by Ali McNamara
“Scarlett,” he called again, but this time his voice was more of an urgent whisper. “Scarlett, will you get a move on or is your bum permanently glued to that seat? The show is over now!”
I shook my head.
That certainly wasn’t Johnny Depp’s velvety voice calling me gently from the stage. It sounded much more like—
Oh my God. I turned my head from where I’d been staring into space and realized that I wasn’t in Hollywood after all. And yes, I was in a theater, but it wasn’t the Kodak theater in Los Angeles; it was the Royal Shakespeare theater in Stratford-upon-Avon. And the person standing there in a suit and tie calling my name wasn’t the gorgeous Mr. Johnny Depp but my fiancé, David.
“I…I’m sorry, David,” I apologized, hurriedly gathering my belongings up from the floor. “I must have drifted off there for a bit.”
“Hmm.” David gave me one of his looks. (Which, considering that he had the exact same coloring as Mr. Depp, sadly was nothing like the “look” that Johnny had given me a few minutes previously.) “We’ll talk about this later, Scarlett,” he said, lowering his voice as he leaned toward me. “But for now we’ve got other things to deal with. Over there are twelve Japanese businessmen waiting for us to take them out to dinner. So if you’re finally back from whatever fantasy world you were away in, I think it’s time we did just that, don’t you?”
Hesitantly, I turned to my right to see a line of immaculately dressed oriental gentlemen watching our every move, and I closed my eyes for a moment. Damn it, I’d wanted tonight to go so well for David. Why couldn’t I for once just have enjoyed what was going on in the real world and not brought one of my cinema fantasies into it?
I mean, I had tried, really I had, but it’s what always happens when I’m bored—and tonight had been really, really boring.
I’d had to spend the evening sitting in the front row of a theater, with a dozen Japanese businessmen sitting either side of me, and David hidden somewhere among them. Up on the stage, people appeared to be dying left right and center, and for most of the performance I had quite felt like leaping up there and joining them.
As I sat watching the tale of King Lear unfold in front of me, my head was filled with questions like, “Could it possibly go on much longer?” and, “Were these Japanese men really understanding all of this, or were they just grinning and nodding out of politeness?” And more importantly, did I have enough movie fantasies to fill an entire Shakespearian tragedy?
I’d hoped my first attempt at a real Shakespeare play would be something like Shakespeare in Love. If Joseph Fiennes or Ben Affleck had been up there on the stage it might have been a tad more interesting. Although I’d always had issues with Colin Firth playing the baddie in that film; Colin to me would always be Mr. Nice Guy in whatever movie he was in.
I tried picturing several movie heroes of mine wearing tights, but that didn’t take much time: men in tights didn’t really do it for me—even superheroes. When I got to Johnny Depp in full Shakespearian costume, he soon began to merge into Captain Jack Sparrow and that passed a good few minutes.
I’d done my imaginary Oscar walk down the center aisle of the theater when we came back from intermission. This was something I usually did at the end of seeing a movie in a cinema: when you walk down the steps toward the screen when the credits are rolling, I like to imagine my name has just been called as the winner of an Oscar. It’s usually Best Actress, but sometimes I vary it. Sometimes it will be for Best Screenplay or something like that. The person presenting me with my Oscar is usually Will Smith, but if I’m feeling particularly annoyed with David that day it’s either Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp, who then sweep me off my feet and tell me they’ve not only always admired my work for many years, but fancied the pants off me too.
And that was the fantasy I was in the middle of tonight when unfortunately David caught me.
No one else seems to understand my love of the movies. I don’t think I even know why I love them so much. It’s almost as if it’s a genetic thing that’s been bred into me. But my father doesn’t take any interest in them; in fact, I can’t ever remember him watching a film on TV, let alone paying to go to a cinema. And I never really knew my mother.
