“Anna Makarovna has finished her stocking,” said Countess Marya…. They meant two stockings, which, by a secret known only to her, Anna Makarovna used to knit on her needles simultaneously. When the pair was finished, she always made a solemn ceremony of pulling one stocking out of the other in the presence of the children.
— LEO TOLSTOY, War and Peace
This is accomplished by a technique known as “double knitting.” The stitches for each of the two socks alternate on the needles, and the knitting is accomplished by knitting these stitches with two balls of yarn, alternating balls with each stitch.
I wonder whether Anna Makarovna ever had the experience of discovering that after hours of painstaking alternation, as she triumphantly pulled the socks apart, that they were fused in one spot, joined by one stinking stitch.
Sometimes I can’t figure designers out.
It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
— ERMA BOMBECK
Dear designer of questionable intent,
Please send me a photo of yourself. Please be wearing the knitted pants that you designed. It’s not that I don’t believe that there is anyone out there thin enough to wear horizontally striped trousers knit from chunky wool, it’s just that I would like to know whether you are deliberately cruel or whether you are the one woman these would really look great on.
When choosing projects, I will remember that there are very few derrieres that can stand up to that kind of assault.
Only Allah is perfect.
— PERSIAN LORE
I got to thinking about the Persian rugs woven by masters and how they insert one mistake, to show humility in the face of Allah’s perfection. I have often thought that I, too, having knit the perfect sweater, would intentionally insert one little mistake … to keep myself humble. I realize now, of course, that I’m out of my mind. I’ve always made countless mistakes long before the end.
I will remember this quote and embrace my human imperfection.
True beauty dwells in deep retreats,
Whose veil is unremoved.
— WILLIAM WORDSWORTH
There is a simple act that unites all knitters. If you give them a hand-knit sweater, they will turn it inside-out to look at the sewing up of seams and the weaving in of ends. They will do this without even considering how odd it appears to examine closely the wrong side of a garment. This is done partly as a competitive move, an attempt to catch the other knitter with sloppy ends, and partly because knitters know that it is an art. It is not enough to have a sweater that looks good only on the outside. To be truly worthy, the sweater must possess inner beauty.
I will not wimp out during the sewing up of my knitting. The making up deserves as much attention as the knitting. Someone will be checking.
I have not failed. I’ve just found
10,000 ways that won’t work.
— THOMAS A. EDISON
The first time you turn a heel correctly is a landmark knitting moment. Learning to do the magic trick of turning a corner in three dimensions with your wool and your wits … well, you feel pretty clever. Clever enough that the 300 times you ended up with a sock heel you could sell at an old-time circus freak show are magically erased from your memory.
I will appreciate the clever architecture of a knitted heel.
Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in
love, though I’d stepped in it a few times.
— RITA RUDNER
In Devon, England, during the nineteenth century it was common practice for a bride-to-be to knit a wedding sweater for her beloved. It would be elaborate, of fine wool, and as personal as possible, sometimes even with his initials knit into the gusset under the arms, like an inscription in a ring. The incredible thing was that this sweater was not just a gift but also formal attire that the groom would wear to the wedding.
There is no occasion too fancy to express your love in wool.
The artist is nothing without the gift,
but the gift is nothing without work.
— EMILE ZOLA
Really, there are only two kinds of people who are going to understand about hand-knit socks: those who wear them and know the singular joy of perfect socks, and the knitters who have the pleasure of giving that exquisite experience. Everybody else thinks you must be a special kind of crazy to spend so much time making something that you could buy for $1.99 at the store.
The only way to educate the masses is to knit for them.
If evolution really works, how come mothers
only have two hands?
— MILTON BERLE
Many women discover their urge to knit when expecting a baby. It seems like the right thing to do, knitting little baby things to wrap your new arrival in. When you think about it, being a new knitter and being a new mother are a lot alike. Both activities get better with practice, both are awkward and bumpy at the beginning, and both yield lovely results using common materials.
Done right, motherhood and knitting are both creative acts.
Advice for a new knitter:
When choosing a pattern, look for ones that have words such as “simple,” “basic,” and “easy.”
If you see the words “intriguing,” “challenging,” or “intricate,” look elsewhere.
If you happen across a pattern that says “heirloom,” slowly put down the pattern and back away.
“Heirloom” is knitting code for “This pattern is so difficult that you would consider death a relief.”
There is a very fine line between
“hobby” and “mental illness.”
— DAVE BARRY
It’s difficult for those who live with passionate knitters. From time to time, they might even consider us odd. Every time my husband starts talking about how crazy I am to like knitting this much, I remind him … it could be worse. What if I were this interested in cabbage?
I will not let the nonknitters of the world decide how normal I am.
All children are essentially criminal.
— DENIS DIDEROT
Attention: children of knitters. Here are five possible strategies to torment your knitting parent.
