, because I could probably hear my broken heart beating so weakly, if I weren’t sitting here right now I would think the woman on the v
ideo was about to die. I would have.
Dante enters with five men on his tail. All look strong and defiant. He makes a joke and they all chuckle as he kicks me hard. That part was real. Then a man with a similar build to Caspian steps forward. The man has a similar build and similar eyes. But this man is skinnier than Caspian. He’s weaker. He could pass as a distant cousin of Caspian, but he’s not him.
I watch as he kicks me and I feel the ache in my ribs. I watch as I’m dragged to the bed. It’s like I’m there, but I’m not. I’m floating in a cloud looking down at my naked and bruised body, helpless to save myself from the fate that awaits me.
I’m tied to the bed. And then the coward settles between my legs before knocking me out. He could see my need for revenge in my eyes. He knew I would come after him if I remembered what he did. So he tried to take away my memories.
But I will never forget his face. Not until I’ve killed him.
I continue watching. I watch each thrust, each grab of my breasts, each punch to the gut.
A tear escapes my eye as I watch. It’s painful and horrible, and exactly what I needed to remember Caspian isn’t much better. He wanted to do the same thing to me. He’s locking me up, keeping me from seeking my revenge.
My tears turn to flames fanning an invisible fire growing stronger as each second of the video passes. I watch each man climb on top of me and use my body like they use a piece of exercise equipment. Like I’m not human.
Finally, it’s Dante’s turn, but I don’t need to see what he does to me. I remember every second of him.
I close the computer. I’m not sure if I’m stronger or weaker for watching it.
“Stronger,” Adela says as I wipe the tears from my cheek on the back of my hand.
“What?” I whisper, my voice hoarse.
“You are strong, Gia. The strongest. No one can take that from you. That’s one of the reasons you stayed as long as you did. You were strong. You survived until we could get you out. And you’re stronger now.”
I smile weakly. “You are definitely a Conti, no matter what your last name is now. I don’t know how you guys do it, but you are always able to read my mind.”
“I’ve been watching you for a long time. I have a good idea of what you are thinking.”
I nod.
“I need something to drink,” I finally say.
She jumps up. “We have wine or whiskey or vodka or…”
“Whiskey.”
She fixes an overfilled glass and slides it to me.
“You aren’t going to join me?” I ask. It’s eight in the morning. It’s not surprising that she won’t drink with me.
“I would, but I can’t.”
“Work?”
“No.” She pauses. “Can you keep a secret?”
I shrug. “Sometimes.”
“I think you will be able to keep this one. I’m pregnant!”
“Congratulations!” I say staring down at the invisible bump under her dark grey T-shirt.
“But why is it a secret?”
“Because if I told Caspian, there is a chance he wouldn’t let me work as hard or would put me on desk detail instead of helping him. He’s never denied me the ability to do what I love before, but I’m afraid if I tell him I’m pregnant, he won’t let me continue working for him. Caspian has always trusted me with my safety. He’s let me make my own choices. He knows I can take care of myself and kick anyone’s butt when need be. He’s never told me I can’t before. That’s what is so great about our relationship: we are a perfect team working together. He’s not my boss. We work together.”
I hate it, but I respect Caspian more for treating his sister this way. My brothers were always too protective of me. Never let me do anything without security and protection. I guess they were right to worry because of where I am now, but maybe if I had had the skills Adela has, I wouldn’t be here.
“But I’m afraid when Caspian finds out I’m pregnant he won’t be able to resist keeping me away from all of this to keep me safe.”
“I won’t tell Caspian. I promise.”
“Thank you. It’s so exciting to tell someone. I’m excited to be a mom, but I love working security.” Her arms go around me before I realize it.
And I melt in her arms. This is exactly what I needed. A hug from a friend.
Caspian might be dark, but there is nothing but warmth in Adela. She loves her brother, and it’s not her fault he has an evil side. I won’t fault her for that. She’s a friend. I just don’t think I can trust her judgment of Caspian.
There is no reason he should have left me with Dante if he could have saved me. If her words are true, there is nothing he could do to ever earn my forgiveness. He might have saved me, but nothing can save him from what he’s done.
13
Caspian
Today sucks.
Worse than sucks. Today destroyed me.
It knocked me on my ass time and time again. Beat me until I have nothing left. Ripped out the tiny bit of strength I have left, leaving me weak and vulnerable.
