“Should have fucked your ass until the threat was gone,” I state.
It’s Hayden’s turn for her body to completely lock up. I keep my arms around her, unwilling to let her free from my hold though. She doesn’t look up at me, but that’s okay, what I’m saying isn’t something she needs to look at me for.
“Why do you say that?” she asks after a few beats of silence.
I clear my throat. “My dad taught me that. Never fuck a woman’s pussy unless you were committed and ready to procreate. You don’t have to worry about pregnancy when you fuck ass and mouth,” I explain.
I know I’ve mentioned this to her before, but I never saw her as a whore, as someone just to fuck. She’s always been my woman, from the beginning.
“If that’s the way you want it, Ward. You wouldn’t be the first to fuck my ass, so it’s no big deal if that’s all you want from me,” she says.
I can tell her jaw is clenched, but there’s a sadness to her tone and I hate that I’ve made her feel bad, or sad, or whatever the fuck.
Shifting my hand to the back of her hair, I fist it and tug her head back. Her green eyes blaze with a fire I haven’t seen before, and she looks like she’s about to spit in my face, but she doesn’t say a word. She stares at me, daring me to dig myself into a fucking bigger hole.
“I’m committed to you Hayden,” I growl. “But by fucking you with no birth control, and no protection, I potentially set you up for something really fucking bad. I shouldn’t have done that.”
She shakes her head. “They would have fucked me to put a baby inside of me, their baby inside of me, Ward. They would have raped me—brutalized me,” she whimpers. “All over again.”
Her big green eyes search mine and I feel like a fucking asshole. I shake my head, pulling her even closer to my body. “It doesn’t matter, anymore, Hayden. It’s done and over. They didn’t hurt you and I fucked you, enjoyed your body over and over again, not giving a fuck if I planted my seed inside of you or not. Maybe subconsciously, I did all of it on purpose. I’ve never done it before, not with zero protection like that,” I shrug.
“You’re a dick,” she growls.
I tug her head back a little more, my eyes focused on hers. “Yeah, baby, don’t I fuckin’ know it. Nothing’s changed. Told you I was fucked up, told you I was no good for you. Yet, here we are, and you’re mine now.”
Tears stream down her face, and I should feel guilty, but I don’t. I open my mouth to speak, but she beats me to it.
“I am yours, Ward, but you can stop reminding me how you warned me about you. Stop being hot and cold. You tell me you love me, then all that stuff you just spewed, it made me feel like absolute shit. I didn’t deserve that,” she murmurs.
She’s not wrong, I shouldn’t have even said anything. I should have kept my fucking mouth shut about it, but I didn’t. I dip my chin, brushing my lips across hers, slipping my tongue out to taste her own.
When her mouth parts, I slide my tongue inside of her and taste her. She lets out a whimper and my fingers tighten in her hair as I own her.
When we both need to breathe, I break the kiss placing my forehead against her own and keeping my eyes closed. “I accept your apology,” she smiles.
I chuckle. “Let’s go take a shower and I’ll eat your pussy as a proper apology,” I grin.
“Okay,” she breathes.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
HAYDEN
After our early morning of sex, fighting, and Ward apologizing, I decide to make pancakes. Easton wakes up not long after we’re out of the shower and is hungry. Ward takes him and changes his diaper before he brings him back for breakfast. I thank him for the help as I plate everyone’s food.
I’m a little colder than I want to be to him. I can’t help but still be a little pissed about earlier. It doesn’t seem to bother him though. He just goes about eating his pancakes as if he doesn’t have a care in the world.
I wrap my fingers around my fork, holding it a little too tightly as I imagine stabbing him in the arm with it for being such an asshole.
“I have to go down to the clubhouse today. You coming with?” he asks around a bite of fluffy cake.
His words send a shiver of fear up my spine. I don’t want to be left alone, especially not here. “I‘ll go with you,” I say, downcasting my eyes to my plate.
