It was a real joy to share a meal together with Rachel--to have her sitting next to him and catch whiffs of her subtle perfume. He was glad to see her reaching out to Serena and Mari. She needed more people in her life now that her mom had died.
“I hope we have a good turnout at the service tonight,” Damian said, hoping to ease the tension that radiated from Rachel. “At least there’s no forecast for snow, so people don’t have that excuse.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” Rachel responded, a grateful look in her eyes.
“Me, too,” Serena said. “And if lots of people don’t show up, it’s their loss.”
“What time does it start?” Mari asked from the other end of the table.
“Six-thirty,” Damian told her. “And we’re having a fellowship time with refreshments afterward. Are you going to come?”
“I’d like to but…”
“If you need a ride, I can pick you up,” Rachel said, leaning forward to see past Serena to where Mari sat.
“Would you? I hate to inconvenience you, but I’d love to attend.”
“No problem.”
“I’d offer to give you a ride,” Jace said, smiling at the young woman, “but my truck is temporarily out of commission.”
Damian laughed at his brother’s words. “Temporarily? That bucket of bolts hasn’t run in two years.”
“Well, one of these days I plan to get it running again.”
Damian figured Mari might be reason enough for Jace to put a little elbow grease into getting his old truck back on the road. It was the first time he’d seen his younger brother show any interest in a girl since Jace had broken up with his high school girl friend about the same time he’d ended his own engagement.
From what he had seen of Mari so far, Damian thought she might be good for his brother, although he really didn’t want Jace to get caught up in a relationship before graduating from college. There would be plenty of time for Jace to pursue a relationship after getting his degree. Damian just hoped Jace didn’t have to wait as long he had for Rachel.
Damian drained his coffee cup and stood to get a refill. On his way he looked around the restaurant and saw more empty tables than full ones. He glanced at his watch, surprised to see that two hours had passed since they’d first arrived. Damian decided to forgo the refill on his coffee.
“Well, folks, I hate to end this, but I’ve got to get back to the church to prepare for tonight.” Damian laughed as the others looked at their watches.
“Well, we’ve certainly been enjoying ourselves, haven’t we?” Sharon said. “Time has just flown by.”
“You all don’t have to leave just because I do. I wish I could stay, but it’s not possible today.”
“I think I’d better go too,” Rachel said, pushing her plate away. “I need to catch up on a few things at home.”
Damian stood and helped his mom with her coat. When he turned to help Rachel with hers, she was already buttoning it. They all left the restaurant together, making their way through dirty tables and chairs that sat askew.
“See you tonight, son,” Mike said. His parents walked to their car in a different area of the parking lot.
Damian and Jace walked with the women to Rachel’s car.
“Do you want a ride with Jace and me, Serena?” Damian asked. “We’re going right past your place on our way back to the church.”
Serena turned to Rachel. “Is that okay?”
“Certainly. I’ll be dropping Mari off at her place.” Rachel unlocked the passenger side door and opened it for Mari.
The young woman got inside, but then poked her head out. “Nice to meet you again, Damian. See you tonight, Jace.”
“I’m glad you’re going to come, Mari,” Jace said with a grin.
Mari gave a quick wave before shutting the car door.
Damian pointed to his truck a couple of rows away. “Why don’t you and Serena go ahead and get in; I’ll be there in a minute.” Jace caught the keys Damian tossed and then, with knowing looks, he and Serena left.
“I’m sorry for my mom’s comments, Rachel,” Damian said when they were alone.
“Nothing to be sorry about, Damian. She only wants what’s best for her son, as any mother would. I’m just not sure I’m the best for you.”
“What do you mean, Rachel?” Damian asked. Of all the locations for this discussion to take place, a parking lot would have rated near the bottom of his list.
Rachel hesitated then glanced at the car where Mari sat. “It’s nothing I haven’t told you time and again, Damian. I’m not the woman for you. It’s not my fault your skull is too thick for my answer to penetrate.” Her laugh was weak and ended on a sigh.
“I don’t think my thick skull is the problem here, Rachel. My heart tells me you’re the one.”
Rachel didn’t look at him. “If you only knew…”
“I won’t know if you don’t tell me.” Damian slipped his hand from his glove and reached out to cup Rachel’s chin, lifting her face so their gazes met. “How about that date? We can go out, and you can spend the whole evening telling me why you’re not the woman for me.”
Damian noticed that Rachel didn’t step away from him, didn’t break the contact between his fingers and her silky soft skin, but there was something in her eyes. If he didn’t know better, Damian would have said it was fear. But what did she have to fear from him? They’d known each other for years; he could think of nothing that would make her imagine she wasn’t good enough for him.
Damian felt Rachel’s fingers grip his wrist, and she stepped back, breaking contact between them. “I can’t, Damian. Just trust me. It’s for your own good.”
Damian wanted to argue with her, even though it wasn’t the time or the place. “My heart tells me differently, Rachel. I see before me a beautiful, loving woman. One who opens her heart willingly to everyone but me. Trust me, Rachel. Trust God.”
Rachel hesitated. Damian held his breath, hoping…praying she’d give him a chance. Again she glanced towards her car. “I’d better go. Mari’s probably wondering what’s taking so long.”
