by Peter Martin
‘Oh, I was just out with a girlfriend, and then I went shopping – and look, I’ve bought you some sweeties!’ She handed her daughter a packet of jelly babies.
‘Have you eaten?’ Billy asked curtly.
‘Yes, a burger with Jenny. And I bought a new jumper.’ Oblivious to her husband’s state of mind, she removed a beige sweater from her bag. ‘Isn’t it gorgeous, lovely and soft … cashmere.’ She held it up. He nodded, wondering how much that had cost. She then explained about her night out, and how everyone had had too much to drink.
Billy listened intently trying to look interested. Eventually, having heard enough prattle, he said, ‘Well, I’m glad you’re home at last. I began to think you weren’t coming back at all.’
Being so full of herself and her new way of life she didn’t take the bait, but elaborated about Jenny’s flat, seemingly unaware she’d done anything wrong, or that he was livid. He needed to put a stop to this, but at what cost?
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These odd ‘girlie nights out’, as Sarah called them, soon became a regular occurrence. At one point he suggested she restrict her ‘outings’ to once a fortnight. But she vehemently objected, saying she wasn’t squandering his money, it was her money she spent. Which Billy secretly had to admit was true, not only that, she kept the house clean and did more than her fair share of looking after the kids. Deep down it rankled him. The group of girls she accompanied were all unmarried, and he’d noticed of late that she never went into any detail about these outings. He worried and wasn’t sure of what to do.
He’d noticed they were no longer as intimate as before. He found it difficult to put his finger on why. They didn’t argue and were even affectionate towards each other. Although he had no proof, he couldn’t shake off the idea she was seeing someone else.
As if by fate, one Friday night a few weeks later, Billy took the children to the local cinema to see Madagascar, a film targeted at a young audience, but he enjoyed it too. As he drove out of the car park, he turned into the busy Dexford High Street, catching a glimpse in the rear-view mirror of the children’s ice cream spattered faces. He had hoped the traffic would be lighter tonight, so they could get home quickly, but they proceeded at a snail’s pace. He imagined carrying them upstairs to bed, but was brought back to his senses by Alice’s excited voice. ‘Oh, look, Daddy, it’s Mummy.’
On both sides of the road the pavements heaved with people, making their way to one of the trendy pubs and clubs, so it was almost impossible to spot anyone. But with Alice’s next comment, ‘Over there, Daddy, by the big lamp,’ Billy turned and caught a glance of what looked like the back of Sarah, linking arms with a man.
CHAPTER 17
‘No, it can’t be Mummy, she’s out with her friends,’ Billy maintained.
‘But it looks like her,’ Alice insisted. ‘I thought all Mummy’s friends were girls?’
‘Oh, they are, sweetheart,’ Billy quickly put in. ‘Come on, let’s forget it.’
But Billy couldn’t and wished the traffic would speed up so he could have a better look. Whoever the couple were, they were moving in the opposite direction.
‘She’s kissing him now,’ Alice persisted, unable to let it go. ‘Daddy … what’s she doing that for?’
‘I’ve already told you, it’s not her.’ But a cold shiver ran down his spine; the woman’s black coat and boots were like items Sarah owned … and the short blonde hair.
‘Mummy, Mummy,’ Alice shouted through the open window.
‘It isn’t your mother. Wind up the window and stop it.’ But his abrupt tone upset her and she started to cry, and a few seconds later Aaron joined in.
As Billy steered the car out of the High Street towards home, he glanced back but the couple were gone, prompting him to say, ‘Honest, it wasn’t her, guys, only someone who looked like her.’
‘But, Daddy –’ Alice began.
‘No buts, the subject is closed, all right? And I don’t want either of you mentioning this to Mummy in the morning either, she’ll be upset, and we can do without that, can’t we?’
Alice didn’t answer, but her expression spoke volumes.
After that he talked about the film they’d seen, but it became a one-sided conversation, with Aaron dropping off to sleep and Alice sitting tight-lipped.
