by Ali McNamara
David looked at me. “Perhaps we both need to have a think about some things then?”
“Perhaps we do!”
“Look, I’ll go to the tile warehouse on my own tomorrow if you like. Give you a bit of space here to have a think.”
“No need. I’m going out with Maddie tomorrow so I’ll be out all day anyway.”
“Oh well—that’s good.”
“Yes it is.”
“And should I sleep in the spare room tonight?” David asked, looking at me with big, sorrowful eyes that suggested he hoped I’d say no.
“I’d say yes if it was in a fit state to sleep in,” I said matter-of-factly. David’s face lifted for a moment. “But since it’s not, perhaps you could make up a bed on the sofa.”
And then it fell again.
“Oh, all right,” he said. “That’s probably for the best then.”
“Yes, I think it is.”
While David made himself a cup of tea, and then a bed on the sofa with a pillow and a sleeping bag, I perched on a stool in the kitchen and silently watched him. I didn’t regret my decision for a minute, knowing the last person on earth I wanted sleeping next to me in my bed that night was Ian Beale.
***
Oscar burst out laughing.
“Oh my dear, I can quite understand why you’re here now. I would have wanted to escape from that DIY freak too. But how on earth did you find the house here in Notting Hill?”
“No, Oscar, that’s not the only reason I needed to get away—far from it. I’m coming to that. And to how I got the use of the house. If you still want me to tell you, that is?”
Oscar sat back against the sofa, wide-eyed.
“Well of course I do! Forget sleeping with Ian Beale. This is better than a Sunday omnibus of EastEnders, Hollyoaks, and Corrie all rolled into one!”
Four
I stood outside the art gallery the next day waiting for Maddie, still mulling over my argument with David.
I knew things hadn’t felt right between us for a while, but I always thought I’d be able to get past his little idiosyncrasies—especially since David never seemed to have had any issues with my love of the cinema before. But now, after last night’s outburst, I was starting to wonder whether I could go through with this wedding. If I could actually make this arrangement work.
Getting married to David was permanent; there was no going back. I mean, in cinema terms, we were talking From Here to Eternity, The Full Monty, Diamonds are Forever…
After a few minutes of me torturing myself with every movie I could recall with a forever theme, Maddie came floating down the street in a suitably artistic outfit. She wore a long, velvet coat with a burgundy and gold Monsoon dress, and she had completed her look with a large gold butterfly in her hair and gold sandals. So pleased was I to see my best friend again that I even restrained myself from making any comment about sandals in late January.
As we began our quest for artistic and intellectual enlightenment among the many paintings and works of art the gallery had to offer, I put all thoughts of David from my head. He could wait for another time.
While Maddie stood and scrutinized every single painting and sculpture she came across, reading the small yet informative card that was placed beside it in full, I wandered quickly from exhibit to exhibit, wondering on more than one occasion just how depressed these people must have been to create some of the stuff. If they’d worked in offices and lived in houses just like mine, then perhaps some of their artistic output could be rightly justified.
I was just about to give up the will to live when my eye was drawn to a cluster of paintings at the end of the room; actually, it was one painting in particular that had caught my attention. Unlike all the other exhibits I had passed, this painting was instantly familiar. It was as if it had once hung on a wall in my own home.
I sat down on the bench in front of the painting, and all at once was lost in my own familiar world as I stared up at it. Now this was a piece of art I understood.
The painting was of a young woman floating against a dark blue sky. She wore a red dress and a long white veil which a man was adjusting on her head to make sure she was perfectly presented for her wedding. In the background was a church, and all around her animals, some playing musical instruments—a violin-playing goat was especially prominent.
I glanced at the card next to the painting:
La Mariée (The Bride) ~ Marc Chagall 1950
Young women or couples can often be seen in Chagall’s work. But few of his paintings are as striking as La Mariée, depicting a yearning for something that’s lost.
In the 1999 film Notting Hill, Julia Roberts’ character, Anna Scott, sees a print of La Mariée in the home of Hugh Grant’s character, William Thacker. Anna later gives William a gift of what is supposed to be the original painting.
A yearning for something that’s lost…
The words circled around in my brain for a while before they descended to my heart, where they tried to poke and prod at a part of it where I never allowed anything to go.
I’d always loved the painting that now hung in front of me. I thought it was because of Notting Hill; it wouldn’t be the first time I’d taken to something because I’d seen it in a movie.
Like when I’d first seen Sleepless in Seattle I’d taken to listening to late-night radio call-in shows…just in case. But the callers in this country were rarely in the mold of the gentle Sam character portrayed by Tom Hanks. They were normally far scarier, and much more your usual daytime talk show–style troll.
With Bridget Jones I’d kept a daily diary. Internet chat rooms with You’ve Got Mail. I’d even taken dance lessons at our local community center when I’d first seen Dirty Dancing. But our dance instructor didn’t bear much resemblance to Patrick Swayze or even Patrick Dempsey. No, imagine if you will an effeminate Patrick Stewart of the Starship Enterprise, crossed with Patrick Star of SpongeBob SquarePants fame, and you will have the perfect image of my salsa instructor. And when I’d seen Pretty Woman for the first time, I’d firmly decided never to try out any part of that movie.
