by Lila Younger
“I… I don’t know. I thought that we were really starting to come to an understanding, but the way we argued,” I said with a slow shake of my head. “It seemed like we took three steps back. She might talk, just to break us up. I don’t know.”
There’s a long pause, and I’m almost afraid of what Macon might say. Would he ask us to stop seeing each other? I don’t know if I could take it. We’ve only been together such a short time, and to have it all gone now, before I could even enjoy it, is devastating to even think about.
My train of thought is just heading down that awful road when Macon speaks at last.
“There’s only one thing to do,” he says at last. “I didn’t want it to come out this way, but since it will, we might as well get it over with.”
“And what about your job? The company?” I ask, still not sure that this was the best way forward.
“If they want to fire me, then I’ll take out a loan. There’s only a couple of months before I graduate, and then I’ll be inheriting the company. After that, we won’t ever have to worry.”
“But what about us? Can’t they kick you out or something?”
“For having sex?” he says wryly. “I doubt it.”
I shake my head. Macon needs to take this seriously.
“You know what I mean. Because you’re so much older.”
“Maybe if you were underage,” he says, seeing how worked up I am. “But you’re not. We are, in the eyes of the law, two adults. What we do isn’t anyone’s business. We might raise some eyebrows, but they’re going to be skeptical of me coming in there and telling them what to do anyways. This is just one more obstacle I’ll have to overcome.”
“So you’re not worried at all?”
“No. In fact, I think this could be a good thing.” He pauses for a moment. “Although, there is one thing…”
I knew it. There’s always ‘one thing’. I brace myself for what it could be.
“You’ll have to meet my parents.”
Macon
Vanessa relaxes when she hears what I say.
“That’s not a problem,” she says, clearly relieved. “I’d love to meet your parents.”
“You don’t know mine,” I say, my voice grim.
“Parents like me,” she says. “I’m the good girl remember?”
Although I’m sure that most parents would be thrilled if their child was dating Vanessa, the circumstances surrounding our relationship would turn my parents against her. There was no getting into it now. Instead, since it’s so late, I bring her to bed with me, so that at least we could be together.
I’m not able to sleep. All I can think about is the upcoming trip back to the family home, though it really is the last place I’d call home. It’s not that they would be against it because of our age difference, because that I would understand. What bugs the hell out of me is that they’re more concerned about how it would affect them.
I don’t hate my parents. Growing up, they were good parents. We lived off my grandfather’s wealth, so I never lacked for anything. My dad enjoyed his position as a ‘businessman’, wielding power over politicians and anyone else he could buy. It made him feel important and respected. I see now that my father was weak, but when I was young I was always impressed that everyone in the city deferred to him, and seemed to know his name.
At some point or another, my grandfather decided he’d had enough, and cut my dad off in his will with little more than ‘pocket change’ as my father called it. I don’t call a million dollars pocket change, but we did have to give up our fleet of cars and our yacht. He didn’t tell my dad this, so it came as a complete shock when my grandfather died of a heart attack and the will was read. And to ensure that the Daniels empire didn’t crumble, he stipulated in his will that I had to complete my MBA on my own, in the hopes that it would be enough to craft me into a decent heir.
As plans go, it was simple, but considering where I am right now, I’d say that it did the job.
The change in circumstances profoundly shook my parents. Using my maternal grandmother’s ailing health as an excuse, my parents left the city and moved to the small town of Anderson where the family estate is located. It’s here that my father tried to grasp onto his old life, becoming the mayor of the town. It only has maybe 8,000 but you’d think they made him king with how my father acts. To this day, it’s a mystery to me why the people of Anderson would vote a guy who’s never worked a day in his life into office but I guess the Daniels name goes far still.
On the upside, it did help my mom recover enough semblance to her old life that she came out of her drunken stupor and began to participate in life again. My mother describes herself as a trophy wife with no irony whatsoever. She grew up middle class, the third daughter of an electrician and a teacher. But she had high aspirations. She wanted to be rich and famous and well known, and she decided that the pageant was the way to do it. She’s smart, my mother, and sometimes I wonder what might have happened if her goals in life were different.
But they weren’t, and when she heard my dad was judging the state pageant, she hooked her whale. He had a pretty wife on his arm to make him look good, she had a man whose influence and power would extend to her. By all accounts, it was a match made in heaven. They had one son, me.
If I sound clinical about it all, I’m not trying to be. Fact is, my parent’s ideals are the furthest thing from mine, and quite honestly, I see them for the flawed people that they are.
They do have good things about them. They are doting grandparents to Jamie, and not once have they ever blamed me for my fortune and their misfortune.
But I know that they’re not going to make this trip easy.
Sometime past midnight I drift into an uneasy sleep.
It’s not until almost noon that we hit the road to my family home. One thing I’ve learned, it’s impossible to go anywhere fast when there’s an infant involved. Once we pack up everything that Jamie needs, and there’s a lot, we head over to Vanessa’s house so she can grab a few things. Her mother’s not around, but one of her neighbors did raise an eye when she saw me as she walked by with her Golden Retriever.