He grunts but doesn’t say anything, and I’m grateful for it. I’m not ready to be alone, not yet anyway. I honestly don’t know if I ever will be ready either, and that terrifies me.
When the Nomads took me from Jack, I couldn’t wait to get away from them, and then from the club after they dropped me off at the clubhouse and left. I wanted to be alone, just me and Easton.
Things are different now, though. I don’t want Ward out of my sight. I want to be surrounded by people instead of being alone. There is safety in numbers, and I don’t plan on ever being caught off guard and alone again.
Even if the threat of Jack, Zachary, Samuel, and Lucifer is dead, that doesn’t mean that all threats are non-existent. I know enough about this lifestyle to know that there is always an underlying threat somewhere—always.
“Finish getting dressed and I’ll clean up breakfast,” Ward offers.
I’m surprised, but I don’t say anything. I take my last drink of orange juice as I stand up. Walking back with Easton, I ruffle his soft baby hair, then continue until I’m stopped by Ward’s arm wrapped around my waist. He tugs me down on his lap and I let out a surprised cry as my ass lands on his thighs.
He buries his face in my neck, his beard causing my skin to tickle, which makes me giggle. “Forgive me, baby,” he pleads, his tongue snakes out and tastes my skin which causes me to shiver in a different way.
“Oh okay,” I sigh. He growls, not letting me go. “I forgive you, Ward.” He releases his tight grip on me, but I don’t make a move to stand. I stay where I am. “You have a fucked-up view on things, and I had really fucked up teenage years. We’re going to have ups and downs,” I whisper.
Lifting his hand, he cups my cheek and turns my face toward his. “We’re two fucked up souls, Hayden. You’ve been broken like no woman should ever have to be. I was taught something early that even though I know is wrong, I struggle with daily. I let it become a part of me, denying what I know is right because it’s easier to pretend, easier to just accept that my father could have been right, or maybe I liked being a bit depraved.”
I smirk at his words, turning to kiss the center of his palm. “I don’t mind if you’re a bit depraved. It could be fun,” I wink. Ward chuckles as I lean forward and brush my lips with his. “We’ll work it all out, we’ve just had a rough road to start on,” I rasp against his lips.
“No fuckin’ joke,” he says, his lips turned up into a smile against my own. “Go get ready, baby.”
I stand and hurry away from him. Not that I have a whole lot left to do. I’m already thoroughly showered for the day, something Ward made absolute sure of. In fact, my breasts and pussy have never been so clean in my entire life.
As I tug on my jeans and t-shirt for the day, I think about his words about anal. I’ve done it before, more times than I could count, but I didn’t like it. I also didn’t like sex at all until I met Ward, so maybe there’s something to it.
Pressing my lips together, I decide that tonight I’ll tell him that I want him inside of me back there. If anybody can make it feel good, I know that he can. Just thinking about the way he fills my pussy, and what it will feel like in my ass, makes my legs a little weak.
Inhaling a deep cleansing breath, I make my way out of my bedroom and back into the living room. Ward is just putting the last dish in the dishwasher while Easton plays with his oversized blocks in the middle of the living room floor.
“We need to do some serious fucking furniture shopping, babe,” Ward calls out from the kitchen. I watch as he turns and then slowly begins to walk toward us. Bending down, I pick up Easton. “You need a decent television too,”
he announces.
I giggle as I think about Baby and his obsession with a good television. I honestly didn’t think Ward cared that much, considering we don’t really watch much TV or maybe we just haven’t had the time because our relationship has never had that lull of normal.
“Okay, Ward,” I murmur as I grab hold of Easton’s diaper bag.
Ward reaches out and takes it from my grasp. “I loaded it down with shit for the day. Diapers, snacks, and toys,” he grins.
“Thanks.”
He lifts his chin, slinging it over his shoulder. “Let’s go.”
We load up in the pickup and head toward the clubhouse. Ward doesn’t say anything but glancing over at him, he looks a little lost in thought. We had a lot happen this morning, so I don’t bother him.
