Last year’s cousin drama would be material for years in the gossip circles. Much like the time a new ferry captain missed the dock and grounded near Columbia Beach. Or the time Sibley’s bull got out and blocked traffic for an hour, charging cars and anyone who dared to try to get him off the road. I think he rammed the famous red door sculpture, which was exactly what it sounded like: a random red door near the edge of a field.
At this rate, our pizza would be cold before I left Sal’s.
“I hope you had a nice day, too, Connie. Any word on Angus getting parole early? Be nice for you to have him home for Christmas.” I smiled as her jaw dropped and then clamped shut.
Gossip went both ways around here.
Dan softly chuckled from behind the counter.
“Thanks for the pizza.” I picked up the box.
“Tell John I said hello and thanks for the cord of wood.” Dan gave me a wave.
Typical John. He was always dropping off cords of wood for friends and those in need. In this case, the wood went into the wood-burning oven of his favorite pizza joint. I was pretty sure he never had to pay for his pizza again. Smart guy.
I strapped the box behind me and blew on my hands while the bike warmed up. I’d left my gloves at Hailey’s. I pulled on the road and checked my mirrors. Damn it. Connie’s car trailed a few cars behind me. No way I could drive up East Harbor without raising her suspicions. I turned and backtracked to the main road, knowing I’d have to take the long way to Goss Lake. Pizza would be frozen by the time I returned.
An unfamiliar ringtone and buzzing woke me up to an unfamiliar room and a body next to mine on a couch. I stirred and the body moved, rolling into the crevice between me and the back cushions.
“I can’t breathe,” a familiar voice mumbled.
I sat up and realized I was still at Hailey’s. It hadn’t been my first time to wake up in a strange place. Typically remembering my companions name took much longer.
“I think your phone was ringing.” I yawned and stretched.
She struggled into a seated position, getting tangled in the throw blanket. “What time is it?”
The room was dark except for the faint glow from the TV. Right, after realizing we were both fans of Bill Murray, we’d been watching What About Bob? and fell asleep.
I found my phone on the table and glanced at the screen. “It’s 11:30.”
“Geez, we totally sacked out. Who’d be calling me now?” Standing, she stretched her arms over her head.
I ran my hand over the exposed skin on her stomach. She smiled down at me and leaned into my touch. I kissed her on the hip. “Maybe you should find your phone and find out.”
My own phone began ringing and vibrating in my hand.
“Booty call?” she asked as she walked around the couch to her phone.
“Nah, they usually text.” I muted the ringer. “It’s Nick.”
“He called me, too.”
“That’s weird.”
We stared at each other in confusion for a few beats, and then she screamed, “Baby!”
“What?” I stood up and dropped my phone under the couch. Leaning over to retrieve it, I felt the floor bounce.
Hailey jumped up and down. “He texted me. Baby! The baby is coming!”
My phone beeped. *Baby. Island Hospital.*
“Looks like she’s having it here on the island.”
She was already rummaging around for her keys and jacket. “Let’s go!”
A gust of rainy, wet wind hit the windows. “Great. I’m not riding all the way to the hospital in this weather. I’ll head home and get my truck.”
“There’s no time!” Her voice held a panicked excitement that scared me. Women had a weird desire to see babies as soon as they were born. I preferred to wait until they were fully cooked and could focus their eyes. Otherwise they reminded me of the time our dog had puppies and I watched her chew off the sacs covering each pup. I shuddered.
“I’ll have plenty of time to see the kid. There’s no rush.”
“She’s your baby sister. Nick wouldn’t have texted if they didn’t want you there tonight.” She bounced over to me and hugged me. I didn’t raise my arms, so she ended up wrapping hers around mine like a boa constrictor. Giving up the hug, she said, “If you insist, I’ll drive you to pick up your truck. You can get your bike tomorrow.”
“Deal.”
We put my bike in the garage next to hers and hopped in her SUV. Once I got in my truck, she waited at the end of my driveway until I pulled out behind her. Halfway up the island, still staring at her taillights, it dawned on me it might appear suspicious if we arrived at the same time.