For a moment I tense up, but then I remember that it won’t matter anymore. There’s no need to hide. The freedom to be with Vanessa feels great, even if it’s scary at first. Not for me, but for her. I can withstand the stares, the whispers, even the shit talking. But she doesn’t deserve any of that. Summerdale’s her home, it’s always been, and I know that she hopes it always will, and I don’t want to taint her reputation somehow. There’s a fleeting moment where I think maybe she changed her mind because she’s taking so long in the house, but then she comes running out, hair flying free behind her, looking beautifully gorgeous in a polka dotted dress and black flats.
“Sorry,” she said as she climbs into the car. “I wanted to change really quick into something clean. I want to make a good impression after all.”
“You will,” I tell her. “Don’t worry about it. And if you don’t, well I don’t care what they think anyways. I’m over thirty, I think I’ve earned that right.”
“I know,” she says, finger combing her hair as we pull out of her driveway. “I just want them to like me, that’s all.”
The drive to Anderson is straight and simple, and before long I’m seeing the sights I use to see whenever we would come visit my grandparents in the summertime. The estate was built by my grandfather, and it sits on top of the farm that he grew up on. The old building was completely torn down to make way for a custom designed home my grandfather drew up himself.
Big trees shade the driveway up to the house. The old brick mansions brings back a flood of memories, filled with swimming, tire swings, hammocks, and laughter. Knowing that Jamie’s going to have those same memories makes me happy. We pull up to the very front door and James, the old caretaker waves from the rosebushes.
“Good to see you Macon,” he calls out to me as we exit the car. “I didn’t hear you coming.”
“It’s a surprise visit,” I tell him. “Figured it was about time now that I’m all settled into the house.”
Vanessa takes Jamie out from the carseat, and I open up the trunk so I can get our luggage. James jogs over to lend me a hand. He may be pushing seventy, but he’s spry, and we manage to get everything in one trip up the long front steps.
Ana must have alerted my parents to our presence, because both my parents are at the door when I manage to find my keys and open it.
“Jamie! Macon! What a wonderful surprise,” my mother says.
She pauses for a fraction of a second when she sees Vanessa.
“And a guest,” she says, beaming. “How wonderful! I’m Elise, and this is my husband Philip.”
Jamie reaches out her hands to her grandmother, who scoops her out of Vanessa’s arms.
“What brings you here son?” my dad says.
He’s gotten rounder near the middle, I notice. He quickly shoves his glasses into his jacket pocket. Almost nobody outside the family knows that he needs them, something he works very hard to keep that way.
“I wanted to introduce someone to you both,” I tell them. I pull Vanessa forward, wrapping an arm around her waist. “This is my girlfriend, Vanessa.”
There’s a look of confusion on my mother’s face, which is mirrored in my father’s.
“I-I don’t understand,” my mom says at last. “Girlfriend? I thought you said Vanessa was the name of your nanny.”
Vanessa tenses up, and I know she senses that my parents aren’t pleased.
“She was,” I say, my smile tightening a fraction. “But now she’s also my girlfriend.”
My parents trade looks, and Vanessa looks at me with worry. My mom, ever the hostess, is the first to recover.
“It seems like Jamie’s hungry,” she declares. “Why don’t we take care of her? We were just about to take part in lunch, and Ana can bring out some more. Vanessa, do you like gardens? We’ve set up in the back so we can eat al fresco.”
“That sounds wonderful.”
My mother leads the way, bouncing my baby as she talks about the house to Vanessa. It’s one of her favorite things, bringing people through the family home as she discusses various paintings and sculptures in the Daniels collection.
I almost follow them, but I feel my father’s gaze on me, and I know he wants to talk. He leads the way to his office, and it isn’t until the door is firmly shut that he speaks his mind.
“Macon, what is the meaning of this?” he asks.
“I don’t follow,” I say neutrally. “I’m dating Vanessa, and it’s getting serious, so I wanted to bring her home. Seems perfectly natural to me.”
My father turns around, anger creasing his forehead.
“Cut the crap,” he barks. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Dating your nanny? That is ridiculous, even for you.”
I know what he’s referring to, and my back stiffens. When Jamie’s mother first broached marriage, my father was vehemently against it. He warned me that she had ill intentions, that she was a golddigger who only wanted the family money. At the time I didn’t have any of it, and I ignored his words.
But this is nothing like the case with Jamie’s mother. Vanessa is completely different, and I’ve never felt more confident about a relationship than I do with ours.
“You haven’t even gotten to know her. How can you say whether or not it’s ridiculous.”
“Because it’s scandalous. Is she even eighteen? She hardly looks it. Jesus, I didn’t expect you to dive into a midlife crisis so early Macon.”
My back stiffens. I’m done being talked to as though I think only with my dick.
“I wouldn’t bring her here if I only wanted to get my dick wet,” I say icily. “And of course she’s an adult. Do you really think I’d do something illegal? Because that would really ruin your political career wouldn’t it? If I went to jail?”
His face turns red and I know I’ve hit a nerve.
“This isn’t about me,” he fumes.
“No it’s not,” I cut in. “And while I would prefer it if you like Vanessa, I’m not going to stop dating her if you don’t. This is supposed to be a fun visit so she can meet my family, and for the two of you to see Jamie. So let’s keep it that way, shall we?”
