Forgiving Lies fl-1

by Molly McAdams

  Such a baby. “Whatever you say, Kash. What do you say to a pseudo lock-out night? Neither of us are locked out, but I’m going to be bored . . . I’ll even let you pick out the movie this time.”

  He immediately stopped sucking on his lip ring and I frowned. “Let’s go.” He grabbed my hand and began leading me to his apartment, but I pulled back.

  “No way, crazy. You finished off the Ben and Jerry’s in your apartment the other night. My place tonight.”

  “I have the better TV.”

  “But I’m Rachel.”

  His head jerked back and his shoulders scrunched up as he looked at me like he was lost. “What—what does that have to do with anything?”

  Oh, good question. “I’m not sure. Give me a bit to come up with an answer. But for now, it means you’ll let me get my way.”

  Kash’s eyes narrowed and he sucked in a deep breath, but then he shut his mouth and shook his head. “I was going to say something that probably would’ve resulted in me getting slapped right now . . . but it would also mean you wouldn’t cook pancakes for me anymore.”

  “Probably smart to keep your mouth shut then.”

  “Unfortunately.” He sighed. “All right, lead the way to the ice cream. I don’t want to look like I’m Photoshopped anymore and you really need an ass.”

  I slapped him.

  Hard.

  9

  Rachel

  YOU EVER HAVE that feeling when you know someone is in the room with you, even though you should be alone?

  Yeah. I was having it right now.

  I kept my eyes closed and tried to keep my breathing steady, but I was on the verge of a full-blown Rachel freak-out before I caught the scent of cinnamon. Cracking one eye open, I saw Kash sitting on the edge of my bed just staring at me with an amused expression.

  “Can I help you?” I mumbled against the pillow.

  “I’m hungry and want pancakes.”

  “You want . . . What are you, five?! Make your own. I even bought the easy-make pancakes last weekend. All you have to do is add water.” I rolled over and groaned. “Seven thirty? Kash, we didn’t get back from work until after one. You have got to stop waking me up so early. And how are you even in here?”

  He looked like he was fighting a smile and his eyes kept flashing up above mine. “Candice let me in.”

  Trying to act like I didn’t notice where his eyes kept going, and like I wasn’t flipping out because I was sure my hair looked like a hot mess, I slowly brought my arm up to brush back the hair from my face when my hand hit something that tugged at my forehead. “What the hell?” I tried to look straight up and even leaned my head back to try to follow whatever was at the very top of my forehead. I saw a blue tip and grabbed at it before yanking it off and holding it in front of my eyes. “A Nerf dart?!”

  Kash shamelessly pulled up a Nerf gun and waved it at his side. His eyes slid back up to my forehead and a hard laugh burst from his chest. Rolling back, he fell off the bed and landed with a dull thump on the floor.

  “What?” I snapped, and scrambled out of bed. As I made my way to the bathroom, I was hit once in the butt and once on my calf by more darts. “You’re such a child, Kash!” Flipping on the light, I blinked against the brightness before focusing on the mirror. A loud gasp filled the small room. “Logan Kash Hendricks! What did you do?”

  He was still cracking up as he got to his feet and came to stand behind me. “I just had to make sure it was on there real good. So I tested it a few times . . . you’re a really heavy sleeper, by the way.”

  “There is a hickey on my forehead!”

  His body was shaking from the laughter he was trying to keep in now.

  “It’s not funny! This better be gone by the time we go to work tonight.”

  “Don’t be mad, Sour Patch.” He planted his chin at the top of my head and brushed at my bangs. “You have those, they’ll cover it. Can we have pancakes now?”

  My eyes went wide and my jaw dropped as I continued to stare at him in the mirror. “No! Go make them yourself.”

  He frowned and brought the toy gun up in front of us. “I’ll let you shoot me.”

  I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment. Pancakes sounded really good right now. With a heavy sigh, I held my hand out. “Give me the gun.” As soon as it was in my hand, I went around collecting the three darts and put them back in with the other three still in there before aiming it right at his forehead.