I also don’t know why we have to go down to the clubhouse, so maybe that’s what has him occupied? I decide not to ask him, if there’s something he wants me to know, he isn’t shy about telling me.
The clubhouse comes into view and I see a prospect standing at the gate. He opens it immediately when he realizes it’s us.
Ward parks in his regular space and I notice that it’s operation back to normal around here. Gone are the many trucks, motorcycles, and vans. I’m sure that they all are headed back to their families, and I’m glad for it.
That is exactly where they should be.
“I have church. You and Easton will just have to hang out in the rec room where all the kids chill when we have lockdown,” Ward announces.
“Okay,” I shrug.
I know that there are plenty of toys behind a wall of cabinets for Easton to play with. Plus, there’s a television in there, so I can just channel surf until he’s ready.
“After, if we have time we’ll do some more house shopping,” he states before he opens his door and jumps out.
I slide out of my seat as well and am not surprised to see that Ward already has Easton out, and is carrying him toward the front door of the club. I quickly hurry after them, Easton’s diaper bag slung over my shoulder.
Catching up to them, I reach for Ward’s arm and wrap my fingers around his forearm. He looks down and readjusts, threading his fingers with my own, and holds my hand.
He settles us into the rec room and informs me that he’s late for church. Pressing his lips to mine in a quick kiss, he turns and walks quickly out of the space. Flipping the channels on the television, I’m not surprised when I come across a ton of porn channels. I quickly scan past them and settle on a Mickey Mouse cartoon for Easton. Although I’m not sure he cares too much, he looks pretty entertained rifling through the toy basket at the moment.
CROONER
Walking into church, Snake’s brow lifts as I take my seat. “Can we begin now?” he asks like the smartass he is.
“Sorry I’m late, Hayden didn’t want to stay at the house alone, I had to bring her and Easton down here,” I explain.
Snake nods, understanding showing on his face. “We have some shit to discuss. First off, Idaho helped us out with our deliveries, so it’s only fair we give them a cut of the profits. Everybody who agrees, aye.” Every single person says aye.
Snake nods then turns to the newcomer in the room. The guy from North Dakota who was working on the laptop. I didn’t realize he was even here until Snake looked directly at him.
“Keys would like to stay on here for a while, maybe permanently if he likes us, as our tech guy. Anybody opposed to him pledging for our chapter?”
The entire room is bathed in silence. We don’t know him, so it wouldn’t be right to say no right away, after all, he’s still a brother. I’m all about giving people chances, and I’d like to get to know the kid anyway. If he’s a good hacker and computer whiz, then he’ll be a nice asset here.
“Go ahead, tell them what you’ve found,” Snake mutters, pointing to the kid.
“Name’s Keys,” the kid announces lifting two fingers in a wave. “What I found is three more compounds, just like the one we burnt to the ground,” he explains.
“Sonofabitch,” Fish hisses.
Keys shakes his head. “One is in Texas, one is in Wyoming, and there’s another in Montana,” he explains. “None of them have quite the numbers that this one did.”
“But they’ll continue to grow, and who knows what women they’ll try to take now that they know we’re on to them,” Motorhead growls.
All of the other men grunt their agreement. I scrub my hand over my face, not wishing to get involved in any of these fucking Aryan cults. I don’t need Hayden and Easton to have another target on their backs, but how can I turn a blind eye to the other women and children being abused? I fucking can’t.
“We going to take care of shit?” I ask.
Snake tips his head and looks directly at me. “Do you want to, Crooner?” he asks, keeping his voice even.
Clearing my throat, I nod. “Nobody should have to go through what Hayden and those women we rescued went through. No child should be born or raised in that environment. We have to do something.”
“Could we just tip off the cops?” Free asks with a shrug.
Snake grunts. “Fuck, I don’t know. I see both sides. However, I know what happens when police are brought in. If all those women say they’re there of their own free will, what can they really do? Odds are they’re all adults, or close to it.”