I turn on my heels and exit. I manage to keep my cool, but I want to see Vanessa and Jamie to calm my temper. I walk through the old mansion, until I see my mother and Jamie on the back porch.
“Where’s Vanessa?” I demand.
“Not sure,” my mother says airily. She’s feeding Jamie bits of cake, and there’s frosting all over her face. I know that all that sugar’s going to bite me in the ass later, but I don’t have time to stop her.
I turn back inside and bump into Ana, who’s holding another slice of cake.
“Do you know where Vanessa went?” I ask her.
“I think she left,” she says.
Ice fills my veins. Left? What the hell happened with her and my mom? I break into a run, and sure enough, Vanessa’s in the car. Her shoulders are shaking, and her face is buried in her hands.
I run down the steps, throw open the door, and she hurls herself at me. Tears are streaming down her face, and it’s hard to hear what she’s saying. I’m seeing red, and it takes everything in me not to yell at my mother. But I’m needed here with Vanessa.
“Slow down,” I say soothingly. “I’m here now. What happened? Did my mother say something, because if she did…”
“Macon,” she says, pulling back. “Are we making a mistake?”
“No!” I take a breath to calm myself, because I don’t want to scare Vanessa. “No. We aren’t. I know that we aren’t. And I know you know.”
My hand grips hers, but her expression is conflicted.
“Then why is everyone against us? Your mother said that I would derail you again, just like Jamie’s mother. That because of her, you never graduated, got stuck at a dead end job, and she sees it happening all over again.”
“That’s a lie. A bald faced lie. If anything, you’ve been my reason to keep going. I want you and Jamie to have the best life possible. No, I want you, Jamie, and our unborn child to have the best life possible,” I say. Vanessa’s hand goes to her belly, and mine does too. She looks shocked. “I know it’s there already. I can tell. Your breasts have gotten so sensitive lately, and your skin is practically glowing. And remember when you said they must have changed the Pad Thai because it tasted funny? Well it didn’t. It’s the same chef. I even checked. You’re showing all the signs of pregnancy Vanessa. You’re going to have our baby. So please, don’t lose faith in us now.”
Her tears are drying up, and she’s looking down in wonder at her belly.
“Do you really think so?” she asks in a small voice.
“We’ll have to take a test, but I’d bet on it,” I say.
Vanessa
While Macon goes to talk to his parents, I decide to unpack our things and ready Jamie’s nursery. I didn’t really want him to talk to his parents, but he insisted. He wanted to make things clear to them, he said, and I know that he wouldn’t rest until he did.
The nursery where Jamie is going to sleep connects to our room through a private door, and I lug the heavy suitcase through it. Pretty soon I won’t be able to do any of that, I think. I’ll have to be careful with the baby. The idea of me having a baby is thrilling. Ever since Macon first brought up the idea of impregnating me, of having his baby, I wanted it so badly. When my first period came, I actually cried.
I unzip the suitcase and take out Jamie’s stuffed toy that she always sleeps with, as well as her bedtime books. I stack them on the dresser. It’s a beautifully furnished nursery, and it’s well stocked too. I guess that Macon’s parents expected Jamie to visit all the time.
There’s a glider in one corner, and since I have a few moments, I decide to sit in it. It’s soft and cozy, and I immediately decide that I need to get one for our nursery too.
I push off, pretending I’m holding our baby, bringing it to my breast. I feel a surge of emotion come over me.
I’m going to be a mother!
My eyes close and I put my hand on my belly. I wish I could feel the curve of my belly already, but for now, it’s still too small. I open up my eyes again and walk over to the mirror, turning to the side to see. Nope, nothing yet. It probably won’t be for a few more months, I realize, but even that doesn’t dim my joy.
“What are you thinking about beautiful?” Macon asks, and I turn around and flush.
“Nothing,” I say quickly. “Just wondering about how we’ll decorate our nursery. How did the talk go?”
“Well enough,” he says. “Promise me you’ll tell me if either of them says anything like that to you again. But I have a feeling they won’t.”
And they don’t. I have no clue what Macon said to them, but both his father and mother are civil, even friendly, to me at dinner. They don’t even raise an eyebrow when I admit that I’m not in college. I know they’re probably thinking that I married him for money, but as long as Macon doesn’t believe that, I won’t think about it either, I decide.
Once we finish, Macon allow Elise to take over the nighttime duties for Jamie, like the bath and reading of the books before he goes in and puts her down for the night. Even though she was like the Snow Queen to me this afternoon, she’s nothing but doting to her granddaughter. I can tell that whatever she thinks of her son’s ex-wife, she doesn’t let her feelings extend to Jamie. I hope that she’ll do the same for our new baby.
“You know what’s the toughest thing in the world?” I ask Macon once we head to bed too.
“What’s that?”
It’s pitch black because there are no streetlights outside of the windows, so I have to use my hands to find him and cuddle into his arms. Normally we’d be having sex by now, but it sort of feels weird knowing that his parents are in a room just a few doors down. I’m definitely a screamer, as Macon calls it, and I just wouldn’t feel comfortable about it.