  Kash smiled, closed his eyes, and took all six darts like a champ. When I was done he had little red marks all over his forehead, and though I knew his would be gone in a few minutes, I felt like he’d gotten it worse than I did.

  “Feel better?”

  “A little.” I handed the gun back to him and turned toward my door. “Let’s go make pancakes.” I’d barely hit the kitchen when I realized I didn’t hear him behind me. “And don’t even think about shooting me again, or you’ll be on your own for breakfast!”

  Whirling around, I saw him lower the gun that had been aimed at me and, with a pathetic frown, let it drop onto the couch.

  I gave him the silent treatment while he pulled out the skillet and mix and I began whisking together the batter. I really wasn’t mad at him—okay, that’s not exactly true; I still couldn’t believe he’d given me a hickey on my forehead with a freaking suction-cup dart. But it was hard to stay mad at Kash when we worked together in the kitchen. He always found reasons to brush up against me, and whenever I thought he wasn’t looking, I’d take my time studying what I could see of his half sleeves and usually made my way up to his full lips. When I saw him sucking on that lip ring, my belly started heating and my mouth went dry. Every. Time. It never failed. So how was I supposed to be mad when I was currently finding it difficult to remember why I kept us as just friends?

  “Damn, that’s a good hickey.”

  Oh, right. That’s how.

  I frowned down at the fully mixed batter. My poor not-yet-made pancakes . . . it was fun while it lasted. The next time he turned to check the skillet, I pulled the whisk out and set it gently on the counter. I really wasn’t worried about messes right now. Grabbing the bowl with both hands, I stepped right up behind him, reached my arms up high, and tipped it over. The sense of glee I got as I watched his entire body stiffen and all that batter fall onto his head was kind of alarming. No wonder he’d been so proud of his suction-cup hickey. I was damn proud of this mess.

  When only a little dribble was falling from the bowl, I brought the bowl away from his head, set it on the counter, and had only taken two steps when he grabbed me around my waist and hauled me back to him. The movement made him lose his footing on the now-slippery tile and we both crashed down to the floor.

  Quickly getting up on my hands and knees, I slip-crawled a few feet before my legs went out and I fell back to the floor. Kash dragged me back by my legs and I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even attempt to try to crawl away as he flipped me over on my back and slipped toward me until he was covering my body.

  I laughed harder and wiped at his cheek, which was completely covered. “You, uh, got a little something there.”

  His eyes were silver as he growled, “Now do you feel better?”

  “Much!”

  “I probably deserved that.”

  “A little bit.” My laughter finally quieted and I smiled widely at him.

  “Rachel . . .” His voice dropped and the huskiness alone caused my breathing to deepen.

  When I realized that our bodies were flush, mine started warming again, and my eyelids fluttered shut when he brought one hand up to cup my cheek.

  When he repeated my name, I could feel his breath against my lips and they parted in anticipation. His hand left my cheek and he leaned closer to whisper in my ear, “Your hickey looks really lonely.”

  Wait. What?! My eyes flew open just as he wiped a hand covered in batter across my face. “You son of a bitch!”

  Kash laughed loudly and attempted to move so
me of the batter so it wasn’t in my eyes.

  “I will end you,” I said, making him laugh harder. “I hate you.”

  “Don’t lie, Sour Patch, you love me.”

  He was joking, I knew he was joking—but my heart still took off at his assumption. Kash must have noticed the change somehow, because he immediately stopped laughing and his gray eyes turned silver.

  “Rachel?”

  “I, uh—we should clean this up.” I attempted to slide out from under him, but he kept his weight on me and brought his hand up to my cheek again. I stopped moving beneath him and locked up my body as his gaze held mine.

  His silver eyes fell over my face as his head inched down, and in the torturous seconds where his lips hovered over mine again, I told myself a dozen times I needed to push him away.

  But needing and wanting are two completely different things.