I parked a few rows away from her in the hospital lot and shut off my engine. I’d give it five minutes, maybe ten, and then go inside.
Ten became fifteen before my phone buzzed with a new text from Hector.
*Okay, scaredy cat, you can come inside and meet your nephew. He’s all cleaned up. Mother and baby are fine.*
Smiling despite my dislike of babies, I exhaled and got out of the cab. If I was honest with myself, it wasn’t only the yuck factor that kept me away. Babies and births were scary—so much blood and screaming.
Okay, so it was mostly the yuck factor. Stupid health class movie had scarred me for life.
Inside, my shoes squeaked along the empty hall toward maternity. I rounded the corner and a pack of Donnelys greeted me.
“It’s a boy!” Dad handed me a cigar.
“It’s a boy!” Mom hugged me as if it was my baby.
“Yay! It’s a boy!” Cara and Amy screamed and bounced like Hailey had earlier.
Yep, some sort of weird woman gene existed. I guess if you were going to have to push a bowling bowl out of yourself you needed it.
“Lori doing okay?” I asked the room in general while glancing around for Hailey.
“She was a trooper. Short labor. Only ten hours.” Mom beamed and tears filled her eyes. I hugged her to my side and she cried into my shoulder.
I stepped out of the hug and brushed my hands over my jaw. “Good.”
Hailey appeared at the entrance to the room. She covertly wiped tears from her eyes and gave me a weird smile before walking over to sit next to my dad.
He handed her a cigar, too. She took it, laughing and crying at the same time.
“He’s perfect,” she said to Dad, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Looks like Ellie.”
People were weird when they said babies took after family members, especially ones of the opposite sex. They all resembled grumpy, bald old men.
“So, Hailey, what did you do today?” Cara asked.
My eyes flashed to the other side of the aisle where Hailey sat.
“Not much. Took the bike out for a short ride.”
Cara studied her for a minute. “Tom, weren’t you going out for a ride today, too? Good weather for it.”
I leaned forward and clasped my hands between my knees. “Yeah. You know people with motorcycles around here, gotta go out when you get a nice day.”
I couldn’t be sure, but something in Cara’s line of questioning told me she suspected something. I wracked my brain trying to think of a slip or where she could have seen us out. I’d ditched Connie and gave away nothing at Sal’s. There was no way she could know we’d be hanging out.
My gaze flicked up to meet Hailey’s. She mouthed “relax,” and then turned to my mom to ask her about Thanksgiving.
Cara paid no more attention to me. Maybe her question was innocent, and I’d imagined the implied connection between Hailey and me.
A scrub-wearing Nick walked into the room with an exhausted smile. The family jumped up to greet him with hugs and back-pats. Mom burst into tears again. Dad and she went to see Lori first. The rest of us took our seats and the waiting resumed. I had no idea why I had to be here. Needing to feel useful, I offered to get snacks from the machines down the hall.
When I returned, arms laden with chips and candy, only Hailey sat
in the chairs.
“Did everyone else go see Lori?” I asked, dumping my treasure of junk food on a magazine-covered table before sitting across from her. Better to keep my distance after Cara’s comments.
“They did. I thought I’d wait for you. They’re bringing Noah to the room, too.”
“Great. As long as no one asks me to hold him.”
“You really don’t like babies, do you?”
I shook my head.
She laughed and kicked my boot.
“Tom? Hailey? Mom says you two should come and say hi before Lori falls asleep,” Amy said from behind me.
I quickly shifted my foot away from Hailey’s and stood.
“Right, let’s go,” I replied a little too enthusiastically.
“And Tom? No jokes about her vagina like you made when I gave birth to Sam.”
Hailey burst out laughing.
“No, he really did. I thought Doug was going to punch him until I explained how Tom speaks before thinking when he’s nervous.” Amy gave me a sweet smile and then slapped my shoulder.