Still, David’s cool with it. He usually puts up with my “nonsense,” as he calls it, just as long as he gets to watch his nature programs on TV, or those building ones he seems to have become obsessed with recently. In fact, lately our Sky+ box is constantly full of DIY programs. All since we bought our first house together—a period property in need of some renovation—and David decided that to save us money he would have a go at doing the place up himself.
This would have been absolutely fine had David been the DIY type, but my David is less Bob the Builder and more SpongeBob SquarePants when it comes to home renovation, and now some six months down the line, I was living in a house that it would have been kinder to put out of its misery had it been an animal in distress.
Tonight’s effort to impress the Japanese businessmen had been David’s idea—he’d never included me in any of his company’s business dealings before. But David said now we were soon to be married things should be different and he would like me to accompany him on business dinners and, in the future, to begin entertaining clients at the house once it was ready.
I wasn’t too worried by this talk of entertaining clients; by the speed of the progress David was making with the renovations, I wouldn’t have to worry about entertaining anyone in the next few decades. Not unless David thought they’d be impressed by eating off the top of an upturned bucket or a Black & Decker Workmate.
***
“I once had a boyfriend like that,” Oscar mused, reaching for a biscuit. “His house was a complete tip whenever I went round to visit. I couldn’t stand it. I spent all my time tidying up when we were there.”
“Well I may have exaggerated slightly—it’s not quite that bad, I suppose.” I took a chocolate HobNob from the plate Oscar was offering me. “But I did once write a letter to the BBC asking them if the DIY SOS team could come in and help me out.”
“And did they?”
“No, apparently they’ve stopped making the show now. I don’t think they do complete house makeovers anyway.”
Oscar laughed. “That’s the benefit of getting someone in to do the work for you.” He admired his immaculate home. “Although that Nick Knowles can turn up on my doorstep any day with his power tools, I quite like the rough ’n’ ready look.”
“I can imagine,” I said, grinning.
“Still, not everyone can afford to have designers in to decorate, darling, can they?” Oscar patted my knee reassuringly. “I’m sure your fiancé’s doing his best.”
“But that’s the thing, Oscar, David isn’t short of a bob or two; we could easily have afforded to get someone in to do our renovations between us. But no, he thought he’d save us a few pennies by doing it himself. Although by the amount of things that keep going wrong and have to keep being redone, it’s going to work out more expensive in the long run than hiring a few Jack-the-lad builders.”
“Bit on the cautious side with money, is he?” Oscar asked, politely sipping at his herbal tea.
“No, he’s not cautious, or even careful. He’s tight. That’s what all the DIY is about. Oh, Oscar, it’s like living in purgatory with power tools.” I picked up my cup from the glass table and took a comforting gulp of the hot filtered coffee.
Oscar laughed. “Oh, Scarlett, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t find it funny, because it’s your life. But it’s the way you tell it.”
I had to smile. “It’s OK, at least I’m not boring you.”
“No, darling, far from it. But I want to get back to the story. Now, where were we? Let’s see now, rewind, rewind…” Oscar circled his hands around like film spooling from a reel. “Oh yes, you were at the theater with your fiancé and the hordes of Japanese chappies…”
***
So, although my first attempt at “business entertai
ning” hadn’t got off to an awfully good start, I was determined to make up for it.
After the slightly embarrassing incident earlier, David and I had managed to gather our oriental guests together outside the theater, and we were now standing on the pavement trying to hail enough taxis to drive us to the restaurant where we were about to have dinner, when the familiar tones of “Let Me Entertain You” began reverberating from my bag.
You’d have thought by the look on David’s face that the real Robbie Williams was calling to confirm a date with me next week.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, rummaging about in my bag. “I’ll just silence it.”
“Ah Wobbie Williams—Take That,” one of the Japanese men said as he climbed into the taxi. “Vey good singer—I like. You like?” he asked as David went to close the taxi door on him.
“Er yes, Mr. Yashimoto, I like,” David lied, nodding enthusiastically at him.