Refuse to wear anything knitted at all. Ever, no matter how sophisticated the bribe.
Repeatedly use knitting needles for purposes that render them useless for knitting — like, say … digging in the sandbox.
Grow, preferably faster than your designated knitter can knit.
Deeply desire a sweater in only a neon rainbow variegated yarn that is so bright that it causes nausea and dizziness to the knitter.
Intentionally develop a wool allergy.
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child
when its mother is feeling chilly.
— AMBROSE BIERCE
I was in the park and there was a baby in a carriage under a tree. I walked by and I could tell in an instant. This baby was the child of a knitter. This baby was wrapped in love that was measured by the stitch. Bonnet, sweater, blanket, bootees, and leggings of smooth wool. If it wasn’t for the obvious love that this baby was wrapped in, I would have felt sorry for it. It was 80°F out.
I will not allow something as changeable as the seasons to keep me from expressing my love in wool.
It is not fair to ask of others what you are
not willing to do yourself.
— ELEANOR ROOSEVELT
I’m reasonably sure that Calvin Klein does not knit. I recently got a pattern for knitting an impossibly beautiful sweater that Calvin designed, and after several crazy-making hours I’ve decided there is no way that Calvin himself has ever sat down with a pair of needles, because there’s no way he would do this to me if he had. I could be wrong, and if I am could somebody get Calvin to call me? I’m stuck on row 7.
I will not trust the nonknitting to write my patterns. They know nothing of knitterly suffering.
Creative minds have always been known to
survive any kind of bad training.
— ANNA FREU
D
There is no wrong way to knit. The debate between throwing the yarn and picking it, using circulars or straights, choosing Fair Isle or intarsia… it’s all a moot point. If you get something knitted at the end of it, you are doing it right. We should all agree to stop correcting each other and deal with the more important issue. How wrong crochet is.
I will resist the temptation to correct another knitter.
The important thing is
not to stop questioning.
— ALBERT EINSTEIN
3questions for a knitter having trouble:
Have you checked the pattern for errors?
Is there any possibility that you are misunderstanding the pattern?
Are you sure that you wouldn’t be happier if you buried it under a large oak tree in the park?
Forgive your enemies,
but never forget their names.
— JOHN FITZGERALD KENNEDY
Tinea pellionella:
the casemaking clothes moth
Tineola bisselliella:
the common clothes moth
Anthrenus verbasci:
the common carpet beetle
I will remain ever vigilant to the enemies of wool.
Until he extends the circle of
his compassion to all living things,
man will not himself find peace.
— ALBERT SCHWEITZER
As I go through my daily life, I try hard to have respect for every life I encounter. I attempt not to devalue a life because it is small or seemingly trivial; I remember that each living thing, from an ant to a whale, fills a vital role in the circle of life. The balance and health of the planet hinges on a delicate and largely mysterious web of life, where the fate of a single ant could affect us all.
I try to remember this especially when I see a moth in my stash and am overcome with the overwhelming urge to squash the living daylights out of it and every single member of its family.
I will try to remember that moths are to wool as yin is to yang and try to respect them as a species with a right to be here.
We live in a moment of history
where change is so speeded up
that we begin to see the present
only when it is already disappearing.
— R. D. LAING
We live in world of machines. Our world moves faster, bigger, and better with every moment. Machines replace humans and often do our jobs better.
When you are knitting socks and sweaters and scarves, you aren’t just knitting. You are assigning a value to human effort. You are holding back time. You are preserving the simple unchanging act of handwork.
I will remember that knitting is more meaningful than it seems.
A rolling stone gathers no moss.
— PROVERB
The fourteenth law of yarn dictates that a rolling ball of yarn will only gather moss if it is not green wool. White wool will gather anything black or red, such as dog hair or red wine, whereas black wool will gather chalk dust. Should the knitter be color-blind, the yarn will gather gum. A rolling ball of yarn will also roll as far away from you as possible, likely out of the car, down the aisle of the church (where you hoped no one would notice you were knitting), or into any available liquid.
I will stay alert to all yarn strategies. I will choose beverages that match my project.
Properly practiced, knitting soothes
the troubled spirit, and it doesn’t hurt
the untroubled spirit, either.
— ELIZABETH ZIMMERMAN
In the nineteenth century, knitting was prescribed to women as a cure for nervousness and hysteria. Many new knitters find this sort of hard to believe because, until you get good at it, knitting seems to cause those ailments.
The twitch above my right eye will disappear with knitting practice.
To be without some of the things you want is
an indispensable part of happiness.
— BERTRAND RUSSELL
Ihear all kinds of things about specific yarns that make me want them. Yarn A is so soft, Yarn B comes in an incredible heathered blue, Yarn C is light as a feather. I can be tempted by the things I see other knitters make from a certain yarn, coerced by an incredible colorway or texture of a yarn. Nothing, however, will impel me to spend hours and hours of time and tons of money faster than hearing that a yarn is “discontinued.”