Inside the crowded room, the family stood around Lori’s bed, collectively cooing over the sea monkey in her arms. I gave her a wave from the corner and a thumbs-up. She smiled and returned the gesture.
“I still don’t see the resemblance to Ellie,” I whispered to Dad standing next to me.
“You have to see the hair.”
Overhearing us, Lori gently pulled away the baby’s cap to reveal a swatch of bright red hair.
Noah Donnely Crawford was a ginger. Poor guy. I immediately planned to teach him mixed-martial arts in order to kick some elementary school ass if anyone teased him about being soulless. No way would one of my nephews get bullied. Not on my watch. My chest filled with a combination of protection and love for the little guy. The ginger sea monkey had won me over in record time.
THE FIRST WEEK of the last month of the year loped along, uneventful and quiet. It rained and got dark at three-thirty in the afternoon. During winter on the island, people drank a lot of coffee and beer. Strange things happened when people stayed indoors for long periods of time. Plotting and mapping out trips to visit the sun took over conversations. Mexico, Arizona, California became one word questions. Pops and Gramma announced they’d head south to their condo on a golf course outside of Phoenix the day after Christmas, wanting to celebrate this year with their newest great-grandchild.
Hailey and I managed to avoid each other at work, or if we ran into the other, said a polite hello and that was it. The guys had stopped focusing on her after the first month. They’d finally resolved the great debate over the underwear status of their favorite new waitress. To their dismay, the answer was yes.
I finished the otter and installed the eagle at the property in Greenbank. Commissioned pieces slowed down in the winter, so I carved a bunch of small eagles I’d stockpile for next summer’s tourists.
A storm blew in on the second Sunday of December. Strong winds downed power lines and branches created obstacle courses on some of the smaller side roads. The farmhouse had a generator, but I had only a wood stove at my place. I could heat up food on the top and make a pot of coffee, which were the extent of my cooking skills under most circumstances. On Monday, we got hit with a layer of ice overnight, which turned parking lots into skating rinks. I watched the Seattle news and the annual shots of cars sliding in the wrong direction on bridges. Work shut down, along with schools and anyone not working for the first responders, highways, or hospitals.
I checked my cupboard and found the required loaf of bread to go with the gallon of milk in my fridge. Not sure why I needed either, but if it snowed or iced on the island, everyone fought to get both until the shelves of the stores were empty. I found a clean bowl and poured in some cereal. Taking my breakfast and mug for coffee, I walked into the living room and checked the pot percolating on the stove.
Nothing to do but hang around and wait out the storm.
*You okay?* I texted Hailey. She had a fireplace, so she should be okay.
*Warm, but bored. What are you doing?*
We texted back and forth for a while, sharing nothing important.
*If you’re still bored, you should come over.* I texted.
*Roads are bad.*
*I could come to you.*
I waited for her reply while outside a branch on one of my trees sagged and snapped with the weight of the ice. Part of me hoped she’d turn me down. The roads were probably a shit show.
*Bring milk if you do.*
No wonder people were told to stay home. I had to backtrack twice before I got to the main road because of trees and branches. In spite of the truck’s all-season tires, I slipped and slid a few times on straightaways. I took the curves around Bayview like an old man. Pump, brake, pump, pump, brake. Ice mixed with rain plunked on the roof and windshield like gravel. I was possibly the stupidest man I knew. If I crashed on my way to have sex, I’d never live it down. The power of pussy—no other reason could get me to leave my house on a day like today. Although, Hailey was more than sex.
Instead of twenty minutes, I arrived at Hailey’s long driveway an hour later, and said a little prayer of thanks. Ice encased her sculpture and it appeared to be some sort of prehistoric skeleton trapped in a glacier. No doubt about it—the woman was talented.
Smoke curled from her chimney and puffed white against the gray sky. I knocked and held out the gallon of milk.
She swung open the door and grinned.
“Milk delivery.” I kept my face serious.