But, driving home, Billy’s thoughts remained with the young couple arm in arm. Admittedly, he couldn’t be one hundred per cent sure, but it tormented him deep inside. If he raised the subject she’d laugh or scream and shout at him for daring to suggest such a thing. No, he would have to keep it to himself for now, and hope Alice wouldn’t mention it either.
Later that night when she arrived home, Billy pretended to be asleep. The next morning Sarah acted normally. If it was her, she didn’t realise she’d been seen. And in the days that followed, despite Billy’s determination to find out the truth, they got on well and, at one point, were even intimate.
Each week when Sarah went out, Billy became ever more anxious – the whole situation drove him crazy. He’d even searched her belongings for incriminating evidence but drew a blank. And although mindful that the children would suffer if his suspicions were confirmed, he needed to get to the bottom of it. Ultimately, after endless soul searching, he came up with a plan.
A colleague, Jane, an English language lecturer, had on occasions, offered to babysit so he and Sarah could have a night out. Her daughter, Dilly, attended the same school as Alice, and Jane was acquainted with Sarah.
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Having dropped the children off at their friend’s house, Billy made for Dexford, daunted by his task ahead. Sarah had gone out saying, as usual, not to wait up. Well, was she in for a surprise.
He parked the car at the back of the Bull’s Head pub and walked through a side door and into a corridor. Even at eight o’clock the sound of the juke-box drew him towards the Lounge. When he’d planned this escapade, he had hopes of coming across a bunch of loud glitzy women giggling, Sarah amongst them. But, as this wasn’t the case, he sauntered up to the bar and ordered a pint of lager.
With the drink in his hand, he leaned against the bar and surveyed the room: mainly filled with young people enjoying themselves. His breathing became erratic, and he wondered if he should be here at all. If she walked in, what would she say? If his suspicions were correct, he may witness something he wouldn’t like.
He turned around, held up his glass to order another drink and for a few seconds the din in the room became unbearable. The barmaid approached asking, ‘Same again, lovey?’
He didn’t answer and stared towards the end of the bar. She followed his gaze, and then touching his hand, said, ‘You all right, ducks? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost?’
He nodded before saying, ‘A brandy, please.’
Through the mosaic mirrored tiles, he caught sight of a young couple huddled together and gazing into each other’s eyes, lost in conversation. They kissed passionately and held hands.
Billy began to breathe erratically, his hand shaking with anger as he gulped down his drink, staring at the reflection of the well-built male sitting next to Sarah. Having drained the glass, he banged it down on the bar and spun round, making his way to the corner of the room where the ‘love-birds’ sat. Maybe, he’d soon find out why she’d chosen such a brute.
The expression on Sarah’s face ranged from panic to sheer horror and she moved away from her companion, who seemed to take a while to work out what was going on.
‘Hallo, Sarah – this is a surprise,’ Billy said. ‘Fancy seeing you here. Don’t mind if I join you, do you? Why don’t you introduce me’ – he indicated with the side of his head – ‘to your friend here?’
‘This isn’t what you think.’ By now, Sarah’s face was bright red.
‘Oh yes? And what would I be thinking?’ Billy mocked, and when she didn’t reply, he continued, ‘Are you telling me he’s just an acquaintance?’
‘Er …yes. Ryan – he works out the back of
the supermarket, unloading the deliveries,’ she explained, a slight tremor in her voice.
‘Oh, that’s a bit physical, isn’t it?’ Billy added dryly. ‘It figures.’
‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Oh, nothing, love.’
Unaware of what Billy was getting at, Ryan grinned saying, ‘Yeah … and it helps keep me fit.’
‘I can see that.’
And, changing the subject, Sarah asked, ‘Where are the kids?’
‘They got invited to a friend’s house, and remembering what you said about going to the Bulls Head, I decided it was about time I met those girlfriends you can’t stop talking about … I never meant to spoil your evening.’
Sarah laughed. ‘They’ll be here soon, Billy. They’re not your type, what you might describe as a little near to the knuckle.’
‘Maybe they are, but perhaps I should take a leaf out of your book, and … What’s the expression? Go with the flow.’
‘They’d have you for breakfast, mate, you wouldn’t last five minutes,’ Ryan smirked.