“Found something you like at last?” Maddie asked, sitting down next to me. “You’ve whizzed through the rest of the exhibition pretty quick.”
She looked up at the painting with me for a moment then inspected the white information card. “Oh, Scarlett,” she sighed, sitting back. “How do you do it? I should have known you’d find something film-related—even here.”
“It’s not my fault. Anyway that’s not the only reason I’m looking at this painting.”
“It’s not?” Maddie looked at me in disbelief. “What other reason is there, then?”
“Because…it’s a bride, isn’t it…and we’re both going to be brides soon. And to tell you the truth, Maddie, it’s what it said on the card that’s really made me think about this painting.”
“Yeah, I know, about Notting Hill.”
“No, not just that. I mean obviously I recognized the painting from the film, but the part about ‘a yearning for something that’s lost.’”
Maddie wrinkled her nose. “What are you talking about, Scarlett?”
“I don’t know.” I was beginning to wish I hadn’t said anything now. Maddie may well have been my oldest friend, but even she couldn’t understand how I felt. I barely understood this feeling I constantly carried inside me myself. “I’ve just always felt like there was something missing in my life, Maddie. Some tiny piece of something that’s not quite there, like the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle.”
Maddie stared at me. I wished I’d just hidden behind the movie excuse now—it would have been a lot easier.
“Are you having pre-wedding jitters?” she asked. “Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
I closed my eyes for a moment. That wasn’t what I meant at all, but if I didn’t know what I meant, how could I expect anyone else to?
“Yes, maybe that’s it,” I said, opening my eyes again and looking at her. �
��I have been wondering lately if marrying David is the right thing to do. I keep having these niggling little doubts.”
“What sort of doubts?” Maddie asked with a look that already answered my next question, which was going to be if she ever had the same doubts about marrying Felix.
“Er…” I thought quickly. I couldn’t tell Maddie the real reason for my uncertainty. “That I’m everything he wants me to be?”
Maddie shook her head and smiled.
“Oh, Scarlett, don’t be daft—of course you are; otherwise, he wouldn’t have asked you in the first place, would he?”
When Maddie saw I wasn’t smiling too, she became serious again.
“What’s made you suddenly start thinking like this? You love David and he loves you. You get married, and live happily ever after; it’s as simple as that.”
It’s as simple as that for you and Felix. There’s a bit more involved with David and me…
“It’s different with David,” I padded, as I desperately tried to explain how I felt. “He…he requires more from a wife.”
“Like?” Maddie’s face looked blank for a moment, and then her eyes suddenly opened wide. “Oh my, are you saying you’ve just found out he’s into something really kinky in the bedroom? Golly, after all this time too, it’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it? What is it? Rubber? Chains? You know I once knew this chap that liked this weird thing with a banana and an Angel Delight…”
“No, Maddie,” I shushed her. “No, it’s nothing like that.” I sighed. “I guess I should have realized it before, I mean it’s nothing new, well it is to me, so I suppose that’s why it seems weird.”
“What is it, Scarlett?” Maddie demanded. “Come on, spit it out—I have to know.”
“OK, OK,” I said, wishing I’d never started this now. “Apparently as David’s wife I’ll be expected to help him entertain people. You know, future clients and the like.”
Maddie nodded. “Yes, and…?”
“And that’s it.”
Maddie stared at me again and I saw the corners of her mouth twitch. “That’s it? That’s why you’re having doubts about marrying him? Because you might have to cook for a few dinner parties?”
I flushed; it did sound a bit lame now I’d come out with it, but the business dinner excuse wasn’t completely untrue. It just wasn’t the whole truth. “You know how bad I am at cooking, Maddie. Plus you weren’t there last night when we entertained some of David’s Japanese business clients. That was bad enough, and we were only eating out in a restaurant.”
“Why? What on earth happened?”
“Come on,” I said, looking longingly toward the exit of the art gallery. “I’m starving. Let’s get out of here and find somewhere to eat and I’ll tell you all about it.”
We found a pretty little wine bar down the road from the gallery and after we’d ordered some food, I quickly told Maddie the story of my own mini-Shakespearean tragedy.
“…and he said the funniest thing to me. He said the course of true love never did run smooth.”
“He’s quite right,” Maddie said, taking a sip of her red wine. “The course of true love never does run entirely smoothly, that’s part of what makes it so fun. And what was so bad about the evening? It was hardly a disaster.”
“No, but it was hardly a roaring success either. Look, I know there’s no such thing as the perfect relationship, Maddie, but I’m just not sure David and I have that special something between us. You know, that special something that you and Felix have…the magic?”
Maddie looked at me, then she raised her eyebrow and cocked her head to one side. “Special something?” she repeated. “Magic? Scarlett, successful relationships require give and take, love and understanding, not special somethings and a magic wand.”
I was about to point out to Maddie that the “magic” in question was not the sort that could be conjured up with the wave of a wand when our waitress returned to the table carrying plates of spaghetti carbonara and chicken salad. (Maddie was dieting because of her wedding.)