She leaned against the door, blocking my entry. “I don’t think I ordered any milk. You’re not my regular milkman. Where’s Dick?”
“Dick? The milk man?” I grinned at her.
Not breaking character, she said, “Dick always delivers on Mondays and Thursdays. His cream is the tastiest—so sweet and smooth.”
I snorted and choked. “Yeah? Well, you’ve never tried mine. I can give you double-cream or triple-cream, it’s up to you, and what you can handle. If that’s too much, you let me know. I’ve never heard any of my regular customers complain.” Her eyes panned over my body while my breath created clouds with each exhale. It was cold out here. “There’s only one way to know if you like what I’ve got to offer.”
“What’s that?”
“You’ll have to trust me and try it. Then if you prefer Dick’s cream—” I couldn’t hold in my smile or laughter any longer. “Let me in. It’s freezing out here.” I hopped from foot to foot to try to stave off the frostbite.
“If you wanted to come inside, all you had to do was ask.” She smiled and scampered through the house, dashing to stand in front of the fireplace. “Close the door, you’re letting out the heat!”
After taking off my wet boots, I set the milk down on the island and ran my hand over its cool surface, remembering the first time I’d been in her house. “Want me to put this in the fridge?”
“In there.” She pointed to a cooler by the sliding door to the deck. Inside she had ice and a block of cheese. I couldn’t help myself and lifted it up to show her. With a straight face, I asked, “Is this Dick’s cheese?”
“Gross.” She grimaced but laughed.
“Too far?” I joined her in front of the fire.
“Way too far. I regret ever having a milkman named Dick.”
“Poor Dick.”
“Dick jokes? This is where this has brought us?” She bumped her hip against mine. We hadn’t kissed yet and I stared at her lips, wondering if this was a friend visit or more.
“You started it. Our milk man used to be named Charlie.” I returned her hip bump, and took up more of the space directly in front of the fire, which needed to be stoked. I spied her poker and rearranged the logs before adding another. The new log popped and hissed as the flames engulfed it.
“My mom used Charlie, too,” she said.
“I think every mom on the island did at some point.”
“From what I remember, he wa
sn’t a handsome man.”
“Not like Dick?” I wiggled my eyebrows.
She exhaled an exaggerated sigh. “Can we drop it?”
“What?” I kept my face neutral.
“You know.”
“I’m sure I don’t.”
“Do I have to say it again?”
“Please.” My arm encircled her hip and pulled her closer.
“Dick. No more Dick.”
“Are you sure?”
She spun in my arms and circled hers around my neck. “There’s only one dick here I’m interested in.”
I gave her my slow, one-sided smile. “So this wasn’t about needing milk?”
“There’s a half gallon in the fridge,” she whispered against my mouth.
I could think of other ways to spend an ice storm, but none of them seemed nearly as much fun as whatever Hailey had planned for us.
My lips brushed hers and she pressed back, opening her mouth to escalate the kiss. Her hands moved to my belt buckle, my ass, and my thighs before cupping me through my jeans and giving a squeeze.
I shifted us as the fire began to burn my ass. Connected by our lips and arms, we waddled over to the couch where she fell and I landed on top of her.
“It’s colder over here.” She shivered as I pulled up her sweater and discovered three layers beneath before I got to bare skin.
“Are you planning to challenge me to a game of strip poker?” I nuzzled her exposed skin with my nose.
“That’s cold.” She jumped and snuggled into the couch.
“I’ll heat you up. Promise.” I pulled my green fleece over my head, leaving me in a single gray thermal. Under my jeans I wore the red long johns that amused her before.
“That’s an excellent idea, but I think I only have Uno cards around here. Strip Uno?”
“Maybe later.” I pulled her sweater up further with my teeth. “At least take off the outer two layers.”
“Grab a blanket first.” She pointed to a nest of them down by my feet.
I draped the blanket around my shoulders like a cape and stared down at her while she tugged all three layers over her head, leaving her in only a pale purple bra.
Confessions of a Reformed Tom Cat Page 10