“I think we take matters into our own hands. Wyoming, Montana, and Texas have charters. Doubt we’d need to call any extra brothers in. With Keys as our tech guy, I think we can handle it.”
Snake chuckles. “Funny, MadDog wanted us on this vigilante shit solely, almost two years ago, and I told him to fuck himself. Now, look at us,” he grins.
“We doin’ it?” Fish asks shifting in his seat.
Snake clears his throat. “Whatever we decide we can’t quit the shit we have going on here. Our trade is hoppin’, our sales are hoppin’, and so is the bar.”
“We just need to give the brothers that stay here extra workload to even everything out, then send the brothers to the states to handle the shit there,” Baby pipes up.
I flex and tighten my fist under the table, wanting nothing other than to punch him in the side of the head. I’m still not over him trying to swoop in and snatch my woman. Even if he’s right about what we need to do.
“Anyone that wants to go to the states, come to me and let me know. I’ll see what I can do as far as a schedule goes,” Snake announces. “Free, Crooner, in my office. Church is adjourned.”
Standing, I follow him out of the room, and onward toward his office. Once we’re all three inside, he lifts his chin toward the door.
“Now, we need to talk about what’s happening here and who will be in charge of the group heading out to the states.”
I’m surprised by how quickly all of this is happening, but I suppose Snake wants it over and done with. I don’t blame him, the time is now before they move to a different location and we have to search for them all over again.
“I don’t want either of you to go. You’ve got Hayden and Easton, and you’ve got Whitley,” Snake announces. Free opens his mouth, but Snake holds his hand up to stop him. “I’m making Fish in charge. He’s the most senior guy I have here and he’s never home anyway. I know he’ll keep the men in line, too,” he explains.
“Who else are you sending?” I ask.
Snake chuckles. “Baby, which I’m sure will make you happy.” I shrug like it means nothing to me, but inside I’m fucking thrilled for the punk ass to be gone for a while. “I’m sending Keys and one prospect too for sure, then whoever signs up that I can spare,” he murmurs.
“Sounds good,” Free mutters. He sounds pissed, but he doesn’t say anything. Snake waves us off, and we leave the office.
“You good, brother?” I ask Free as I close the door behind me.
He shakes his head. “Needed to get away from Whitley. Needed to go on this and clear my head,” he tries to explain.
Reaching forwar
d, I wrap my hand around his shoulder and give him a squeeze. “Don’t fight it, Free. The longer you do, the more miserable you’ll both be. Trust me,” I urge.
He shakes his head, running his hand through his hair and tugging on the ends. He looks fucking confused and rattled and I don’t blame him. Bitches do that shit to you, especially when you’re falling for them without even meaning to.
“You don’t understand—” he tries to explain.
Shaking my head, I release his shoulder and take a step back. Lifting my chin toward the rec room, I chuckle. “Brother, I fuckin’ understand better than you could realize. I know you went through some shit when you were a kid, but you’re a man now. She’s a pretty little thing. You need to make your call and do it fast. Don’t drag shit out for almost two years like I did. Don’t make both of you miserable, but if I were you, I’d claim that little girl right fucking now. Don’t even give her a fucking choice.”
I walk away from him, leaving him with my words of wisdom, and if he was smart, he’d take them and run with them immediately. I don’t know what he’s going to do, but I told him what needs to happen.
Walking away, I keep my focus on the rec room and Hayden as I hurry toward her. We have shit to do today, and even being away from her for that meeting, was too fucking long.
I’ve turned into a goddamn pussy, a cunt of a man, but I don’t mind, not when Hayden and Easton are the ones waiting for me.
CHAPTER THIRTY
HAYDEN
It feels like last night and this morning, our fight and our making up, that it was a lifetime ago. After Ward’s meeting, he comes into the rec room to get us. It takes a few minutes to pack our things, then before we can leave the bar, Motorhead is standing in the middle of a table and calling for everyone’s attention.
Chased with Strength: Notorious Devils (Cash Bar Book 2) Page 23