We’d eaten a few mouthfuls of our food when I decided to ask Maddie a question.
“Maddie, if I ask you something, will you answer it honestly?”
Maddie looked at me. She finished chewing before answering. “Of course I will, you know that.”
“Do you think I’m a little bit obsessed with films?”
“Yes,” Maddie said without hesitation.
“You didn’t even think about it!”
“I didn’t need to. You are.”
“But…I’m not,” I protested. This was not the answer I was hoping Maddie would give. I thought she’d say no, and why did I ask? Then we’d go on to have a good old moaning session about how David had got it all wrong as usual, and weren’t men just stupid and only good for one thing.
“Don’t be daft, Scarlett, of course you are.”
“But what’s wrong with visiting the cinema occasionally?”
Maddie put down her fork, folded her arms, tilted her head to one side, and looked at me with a challenging expression.
“What?” I asked.
“Come on. Don’t you think it’s a little bit more with you than only occasionally?”
“But I have my job. It’s not my fault that’s cinema-related.”
“And?”
“And what?” I asked in genuine amazement. I hadn’t expected this at all.
“And the rest.”
I looked blankly at Maddie.
“OK,” she said, “let me help you along. Felix and I were watching The Holiday the other night—”
“Oh, I love that movie,” I interrupted.
“Yes, I know you do. Anyway, Felix said it’s a wonder Scarlett hasn’t tried to do that yet. He meant house-swapping.”
Actually I had thought of it when I’d seen it for the first time.
“My point being that even Felix is making comments about your movie madness now. And he hasn’t known you as long as the rest of us.”
“There’s nothing wrong in having a hobby, is there?”
“No, nothing at all, as long as that hobby doesn’t start affecting how you live your day-to-day life. The thing is, trying to live like you’re in a movie all the time, Scarlett, it’s just not possible.”
I stared at Maddie.
“Not you as well,” I said sadly. “I thought it was just David.”
“What do you mean? There’s more to this, isn’t there? That’s what you were hinting at earlier in the art gallery.”
I nodded and began to tell Maddie about David and the fight we’d had the night before.
“But all couples fight, Scarlett,” Maddie said when I’d finished. “Sometimes the making up is the best part.”
I’d always hated that saying. In all the fights I’d ever had with David, I’d never found our making up “fun.” We’d just start mumbling a couple of words to each other again after a few hours or days of silence depending how bad the argument had been. Then things gradually got back to normal bit by bit.
In fact, now I was remembering just why I hadn’t been spending so much time with Maddie lately. It wasn’t because she’d been too busy at all; it was because when we spent time together, it reminded me just how bad my and David’s relationship seemed in comparison to hers and Felix’s.
And it was obvious Maddie in her “loved up” state would not understand my current feelings toward my own fiancé. And why should she? The only reason she had for marrying was love. My own reasons were a little bit more complicated.
“Never mind, Maddie, you wouldn’t understand.”
“I am trying, Scarlett, honestly. But I can see David’s point of view to a degree. But then again,” she said as I stared hard at her across the table, “I suppose if I had to live with Stratford’s answer to Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, I might be in need of a bit of fantasy therapy too.”
I had to laugh. David was about as far removed from the floppy-haired interior designer as you could possibly g
et.
“That’s better,” Maddie said. “You don’t do enough of that these days.” She put her hand on mine and looked serious for a moment. “I’m worried about you, with everything you’ve told me here and what you said before in the art gallery. Maybe you need a break for a while?”
I smiled at her. “What, in another motor home? I don’t think so—the last one was bad enough.”
“No, I don’t mean with David. On your own. Get away from everything for a while—do some thinking.”
“And just where am I going to do that?”
I was playing along with Maddie. There was no way I’d be able to get away from work at the moment; a shipment of new machines was due to arrive with us any day. And the chances of David thinking it a good idea for me to go away on my own…well, they were non-existent.
“David would never allow me to spend money on going away on holiday on my own. You know what he’s like.”
Maddie pulled a face.
“Hmm, there is that. Let me think for a moment…”
I took a sip of my wine while Maddie thought, glad my interrogation was over for now. I couldn’t believe Maddie thought I was obsessed too. What was wrong with these people? Movies were just a harmless bit of fun. Why couldn’t they see that?
“I’ve got it!” Maddie said suddenly, when I was just thinking my food was going to get cold if I didn’t start eating again soon. “I’ve had a brilliant—no, make that a fabulous idea! Look I’ve nearly finished my salad, what little there was of it. Do you mind if I make a couple of calls while you finish your pasta? You’ll love me for it when I’m finished, Scarlett, I promise.”
I shrugged and picked up my fork while Maddie dived into her bag for her mobile phone. Then she began to make the first of several phone calls, all of which involved much laughter and phrases like, “We must meet up soon, darling.” This made me smile because Maddie was so not the “darling” type at all.
“Well,” she said when she’d finally finished. “I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing here—because in a way I think it might just be encouraging you more. But you know how you were saying before how you loved the movie The Holiday?”