‘You reckon?’ He looked at Sarah. ‘I never dreamed you’d do this to me.’
‘Well, it was you who encouraged me to enjoy myself,’ she said.
‘Yes, but I didn’t expect you to go gallivanting off with …’ He gesticulated towards Ryan. But no sooner had he uttered the words, his heart beat faster and the adrenaline heightened his trepidation.
‘You want to watch what you’re saying, mate,’ Ryan said.
‘I’m not blind, you know? I caught you out tonight, and I saw you both together a few weeks back.’ But there was no talking to him, so he turned, and addressing Sarah, said, ‘And you know what, Alice pointed you out!’
Ryan got to his feet, kicking over a wooden stool, and glared at Billy with a balled-up fist. How Billy would have liked to thump the bloke but looking up at him now he realised how much bigger Ryan was than him.
Hoping a warning might do the trick, he said, ‘This has to stop right now – why don’t you find someone of your own kind?’
That was it. Ryan bunched his fists even more tightly, his eyes bulging and nostrils flaring, and spat out, ‘Go fuck yourself, mate.’
Billy never saw the punch coming as it crunched right into the bridge of his nose. The pain was excruciating and within seconds he crumpled to the floor, unconscious before he hit the ground.
He woke up with a start, from the feel of ice-cold water on his face. His head ached and his nose throbbed. A small crowd had gathered around and who he took to be the licensee clumsily administered first aid using a wet sponge and towel, which were both soaked in blood.
‘You all right, mate?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, I’ll be fine in a minute,’ Billy moaned, breathing heavily. ‘But it throbs like hell … My eyes don’t feel too good either.’
‘The whole of your face looks swollen. And that nose, well, it might be broken, you ought to go to the hospital.’
He shook his head at the landlord, saying, ‘No, no, I just need a few minutes.’ He couldn’t go to hospital; he had the children to pick up.
After a while, a bystander helped him on to a chair where he rested. It wasn’t only his face; his whole body ached. He felt shattered and humiliated.
‘Any better now?’ a young man asked.
‘Yeah, a bit.’
‘God, he didn’t half lay into you. What did you do to deserve that?’
‘Nothing. Unless it had something to do with me telling him to stay away from my wife.’
‘The gaffer would have thrown the bloke out, but he made a swift exit. I’ve never seen anything like it. He flared up like a bottle of pop. You want to get the police onto him – grievous bodily harm, isn’t it?’
‘No, it’s all right - I have to pick up my kids.’
‘Suit yourself, mate.’ The young man shrugged his shoulders.
‘Any chance of a glass of water before I go?’
‘Yeah, no problem.’ The landlord disappeared behind the bar.
Billy noted Sarah had gone too; she should have stayed to make sure he was all right. How humiliating – he wanted to cry.
The small crowd dispersed, the incident now over, and the atmosphere in the pub returned to normal. Billy gulped down his drink and left.
He sat in the car for a few minutes, still in pain, stressing over his family’s plight now Sarah’s affair was out in the open. He wouldn’t be able to stop Ryan physically from seeing her, of that he was sure; his only hope was to persuade her that her future lay with him. Although, if he and Sarah were ever to be reconciled, his pride would be at stake. But he didn’t like to envisage the fate of his children if the marriage broke down altogether. And what she saw in that hooligan, he couldn’t fathom. Surely, she must find it difficult to have an intelligent conversation with him.
As he drove back to Jane’s house he tried to come up with a story to explain the state of his face.
After knocking on the front door, Billy heard the commotion of excited children’s voices, and amid all the noise, Jane stood before him.
‘Billy!’ she exclaimed. ‘Never thought these three would still be bounding with energy at nine o’clock at night.’ She stopped, and her mouth dropped open. ‘My God, what happened to your face?’
He squirmed with embarrassment, saying, ‘Oh nothing ... I should watch where I’m going.’
‘How did that happen?’
‘Doesn’t matter – it’s painful but I’ll be fine. Anyway, I’d best get the children back home, they’re normally in bed by now.’