I need today to be over. It’s gone on far too long. I’ll take a fifth of whiskey to my bedroom and drink until I pass out. Tomorrow will be better. It has to be. I know from experience.
It’s been five years since I lost my will to live. Each year on the anniversary of my life ending, I think it will get better. I plot my revenge thinking this year it will be different. This year, I will finally kill them all for taking my life from me. But instead, I realize I have a tiny bit of life left in me when another piece of it is taken.
I slam my front door, not caring if I startle Michi. He’s used to me coming home angry. He knows not to linger today. He’ll be hidden away in his room. I’m sure he made dinner and left it warming in the oven as always, along with a new bottle of whiskey.
I head to the kitchen. I don’t care about the food, but I need the whiskey.
I exhale when I see the bottle of whiskey on the counter. If I didn’t have the bottle, I wouldn’t survive another second. I smell the chicken warming in the oven, but it makes my stomach churn at the thought of food.
I snatch the bottle off the counter as I stomp to my bedroom, loosening my tie as I walk. In a few more minutes, today will be over. I’ll have drunk enough to wash my memories into oblivion. And I won’t wake until the sun has risen.
I throw my bedroom door open as I kick off my shoes. All I can think about is getting the bottle of whiskey into me as fast as possible. I unscrew the top and lift the smooth bottle to my lips, tilt the bottle up, and begin gulping the liquid, feeling it burn down my throat and welcoming the feeling.
When I lower the bottle though, the pain is still there. I glance at the amount of liquid I drank. Almost a fourth of the bottle. It’s going to be a long night if that amount did nothing to make me numb.
I take a step forward and stub my toe on the corner of my bed.
“Fuck,” I curse, as I toss the bottle of liquid against the wall without thinking.
The bottle shatters as the liquid sprays everywhere in the dark room.
“Caspian?” a tiny voice asks gently from the bathroom.
I close my eyes and grab my head. I forgot Gia was here. Usually, she is all I think about when I’m working. Her breasts bobbing up and down as I push inside her. Her swollen lips begging for me. Her raspy voice as she comes at my command. I can’t get her out of my head on a normal day.
But today is different. Today, Gia didn’t even exist.
I can’t handle her today. Not today.
I should call Adela and have her take Gia to her house. Or tell Michi to take her to a hotel. I need Gia anywhere but here.
I walk to my ensuite. The door is cracked, and the light peeks through the bottom of the door into the dark bedroom. I never bothered to flip the lights on.
I open the door and step from the darkness into the light of the bathroom. Gia is sunk into the tub with bubbles dancing on the surface, hiding her gorgeous body from me. A candle
is lit sitting on the ledge near the tub, along with a glass of red wine and a book.
My mind goes back to the first time I bathed her in the tub. And for a split second, I think I want to join her in the tub and then fuck away the dark memories clouding my mind. It won’t work though. The memories will remain.
When Gia looks up at me, she doesn’t look afraid. Her eyes are big, but more out of concern than fear.
“What happened? I heard a loud crash,” she asks her voice calm.
I ignore her question. She doesn’t need to know I just threw away my only hope at getting any relief tonight. Hopefully, Michi stocked the liquor cabinet well, and I can find another bottle to drink.
“You need to leave,” I say, staring down at her nipples piercing through the bubbles.
She narrows her eyes as she takes the glass of wine off the shelf and brings it to her lips slowly.
“Leave?” she asks calmly.
Her calmness is annoying me. I’m not calm. I know she can feel the rage emanating from me. Her eyes tell me she knows exactly what I’m thinking. She always knows what I’m thinking. It’s the weird connection between us I can’t understand. Like we’ve known each other for a lot longer than the few weeks she’s been here.
“Yes, leave.” I snatch the towel off the hanger and hold it out to her, assuming she will stand and take it from me.
Instead, she flicks her big toe up, playing casually in the bubbles.
“What happened?”
“I need you to leave, Gia. You can sleep in Michi’s room. I’ll get him a hotel room for tonight. I need you away from me.”
She nods, and I think she will agree. “I’ll leave after I finish my bath. I just got in. I was planning on soaking for about an hour while I read my book and finish my wine.”
“No.” I can’t handle her defiance. Not even for a second.
“Then, talk. What. Happened?”
“No.”
I grab her arm and pull her up, shoving the towel around her body.
“Out. Now.” I growl.