I looked down at the phone as I pulled it out of my bag, meaning to silence it immediately, but I saw the Grand cinema’s number flashing on the screen.
Gosh, it must be important if the cinema was calling me.
“I’ll just be a minute, David,” I called, moving away from the curb. I knew the manager of my local cinema well and he’d once had Kate Winslet in to watch a movie when she’d been appearing as Ophelia with the Royal Shakespeare Company. I’d never forgiven him for not calling me to let me know she was there. Maybe he’d got someone else famous in his cinema today?
But no, my life was never quite exciting enough for me to bump into passing celebrities on a Friday night. As I spoke to George on the other end of the line, I quickly found out it was just work.
“Come on, Scarlett,” David called from the open door of a taxi. “We’ve got to go now, to catch up with the others.”
“I’m really sorry, David, but that was George at the Grand,” I said, holding up my phone by way of apology. “It’s their popcorn machine, it’s broken down again and I’ve got to get over there immediately.”
“What, now? You are joking, Scarlett. You can’t mean to say that you’re going to work tonight?”
I nodded.
David rolled his eyes. “If you were a doctor on call I could understand the emergency, but surely they can manage without you just this one night?”
“You don’t understand,” I said, approaching the taxi. “George has got a big meeting of his Movie Club on tonight and he has to have popcorn! You can’t possibly have one without the other. This is work, David. I thought you of all people would understand.”
“But so is this, Scarlett,” David said, gesturing at the remaining Japanese businessmen waiting to depart in the taxi. They were managing to stare at us but still do it politely as always. “This is my business.”
I could feel the unsaid words, And it’s more important than yours, hanging in the night air between us.
“Don’t force me to choose, David,” I said in a low voice.
David stared at me and I saw a challenging look flicker across his eyes. But he obviously decided now was not the best time for a face-off. He slammed the taxi door closed and rolled the window down.
“How long will this machine take you to mend?” he asked, looking straight ahead.
“Not too long, I hope.”
“Shall I order for you, then?” he asked as he turned his head slowly toward me.
“Yes, please.”
“I’ll do my best to try and pad them out a bit with drinks at the bar first, but you’d better be there by the first course, Scarlett,” David said, his voice low so our guests couldn’t hear him. But his expression remained resolute.
“I’ll do my very best, David,” I said, grateful he’d calmed down and not just stormed off in a rage. He could be so childlike sometimes.
David looked at his watch. “You’ve got one hour, Scarlett, so no daydreaming. I know what you’re like once you get inside a cinema. You’re bad enough out of one.”
I smiled at the departing taxi. No daydreaming, indeed. As if I would. Ahem.
***
“So you mend popcorn machines for a living?” Oscar inquired politely, when I paused to see if I was still keeping his interest.
“My father and I jointly own a small company that supplies popcorn machines to cinemas, but I do all the call outs when there’s a problem. David’s business is movie-related too—his family owns a large chain of cinemas.”
“Oh really?” Oscar said, starting to sound bored. “So come on, you’re not going to stop there, are you, darling? What happened next? Did you manage to fix the popcorn machine and still make it to the restaurant on time? Or did you start daydreaming once you got to the cinema?”
Hmm. Oscar had only known me for an hour or so, and already he knew me a bit too well.
***
As I climbed out of the taxi at the front doors of the cinema I rummaged for my purse to pay the fare.
“I sometimes think this thing must have belonged to Mary Poppins once,” I joked with the taxi driver as I groped about in the depths of my bag.
“Bit dressed up for the cinema, aren’t you?” he quipped, determinedly ignoring my joke. I looked down at what I was wearing. My theater attire, although not quite the Stella McCartney gown I’d fantasized about earlier, was a very nice black and white shift dress from Zara.
“I’m not going to see a film actually,” I informed him, as at last I found my purse and thrust a £10 note through the window of the taxi. “I’m here to fix their popcorn machine.” And without waiting for a response, I rushed purposefully into the cinema like a paramedic on her way to tend an emergency.