Damian lifted his hand to brush his knuckles over her cheek one last time. “I’m sure she’s old enough to guess. Maybe I’ll get someone else on my side.”
Rachel gave him a weary smile. “It won’t help.”
Before he could respond, Rachel turned away and went around the other side of the car, unlocked the door, and slid in.
Damian waited until she backed out of her parking spot and drove off before he headed for his truck.
“Sorry to keep you guys waiting,” Damian said as he climbed in behind the wheel of his truck.
“No problem. Anything to promote love,” Serena said with a smile.
“Yeah, no problem,” Jace echoed from the back seat.
“Unfortunately, it didn’t work.” Damian started the truck. He glanced at Serena before backing out of the parking stall. “Has she said anything to you? About why she’s so dead set against a relationship between us?”
Serena didn’t answer right away. “Normally I wouldn’t say anything, wouldn’t betray a confidence of a friend, but since she hasn’t said anything, I’ll tell you. She hasn’t said anything.”
Damian sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that. I don’t want you to use your friendship with Rachel to spy for me. I won’t ask again.”
Serena laid a hand on his arm. “I know this is difficult for you, but if you truly feel in your heart that she’s the one, you have to trust God to work in her. I really don’t feel she’s rejecting you because she has no feelings for you. I think there’s something else that’s stopping her from pursuing a relationship. And I’m not sure it’s just you. I think she’d be a hard catch for any man.”
Damian mulled over her words as he headed back to the church. “It’s hard to wait when I’m so ready to take our relationship beyond just friendship.”
“I know,” Serena said with a sigh. “But don’t push
God’s timing. In His time, things will work out.”
*****
Rachel turned the car onto the main road and headed for the apartment block where Mari lived.
“He likes you,” Mari said, her voice soft.
Rachel thought about denying it, but knew it would be a lie. “Yeah, he does.”
“And you like him.”
She cast a quick glance at Mari. “Not as much as he likes me.”
“Really?” Mari didn’t sound as if she believed Rachel.
“No, actually I like him a lot too.” Rachel sighed after she made her confession.
“So why aren’t you guys together?” Mari asked. “You make a great couple.”
“You could tell all that from just a couple hours of being with us?” Rachel asked, a touch of sarcasm in her voice.
Mari laughed softly. “Anyone around you could tell that. The way he looks at you. The way you look at him even when you’re not trying to and you hope no one else sees. I just wonder why you wouldn’t pursue a relationship with such a great guy.”
Rachel’s hands clenched the wheel. “There’s a lot he doesn’t know about me.”
“Stuff that would make him not like you?”
“I don’t know, but I can’t take that chance. I’m sure there’s another woman out there who would be a better wife for him.” It hurt to say the words, even though they were true, even though she’d said them before.
“But he wants you.”
Rachel couldn’t argue with Mari there. Maybe Damian did deserve to know why she was blowing him off. But how did she tell him? Accept his next date invitation and drop the bomb over dessert?
The hope that had flared to life at the news that he was adopted had dimmed a bit over the past hour. Even if he were willing to adopt, wouldn’t he be better off with a woman who didn’t have a past? And what if he accepted her past now, but then later decided it wasn’t what he wanted? Men she’d loved had left her for lesser reasons.
“I’m don’t mean to poke my nose where I don’t belong, Rachel, I just hate seeing two wonderful people hurting. I won’t interfere again.”
“That’s okay, Mari. I don’t mind you asking about it. You didn’t ask me anything I haven’t asked myself a hundred times.” Rachel stared at the traffic light, waiting for it to turn green. She felt as if red lights filled her life at the moment. “Most of the time I just ignore it, but all of a sudden Damian has kind of stepped things up. The pressure is increasing, and I’m not sure I can resist. And I do need to resist. I can’t go into a relationship with Damian without telling him everything. Right now that’s just too hard.” Rachel steered the car to the curb in front of Mari’s building and stopped. “I’ll be by to pick you up shortly after six, okay?”
“Sounds good. I look forward to it.”
Rachel watched Mari walk with a bounce in her step to the front door of the apartment. Had she ever been that young and full of life? Feeling much older than thirty-two, Rachel sighed as she turned the car around and headed for home.
*****
Three hours later she was back at Mari’s apartment. She’d spent the afternoon writing a couple of emails and had taken a quick nap. Rachel felt refreshed in body, but her mind and heart were still in turmoil. She’d tried to tell herself she’d taken extra care with her appearance because it was a special night, but Rachel knew it was really because Damian was going to be there.
She hoped he liked the deep red sweater she’d chosen to wear with a pair of pleated black pants. It looked Christmassy and she’d always been told that shade of red looked really nice with her dark hair.
You’re leading him on, a small voice in her head cautioned. Rachel tried to quiet the voice as she waited for Mari. Unfortunately, the nagging thought wouldn’t go away. Rachel knew she had to come clean with Damian, even if it meant losing him forever. The way things had escalated in the past week told her he wasn’t going to accept “no” without explanation any more.