There will be another yarn like this one someday. I do not need to buy all I can find of this one.
All’s fair in love and war.
— FRANCIS EDWARD SMEDLEY
Overheard at a yarn shop sale:
Knitter A: “This is a beautiful yarn. I wonder how it knits up.”
Knitter B: “That? I heard it’s horrible. Splits while you knit it and pills when you wash it. Sort of a funny color isn’t it?”
Knitter A: “Really? Well, it’s probably not worth the trouble, even at 50 percent off.” (Wanders off.)
Knitter B was seen shortly thereafter at the cash desk with ALL of the yarn in question, scoring it at 50 percent off.
Do you want the yarn or not?
Sleep that knits up the
ravelled sleave of care
The death of each day’s life,
sore labour’s bath
Balm of hurt minds,
great nature’s second course,
Chief nourisher in life’s feast.
— WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, Macbeth
I don’t know of even one knitter who does not hope, either actively or secretly, to learn to knit in her sleep.
Should I fall asleep with my knitting in my hands, I will remember to check for signs of progress when I wake up.
Lead us not into temptation.
Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.
— SAM LEVENSON
I cannot count the number of times I have been in a yarn shop. Hundreds, probably thousands of times. I can count on one hand the number of times I left with nothing: three. Once because I’d forgotten my money, once because my child felt ill, and once because my credit card was declined. (It was the second yarn shop of the day.)
Even the worst yarn shop has something you need.
We cannot waste time.
We can only waste ourselves.
— GEORGE M. ADAMS
Sometimes, people come up to me when I am knitting and they say things like, “Oh, I wish I could knit, but I’m just not the kind of person who can sit and waste time like that.” How can knitting be wasting time? First, I never just knit; I knit and think, knit and listen, knit and watch. Second, you aren’t wasting time if you get a useful or beautiful object at the end of it.
I will remember that not everyone understands. I will resist the urge to ask others what they do when they watch TV.
Comedy is tragedy plus time.
— CAROL BURNETT
I remember this one gray sweater. I used the last of a discontinued yarn and spent hours pouring over magazines and books to find the pattern that would do it justice. I spent hours knitting it, and it dragged out into a project that took months. I was meticulous; I corrected every mistake, pulled back every sloppy stitch. When it was finally finished, I spent more time scouring the city for the exact, perfect buttons; the ones that would allow the wonder and the glory of this sweater to shine for all time.
When it was done, I put it on the bed so that I could admire it as I passed by. Immediately thereafter, my husband, doing one of the four loads of laundry he has done in our marriage, shrunk it into oblivion.
Sometimes, time does not heal all wounds, but it can get you out of doing the laundry.
Join, being careful not to twist.
— KNITTING PATTERNS
The chances of being able to join a multitude of stitches on a circular needle without twisting them and knitting a freak of geometry are influenced by the following variables:
• The number of stitches
• The amount of time allotted to perform the task
• The material being knitted
Taking these rules into account, I understand that the odds of joining 300 stitches in my sister’s mohair birthday sweater without twisting them are just about zero.
USA Today has come out with a new survey:
Apparently three out of four people make up
75 percent of the population.
— DAVID LETTERMAN
I was surprised recently to discover that the majority of sock knitters darn socks the way I do. Considering how many hours of hard work are in a pair of socks, there are not many knitters who would merely throw a pair away because they have a hole in them. Most use my darning technique, which consists of loudly exclaiming DARN and a few other choice expletives before dropping them in the garbage.
I will forgive myself for preferring knitting to darning.
A #6 aluminum needle has been known to
furnish an excellent emergency shearpin
for an outboard motor.
— ELIZABETH ZIMMERMAN
Other uses for knitting needles:
• Cake tester (when knitting needle comes out clean, the cake is done)
• Stir stick
• Back scratcher
• Lock pick for the bathroom door when your three-year-old is in there alone and you can hear repeated flushing and a very angry cat
Really, if you carry these things around all the time, you find a lot of uses for them.
Isn’t it awful that cold feet make for a
cold imagination and that a pair of
woollen socks induce good thoughts!
— FRANZ GRILLPARZER
4 reasons to knit socks:
Hand-knit socks are the most comfortable socks anyone will ever wear.
Knitting socks has passed virtually unchanged through history. You are doing what knitters have done for hundreds of years.
Turning a heel makes you feel smart.
Sock projects are portable and fit in a pocket or bag.
Finally, an impressive finished project that is beautiful, functional, comfortable, and a historic lesson can be had for the cost of only two balls of yarn.
You know you
knit too much when …
You cite the fact that
knitting burns about
90 calories an hour, not
allowing extra for style,
conviction, and retrieving
your ball of yarn from
under the couch.
At Knit's End Page 2