  Kash closed the distance between us and pressed his lips to mine, and in that instant, I felt like I was exactly where I belonged and my body relaxed between him and the tile floor. He parted my mouth with his own and a soft whimper left me when our tongues met and moved against each other. Kissing my bottom lip softly, he pulled back a fraction of an inch to look into my eyes again and smiled before leaning back in.

  The door burst open and we jolted away from each other as much as our positions allowed as Mason ran into the apartment, a loud war cry following him into my room, where it abruptly cut off.

  Kash’s chest moved roughly as we both came back to reality, and after a heavy silence he turned his head and called out, “Mase?”

  I blew out the breath I’d been holding and refused to look back up at Kash as I silently berated myself for my actions over the last few minutes. That wasn’t supposed to have happened, and it couldn’t happen again. We both knew that.

  My inner scolding stopped abruptly when Mason slowly walked over to the kitchen with a Nerf gun in hand. In a black wife-beater and cargo pants, with a bandanna around his forehead . . . he almost looked like Rambo.

  “What the hell are you wearing?” Kash asked as he cautiously lifted himself off me.

  Mase looked down at himself, then back up. “I saw you coming in here on my way back from my run with your gun. I thought we were gonna have a Nerf fight.”

  Oh. Dear. God.

  Even with the tension coming from Kash and me, I couldn’t help it. I burst into laughter until I was crying and snorting uncontrollably.

  IT WAS NIGHTS like this I wished I didn’t have a job.

  The bar had been slammed for the first half of my shift. Normally, I wouldn’t have complained; it made the shift go by faster and it meant more tips for me. But one of my tables during the rush was a couple with their toddler who thought it was hilarious to throw food off the table and at me, as well as continuously knock over her parents’ drinks. You’d think maybe they’d—I don’t know—move the drinks away from the baby. Or feed the baby rather than let her have her own plate right in front of her. Or maybe, just maybe, apologize for the fact that I was now covered in sour cream and refried beans instead of sitting there arguing with each other about who was better at playing Angry Birds. Just a thought, but what did I know? I was just the food-covered waitress with a smile on her face. That, added to the fact that Kash and I hadn’t mentioned our kiss once, and that Eve had decided to remind me of original sin by bringing me my monthly gift, and I now had cramps bad enough to bring Chuck Norris down . . . equaled one incredibly grumpy me.

  I then began messing up orders and spilling drinks, and, in an attempt to save a woman’s white blouse, I tipped my tray back my way so a full bowl of salsa fell on me instead of her. I’m pretty sure my shirt had been craving salsa anyway.

  The after-work rush had just begun to taper off when Kash pushed me down the hall toward the bathrooms and handed me a new work shirt.

  “Go change, Rach.”

  “What, you don’t like what I’m wearing now?” I laughed humorlessly and grabbed the shirt from him.

  He smiled wickedly at me and leaned over so his lips were at my ear. “You look so . . . very . . .” His lips brushed my ear before he leaned back.

  I cleared my throat and tried not to lean toward him. “I look what? Edible?” I asked, pointing at my newest addition to my shirt.

  Sucking on the metal in his lip, he gave me a once-over, and when his eyes came back up to mine they were heated. Completely not fitting his next statement. “I was going to say disgusting. But sure, edible works too.”

  “You’re such an asshole.” I smacked his arm and turned toward the bathroom.

  He laughed and backed up in the direction of the dining area. “Cheer up, Sour Patch.”

  Until I was home, in my pajamas, and had a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in front of me, that wasn’t likely to happen.

  A part of me hated that he could so easily go back to how we’d been, without so much as a hint of what had happened that morning—but I knew that’s how it needed to be and was thankful that at least it hadn’t changed the friendship I’d come to love from him. I changed shirts, tried to wipe off as much as possible on my other shirt before throwing it in a to-go bag and putting it in my purse, and planted another fake smile on my face. I could get through the rest of the shift. Three more hours was nothing. Right? My cramps made their presence known and my back started aching.

  I’d lied. Three hours would feel like forever.

  Over two hours later, I’d successfully avoided spilling anything else on myself. And thank God there were no more evil food-throwing babies.