“I’ll tell him after Christmas,” Rachel said, her words echoing in the empty car. “I don’t want to ruin Christmas. What if he agrees with me? What if, after hearing what I have to say, he finally gets what I’ve been trying to tell him? I couldn’t bear to hear that before Christmas.”
Rachel closed her eyes and blew out a long breath. Why did life have to be so difficult? Why did decisions made so long ago continue to haunt her now?
A rap on the window startled her. She jerked her eyes open and turned to see Mari peering in the window at her. Quickly Rachel hit the button to unlock the door on Mari’s side.
“Sorry, didn’t realize you were there,” Rachel explained when she opened the door and climbed in.
“Taking a nap?” Mari asked with a smile that was visible for just an instant before she shut the door, darkening the interior.
“Praying actually.”
“I feel so badly that you’re struggling with this,” Mari said. “I know it must not be easy.”
“It’s not, but it is part of life, I guess.” Rachel, weary of talking about her nonexistent relationship with Damian, decided to change the subject. “I noticed you and Jace were talking a lot during lunch.”
“He seems like a neat guy,” Mari said without hesitation.
“He is,” Rachel confirmed. “All three of the Karlsson boys have turned into wonderful men who love the Lord. Their parents did a great job with them.”
“I could see that. They love their parents as well. My mom always used to say you could tell how a guy would treat you by watching how he treated his mother. Both Damian and Jace treat their mom really well.”
“Yes, they do.” Rachel took advantage of a break in traffic to change lanes. “What happened to your parents, Mari?”
Mari sighed. “It was a real freak accident. We were in a tiny restaurant in Aspen having dinner. We’d gone there for a family vacation. It was my first time to go skiing.” There was a long pause before Mari continued. “I had gone to the bathroom in the back of the restaurant when I heard an awful bang. The whole building shook. I thought a bomb had gone off or something.
“I ran out of the bathroom and into total chaos. I…I looked everywhere trying to find my parents.” Rachel heard Mari take a deep breath. “A huge SUV had plowed through the front of the restaurant, right where we had been sitting. My parents were both pinned beneath the vehicle.” Mari stopped talking.
Rachel reached over and laid a hand on Mari’s. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories for you.”
“It’s okay. It’s been almost two years since it happened. It was just so senseless.” Mari gave a little sniff. “By the time the ambulances arrived, my mom had already died. I hadn’t been able to get to her, but I did find my dad. I sat holding his hand while we waited for them to get him out. His last words to me were that he loved me.”
Rachel squeezed Mari’s hand then released it so she could make the turn into the church parking lot. “It must have been so difficult for you to lose both parents at once.”
Rachel pulled into a parking spot but didn’t turn off the car right away.
“It was hard. I’m an only child, so I really had no one but my aunt to help me out. The one comfort in the whole ordeal was knowing that my parents were in heaven, and I would see them again.”
“You’re a very strong person for one so young.”
“My parents raised me well.”
“They certainly did. You are a credit to them.”
“I’m glad you think so,” Mari said. “I hope they would have thought so as well.”
Rachel turned off the car engine, and they got out.
Side by side, they headed towards the church. “I’m really looking forward to tonight. I’m enjoying Christmas for the first time since my parents died.”
“This is my first Christmas without my mom. I’m trying to enjoy it, but it’s not that easy.”
“I guess our parents are together then.”
Rachel smiled. “That�
�s a nice thought.”
They laughed together, and the emotion of the moment passed. Rachel entered the church with a lighter heart. Sharing that connection with Mari helped her realize she wasn’t alone. And maybe she could learn a thing or two from her young clerk.
*****
After an hour of Christmas carols and hearing the Christmas story read, Rachel felt even happier. Coming to the service had been the best decision she’d made in a while. As she and Mari joined the congregation on their way to the basement for the fellowship and refreshments, Rachel couldn’t keep herself from humming.
Mari smiled at her. “’Joy to the World’ is one of my favorite carols.”
“Mine too,” Rachel said. “I really listened to the words tonight and realized what a message of hope it contains.”
Rachel spotted Damian as soon as they stepped into the large gym. White lights and greenery hung intertwined in a swag-like fashion on the walls. Christmas music played, a pleasant background that didn’t overpower the conversations going on in the gym.
Jace fell in step beside Mari as they made their way to the tables with the food.
“Evening, ladies,” Jace said, grinning. “May I be your escort?”
Mari giggled. “For what?”
“Well now, you weren’t supposed to ask that. You were just supposed to say yes.”
“I think Mari might need an escort more than I do. Feel free to introduce her to some of the other young people closer to her age. She doesn’t need to keep hanging around an old fuddy-duddy like me.” Thirty-two really wasn’t that old, but lately Rachel had felt much older than she was.
Mari peered at Rachel, her brow furrowed. “Are you sure? I don’t want to leave you by yourself.”
Rachel smiled at her friend’s concern. “I’ll be fine. I’m going to see if Serena needs some help.” She gestured to where Serena stood dispensing coffee, tea, and juice.
“I’m sure Damian wouldn’t be adverse to your company,” Jace mentioned, a sly look on his face.
Waiting For Rachel: A Christian Romance (Those Karlsson Boys) Page 6