“Scarlett, thank the Lord you’re here,” George panted as we rushed across the foyer together. “It just packed up again—there was a sort of sizzling noise and then nothing. The Movie Club’s holding their AGM tonight—they simply must have popcorn!”
“Don’t panic, George,” I said calmly. “I’m sure I’ll be able to sort it out.” I knelt down behind the machine and began to examine the familiar inner workings with the toolkit George had prepared for me.
I loved George. He looked just like Jack Black, only a quieter and much more reserved version of the Hollywood actor. He was a brilliant cinema manager, always keeping me up to date on what new movies were coming out, and he always knew just which ones I’d enjoy watching. He was more like a friend than a business contact, so I hadn’t minded at all rushing over to the cinema to help him out that evening.
“Is she going to be all right?” he asked after a couple of minutes, peering worriedly over my shoulder.
“She, George?” I asked without turning my attention away from the machine. If I just tighten up that nut, then we should be in business again.
“Er, yes. She’s been with me for a while, has Poppy.”
I bit hard on my lip. “Poppy? You’ve given the machine a name, George?”
“Scarlett, you know how important this cinema is to me. We’re like one big happy family here, including all my machines.”
“Yep, one big happy family, that’s what we are!”
I looked up and saw Marcus, one of the cinema attendants, dispensing Fanta into a plastic cup next to me. He winked. “Isn’t that right, Naomi?”
Naomi passed a packet of Maltesers across the counter to a customer. “Hmm?” she asked distractedly as she opened the till to get change. “What’s that, Marcus?”
“George reckons we’re just one big ol’ happy family here at the cinema.”
Naomi rolled her eyes and carried on serving her customers and I felt sorry for George. He obviously loved this cinema in a way that no one else understood. Probably in the way that I loved movies in a way that no one else seemed to understand either.
“There you go, George, all sorted,” I said, closing up the back of the machine. I brushed some stray pieces of popcorn off my dress as I stood up behind the counter. “Best keep an eye on it though—it…I mean she could still be a bit temperamental. Erm, George…” I th
ought I’d better tread carefully, so I lowered my voice. “It’s possible we may have to replace Poppy soon. She is getting quite old, you know, and we do have some lovely newer models.”
George looked horrified. “Newer models—but what’s wrong with Poppy? She’s done me well up until now, why would I want to trade her in for a new model?”
“Let’s just see how she goes, eh, George?” I said gently. “I’ve patched her up for now, but how much longer she’ll run for…”
“Sure, Scarlett,” George said, and he patted Poppy lovingly as white fluffy popcorn began dancing about inside her glass cabinet again. “I understand.” He turned to me. “I’ll give you a call if there’s any change in her condition. I guess I’ll be seeing you pretty soon, though—the new Hugh Grant movie’s out next week.”
I nodded eagerly. “You know me too well, George. I’ll be in to see it one evening or even one afternoon if I can get away from work for a couple of hours.”
George winked at me. He knew that “occasionally” I would sneak away from work to catch a movie. There had to be some benefits to doing the job I did, and having to visit cinemas to mend their popcorn machines was one of the few times I got to set foot outside the office.
I bade farewell to George and shivered as I stepped out into the cold January evening once more. The warmth and comfort I always felt at being inside a cinema was at once replaced by the cold reality of life. I pulled my long coat around my shoulders and looked quickly at my watch. If I got a move on I might just make it to the restaurant in time for the first course. I was about to hail a taxi when my mobile phone rang again. I grabbed it from my bag, expecting it to be David checking up on me—but it was Maddie.
***
“No, don’t take the call,” Oscar squealed. “You’ll be late if you do!”
I laughed. “Something tells me you’re getting quite into this, Oscar.”
“Ooh, I like a good soap, me, and this has all the makings of a classic episode. So did you take the call?”
“Yes, I had to. It was my best friend and I hadn’t heard from her in ages.”