  I was clearing some plates off a table when I heard the familiar strum of guitar chords. My heart clenched painfully as I slowly made my way to the kitchen. Tonight was another open-mic night, and while I enjoyed having live music playing throughout the bar and dining room, I didn’t usually pay that much attention to it. But there was no way to miss this song. The deep, husky voice began crooning through the speakers as I came back out of the kitchen empty-handed. And I couldn’t shake the feeling that I knew that voice as I made my way to a spot where I could see the stage.

  I rubbed a hand over my aching chest and stopped suddenly when I saw Kash sitting on the stool in front of the mic with a guitar in his hands. What was he doing? Since when did he play guitar and sing? And why this song? His eyes searched the dining area and landed on me just as he began the first chorus of “I’ll Be.” Tears pricked the back of my eyes and my entire body warmed under his intense stare as he continued through words that meant more to me than he could have known. Not once did he take his eyes from me, and my mind and heart fought over my conflicting feelings. Part of me wanted to yell that he was the guy I’d been waiting for. That I was in love with him and was done being only his friend. The other part wanted to know why he was torturing me with this song. With everything else that had happened tonight and the fourth anniversary of my parents’ death less than two months away, I wanted to run away from there, to curl in a ball and mourn what I had lost and would never have. I couldn’t call my mom and tell her I’d met a guy whose presence alone made me dizzy. Who sang to me the same song Dad had always sung to her. I couldn’t tell my parents that no matter how hard I fought my feelings and pushed Kash away, I knew I’d met the man I wanted to marry.

  The haunting words drifted to an end, and soon the chords did too. When Kash was finished, he put the guitar on the stand and began walking in my direction. Throughout all of this, his eyes still hadn’t left mine. Before he could reach me, the bitter side of me won out and I turned on my heel and rushed back to my customers. I kept myself busy for the rest of the hour and whenever I had to go over to the bar, I made sure to go to Bryce’s side so I wouldn’t have to face Kash again.

  I knew I was being ridiculous, but if it had been any song other than that one, if it had been on a night that wasn’t wearing me completely down, I may have been brave enough to finally fight for what I wanted. But right now all I could think of was finishing out this shift at work and stayin
g far from Logan Hendricks. Somehow, he knew how to get to me. And somehow, I knew that our being together was right. But especially after that morning, everything about him—and us together—scared me. And I wasn’t sure I could handle that right now.

  People say that being in love is amazing.

  They lie. It’s freaking terrifying.

  “WHAT’S UP, LADY, how was work?”

  I looked at Candice and groaned. “It sucked so bad!” I went into the kitchen, where she was searching for dinner, and jumped on the counter as I told her about the entire night—including Kash’s song.

  “Oh my God! Did you tell him about that song and what it means to you?”

  “No! We’ve never even talked about it. I really think it was just some freaky coincidence but it—God, it hurt, Candi.” I wanted to tell her about the kiss that morning, but Candice and I hadn’t talked about guys for me since the whole Blake incident, and I didn’t know how to bring it up now.

  She looked like she was about to cry. My parents’ death had been almost as hard on her. “Well, what did you say to him after?”

  “Nothing. He was walking toward me and I turned and ran back into my part of the dining room. I avoided him the rest of my shift.”

  “Rach, I’m sorry.” She sniffed and blinked back tears that were threatening to fall as she fanned at her eyes rapidly. “Screw this. Tonight is a Chinese-food-and-Ben-and-Jerry’s kind of night.” She grabbed the Lean Cuisine she’d taken out, put it back in the freezer, and looked at our stock. “I’m going to go get food and another couple pints; we’re running low and I have a feeling we’ll go through a lot this week.”

  I smiled weakly at her and slid off the counter. “I’ll go with you.”

  “No, go get comfy and take some Midol. I’ll be right back.”

  “Love you, Candi.”

  She wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed me tight. “Love you back. Always.”

  I was in my pajamas and had just finished downing the pills and a glass of water when the door opened and Kash walked in. Candice has seriously got to start locking that door when she leaves.