‘Of course, although I doubt they’ll want to leave. Come in, please. They made a tent in the living room earlier, I suppose that’s where they are.’ She shouted for them to come into the hall, and in almost a whisper, said, ‘If you’re in a bit of trouble, I’m a good listener.’
‘Thanks, Jane, but that won’t be necessary.’
She didn’t answer only inclined her head.
Luckily, Aaron and Alice were too full of themselves to notice their father’s face, but on the way back, the constant chatter and lively behaviour got to him; he couldn’t hold his temper and shouted, ‘Shut up! Both of you.’
They stopped instantly, stunned into silence, leaving their father wracked with guilt for the rest of the journey.
Billy quickly got the children ready for bed, saying it was way past their bedtime. He hated himself for venting his anger at them, when it was none of their doing. And he dreaded the endless questions Alice would raise when she noticed his bruised face. And how would he explain the whereabouts of their mother? Much remained unanswered: when would he see her again? Did he want to see her again? Would she get fed up of lover boy and ask for another chance?
That night, Billy lay awake worrying, getting no sleep at all.
When the alarm rang at seven o’clock the full force of what lay ahead hit him. The moment he’d been dreading arrived at breakfast half an hour later when Alice asked, ‘Daddy, what have you done to your face?’
‘Oh, nothing much,’ he replied, touching his still delicate nose. ‘I wasn’t watching where I was going, and a door hit me.’
‘Did it hurt, Daddy?’ Aaron said staring at him, making him uncomfortable.
‘A bit. I shall have to watch where I’m going in future – won’t I?’ Billy said, trying to shrug it off.
Alice giggled. ‘Daddy, you look ever so funny.’
‘I bet I do! Is it an improvement?’ He dabbed his nose with a damp wipe.
They both giggled at him, nodding their heads in agreement.
‘I want Mummy,’ Aaron said.
‘She’ll be back later. She slept over at a friend’s.’ Billy was doing his best not to sound emotional.
‘I want to tell her about Jane. She’s ever so funny and played with us all the time.’
‘Alice, you can tell her tonight when you see her, can’t you? Now come on, chop, chop … Let’s get cleared up or Mummy will be angry, won’t she?
’
Both children sighed with disapproval but did as they were told.
He felt jittery as he opened the front door and made his way to the bathroom. There he inspected his injuries again, and though the swelling had gone down, the bruises round his eyes and nose were a yellowy-purple; he looked a sight. The bruising to his face would take days to heal, but hopefully by Monday it wouldn’t be so bad.
Uppermost in his mind was Sarah’s illicit affair. If she didn’t show her face soon he’d have to seek her out, find out her intentions; after all the children’s wellbeing must come first. Over the years he’d heard of cases where divorces had taken place and custody of the children was invariably given to the mother. The prospect of that happening didn’t bear thinking about. He loved his two kids dearly, Aaron as much as Alice, and a life without them would tear him apart.
At home, still trying to get his head around everything that had happened, he decided to have the locks changed in case he had unwelcome visitors. Once that was done, he felt a measure of relief.
Constantly during the day, first Alice and then Aaron asked about their mother, forcing Billy to lie by saying she’d gone to stay with a girlfriend whose mother had died. He’d be on tenterhooks until the whole mess was sorted out, and he dreaded the outcome.
On Monday Billy took the kids to nursery and school and arranged for the childminder, who’d looked after Alice before, to pick them up in the afternoon and give them a meal. The evening went like clockwork; since Sarah had gone out more, he’d had to cope on his own and enjoyed every minute with them.
Sarah would turn up soon, as despite all she’d done, she was a good mother and loved her children – it was just a matter of time. A few days later, on Friday night, when a knock came on the door and he opened it to see Sarah complete with lover boy, he was taken aback. His mind had been preoccupied with where he’d take the children tomorrow.
‘Why did you change the locks?’ Sarah asked sternly. ‘It’s not as if there’s anything worth stealing. All I want is my own belongings. So, if you’ll let me pass I’ll get them.’
For a second and taken by surprise, Billy felt flummoxed and didn’t answer.
